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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Getting married in the Catholic Church      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 brawnydog
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 23
Getting married in the Catholic ChurchPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I don't think it matters too much unless you're seriously into your
faith. I was raised methodist and both of my brothers converted
to catholic to marry women. Personally, I don't require a ring or a
priest. Or, a lawyer. But, that's just me.
I guess I'm old fashioned.
I always figured giving my heart away was a weddin'..

edit: I'm a stalker..
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 24
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/15/2010 12:47:04 PM
Just a note here..

I am not atheist (did you know it is defined as a religion too? I am not agnostic. ie: someone who is afraid to admit they are atheist... I simply am just "not". I suppose my personal belief aligns more with Buddhism / nature worship and our need to look inward to become a better people. I don't feel we need to join any organization or place faith in an invisible deity to complete ourselves. I do understand how many need a God. It's just not for me.

Mary
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 25
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/15/2010 12:53:13 PM

I am not atheist (did you know it is defined as a religion too? I am not agnostic. ie: someone who is afraid to admit they are atheist...


Just another note here....
an agnostic is not someone who is afraid to admit they are atheist.


 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 26
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/15/2010 2:04:12 PM
"Destination Weddings" are the thing to do.

I always say if I ever get married again, it's going to be at the Drive-Through Window Wedding Chapel in Vegas.

I'm dead serious.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 27
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/15/2010 4:30:11 PM

I am hurt and angry obviously. Where is the happy meeting ground in a situation like this? Last night I was ready to call the whole thing off. Any words of advice before I talk to him again?

Here is the advice, once you're asked for it:
You are with a man who loves you and whom you love enough to decide to get married.
How often does THAT happen, you think?
Don't let the church or anything/anybody else, come between the two of you.
Find some ground to compromise.

You said he is non-practicing, not affiliated with a parish. Why would he change so radically?


 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 28
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 12:45:13 AM
OP: Are you sure, I mean absolutely certain that HE is the one who said you are ready to join a church and that its not just the assumption made by all the people who heard him?

You might be making something out of nothing.

Also for middle ground, maybe he is just doing it as a service for his religious friends and family. If that's the case get the REAL wedding done and then have the big hokey ceremony just to please the people who are closed minded. :)
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 29
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 8:14:17 AM

Also for middle ground, maybe he is just doing it as a service for his religious friends and family. If that's the case get the REAL wedding done and then have the big hokey ceremony just to please the people who are closed minded. :)
Not to be disagreeable, but it's HER wedding. (and his, of course) Why should they be expected to cater to anyone else's expectations or desires for how to formalize their union?
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 30
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 8:54:23 AM

Who is ripping Catholics?
Apologies, I guess it was the "Christian-other" person from msg 26 who doesn't believe in the gym for exercise, but believes in sex for exercise. Nice, more "faithful" who directly sin.
But you're right, the religion itself is not the issue, it's the deception. Like I said, I've been played by religious girls who say they don't care but once we start having sex and become a "couple" they spring religious mumbo jumbo on me despite the fact that I told them very early on that I think god is a figment of the imagination.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 9:06:07 AM

I am not atheist (did you know it is defined as a religion too?

nonsense. atheism is a repudiation of the relevance of myths and their social structures.

I am not agnostic. ie: someone who is afraid to admit they are atheist...

more nonsense. agnosticism is the position that the existence of deities is unproven.

why would someone be 'afraid' to 'admit' atheism? they already know hell is a myth, so where's the cost?
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 32
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 1:01:06 PM

why would someone be 'afraid' to 'admit' atheism?
I think people put on a front that they are believers because they're afraid of being rejected by close friends or family members. It took courage for me to stand up and say to my religious relatives "god is imaginary." My aunt won't talk to me, my cousin makes sure to tell me "god bless" in hopes that I'll be forgiven on my so called judgement day, and some of my old friends won't talk to me anymore, either.

You know what? It's all worth it. Maybe it's like a mild version of coming out to a homosexual person, but it felt very good to let people know where I stand. And as a bonus, they won't bring up god talk in my presence.

Poor OP, all along you thought you were golden, than this shit comes up.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/16/2010 2:25:51 PM
In a lifetime of 'forever'...the marriage is really minuscule...so it's too bad that there is this pall over what you were looking forward to. I can imagine how challenging finding this out is. That said, becoming suddenly religious is a bit strange.....especially choosing Catholicism which has quite a set of hoops to jump.

I see compromise as the answer as some have mentioned. I'm a non-practicing or lapsed Catholic. Marrying in the Church will require months of lessons. Divorced people aren't welcomed back unless an annulment is given. He's got two divorces under his belt---that will take some time to accomplish, and will need cooperation from both of his exes.

Isn't it the Anglican Church that hold beliefs and have structures quite similar to the Catholic Church? I am perhaps wrong (I'm sure someone will correct me if I am ;) as this I think was something that I recall hearing at a dinner party years ago. If it is true, it's very likely a more achievable middle ground compromise that won't require annulments and will likely have less onerous expectations than the Catholics do with respect to conversion and having all the sacraments before marriage...and the man you love gets the 'church wedding' he wants....
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/17/2010 5:05:26 AM

....and an agreement that any children you have together will be raised as Catholics.

^^^Yes, this is absolutely true. I had forgotten about this....and yes, we did keep the faith and bring our son up in the Church and to receive the sacraments.

If he is serious about the religion, there will be no compromise or middle ground. Either you can live with that or you can't.

^^^Agreed...but not entirely sure if you're point here is speaking more about Catholicism or if you are encompassing other religions. Being a Catholic seems to require 'more' than other mainstream religions , and that could be rather onerous for one not similarly invested.

The Anglican church does have similar beliefs and practices, but remember that the Anglican church came about due to HenryVIII wanting a divorce. The views on marriage are not really the same.

^^^Thanks for that staceyssc.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 35
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/17/2010 5:36:53 PM
I fully understand your point of view since, I too am not religious at ALL. When it comes down to wanting to get married, it is important to ask yourself “why get married?”. At first your answer would most likely be “it's the normal thing to do when you love your partner!” so if that is what you think, then what's important? The fact that you are getting married or, where you are getting married?
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 36
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/18/2010 9:28:10 PM
The OP is 50 years old.
Probably all the concerns raised here about children they'll have are unfounded.
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 37
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/18/2010 11:23:14 PM
Thanks everyone for keeping the topic going with interesting views. My apology for not stepping up the last day or two. I have a parent who is elderly and needed help that took me on an unexpected road trip.

Jinx, you are correct at our ages, children are NOT happening! He did not raise his children in church, nor did they have first communion.

I did find out the parish his brother is getting married in did not require the previous marriages to be annulled, since they were civil ceremonies, so the church did not recognize them anyways. The lengthy classes are a must though.

Mary
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 38
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/21/2010 12:54:26 PM
Me again!

The "talk" has taken place and I have received an apology for his assumption I would join the church. I am chalking the experience up to over enthusiasm on his part. The ceremony will be civil (unless I change my mind) and private with an open house after the fact.

Thanks again for all of your comments.

Mary
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 39
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/21/2010 1:06:09 PM
^^^ Excellent news, Mary!


<div class='quote'>People who "don't care" about religion, usually suddenly become religious when the kids come along. Since atheists are a minority in this country which I have no intention of leaving, this is very important to me. I have to have this talk very early on to be sure I'm in the clear. If she says she goes to church on easter and christmas, that's still too much for me and I'm checking out; I've learned my lesson.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 40
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/21/2010 3:22:59 PM
Maybe people should stick to dating,having long term relationships and marrying people who are of similar beliefs and values.You would think that this would be a logical smart thing to do,instead people would rather bash their heads against walls dating people whose religious, political,societal etc... beliefs are in direct conflict with their own.

Everyone is always out to change someone.Personally I could not be bothered and prefer my relationships to be free of conflict.I don't want my partner looking at me with "tolerant" eyes and a smirking face.
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 41
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/21/2010 6:59:15 PM
Msg 51 ^^^^ Annie, your post made me so sad. I really do not want to date a clone of myself. Good grief, even I don't like me that much. lol

In my world I try very hard to accept people as they are in all their diversity. If I do not explore outside of my comfort zone, how can I expect to grow as a person and accept other religions, races, cultures or political views? I do not have to agree with them or accept their thoughts as my own. The world is already in a terrible crisis right now because of this type of intolerance.

Tolerance starts at home. Smirking.. if they are smirking then they are intolerant and need to not be in your life anyways.

I really wish you the best of luck in finding someone that will not ever confront you or make you leave your comfort zone, if that is truly what you desire. I myself would never desire to be mentally stifled by sameness or contentment. Best of luck.

Mary
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 42
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:59:06 AM

If I do not explore outside of my comfort zone, how can I expect to grow as a person and accept other religions, races, cultures or political views?
You wanna be friends with different folks of different strokes, great! You want to screw and marry someone like this, you have to be prepared for conflict.
As an atheist, I'll NEVER date a religious person!
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 43
Getting married in the Catholic Church *followup*
Posted: 7/22/2010 10:18:46 AM
Msg 53 ^^^^^ Truths.. Heated discussions are fine and dandy as long as it's understood it's my right to not worship. I guess everyone picks their battles but, at the end of the day some will have argued about religion, how to feed the world, the war in Iraq or if the toast was burnt that morning. Everyone argues at some point or another.. If you don't, then I am thinking "that ain't healthy".

BTW, I was married to someone who considered themselves to be atheist. He was just as zealous as any christian trying to convert me into being a non believer.

Mary
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 44
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/23/2010 5:50:47 PM
Lil brooker.. Yes your right we have NOT done all the homework. We were at the beginning stages... however the whole situation is moot at this point.. I have called it over not relating to religious differences. *taking deep breath*

I still think there are a lot of things to be gained by understanding and learning others religious preferences.

Mary
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 45
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/24/2010 11:19:35 PM
There may be a procedure where the Catholic church "blesses" a union while not treating it as one of their sacraments. Let me relate.

My ex is a mexican national. I was divorced from an american civil marriage. I am an un-believer. She is catholic. At the time, the mexican government did not recognize church ceremonies as official marriages-they required a witnessed civil union as well. I had agreed in advance that any children we had would be brought up catholic.
So we were married by a judge in her parent's garden.
For our tenth anniversary, I finally agreed to a church ceremony , as her mother had been "suggesting" those many years. 2 days before the mass we met with the priest. He's irish.
"You know father, I'm not catholic."
"Wellll, what charch were ye raised in?"
"I was baptized a lutheran."
he slaps me on the knee and shouts "CLOSE ENOUGH!"
The mass was a little different from those of my cuñados I had attended in mexico. It's a little hard to say how different because, though my spanish was pretty good, I couldn't get anything from spanish with an irish brogue. I didn't take communion but my suegra was satisfied.
Good party, too
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 46
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/25/2010 7:38:44 AM
hyoid^^^^^ Thanks for sharing. Your experience gave me a bit of a much needed smile this morning.
I suspect most is left to the priest's discretion and how hard line they really want to behave. Thank goodness your priest was fond of Lutherans! Do you think he may have just thought after ten years you two might just last? So why not?

Mary
 ItsComplicated76
Joined: 7/1/2010
Msg: 47
Getting married in the Catholic Church
Posted: 7/31/2010 4:19:22 AM
It was great! Pre marriage Catholic school run by one of the most old fashioned Priests I think I have ever encountered.

Great verbal instruction and booklets for homework! All an abundance of workable information designed at educating a would-be-spouse on how to make a marriage last by being a good little "wifey".

Yes indead, after reading the sections about how wives should be willing and ready at all times to succum to their husbands sexual desires, that it's o.k. to experiment but even "radicals" who try operating a home differently finally do realise that a womans place is the kitchen and laundry and that even if you think it might be o.k to engage in sexual intercourse with the fiance you live with on the night before you marry it's most certainly not...I was armed and ready...

Now divorced...perhaps I needed to take a refresher course?

Btw my views here pertain just to the one experience & Priest...although I no longer believe in religion per se I do believe in God and have no judgement on anyones else religious or non-religious choices!
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