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 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 31
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Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

High school teachers nowadays (where I live anyway) are "encouraged" (the principals and parents pressure them) to accept any and all work the kid hands in up until the day of the exam,

Nope, they aren't "encouraged", they are "required". There's an interesting pro and con to it.

even work that is months overdue or of poor quality.

Teachers regularly accept work of poor quality - the issue would be if poor work received a high grade.

I've usually found that people who haven't made mistakes haven't done much with their lives.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 32
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Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 12:52:52 AM

1) How many have lied about their ages on POF?

Nah, couldn't be bothered.


2) Are any of your pictures "too old"?

Yes dammit, how in heck did I get to be this age???????


3) Have you ever been vague when you could have been exact when telling someone you're not going to see them anymore?

Sometimes yanno, it is an honest expression of feeling, well, vague or conflicted, about someone. I like to sit with my feelings for a while before expressing them; sometimes we're just not on the same timetable. I am not required to fit myself into someone else's timetable.

Oh, and yeah, sometimes I have been vague in order to not hurt their feelings only then I end up feeling bad for leaving them hanging (I hate that feeling) so I gave it up. I could tell you it was because I am a better, more caring and compassionate person now, but really it's cuz being clear with them ultimately brought me less grief in feeling guilt for being a poo-poo head bad person. Far as I can tell it's just avoidance wearing a different jacket... nice when my avoidance strategies are also socially acceptable.


4) Have you listed an activity that you haven't done in years?

Yep, how else would one find someone who would like to do it with them? For example, I haven't ridden a horse in about five years and at one time in my life I rode at least 5 a day and showed internationally. It's a legitimate interest even if I never swing my leg over a horse's back again.


5) Have you been loose with the truth in order to 'save someone's feelings'?

Yes, although I prefer to think of it as being more precise with the truth. It's hardly a "loose" thing - it is a very considered response. There are usually several truths or several true approaches one could take with something - I tend to default to A truth told kindly. You're thinking it is more personally accountable or moral to lead with the truth you know is going to hurt them?

6) Have you ever not returned a first contact message to say, "No thanks."

Yes, in my judgment, and I am willing to be wrong about this, not all first contacts deserve a reply. Not people, but sometimes the contact isn't worth :30 seconds of my life.

7) Think of someone who did any of these to you; what do you think of them?

Not much of anything at all - there's plenty else in life to get my knickers in a twist over.
 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 34
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Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 10:21:48 AM
Accountability in a partner is very important. If they blame others then I have to walk away. My sons know it is like a red flag to a bull if they do not own their actions.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 37
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 11:53:11 AM

1) How many have lied about their ages on POF?
2) Are any of your pictures "too old"?
3) Have you ever been vague when you could have been exact when telling someone you're not going to see them anymore?
4) Have you listed an activity that you haven't done in years?
5) Have you been loose with the truth in order to 'save someone's feelings'?
6) Have you ever not returned a first contact message to say, "No thanks."
7) Think of someone who did any of these to you; what do you think of them?


What does this have to do with accountability for one's actions?


Absolutely nothing. My guess is that Mr. Tarot was drunk when he posted that.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 38
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 12:29:53 PM
Hilarious!! Can't begin to tell you how much time I spent in therapy defending my parents over and against the other therapees claims that they *must* have done something wrong, or why was I there? In that case, hearing the stories of their raising, I'd have a difficult time saying the parents *didn't* have a great deal to do with the problems they were having as adults. Nor do I think that saying across the board: but you're a grown up, deal with it is any kind of a solution, nor any kind of truth.

We are each born with a certain amount of resilience, just like flowers and grasses are. Some when stepped on, spring back; some die; some simply grow crooked. We *know* this of the plant world, why do we deny it in the human one?

I take responsibility for my life ~~ I lucked out having parents that genetically presented me with a lot of resilience and enough gray matter to figure things out. What I *don't* get is the insistence that others do ANYTHING. I have enough trubble finding the time to take care of my own stuff, and suspect that those spending a lot of time worrying about whether others are takin' care of bidness are simply not spending sufficient time takin' care of their own. . . .

May the force be wit' ya!
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 39
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 1:07:41 PM

From the tone of your posts, you obviously have very strong opinions on the issues of smoking. Fair enough. I will say it again, I KNOW the risks and I ACCEPT responsibility for my choices. That is the very essence of personal accountability...being willing to accept the consequences of the choices we make.



It's all in the head, the tar, nicotine, and addiction to substances you KNOW are harmful..

Personally you do seem like a very nice positive person in most of your forum posts, and I have nothing against you personally..
But I wonder how you can FOOL yourself so much to continue smoking and rationalizing that you CHOSE to die earlier?

That simple fact of self-deception casts doubt on if you practice what you preach here...

Personal HEALTH IS the greatest challenge of life for all 6 billion of us on this planet!

Be kinder to yourself and do what you know to be best for yourself and all around you,

stop smoking today! S
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 1:50:35 PM

I take responsibility for my life ~~ I lucked out having parents that genetically presented me with a lot of resilience and enough gray matter to figure things out. What I *don't* get is the insistence that others do ANYTHING. I have enough trubble finding the time to take care of my own stuff, and suspect that those spending a lot of time worrying about whether others are takin' care of bidness are simply not spending sufficient time takin' care of their own. . . .

SO well said! As long as you're not harming others, why should I care what you do or insist I know what's best for you? Even if you want to harm yourself, then so be it. Just don't affect others lives, that's all.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 41
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 3:28:30 PM
Pertaining to a relationship yes and, your entire life as well!

In today's society, we tend to blame others for what happened and not ourselves. It is when you look at the situation as ask yourself “what was my 100% that I added to this final result that I was responsible for?” that people can slowly see what they did or, did not do.

For me, I always take complete ownership of what I do and blame no one else. By reading the thread I started on Helping the poor..., you can quickly see and understand that the poor always put the blame on the economy, lack of opportunities etc... failing to realize that they have the choice of either keep on striving or, simply give up.

I do think that as life progresses and generations continue, blaming others will continue along with it. I don't know if it's going to get worse but certainly, I don't see it getting better. Hence why I look only at my life and not others.

How important do I rate a person's sense of personal accountability? I rate that very high and discussing it with them does open the door for a great conversation :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 3:53:53 PM
Good gawd people, itsallinthesoul smokes, don't date her if you don't like it. Who the hell made you the rulers of the universe and feel the need to hunt her down and nag her to death? If you are worried about the air you breathe, don't go outside.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 45
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 6:30:52 PM
"If the tobacco companies and the government are making money hand over fist on cigarettes and yet they still are required to place a warning on the packages then you can bet there is an actual health hazzard."

No sh1t! A health hazzard, sounds like you maybe the brightest bulb in the box!

Thank Gawd we smoke, you get to pay less in taxes, due to our sinful ways. As for the warning, yeah it's there, BUT it's still not illegal. Don't like it, don't date em!! Real simple, and something you can check off on your profile.

How about those who engage in the occassional doobie, or the idiot who has 2 drinks and drives, or doesn't "buckle up", or feels the extra 18 seconds he or she arrives home by speeding an extra 15 or 20 miles an hour? Or those who ride your tail at 65 miles an hour behind you by 5 or 6 feet?

Literally there are 1,000's of things that put your life in danger. I'm sure your guilty of a few, or you have wings and a halo!

If the woman is careful with her kids, polite and kind to her guests in her car. She has met more than her share of responsibility, despite what you and the smoke police think. I say more power to her, she's living her life, her way. If and when she is ready to quit, great! Until then she is a functing member of society, by law, entitled to her habit, no matter how you "holier than thou's" may view it.

Go with god OP, and have a drag for me!
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 46
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 7:06:50 PM
I see personal accountability as being willing to accept the consequences of one's actions, as opposed to being willing to be bullied into making choices that others deem to be politically correct. That's why they call them CHOICES. Granted, cigarettes do pose a significant health risk, but so do many other activities that we all engage in throughout our lives. Anybody here like eating hot dogs? I recently read a report by the FDA that states that eating enough hot dogs over the course of one's life WILL lead to cancer. They didn't say MAY, it specified that it WILL. But people are still buying them, and feeding them to their children. We all make our choices according to our own personal code of conduct. Being willing to be accountable is simply being willing to own the decision, and any consequenses that follow without trying to point the finger of blame somewhere else.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 48
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 9:57:19 PM
If anyone is interested, google "second hand smoke fraud" and read up. . . . The World Health Org thinks is ISN'T a problem, and the whole story of fraud and dishonesty of the anti-smoking brigade is breathtaking. . . . to say the very least.

This is a pretty good compendium. . . . http://yourdoctorsorders.com/2009/01/the-myth-of-second-hand-smoke/

Live long and prosper!


edit:
The veterans of the fight against the antitobacco mafia will remember that in 1989 an immense study was commissioned by the US Department of Transports on passive smoke and cosmic radiations on aircrafts. The study, "AIRLINER CABIN ENVIRONMENT: CONTAMINANT MEASUREMENTS, HEALTH RISKS, AND MITIGATION OPTIONS" (DOT-P-15-89-5), unquestionnably demonstrated that:

1.

A passenger sitting in the area of the non smoking section bordering with the smoking section should fly 48,440 hours (5.5 years) to inhale the equivalent of one cigarette.
http://www.forces.org/evidence/files/lin-air2.htm
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 49
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Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 10:26:58 PM

How important do you rate a person's sense of personal accountability.

I think it's pretty important. I'm willing to hear and understand someone's reasons for whatever, but there comes a point when its obvious that they can't see themselves clearly, nor how they are contributing to their own problems.

Is it something you discuss with prospective mates?

No; practically everyone claims to have "personal accountability"; what I would do is listen to them and see how they react to events in their life. That will tell me what I need to know.

Is is something you value in friendships?

Someone else's lack personal accountability probably isn't going to affect me too much (or for too long) so I guess I'd have to say yes.

Is it a value that you teach to your children?

Is it possible to "teach"? I think it is perhaps something people tend to grow into, some at a faster rate than others and some never. I've known siblings, raised by the same parents, who were very different in terms of personal accountability. I've known people who seemed to understand it from a very young age and others for whom the concept didn't take hold till they were well into adulthood.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 51
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 8:50:37 AM
I have been tired of hearing the same things on here and in real life. So I wrote this on my face book status @ 1230 am one day.


I'm looking in the mirror for my problems. The one constant in all my mistakes in life is me. I've had people and things to blame, sure. But overall I could have said or done something about them. But didn't, but no more. I'm taking charge in my life not letting anyone or anything stand in my way!!!!


With that statement I got the most comments and likes in a long time. I've always looked in the mirror sometimes too hard. I was the type to constantly blame myself for everything. Even crap out of my control or that I had little to no part in. Which is the other extreme and it's just as bad as always blaming others imo.

This "blaming others" is a epidemic almost a curse and problem with the majority of the population. It doesn't stop with dating, everything is blamed on others.

People violent - Blame violence on TV and/or movies.
Women blaming porn for guys not wanting to have sex any more. Men blaming romance novels and soap operas for the same reason.
Guy is a pushover people blame the parents for over "mothering" them.
Woman is a princess people blaming the parents and/or grandparents for spoiling her.

I'm not even discussing all the blaming people do when they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or even cigs. Joe Camel didn't force anyone to smoke a cig.

Not many people see themselves as the root of there own problems. The one common factor in the problems is the speaker. Period!!!

Best of luck to everyone
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 52
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 9:39:17 AM
#61 is a great post. There's really not much more to add to it, other than different examples. Too many people, when looking at themselves in that "mirror" tend to look at the surface of what is reflected and truly don't have the ability to look any deeper. They either don't know their own character or refuse to see it for what it really is, figure it's a flaw to admit they had choices and chose the wrong ones here and there and then refuse to think outside of their own personal box as to why they experience in life what they experience.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 9:45:24 AM
Why is this even a question? I so fully expect a sense of personal reponsibility/accountability to be standard equipment and as basic as being housebroken!
Cindy O
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 54
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 11:27:51 AM
This is more fun and worthwhile than the smoking debate.


1) How many have lied about their ages on POF?

Nope - I really am 54.


2) Are any of your pictures "too old"?

No pictures - no concern about how my pictures are perceived.


3) Have you ever been vague when you could have been exact when telling someone you're not going to see them anymore?

Yup. Just because I didn't like something about another person doesn't mean they aren't perfect for someone else.


4) Have you listed an activity that you haven't done in years?

Nope. I 'm participating the forums this very moment. I do read scifi and fantasy. I do watch movies. I go for regular walks with a friend. I am dependent on the weather, but we had some great thunder storms last month. I make people laugh daily and am going to an amusement park this weekend.


5) Have you been loose with the truth in order to 'save someone's feelings'?
Yup. That is something I am willing to take responsibility for.


6) Have you ever not returned a first contact message to say, "No thanks."
The only first contact emails that I do not respond to are the ones asking about my boobs, if I want sex, etc. However, no answer is still an answer.


7) Think of someone who did any of these to you; what do you think of them?
When it happens - and it does. I think they aren't interested. Sure it would be nice to have an answer, but if the person has a list of reasons why they are rejecting me I am grateful they didn't answer.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 56
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:24:17 PM
Without being all fatalistic about this, to a certain extent this is a personality-type issue as much as it is a societal-influence issue.

There just happen to be a range of people out there who have an ingrained tendency towards blaming outside forces, their environment, others, luck, chance or fate for their personal situations and/or decision-making.

These same people often tend to be externally motivated, meaning that they do not really have (or develop?) internal motivating factors, things like deliberate self-discipline, conscious life projects, plans of action and the like.

They 'work' when (and because) they are supervised, they study and learn largely when they have no choice, they make proactive changes in their lives only when heavily influenced by others, and they generally wait for things to happen to them, rather than going out and making them happen.

Now, are there more people like that than before? I'm not sure about that, but I am sure they have more rhetorical justifications supplied to them for their various failures and bad decision-making, both by the mass media and the various "therapeutic" industries, psychiatry, counselling, etc. etc. If you're willing to put up the cash, you can find a professional that will supply you with a pat rationale for blaming someone or something else, other than yourself.

Internally motivated people think of themselves as being accountable for their actions and their choices, and more generally perceive themselves as being in control of their lives and their environments, rather than controlled by them.

But developing internal motivation is it's own reward. Complaining about the people who do not have it is of limited utility, as compared with gettting on with accomplishing things and completing your defined goals, whatever they are.

Even if it is OFTEN accurate that problems in one's life are attributable to outside sources or simple chance, thinking about the world that way does not assist in solving any of the problems it imposes on you. Life may deal you the cards, it's up to you to bet, bluff and fold when necessary.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 57
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:58:12 PM
I smoked my first cigarette because my friends did and I didn't want to seem uncool.....I was literally hooked from the first one. Whose fault is that though? It is mine and mine alone because I chose to cave to peer pressure and light up. Regardless of the addictive properties of nicotine, I did/do have a choice whether or not to light the next one no matter how difficult it might be to choose not to .



No. You didn't choose to cave or become addicted. You were programmed and susceptible to peer pressure then. For the love of your kids NOW and their future, as well as yours, PLEASE summon the courage NOW to STOP ! (as you claim you can)

I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN ! to all of your current friends, and peers here in POFerland !!






how folks view personal accountability in their relationships with others.......whether it is valued or not, so can we PLEASE get back on topic?


No. YOU broached the issue of accountability by starting the thread. When it makes you uncomfortable to discuss certain things, such as smoking, it's clear evidence you have much to learn about yourself and your own internal ID/SuperEgo accountability to YOURSELF ! That internal paradox you bring to debates with OTHERS.

Not to mention your kids and grandkids future, maybe they just might wish their mother could have been there at their weddings BEFORE they had to go to her funeral or hospice...
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 58
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:36:35 PM
I know you're feeling attacked itsallinthesoul, but the best way to get rid of the anti-smoking brigade is to stop responding to them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 59
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:37:08 PM
This topic is SUPPOSED to be about personal accountability-not attacking smokers.
As an ex smoker, I can tell you that all the lecturing in the world will not stop a smoker ONE SECOND before they are ready to stop, and doing it for themselves.
So can we get back to just how FAR we expect someone to carry that sense of personal responsibility? Do we withold compassion from the victim of some form of Mother Nature's fury,because they should have picked a place to live where that doesn't occur? Or from crime victims because they live where they live, or didn't have a hightech security system-or a gun?
Personal responsibility is of MAJOR importance, but what about those who use expectation of extreme pers. resp. as a club to beat others over the head with?
Cindy O
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:45:56 PM
I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN

...and I'd challenge you to prove that you can stop attacking an individual poster and stick to the topic itself. Why not lambaste all others who use cleansers and have furnishings in their homes that have immediate and lasting carcinogens, vehicles that pollute, ad infinitum. Let me guess, you have no personal accountability for your attack on the OP because she's the one who brought up an example - so it's her fault that she's being attacked and you aren't personally accountable for the attack...how interesting.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 61
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:57:27 PM
Personally you do seem like a very nice positive person in most of your forum posts, and I have nothing against you personally..



Accountability to oneself comes first, is on this topic. "To thine own self, be true" Smoking is the claimed choice.

THE CHALLENGE IS MEANT FOR ALL SMOKERS, not just any one person. PROVE that
you can take accountability for your own health

and future by QUITTING and showing your friends and peers in POFerland that YOU CAN !

IF just ONE of you addicts takes the challenge, gets more support and STOPS, my efforts

to express that HEALTH IS the number one challenge for all, will have been worth it.

Come on, come on, just ONE step up and take the challenge in front of your peers... S
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 62
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:01:49 PM
^^ Personal accountability has nothing to do with 'proving' anything to anyone. That's why it's called 'personal'.
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