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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

I take responsibility for my life ~~ I lucked out having parents that genetically presented me with a lot of resilience and enough gray matter to figure things out. What I *don't* get is the insistence that others do ANYTHING. I have enough trubble finding the time to take care of my own stuff, and suspect that those spending a lot of time worrying about whether others are takin' care of bidness are simply not spending sufficient time takin' care of their own. . . .

SO well said! As long as you're not harming others, why should I care what you do or insist I know what's best for you? Even if you want to harm yourself, then so be it. Just don't affect others lives, that's all.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 41
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 3:28:30 PM
Pertaining to a relationship yes and, your entire life as well!

In today's society, we tend to blame others for what happened and not ourselves. It is when you look at the situation as ask yourself “what was my 100% that I added to this final result that I was responsible for?” that people can slowly see what they did or, did not do.

For me, I always take complete ownership of what I do and blame no one else. By reading the thread I started on Helping the poor..., you can quickly see and understand that the poor always put the blame on the economy, lack of opportunities etc... failing to realize that they have the choice of either keep on striving or, simply give up.

I do think that as life progresses and generations continue, blaming others will continue along with it. I don't know if it's going to get worse but certainly, I don't see it getting better. Hence why I look only at my life and not others.

How important do I rate a person's sense of personal accountability? I rate that very high and discussing it with them does open the door for a great conversation :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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History
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 3:53:53 PM
Good gawd people, itsallinthesoul smokes, don't date her if you don't like it. Who the hell made you the rulers of the universe and feel the need to hunt her down and nag her to death? If you are worried about the air you breathe, don't go outside.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 45
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 6:30:52 PM
"If the tobacco companies and the government are making money hand over fist on cigarettes and yet they still are required to place a warning on the packages then you can bet there is an actual health hazzard."

No sh1t! A health hazzard, sounds like you maybe the brightest bulb in the box!

Thank Gawd we smoke, you get to pay less in taxes, due to our sinful ways. As for the warning, yeah it's there, BUT it's still not illegal. Don't like it, don't date em!! Real simple, and something you can check off on your profile.

How about those who engage in the occassional doobie, or the idiot who has 2 drinks and drives, or doesn't "buckle up", or feels the extra 18 seconds he or she arrives home by speeding an extra 15 or 20 miles an hour? Or those who ride your tail at 65 miles an hour behind you by 5 or 6 feet?

Literally there are 1,000's of things that put your life in danger. I'm sure your guilty of a few, or you have wings and a halo!

If the woman is careful with her kids, polite and kind to her guests in her car. She has met more than her share of responsibility, despite what you and the smoke police think. I say more power to her, she's living her life, her way. If and when she is ready to quit, great! Until then she is a functing member of society, by law, entitled to her habit, no matter how you "holier than thou's" may view it.

Go with god OP, and have a drag for me!
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 46
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 7:06:50 PM
I see personal accountability as being willing to accept the consequences of one's actions, as opposed to being willing to be bullied into making choices that others deem to be politically correct. That's why they call them CHOICES. Granted, cigarettes do pose a significant health risk, but so do many other activities that we all engage in throughout our lives. Anybody here like eating hot dogs? I recently read a report by the FDA that states that eating enough hot dogs over the course of one's life WILL lead to cancer. They didn't say MAY, it specified that it WILL. But people are still buying them, and feeding them to their children. We all make our choices according to our own personal code of conduct. Being willing to be accountable is simply being willing to own the decision, and any consequenses that follow without trying to point the finger of blame somewhere else.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 48
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 9:57:19 PM
If anyone is interested, google "second hand smoke fraud" and read up. . . . The World Health Org thinks is ISN'T a problem, and the whole story of fraud and dishonesty of the anti-smoking brigade is breathtaking. . . . to say the very least.

This is a pretty good compendium. . . . http://yourdoctorsorders.com/2009/01/the-myth-of-second-hand-smoke/

Live long and prosper!


edit:
The veterans of the fight against the antitobacco mafia will remember that in 1989 an immense study was commissioned by the US Department of Transports on passive smoke and cosmic radiations on aircrafts. The study, "AIRLINER CABIN ENVIRONMENT: CONTAMINANT MEASUREMENTS, HEALTH RISKS, AND MITIGATION OPTIONS" (DOT-P-15-89-5), unquestionnably demonstrated that:

1.

A passenger sitting in the area of the non smoking section bordering with the smoking section should fly 48,440 hours (5.5 years) to inhale the equivalent of one cigarette.
http://www.forces.org/evidence/files/lin-air2.htm
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 49
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History
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/13/2010 10:26:58 PM

How important do you rate a person's sense of personal accountability.

I think it's pretty important. I'm willing to hear and understand someone's reasons for whatever, but there comes a point when its obvious that they can't see themselves clearly, nor how they are contributing to their own problems.

Is it something you discuss with prospective mates?

No; practically everyone claims to have "personal accountability"; what I would do is listen to them and see how they react to events in their life. That will tell me what I need to know.

Is is something you value in friendships?

Someone else's lack personal accountability probably isn't going to affect me too much (or for too long) so I guess I'd have to say yes.

Is it a value that you teach to your children?

Is it possible to "teach"? I think it is perhaps something people tend to grow into, some at a faster rate than others and some never. I've known siblings, raised by the same parents, who were very different in terms of personal accountability. I've known people who seemed to understand it from a very young age and others for whom the concept didn't take hold till they were well into adulthood.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 51
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 8:50:37 AM
I have been tired of hearing the same things on here and in real life. So I wrote this on my face book status @ 1230 am one day.


I'm looking in the mirror for my problems. The one constant in all my mistakes in life is me. I've had people and things to blame, sure. But overall I could have said or done something about them. But didn't, but no more. I'm taking charge in my life not letting anyone or anything stand in my way!!!!


With that statement I got the most comments and likes in a long time. I've always looked in the mirror sometimes too hard. I was the type to constantly blame myself for everything. Even crap out of my control or that I had little to no part in. Which is the other extreme and it's just as bad as always blaming others imo.

This "blaming others" is a epidemic almost a curse and problem with the majority of the population. It doesn't stop with dating, everything is blamed on others.

People violent - Blame violence on TV and/or movies.
Women blaming porn for guys not wanting to have sex any more. Men blaming romance novels and soap operas for the same reason.
Guy is a pushover people blame the parents for over "mothering" them.
Woman is a princess people blaming the parents and/or grandparents for spoiling her.

I'm not even discussing all the blaming people do when they are addicted to drugs, alcohol or even cigs. Joe Camel didn't force anyone to smoke a cig.

Not many people see themselves as the root of there own problems. The one common factor in the problems is the speaker. Period!!!

Best of luck to everyone
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 52
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 9:39:17 AM
#61 is a great post. There's really not much more to add to it, other than different examples. Too many people, when looking at themselves in that "mirror" tend to look at the surface of what is reflected and truly don't have the ability to look any deeper. They either don't know their own character or refuse to see it for what it really is, figure it's a flaw to admit they had choices and chose the wrong ones here and there and then refuse to think outside of their own personal box as to why they experience in life what they experience.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 9:45:24 AM
Why is this even a question? I so fully expect a sense of personal reponsibility/accountability to be standard equipment and as basic as being housebroken!
Cindy O
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 54
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 11:27:51 AM
This is more fun and worthwhile than the smoking debate.


1) How many have lied about their ages on POF?

Nope - I really am 54.


2) Are any of your pictures "too old"?

No pictures - no concern about how my pictures are perceived.


3) Have you ever been vague when you could have been exact when telling someone you're not going to see them anymore?

Yup. Just because I didn't like something about another person doesn't mean they aren't perfect for someone else.


4) Have you listed an activity that you haven't done in years?

Nope. I 'm participating the forums this very moment. I do read scifi and fantasy. I do watch movies. I go for regular walks with a friend. I am dependent on the weather, but we had some great thunder storms last month. I make people laugh daily and am going to an amusement park this weekend.


5) Have you been loose with the truth in order to 'save someone's feelings'?
Yup. That is something I am willing to take responsibility for.


6) Have you ever not returned a first contact message to say, "No thanks."
The only first contact emails that I do not respond to are the ones asking about my boobs, if I want sex, etc. However, no answer is still an answer.


7) Think of someone who did any of these to you; what do you think of them?
When it happens - and it does. I think they aren't interested. Sure it would be nice to have an answer, but if the person has a list of reasons why they are rejecting me I am grateful they didn't answer.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 56
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:24:17 PM
Without being all fatalistic about this, to a certain extent this is a personality-type issue as much as it is a societal-influence issue.

There just happen to be a range of people out there who have an ingrained tendency towards blaming outside forces, their environment, others, luck, chance or fate for their personal situations and/or decision-making.

These same people often tend to be externally motivated, meaning that they do not really have (or develop?) internal motivating factors, things like deliberate self-discipline, conscious life projects, plans of action and the like.

They 'work' when (and because) they are supervised, they study and learn largely when they have no choice, they make proactive changes in their lives only when heavily influenced by others, and they generally wait for things to happen to them, rather than going out and making them happen.

Now, are there more people like that than before? I'm not sure about that, but I am sure they have more rhetorical justifications supplied to them for their various failures and bad decision-making, both by the mass media and the various "therapeutic" industries, psychiatry, counselling, etc. etc. If you're willing to put up the cash, you can find a professional that will supply you with a pat rationale for blaming someone or something else, other than yourself.

Internally motivated people think of themselves as being accountable for their actions and their choices, and more generally perceive themselves as being in control of their lives and their environments, rather than controlled by them.

But developing internal motivation is it's own reward. Complaining about the people who do not have it is of limited utility, as compared with gettting on with accomplishing things and completing your defined goals, whatever they are.

Even if it is OFTEN accurate that problems in one's life are attributable to outside sources or simple chance, thinking about the world that way does not assist in solving any of the problems it imposes on you. Life may deal you the cards, it's up to you to bet, bluff and fold when necessary.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 57
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:58:12 PM
I smoked my first cigarette because my friends did and I didn't want to seem uncool.....I was literally hooked from the first one. Whose fault is that though? It is mine and mine alone because I chose to cave to peer pressure and light up. Regardless of the addictive properties of nicotine, I did/do have a choice whether or not to light the next one no matter how difficult it might be to choose not to .



No. You didn't choose to cave or become addicted. You were programmed and susceptible to peer pressure then. For the love of your kids NOW and their future, as well as yours, PLEASE summon the courage NOW to STOP ! (as you claim you can)

I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN ! to all of your current friends, and peers here in POFerland !!






how folks view personal accountability in their relationships with others.......whether it is valued or not, so can we PLEASE get back on topic?


No. YOU broached the issue of accountability by starting the thread. When it makes you uncomfortable to discuss certain things, such as smoking, it's clear evidence you have much to learn about yourself and your own internal ID/SuperEgo accountability to YOURSELF ! That internal paradox you bring to debates with OTHERS.

Not to mention your kids and grandkids future, maybe they just might wish their mother could have been there at their weddings BEFORE they had to go to her funeral or hospice...
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 58
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:36:35 PM
I know you're feeling attacked itsallinthesoul, but the best way to get rid of the anti-smoking brigade is to stop responding to them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 59
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:37:08 PM
This topic is SUPPOSED to be about personal accountability-not attacking smokers.
As an ex smoker, I can tell you that all the lecturing in the world will not stop a smoker ONE SECOND before they are ready to stop, and doing it for themselves.
So can we get back to just how FAR we expect someone to carry that sense of personal responsibility? Do we withold compassion from the victim of some form of Mother Nature's fury,because they should have picked a place to live where that doesn't occur? Or from crime victims because they live where they live, or didn't have a hightech security system-or a gun?
Personal responsibility is of MAJOR importance, but what about those who use expectation of extreme pers. resp. as a club to beat others over the head with?
Cindy O
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 60
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:45:56 PM
I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROVE THAT YOU CAN

...and I'd challenge you to prove that you can stop attacking an individual poster and stick to the topic itself. Why not lambaste all others who use cleansers and have furnishings in their homes that have immediate and lasting carcinogens, vehicles that pollute, ad infinitum. Let me guess, you have no personal accountability for your attack on the OP because she's the one who brought up an example - so it's her fault that she's being attacked and you aren't personally accountable for the attack...how interesting.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 61
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 2:57:27 PM
Personally you do seem like a very nice positive person in most of your forum posts, and I have nothing against you personally..



Accountability to oneself comes first, is on this topic. "To thine own self, be true" Smoking is the claimed choice.

THE CHALLENGE IS MEANT FOR ALL SMOKERS, not just any one person. PROVE that
you can take accountability for your own health

and future by QUITTING and showing your friends and peers in POFerland that YOU CAN !

IF just ONE of you addicts takes the challenge, gets more support and STOPS, my efforts

to express that HEALTH IS the number one challenge for all, will have been worth it.

Come on, come on, just ONE step up and take the challenge in front of your peers... S
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 62
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:01:49 PM
^^ Personal accountability has nothing to do with 'proving' anything to anyone. That's why it's called 'personal'.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 63
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:23:13 PM
Where in the play book does it say personal accountability means you will fix/change (quit) something?

Just means you know what you're doing.. you 'admit' to it within yourself..
you understand why.. and you accept whatever comes from it as something you have brought on yourself.
 Corso456
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 65
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:42:46 PM
I say we make another thread where we blame the person above us for all our bad choices in life.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 67
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:54:23 PM

I am virtually without fault! And in those rare instances when I’m not, then it is this chicks fault => anonymouslyme
Oh really? Well, I'm blaming you for the iced tea that got spit all over my keyboard when I read that.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 68
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 3:59:39 PM
If you abuse yourself by drugs, smoking, sedentary lifestyle, and by age 50 can hardly walk, that’s your fault.

If you live healthy and take care of yourself, but come down with a serious illness anyway, it’s not.

If you’re an narcissistic, arrogant, selfish user of people, most times you’ll eventually pay for it by failed relationships and being universally hated.

But I see plenty driven by power, money, or celebrity that do terrible things, but get free passes because they have a particular talent that makes money in business or can entertain millions, so business associates and fans are willing to forgive.

If you’re good at heart and treat people with respect you will usually be rewarded, but not always.

There are things people are directly responsible for in their lives. But even the most loved among us can have great misfortune beyond their control. That’s life. It’s how one deals with tragedy and obstacles that's the ultimate question.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 70
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:15:46 PM

yes... I value someone's ability to accept responsibility for their choices. People who can't do this are low on the evolutionary scale, and are not relationship material.

Yep!
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 71
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/14/2010 4:33:00 PM
I agree that those who indulge in the 'blame game' are to be avoided, but sometimes circumstances are out of one's control and one's life ends up in a place one had never imagined it would be. In this circumstance all one has control of is how one REACTS to these events. I would rather, in assessing their character, look at how they overcame difficulties in the long run, rather than hear them say they were to blame for every difficulty in their lives and confess all their bad choices. Boring. That's what the confessional is for, no?
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 72
Personal Accountability for one's choices - I will own mine, will you own yours?
Posted: 7/15/2010 3:23:07 AM

just don't forget the condom, k? I don't want to see you starting your own thread about how some "anonymous" POF woman forced you into fatherhood!
dang it woman! why'd ya have to give him a heads up? My youngest is almost out of the house, and I'm gonna be needing another little meal ticket soon.... I've had my feminine charm turned on full force trying to get my hooks into this one. Can't ya cut a girl some slack?
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