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 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 58
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Not sure when this thread was started looking at 'join date', but nonetheless, the issue is the same. To me, who has known multi...s that spend carpe diem like there's no tomorrow: I know firsthand not to fall for the hype. More important than what someone's gross is-HOW WELL THEY TAKE CARE OF WHAT THEY HAVE. Debt to income ratio is the forgotten bottom line that actually matters along with credit score. There are schoolteachers who know how to save and invest conservatively who become multis. There are multis in foreclosure and repo (lots of them lately). I avoid gamblers and new-toy-boyz. Eventually all have to either grow up and think about the future, or find a bailout or enabler-and sell themselves out for the support. Some commit crimes to keep up their unsustainable lifestyle. Who wants that?? Yup OP, NOT WORTH IT! Stability-now that's sexy
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 59
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 4/1/2012 8:45:51 PM

Twice now I have
had to lend him money to get thru the week.
You lost me at "HAD". You don't have to fill in his blanks. Huge mistake on your part, is my feeling. You do not live together, you do not have mingled monies, why in the WORLD would you lend money a SECOND time when the FIRST debt hadn't been paid back?

I think truly you created this situation by lending him money. Repeat after me: NEVER AGAIN. And demand to be paid back.
 2012monalisa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 60
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 4/1/2012 8:53:15 PM
Well said. He can do whatever he likes with his money, but don't give him another dime. You don't want to start that patern in your relationship, and yes it is something for you to think about. Good luck.
 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 61
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 4/1/2012 9:09:19 PM
no gold digger but id leave.
a man is there to support, love, and care for a woman.
a woman is there to do the same but the man is to be a man, a gentleman.
if you make money and there for act or say you are broke. there is something fishy there.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 62
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 4/2/2012 5:37:22 AM
Umm - you guys DO know that you're giving advice to someone whose no longer a member and this thread is now 2 years old...right?
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 63
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 4/2/2012 6:12:49 AM

mm - you guys DO know that you're giving advice to someone whose no longer a member and this thread is now 2 years old...right?
Yup....it's still a valid topic though, to my mind, for a lot of women.
 marlitatx
Joined: 1/26/2012
Msg: 64
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History
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 5:43:36 AM
This post is helping me out for sure!
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 65
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:31:24 AM
Just tell him you wont lend him any, and that he needs to take better care of his finances.
At the same time, I wouldnt complain too loud. I mean, I'm sure he buys stuff for you as well,and that's money you'd be spending if he didn't. Need to keep both eyes open, not just one.
But basically, tell him. And say no. Unless you usually give to all the homeless people =on the street, I dont see why you should give to your bf everytime either.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 66
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:47:25 AM
What you accept in the beginning, becomes what you can expect in the end... Someone once said. Habits are nearly impossible to break, especially another person's...

And I wonder just how expensive his habit may be... Be forewarned. S
----------------------------
Definitely agrees with what Tall-IQ2 is saying once the habit is revealed, it's always going to be like that until the person stops doing what there doing with help.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 67
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:49:50 AM
This is another reason to examine $$ & their habits w/ $$

A fool & his $$ is soon parted.

I like a man w/ $$, but I do not like wasting his or mine! I am the coupon queen... I got $150 of freebies for my birthday, mainly meals also clothes & a movie all from coupons on the internet...

It pays to be savvy about interest rates, loans, mortgages, buying cash etc.
 ssr51
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 68
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:58:20 AM
Been through this! You are dead on with yourtrain of thought here. How can someone enter into a relationship or marriage when they cannot manage a large facet of their life? It is a deal breaker! The lending will not stop either, I can promise you that! My advice is simple...break it off as soon as he pays you back! I hate to say it, but this is the typical guy that hasn't grown up and get's kicked to the curb and wonders why? Do yourself a HUGE favor and break it off. Like I said, I went through this with a woman who blatantly lied about her financials and learned quick!
 jt guy
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 69
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 8:46:04 AM
I have been told that issues with money is near or maybe the number one reason for problems in marriages. Money and how one uses/treats it should be in everyones mind, when selecting a mate.
 InMyOwnTime25
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 70
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 9:11:24 AM
Maybe he has more expenses than you do, like a more expensive car or expensive place (not sure if you guys live together), so he's broke more often even though he makes more?

I wouldn't lend him any more money though, in case he is just being irresponsible. Tell him you can't afford to pay your own bills if you lend him any more money, and if he balks point out that you have a lower income than he does.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 71
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:43:24 PM
ur a lost soul, corupted by capatilism n lost touch wit being human, uve got work 2 do 2 become balanced again, start wit ur eq which aperas low. i wouldnt even consider 1 like u as a partner, money focused people r ugly, gl.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 72
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:52:16 PM
People just need to live within their means. I can't tell how many people have huge credit card debts and then something happens and they can't pay them and they end up in dire straights financially. If you have to borrow from others to make ends meet then you need to reevaluate your situation. don't be an enabler. This doesn't mean don't lend someone a few bucks here or there, it means don't support them or let it become a habit.
 kittyb
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 73
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 6:57:13 PM
i dont know how long u 2 have been together or how old u are. but if he's like this now, with no perception of future preperation than u will always be carrying the burden of finances. if he's not lookin twords ur future then more than likely he hasent made long term plans. the next few times he asks to borrow money just tell him ur broke. put the money he asked to borrow in ur savings account. after 3 months see how much money u would have loaned him. and then after yall split, not sayin u will, see what it adds up to. i did this with the advise from my mother. after a year and a half of saying "im broke", ten dollars here and twenty dollars there added up to 1200.00. and when we split. of course he had no intentions of paying back what he borrowed before my mothers little "expirament"
 ecochick1962
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 74
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/4/2012 7:57:50 PM
Your take on this is spot on.......those red flags are waving! When I was a teenager in my first job I spent every cent I earned, but when I left home and was responsible for paying for the roof over my head I eventually wised up, and now that I am approaching 50 Im in a reasonably good place financially. I would never, ever date a man who blew away all his money and expected someone else would look after him.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 75
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/5/2012 5:28:47 AM
Actually fair has nothing to do with it. Parasitism is a viable and increasingly rewarding life strategy. I doubt he has actually reflected upon it much but he instinctively understands that owing everyone and repaying nothing is a comfortable and practical way of navigating this world.

Those of us who pride ourselves on being a reliable cog in the machine may resent it but have done nothing besides encourage it. He may not be living as you want him to but he is living as the government, wall street and pop culture want him to. When it comes to persuasion, I would say you are massively out gunned.

Best way to deal with the situation is to do another thing the PTB wants you to do. Dehumanize and commodify him. Then you can do a rational cost/benefit comparison on whether or not the monetary premium you pay for proprietorship of his penis gains you more value than ingesting an inferior, discounted product... say a pof dude who is so respectful he will pay you instead.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 76
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:46:46 AM
I would be asking where is his money going and why is he always broke?
My neighbour is always broke. She get's her pension on a Tuesday and by Wednesday night she has no money left for the next two week's.
She sleep's a lot, has eyes that roam when you speak to her and has mood swings. Drug's come to mind.
A person who earns MORE than you should have something to show for it.
Stop being his ATM. The more you lend him the more reliant on you he will become.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 77
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/5/2012 9:54:34 AM

Actually fair has nothing to do with it. Parasitism is a viable and increasingly rewarding life strategy. I doubt he has actually reflected upon it much but he instinctively understands that owing everyone and repaying nothing is a comfortable and practical way of navigating this world.

Those of us who pride ourselves on being a reliable cog in the machine may resent it but have done nothing besides encourage it. He may not be living as you want him to but he is living as the government, wall street and pop culture want him to. When it comes to persuasion, I would say you are massively out gunned.

Best way to deal with the situation is to do another thing the PTB wants you to do. Dehumanize and commodify him. Then you can do a rational cost/benefit comparison on whether or not the monetary premium you pay for proprietorship of his penis gains you more value than ingesting an inferior, discounted product... say a pof dude who is so respectful he will pay you instead.

PRICELESS!
OP, if U want Italian food, why go to a Chinese Restaurant???
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 78
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/5/2012 11:28:18 AM
Look, it's not about how much money ya make, it's what you keep. If you are at all interested in creating wealth, then you need to be mindful of being with someone who understands money, and is financially responsible. For me, financial irresponsibility is a huge turn off. I believe in living below my means, paying myself first, and using credit cards for only major purposes. Although I love nice designer things and jewelry, I am not going to go bankrupt to buy myself something like that. If I am going to make a major purchase, I plan for it, and I do not touch my savings unless it is a neccesity (i.e., have to buy a new car, furnace, etc.). I don't need to have 50 gazillion pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes, or the latest Prada handbag. If you are with someone who is wayyyyy into status stuff (guys are usually into cars and gadgets) and they don't get the concept of compounding interest, then yeah, there is a potential problem there. Dating is one thing, but marrying someone who is financially irresponsible is another thing entirely. This type of behavior creates an unstable environment in which to raise a family. I'd really think long and hard about this. When you get married, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? Do you want to send your kids to college? What kind of school do you want your kids to attend? Do you want to live in a safe, decent nieghborhood, or a an "okay" one? No, money isn't everything, but not having enough to provide a decent upbringing for your children is definitely not conducive to a happy life, either. More couples split up over money issues then anything else. At the end of the day, you can't pay your bills with love, and you have to be able to pay for the diapers.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 79
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/5/2012 2:03:51 PM
You take on this very fair.

Your story reminds me of my first bf I had when I was 21. He borrowed money from me twice. The first time was for his down payment for renting an apartment. The second time for sending back home to help his parents and siblings. After that he never mentioned anything and never paid me back. I used to be very quiet, meek and timid. I never spoke up much. I never asked him the money back, but I did not feel good inside me. A few times I passed by this Arcade, I saw him was paying all his attention in playing pool or the pin ball machines there with his friends, and he smoked a lot. So I thought he was not my type, so I just left to other city without saying anything. I knew/know that was not the right thing on my part leaving him without saying good-bye or explaining anything, but as I said above I was not out-spoken.

Anyhow, I believe that if you're a hard-working person and know how to manage money well, you should not let anybody to take advantage of you. Why would you want to work hard to support a bum or someone's whole family of 8, 9, 10 people? Unless you want to do the charity things.

I believe money is not everything, but I believe having a job and knowing to manage your finance right and not giving your partner financial problems show that you are a responsible and trustworthy person and that you care for your partner.

Now, 30+ years have passed, I don't regret that I left that bf. I would not want to work hard on my part and live with someone broke all the times. Why would you want such a heavy burden on your shoulders from someone?
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 80
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/6/2012 1:03:47 PM
Oh, I did not and do not need any man to support me for 30 years. From 18 years old, I started to live on my own, worked hard to supported myself, went to college evenings, days, online, whenever was suitable to my working schedule to upgrade myself.

I did not and don't need to be ripped off many times by someone to be smartened up. Some people made mistakes once or twice and learned from them. That's smart. Some make mistakes repeatedly and never learn. That's stupid.

Some men/women have bad experiences with some women/men, and they generalize all of them are the same and they are so bitter with the opposite gender. That's too bad.

To me, I see and I know there are still lots of good women and men out there.
 kcomfort0001
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 81
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/6/2012 11:11:27 PM
Stop lending him money. Does he pay you back?

You could end up being one of those girls I hear so much about that end up with kids while the husband who doesn't watch them sits at home all day while you do all the working etc..etc.. then when you come home he asks for you to give him all your tips

Just a hypothetical but crazy shit does and can happen. Pimping you out doesn't have to be about sex.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 82
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History
I Know It Shouldn't Be All About Money But ..
Posted: 5/6/2012 11:57:53 PM
thats right !!! "one of these days " ! Anytime i find if i ever go out with someone who makes a heck of alot more money than i do and they are borrowing money from me = pow!! right in the kisser!! some horrible crazy thing happens and i have to leave the situation / Its Hard to leave when you are trying to be a sensitive person but i would not go too deep / what i mean is try not to have him owe you too much / then its almost impossible to retrieve anything but a brokenheart
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