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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First DatePage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Actually, there is a certain compatibility in bed. I.E., she's into experimenting, using toys, etc - he's into missionary and other typical positions, he's low key - he doesn't like anything super out of the ordinary. OR vice versa, he's real kinky, she's more into emotional closeness in lovemaking.

In that case one will have to do what they don't like to make sure the other is happy. In that case one person is always going to be not so into it, or not fully enjoy it though the other appreciates it going their way. It really IS better if both have the same viewpoint on sex. What turns you on is what turns you on - if that's different than what turns your partner on - that's going to cause a problem.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 29
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/20/2010 3:12:56 PM
Anything in the bedroom can be resolved by communication, caring and a little patience..

I agree that too many people can be impatient about 'sexual compatibility' and write someone off because it wasn't awesome their first time when rolling in drunk or something, or just bad timing and they're on different wavelengths right off the bat.

BUT some people are just not open, as you describe about some things that seem pretty fundamental to the other. If a gal says "I don't do doggy style, it demeans women", would that not at least ruin the mood? Or "I dont like giving head", or if you kindly persuade, she gives it a go, it ends up like putting your junk in a cup of luke-warm water for 20 seconds -- wouldn't that kill the mood also?

I think just like many behaviors, yes, there's many that can change and some that won't so readily... and some people rightfully don't want to camp out for a long time to pull teeth about some things... with any set of behaviors and such, there is a "meshing" factor involved.

With that said, I think if two people are open sexually, then yeah, that shouldn't kill any mood -- and in the end, it will be very compatible (and can be fun to practice).
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 30
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/20/2010 4:08:53 PM
As consenting adults. I hope they had fun.................I have to laugh at the peer to peer pressure on getting a little nookie, they are consenting adults, I dont agree with the unprotected part, but if they are adults, horny adults..............stop gasping and smile that 30% of some of them are having fun.
 crazyindian69
Joined: 1/20/2006
Msg: 32
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/21/2010 7:54:28 PM
wooo I like these odds
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 33
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/22/2010 11:32:05 AM
"Dates" span multiple places in one night, padiwan.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 34
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/26/2010 1:29:30 AM
I think POF should take a poll because I know I have never been asked this.

It wouldn't be accurate anyway. The worst way to know whether people had anything potentially controversial or affecting their image done on a date, would be to poll them from the same place where they originated (in this case, POF). You ask them anonymously, when they're in a relationship, and a year or so AFTER being on, say POF? Much more accurate. Not that people would go out of their way to lie, it's just a natural reaction where you'd have the "results" swaying toward the direction that does them LESS remote potential (image-related) harm in some way. It's how we (falsely) are.

If you are in a ltr with the person you met on line, how many dates did you have or how long did you know them.

That would be a good one.... of course, again, you'd have to wait it out. Anything influencing answers, especially sub-consciously, you want to avoid.

IMO, when people do have sexual relations on a first date, they're either fooling themselves into thinking it "should" equate to a relationship of any kind (which is usually), or completely blind to the dating circuit in general (in which case, should never tell a 21 year old what-to-do about anything). I think it's just two people rolling-with-the-wind, and it's after-the-fact in which one party can call foul or feel like they fouled-themsleves by partaking in such things.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 35
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 7/26/2010 10:41:15 AM
I was not referring to just anonymous, but even one would be more apt to sugar-coat the truth if they're still in the dating circuit, even if anonymous... I say do that after they've left the dating circuit, and they'd be less apt to fib in any way.

I too would want to see HOW they got that %. I take it as a grain of salt. I don't know what demographics they covered, and how exactly they arrived at that. Or if the question was set in a way where someone could reply "yes" when actually, it was just sexual relations. Also -- are they only counting first dates in which there's mutual interest? Are they counting the ones where someone isn't interested? Are they including quick coffee-dates? IMO, no they're not, because if they did, the % would be lower.

But it wouldn't be shocking if it was around 30%, in cases where there was mutual interest, on an evening date of some sort. Women in the forums are NOT a good sampling of women on POF, as one would assume it'd be much lower than 30% if they were basing it on that. I think some women will have a 5% chance, and some women will have an 80% chance.

In the end, you just don't know unless you're a good looking guy willing to randomly select girls to write, regardless of ANYTHING, and aim for a roll in the hay on each first date.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 36
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/1/2010 7:42:39 AM
Dear 30%'ers,

Thank you in advance.

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 37
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/2/2010 9:27:46 AM

A date is simply a prearranged activity where the purpose is to determine if there is any potential for a future romantic relationship.

I wouldn't put that last part in stone, though. I'd say a pre-arranged, one-on-one activity with romantic interest, to spend time together (more than just a 20-minute hello).

In other words, it's an outing with an understood more-than-friends situation, regardless of whether any party is relationship-hunting or looking for a commitment.

I'd include a 'coffee date' if like any other situation, it's intentions was, say, 45 minutes or longer. Something pretty quick is more of a precursor to an actual date.

If the length intended didn't have anything to do with calling it a date, then you could have a pre-arranged meeting for 5 minutes outside a store at the mall and call that a date. That's be far and away different than a guy and a girl meeting up for dinner... or even some drinks at a designated location.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 38
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/2/2010 12:52:50 PM
Even if the date only lasted 20 minutes, in describing it I would say "I went on this date, and he showed up and he had lied about his weight, so I left after 20 minutes".

No, not long how it lasts -- how long it was INTENDED to last.

If you set it up with the "escape hatch" option, no different than "friends first", it's not a Date, just a meeting.

If you set to go out to dinner, or an evening for drinks, and someone gets the "rescue call" or excuses themselves quite quickly -- yes, that was still a date. It's a past-tense sort of thing that defines whether it was a date or not.

If you lie and say "yes, let's meet up at the cafe, I hardly have any time", no that's not a Date -- that's an appointment to meet someone.

A Date vs just-a-meeting is based on the INTENTION... not how long it ends up lasting, but the tone its set by. Escape-hatch scenarios don't count -- because you're intending it on not being a Date, in the same exact manner people set up the "Friends First" (which, no, you're not JUST friends, but want to pretend), so they don't have the pressure of a "Date" (capital D).

For instance: Say I go to a bar and start a conversation with a gal. It's 9pm. We talk, and I say, "Hey, lets order some food" at 11pm. We hit it off. Then we end up having a nightcap at one of each other's places. Was that a date? No. So we end up making out BEFORE a first date. :) Nothing was pre-arranged.

So with the internet, things are pre-arranged. If I pre-arrange JUST to "bump into someone to meet for the first time", that's not a Date, for say, coffee for 20 minutes. If on that I said, "Hey, I know you have to run errands this afternoon, but maybe we could meet at such-and-such for dinner", would be asking for a Date.

I like to separate Date vs just-a-face-to-face-meeting.
"That Sally girl you've been pining over... how many dates did you and Sally go out on?"
"Oh, I can hardly count... over 10, I know that..."
"Wow, you guys had something really going then..."
"Well, not really. Each date was meeting up at Jack N the Box to grab food to go, to our respective places... I mean, she knows I liked her, and I know she knew that and kinda liked me... we flirted a lot -- so they were Dates!"

I'd want to say he never went on any Date with her. If she was off the internet and the first Jack-n-the-Box meetup was the first time they saw eachother -- no, it wasn't a first Date.

People choose to go on meetings and not Dates to keep things uber-casual. Some people would be fooling themselves (and others) by thinking every time they met up with someone who could be considered in the date prospecting environment an official "Date", by saying "Yeah, I go out on like 4 Dates a week!"
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 39
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/4/2010 6:43:07 PM
^^^I don't mind it being called a "date", so long as there's no romantic intent unless/until you both meet and decide you're interested in each other in that way mutually. The only reason I don't like the word "date" is because when you use it people can assume too much about what's going to happen, or that you have interest before you or they can actually determine it.

Online dating is different in that you don't really know until you get there whether or not you'll have romantic interest. When I was younger when a guy asked me on a date (or vice versa) it would be face to face, or as a result of meeting in person and exchanging contact information, so I said yes because I knew I was interested and wanted to know more, instead of to determine if there was any interest in the first place.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 40
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/4/2010 8:09:29 PM
If the purpose of the meeting is to see if there is any potential for a future romantic relationship, then I would consider it a date. A date doesn't have to involve some formal activity. A date could last 30 minutes or 5 hours.

How about the intention of about 5-10 minutes in a parking lot, due to one being busy and all that? Is that a date? I think whether it's truly a Date or not, hinges on the intent of how the OUTING should last. Also, what if you get a # from a gal at a bar, you have a phone chat... then another where on a whim, you go over to her place and "watch a movie"? And all activities are repeated like that? I wouldn't say they went out on any Dates. In those situations, many women will complain "he'll never take me out on a Date!", so merely spending time together doesn't necessarily mean a Date, even though you could say you are 'Dating' someone if you're going steady.

Additionally -- a Date requires potential for Future Romantic Relationship? So if two people are not looking for a "romantic relationship", but the guy takes her out to Olive Garden, it wasn't a Date?? :) I would just say romantic interest, not relationship... the search for a relationship is meaningless to the definition.

I don't mind it being called a "date", so long as there's no romantic intent unless/until you both meet and decide you're interested in each other in that way mutually.

If there was no romantic intent, I would have a problem with it being called a Date, because that'd be contradictory. Date in the context of guy and girl going out means a meeting w/ romantic intent & interest on some level.

Online dating is different in that you don't really know until you get there whether or not you'll have romantic interest.

Well, then there's no such thing as a Blind Date then, right? :) The classic (not online) Blind Dates are more blind than online for the most part. I think it's people's choices to go all out for a Date, rather than a meetup, if they don't know each other.

But I believe you do have romantic interest. Not that high -- but if you meet a guy from online matchmaking profiles, whether it be just a little meetup, arranged bumping into each other, talking on the phone, emailing back and forth -- there is SOME romantic interest. It may not be solidified, questionable, still left wide open, etc.

I don't think a Date requires solidified interest in either party... or a requirement for a future relationship whatsoever. It's a pre-arranged outing of two people with romantic intent, and the intent of spending a significant amount of time together. Significant meaning not a drive-by meetup for the sake of getting anything out of the way, or just to squeeze time in to see each other for a moment.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 41
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/4/2010 8:24:19 PM

If there was no romantic intent, I would have a problem with it being called a Date, because that'd be contradictory. Date in the context of guy and girl going out means a meeting w/ romantic intent & interest on some level.

Then you agree. Fabulous. There is no romantic intent before meeting face to face, because you can't wish romance on someone you don't know if you're into yet.

Well, then there's no such thing as a Blind Date then, right? :) The classic (not online) Blind Dates are more blind than online for the most part. I think it's people's choices to go all out for a Date, rather than a meetup, if they don't know each other.

I don't do blind dates either - and if I did, I'd make sure there was no other intent but to determine level of interest with no time obligation, if there was any at all, same as online.

But I believe you do have romantic interest. Not that high -- but if you meet a guy from online matchmaking profiles, whether it be just a little meetup, arranged bumping into each other, talking on the phone, emailing back and forth -- there is SOME romantic interest. It may not be solidified, questionable, still left wide open, etc.

It's not romantic interest on my end unless/until I meet him in person and have an attraction - which is what I was saying. What others do I can't speak for. I'm sure others place all kinds of romantic expectations on a meeting with a stranger.

I don't think a Date requires solidified interest in either party... or a requirement for a future relationship whatsoever. It's a pre-arranged outing of two people with romantic intent, and the intent of spending a significant amount of time together. Significant meaning not a drive-by meetup for the sake of getting anything out of the way, or just to squeeze time in to see each other for a moment.

Again, I don't care what it's called so long as it's merely a quick get face to face and see whether or not there's any interest in getting face to face again - and in what context. I just personally don't call it a date because I don't want anyone confused as to what it represents. For me it is a quick drive by or time squeeze for both parties - it only takes more priority and holds more excitement once mutual interest is established. And for me there's no romance unless/until there's interest which I don't know till I get there. *shrug*
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 42
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/7/2010 8:10:13 AM
I will call it a date anytime I arrange a meeting with a woman ..LOL
me and my wife even call our weekly outings a date ..keeps it romantic...don't you think

Wow -- a date any time you arrange a meeting with a woman? I can see an arranged outing with your wife as a date -- again, you're not aiming for an LTR; you're already in one. But meeting up with someone of the opposite sex for any reason?? :)

If the purpose was to determine if there is any potential for a future LTR to develop, then I would consider it a date. Regardless of how much time we intended to spend together

My point is that the purpose of a Date is not to see if there's any potential for a future LTR, though. That's not -required- for it to be called a Date. Obviously if it's MUTUALLY understood that you both are, then yeah, that makes situations much less of a gray area between a Date and a meeting. But take yourself out of the equation where things may be clear-cut for you, as it's about people in society and the various angles they may take.

Besides looks, how much info can I figure out about someone in just 5-10 minutes.

Or 15. Yeah, not much, even if you're not spouse-hunting and taking a more casual route to the dating circuit, right? And that's my point. JUST meeting, I would not call a Date, because it depends on the context, and technically, a sufficient length of time intended from the outset. Most of the time, yes, it won't run into that. But there can be gray areas where say, you meet at the mall food court around 1-ish for a little bit to squeeze in during the day, to get the whole face-to-face thing out of the way. If intended to just be a meet-n-greet, that'd be stretching it to call that a Date. If it was to kick back and get to know each other, sure, a (cheap) Date. Another scenario would be to meet up with someone at a party or mingling environment around folks they (or you) know in the crowd. Sure, you're pre-arranging to meet... and probably will have sufficient time to get to know each other some, but it's not set to be specifically one-on-one.

As mentioned earlier, I often don't have any predetermined time limits for a date anyways.

Doesn't matter though... it's not about your own rules, or my own. We can take from our experiences or observations of others', notably the off-key situations and think "Would THAT be appropriate to be called a Date, and not just a meetup? Just because two people met?"

I say that everyone should have romantic intent on some level when meeting from online. However, some people are oddballs and will REALLY want just a friend, dinner, just attention, etc, where that may not be the case. But putting that aside... Obviously being face to face for the first time can be a game-changer. But both parties ARE interested in each other on some level in most situations. It's tentative of course at first. But a Date would be a pre-arranged one-on-one outing, not requiring people to be spousal or LTR-hunting at all, but just having a mutually understood romantic intent & interest, to spend enough time getting to know each other. A meetup that's not a Date would be meeting not one-on-one, but among one's own crowd to meet face to face... or a quick "drive-by" meet up for a few minutes to get it out of the way, even though it's one-on-one for the Expected very brief time of running into each other.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 44
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/11/2010 1:37:08 PM
The fact is, i've never had ONE single man ever say it wasn't a date.

Oh, the world revolves around you, huh?? :) I'm sure some women don't want to meet up with any guy unless it's a Date. And some people use the term loosely (hence me using a capital D).

But what I'm alluding to is what one would call a REAL Date vs what one may flimsily call something. Calling anything a Date (you're not the only one who meets people, and people meet in various circumstances & setups, good & bad) would be too strong a term... and saying that 30% of women put out after meeting someone for 20 minutes at a cafe is laughable, as that wouldn't be considered a Date in its fullest extent (again, the capital D meaning to the fullest extent).
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 46
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/17/2010 9:48:18 PM
Pardon me for being lazy, but did the OP list exactly where this "article" was located? I'd like to read it myself before posting any intelligent comments regarding this subject matter.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 47
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/18/2010 4:29:30 AM

did the OP list exactly where this "article" was located?


yes - in the very first sentence!

June 2007 edition of Sexuality Research & Social Policy

how lazy ARE you????

 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 48
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:21:19 PM
Pay attention, folks: the study reported they found 30% of women had had sex on a first date at least once. And this does not indicate a similar figure for men - after all, one player might be conning huge numbers of women into bed on their first meetings, while all the other guys are staring at their empty mailboxes. (Women, being at most 1/10th of the online dating population, get a lot more mail on the average.)
ED BEAR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/21/2010 11:25:35 AM

It's possible. But we wouldn't know that for sure. Mutliple men could have went out on a first date with the same woman or vice versa.

Yep. And if it's quarantined to just 1st dates from online, you're talking 2-to-1 ratio generally speaking of guys to girls... although technically, each gal could hook up with twice as many guys as the # of girls a guy hooks up with.

IMO, those results are speculative at best and unclear. I think it's obvious (since they don't have a camera following a batch of women there) that it's more like 30% of females who have met someone multiple times, say they have had sex on a first date/meeting. Obviously it's not 30% out of all females have sex EVERY first date (what if you don't like them? Or Sunday afternoon and just a quick run-in?). But just having had sex on a first date/meeting? Yeah. That's less than 1/3rd, so that's pretty easy to believe... and actually a little low from what I'd guess. They're going by people's word (not concrete).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 50
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/22/2010 11:59:24 AM
Ok you guys are right ... For every 30 women who are whores there is only 1 man that is.

Nobody's saying that. If that was the case, guys certainly wouldn't be complaining about girls being uptight/shy/snooty/etc. - lol.

My point was that if there are double the guys, there will be less guys doing ANYTHING... but at least more guys doing less. But it gets complicated to know what's really going on. 50 girls, 100 guys. 100 dates had. Did all 100 guys go out on only 1 date, and all 50 girls go out on only 2? No way. Was it 5 girls each went out on 20 dates, with all guys going on just 1? No way. Maybe 40 girls went on 1-3 first dates, and the same with 40 guys? More reasonable...

But since when does having sex on a first date make someone a whore? By that rationale, almost 1 out of 3 women are whores, which is a little high, don't ya think?
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 51
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30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 8/23/2010 5:35:42 AM
How hard it is to figure this out and remember it?

The study referred to the percentage of women dating online who had sex with on the first date AT LEAST ONCE. And yes, we are pointing out that the percentages of men and women do not have to be anywhere near equal - and, yes, it could be 30 men having sex with one woman, too. We are just saying one can't guess one such stat from the other, given the very different social/sexual norms for the sexes.

In the population at large (by which I mean not just in online daters), most studies of human sexuality show a small number of women having sex with a larger number of men. In stereotypical terms, these women are often (VERY unfairly) labeled "whores," "sluts" or "easy." Most women tend to have fewer sexual partners than most men. There are stereotypical insults for men who have many sex partners, too, but men often see them as complimentary terms.

And... 2 men to each woman? It's AT LEAST 10 to 1.
ED BEAR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 52
30% of Female Online Daters Have Sex on First Date
Posted: 9/6/2010 2:33:57 PM
Most women tend to have fewer sexual partners than most men. There are stereotypical insults for men who have many sex partners, too, but men often see them as complimentary terms.

I'm not quite sure about that. I mean, honestly, stats like that or "chances of cheating" are infeasible to be scientifically accurate.

Statistically speaking: Women have more of an image-problem with having sex "too early" or with "too many". Women are more image-conscious that guys are. More guys can be pretty forthright about it, but still, there are many guys who won't be so much.

In essence, one can't get an accurate view by surveying on these type of topics where fibbing/lying is motivated among many, is my point. I don't think it's useless, but should be taken with a grain of salt.

If 30% of women surveyed said they have had sex on a first date before, that # is not "shocking". I mean, let's be honest. But to say it's skewed where for every gal who has had sex on a first date, there's 50 gals who never have but 50 guys who jumped on her, is about as silly as saying "Very high % of men cheat, very low % of women do".

I think when it boils down to it, it's less Mars/Venus in the non-settled-in dating world, and instead, very much the same when it comes to desires/likes and what they go for.
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