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 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 174
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agePage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Why do two people have to live together to love each other?? I know of several couples who each own their separate homes, but get together for dates, dinner, parties, holiday trips and so on... all the things couples do - except live together.

The big issue at this time of our lives (say over 50), is the issue of assets. As long as a relationship is rosy, things are great. But not all relationships are meant to last (for whatever reason, and there are many I think you all would agree). The bottom line is that marriage (or the equivalent common-law relationship) brings challenges when there is a break-up. And sometimes one person loses a lot - financially speaking. If one is contemplating moving in with someone, the best advice one can give is to get a pre-nuptial agreement - done up by lawyers representing each party. There is no "shame" in doing this. As the rich gal from Germany recently stated, the pre-nup agreement simply indicates to the world that the two people are marrying for love, not money. (So have an air-tight agreement in place, just in case.)

A good friend (age 65) stated it well: never marry a person who has less to lose than you do. Wise words !

Either that, or keep your own place and avoid the hassles of financial and possession co-mingling and simply enjoy one another's company in a monagmous relationship.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 176
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 12:19:26 PM
Well I don't feel the need, but I definitly miss things that I can't have without living with someone .
So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................
Yes I guess I do want to live with someone.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 177
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 2:54:05 PM

So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................


Nope..I miss the same things..sigh..
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 178
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 3:03:21 PM
Not a chance!

I am very busy with my own, personal world and that comes first!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 179
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 3:24:32 PM
I'm with Karma and Pingshooter on this one.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 180
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:11:20 PM

a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................

Welllllllll...... maybe you should "go on" to thinking about how life doesn't usually flow on sweet and wonderful like that.
I mean, that's a lovely memory.. or a lovely fantasy.
Happens to a few. Dreams of many.
There's a whole lot of other realities that are involved.
And at this age, I've come to realize that a very good relationship can be had without the total living together.
There still can be lots of what you wrote about going on.
AND there can be times of just coming home to my own little nest, while he goes home to his. I don't know, at this stage I think that helps preserve the relationship.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 181
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 12:36:16 PM
Welsh wrote:

I'm with Karma and Pingshooter on this one.

Hmmm Karma, Welsh & Ping, widows and a widower miss the simple things that a relation can provide they know happy relationships do and can exist..hope for those who failed to maintain that happiness..
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 182
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:07:07 PM
A widower friend said to me "you know, I have friends to go for a beer with, friends to golf with, family and friends to have meals with - what I miss is someone to do nothing with". To me this spoke volumes. I miss that as well, the "he's in the den and I'm in the living room but I know he's there and loves me". I once had in my old profile that I wanted someone to touch toes with in the middle of the night....I miss those seemingly silly things and I want it again. Yes, I know they do and can exist.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 183
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:31:10 PM
"So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................"

"A widower friend said to me "you know, I have friends to go for a beer with, friends to golf with, family and friends to have meals with - what I miss is someone to do nothing with".

I am a widow too, but I long since got over feeling like this. I never needed/wanted someone to do nothing with. I never did want someone to shop with..........never did understand the point of that.........but then I am a power shopper. I used to think that I need someone to see the beauty of the country with, thankfully I learned to appreciate nature without company.

I wouldn't change a thing about the marriage I had, but that way then, and this is now. I have changed and wouldn't consider living with someone 24/7. Men contact me, and I inform them right away that I don't do live in if they have relationship marked on their profile. The answer I get from them is "yes, but when you fall in love that all changes". They just haven't got to the point where they understand having a relationship where two people don't want to live together.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 184
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:59:12 PM
Well moraima you had a relationship that was good and lasted maybe that's all you needed, maybe sub-consciously you're preserving that relationship that's why your not looking for another, who knows maybe you've found the true path to happiness in your case..
Personally I'd like to try again, one person, one lover, one best friend to enjoy the journey, true you have to deal with someone else's wants and needs but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages IMO...
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 185
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 3:32:07 PM
"you had a relationship that was good and lasted maybe that's all you needed"

That is the conclusion I have come to.

"maybe sub-consciously you're preserving that relationship that's why your not looking for another,"

No, after 17 years of looking around at what is available, it is availability that is the issue. We were young, no ex's, no kids, no issues. All these years later, I haven't met one person that I could now be comfortable living with. No one's fault that years have passed and most have piled up unhappy relationships with ex(s), kids etc. IMO, as people age all the unhappiness they have had is never far from their minds. I don't want to have to live with that. I am content. I won't be living with someone who isn't content. Just the luck of it all, but I don't meet anyone who fits the bill. Now, even if I did, I don't want to loose any sleep due to snoring. Don't want one min. of my life to have a dark cloud because the person in my life is annoyed/bored whatever.

"who knows maybe you've found the true path to happiness in your case.."

So true.

I can't think of one advantage of living with someone. I can think of every advantage of having separate homes.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 186
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 6:38:07 PM
^^^All of us have found the ones interesting to us but they have no interest in us. We have the ones that are interested in us but we're not interested in them. The hard part is getting to where both are interested.

Some will want a livein relationship, others don't. One way is not better than the other - it's what ever works for us. And some don't want a partner at all as they are content with their world of travel or hobbies or work or dogs or grandkids - it fills them up adequately. Me, I have hope that I will find another perfect for me to spend the rest of my life with in a shared home. To me it has more advantages than disadvantages - thank goodness we're all different.
 Lucy1122
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 187
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 2/1/2011 8:32:40 AM
I am hearing you!! I love living alone now, pretty certain I could not live with someone again! This is the best time of my life. I am not stressed over a husband not doing anything around the house. Kids leaving their things all over the house...and every light on. I can actually sit on the sofa and hear the clock tick....never heard that before.it's a beautiful sound.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 189
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 2/9/2011 5:20:19 PM
I've lived alone since 1978 and do not feel a need to live with someone. Starting i n 1987 I shared the house with a dog for 12 years and enjoyed the company but would not want to have to go through the training and daily walks now. Modern household appliances make it easy to live alone. The biological imperative is no longer as strong as it was in my 20's and 30's.

However, even if I did feel the need it would not be advisable because the law here states after you've lived together for one year you're married common law with tax, estate, and benefits implications. Also if you both own a house, one of you has to give up the tax free capital gain as a couple can only claim for one "principal residence". That means a reduction in the inheritance for one's children. People around here tend to have a house and a pension and not much savings.
 scott91364
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 191
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 2/13/2011 10:51:23 AM
Im 46,been divorced since 2005,on here since 2007,my xwife was my second & last steady girl friend. Woman that have class & sexapeal,loves the things i like just dont go for me.I miss having a wife,i misshaving somebody tell me they love me. I miss having someone to spend time with,all i do is work. Never get to date much.
 janice_is_jj
Joined: 2/23/2011
Msg: 192
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agehttp://forums.plentyoffish.com/User/scott91364.
Posted: 3/7/2011 10:19:54 AM
My opinion.....

There is a great difference between NEED and WANT.

I would hope that by the time we reach our age ( 45-55) that there is no reason to NEED to live with someone but more of a WANT TO for some of the reasons that scott above mention

[I miss having someone, i missh aving somebody tell me they love me. I miss having someone to spend time with so all i do is work. Never get to date much and wont settle just to do so]

sigal
 CompuG8r
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 193
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/7/2011 11:05:14 AM

Do you think this is typical of people over 45 to feel like this?


I don't think it's typical, but it seems that it might be growing in popularity. Be careful out there!
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 194
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/7/2011 11:58:57 AM
After my divorce I thought I wanted to live with someone again, it was what I knew for 30 years. I did ultimately meet a man, fell in love and moved in with him. It lasted 7 months. Our differences weren't really appreciated until we lived together 24/7.

I've been single for over 10 years, give or take 7 months.

Singleness has it's perks. The exclusive friend with benefits looks more inviting all the time. Everyone needs their refuge to go to, separate residences where you can kick back and do what you want without checking with someone. That freedom becomes intoxicating after a while. It would be difficult to give up. Who knows what the future brings, but for now I'm comfortable where I am.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 195
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/7/2011 12:03:30 PM
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age


^^I LOVE my space and I often wonder if I can give that up/share it with another. I'm sure I'll get a clearer picture when and if I meet that special someone.
 OhPopEye
Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 196
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/7/2011 1:54:52 PM
Ask this question again when the economy totally collapses.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 198
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/16/2011 2:57:50 PM
I really hate living alone. Will I am not living alone but with my 14 year old grandson. What I really mean is I hate being single. The only thing worse than being single is being married to the wrong person.

I am not remotely interested in playing house with someone, but do hope to one day get married for real.

I have always hated dating.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 199
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 3/16/2011 4:56:14 PM

Singleness has it's perks. The exclusive friend with benefits looks more inviting all the time. Everyone needs their refuge to go to, separate residences where you can kick back and do what you want without checking with someone. That freedom becomes intoxicating after a while. It would be difficult to give up. Who knows what the future brings, but for now I'm comfortable where I am.


...I'm with zippy on this. Friends with benefits is looking better and better. I too have been single for a long time, 14 years and have become quite comfortable with my own company...most of the time. What usually happens is I get this damn "feeling" inside where I just want to be held and kissed and well...you know...hee hee. And then I start thinking, "wouldn't it be nice....."

...mae
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 202
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 4/12/2011 8:20:02 PM
Need?! Not even the desire!
 retrygeorgia
Joined: 2/2/2011
Msg: 203
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 4/13/2011 8:26:57 AM
I fantasize about living alone. The problem is I am not sure what that would be like. I have not lived alone even one day of my life. I went from mama to husband to kids to husband to living with a roommate and one of my kids. I have owned my own home forever it seems but there is always someone in the house. I guess I have a little fear of being 70 one day, keeling over on the couch and being gnawed on by the cats. I don't need a lover or someone to take care of me, although those are wonderful things to share. But I think, I would have a difficult time living alone. I find that some men are turned off by the fact that I don't live alone as though it is in some way a hindrance for them. Perhaps this is because they don't want to scrutinized by my entourage of family and animals, I don't know. Or maybe they see it as a weakness on my part, when in reality it is simply the way it has always been with me. I tried to run away from home once but I ran out of peanut butter sandwiches and started worrying that no one would pay the bills.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 204
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 10/11/2015 9:46:56 AM
Most definitely NOT a "need" or even a want.

I would LOVE to meet, "the one"
but,
unless we hit the Lotto, and could afford a HUGE (like 7,000 square foot place, where we could each retreat to our separate wings when we want to be left the hell alone) place (with servants),
I do not think I am capable of living with ANYBODY. The only possible exception MIGHT be, a woman who works A LOT of hours, like 60+. Very often, I like nothing more than to sit somewhere in TOTAL silence and reading or surfing the Internet.

Not to mention, MOST women in my age range tend to aspire to live in the suburbs, with the picket fences and all that.
That will not work for me. I am a loft-living city guy. I 'could' do VERY rural, way, way, WAY out, with no neighbors in site. But, HELL NAWL to the suburbs.

And, for ME, as someone wrote earlier, the problem is........................."the longer you live alone, the more difficult it becomes to incorporate someone else into your routine."

I really ENJOY coming home to an empty house. Not having anyone questioning me, asking me to fix something, or asking me banal questions like, "How was your day?"

Really? How the hell are you supposed to answer that question? It is the epitome of just talking just to talk.

A married friend of mine once asked me the most interesting question I have ever been asked, "NikonGuy, do you think you've been single too long?"

Probably, but I even had a difficult time with roommates in college. I have been used to my own stuff, my own way, and my own routines. Call it spoiled, lucky, or whatever.

As crazy as it sounds, in theory, I could even see marrying again, but we would have to maintain separate households (like the Hollywood crowd does it). Not that they have the best track record, but, just sayin'....................................
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