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 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 48
Dating the non-party typePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There is not a thing wrong with being the non-partying type. I can tell you from experience since I was once a veteran club partier, that couples who spend a lot of time going to nightclubs and getting drunk usually do not last together. Nightclubs are a poor place to look for romance unless you just want a one night stand. And then you had better be protected because the chances are that the person you are with has slept with someone different every weekend for the last couple of years.
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 49
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/4/2010 12:14:56 AM

when you get home from school/work...take a loonnnnngggg nap....at least an hour or 2....then hit the clubs at 11 or so...


During my nightclub/dancing years, I used to do just that. Not every week, but fairly often. I had dance fever, so I'd get to clubs early, dance for 3 hours and get home at 2am with sore feet. Sometimes I'd get a breakfast burrito on the way home.

Taking a nap was good, because by the time I got to the club, I was still waking up, and as the club started to come alive, so did I.

Water with a squeeze of lemon - that was my main drink. Sometimes I got Diet Coke.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 50
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/4/2010 4:42:22 AM
There was this guy that went to meet a woman from a dating site at a bar/grill.....one of them was rather drunk...but he's a non-drinker...however, he don't care if the woman drinks...he just doesn't like drinking.

And she was hassling him, "Why don't you drink? Why don't you drink?!" He says he just doesn't like to drink....one of them said they couldn't date him, simply because she drank but he didn't.

I heard some people say, "Never trust a person who does NOT drink", I think this derived from their own guilt of drinking too much alcohol, and somehow they feel the NON-Drinker is judging them simply because they aren't joining in with the rest of their peers.

People who have a problem with people who do NOT drink, are really the ones with the issues themselves.

Yes, so thus, peer pressure can still exist well into your adult years.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 51
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/4/2010 11:48:52 AM
I have found that not everyone is the party type ...but..pretty much everyone wishes they were the party type ... face it we all want to be social butterfly's ..most of are to hung up or shy to really let our hair down and be the party type ..this was me ... no more ...now I am the life of the party ..now I am the party type ..and loving every minute of it ...hate i wasted all those years ....being recluse

I guess there are some people who enjoy being hermits but I think that most people would love to learn to be the party type ..this is why alcohol will transform many into a party type temporarily ... I have just learned to do it without alcohol... therefore my life is a perpetual PARTY
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 52
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/5/2010 5:33:28 AM

That's NOT insane. That simply means those women don't fit YOUR lifestyle, so you should FORGET about them. FORGET. Do you know what that means? It means you don't go home and slam the door because you "missed something". All you missed was a miserable time in a place you didn't want to be with people who aren't your friends and don't want to do anything you like. Why obsess over that kind of loss. FORGET IT.


I am not upset or depressed over these "rejections," but their reaction when i offered alternatives caught me by surprise. I cannot imagine how other people would interact with them.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 53
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/5/2010 6:21:39 AM

What i want to know is have you ever dated someone who does not like to party all the time and/or wants to get enough sleep each night? Do you think this is a turn-off and what is your experience with them?



Personally, I would just suggest dating people with similar interests. I work in an environment with the "party" atmosphere and I hate "people" mixed with "alcohol" for reasons such as they say and do things they wouldn't do "sober". So a "party" girl is out of the question, I'm an "uptight a@#hole". Anyway though sometimes the "cliche" opposites attract thing can occur too, just continue on your path until something is revealed, good luck.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 54
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:31:13 AM

I would just suggest dating people with similar interests.

I totally agree. I'd also add though, that he should open himself up (if not done already since '07), to a bar scene. No, you don't have to experience the rockin-till-4 party-clubs and close them down.

Bars come in different flavors, and have different crowds within them. It's easy to be turned off by them in general and lose sight that they vary VERY widely. You don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Some bars are not much different than cafes and may be a bit more friendly/social to boot -- they just serve beer & wine vs coffee & mochas. If you open yourself up to more casual bar settings, then you'll be in a better spot socially. In a decent sized city, there are social environments (bars) that are set for different types.

You wouldn't tell a guy who lives out in the country who never wanted to leave his neighborhood, to never leave his neighborhood, right?
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 55
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:24:24 PM
I know married couples where one person likes going to bars / clubs and the other doesn't. A couple doesn't need to spend all of their free time with each other. It's okay to have some separate interests.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 56
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/7/2010 5:15:03 PM
^^^Exactly. In fact, if one likes to be home alone or do things in a more intimate setting and the other likes to be out and about - there's no reason why the couple can't just plan their reclusiveness/night out with large crowds on the same night (or couple of nights as the case may be).

One can stay in and relax and the other can go out and have fun. Whether they live alone or not it works just fine. *shrug*
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 57
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/8/2010 9:58:38 PM
coffeehouses are way better than bars, no smoking, nice tables, quiet, and it smells like fresh coffee yummmmm
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 58
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/8/2010 10:51:49 PM

coffeehouses are way better than bars, no smoking, nice tables, quiet, and it smells like fresh coffee yummmmm



Yeah, but where is the plasma screen tv, and the beer? That doesnt sound fun at all.
 micropitt
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 59
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:35:15 AM
OP: You need to get out and party or something like that. If you don't do it now, you will do it later and that might not be that good. Go out and party, have fun, do what you need to do and when you get tired of it you are ready for a good relationship. I partied a lot in my 20's and glad I did. Now I'm a bit older and got settled. Well, for the most lol sometimes I still get caught up once or twice a year. It just isn't that "wild" anymore.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 60
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 5:39:36 AM
^^^Exactly. In fact, if one likes to be home alone or do things in a more intimate setting and the other likes to be out and about - there's no reason why the couple can't just plan their reclusiveness/night out with large crowds on the same night (or couple of nights as the case may be).

One can stay in and relax and the other can go out and have fun. Whether they live alone or not it works just fine. *shrug*


However...I've known this to be the main catalyst that can lead to a serious fight and then eventually divorce. Esp. if the husband doesn't like the wife going to the bars/clubs....since he's non-party type.

A co-worker of mine was married, they had a toddler child, the wife made it a habit of going to the local honkey-tonk once a week, while he stayed home....he was okay with it at first, then one evening, he got a call from one of his single friends at the bar....that said, "Hey, you better get over hear, and see what your wife is doing."

He took a special trip, sat at a bar stool, and saw his wife sandwiched in between to men, grindin' up against her....she looked up, saw him, and must have turned white as a sheet. lol

This pretty much set motion the dissolving of their marriage.

I've known a few other similar situations where a wife still liked going to dance clubs, even after marriage.

Most people though, that I've known....after they've gotten married, pretty much lost interest in night clubs or bars. If they DID go out to a bar, it'd be together....even if the one person didn't care for it, they did it to be romantic.


Yeah, but where is the plasma screen tv, and the beer? That doesnt sound fun at all.


Don't need that, just a book and the theater of the mind. ;-)
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 61
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 6:58:26 AM
coffeehouses are way better than bars, no smoking, nice tables, quiet, and it smells like fresh coffee yummmmm


Not all bars are loud or are filled with smokers. There are many different types of bars. In some places, it's illegal to smoke inside any public establishment. Including bars. Also some people may not like coffee or whatever else they serve at a coffeehouse.


However...I've known this to be the main catalyst that can lead to a serious fight and then eventually divorce. Esp. if the husband doesn't like the wife going to the bars/clubs....since he's non-party type.

A co-worker of mine was married, they had a toddler child, the wife made it a habit of going to the local honkey-tonk once a week, while he stayed home....he was okay with it at first, then one evening, he got a call from one of his single friends at the bar....that said, "Hey, you better get over hear, and see what your wife is doing."

He took a special trip, sat at a bar stool, and saw his wife sandwiched in between to men, grindin' up against her....she looked up, saw him, and must have turned white as a sheet. lol This pretty much set motion the dissolving of their marriage.


I think this more dependent on the motives of a person than bars / clubs itself.
If a person is looking to cheat, they can find someone at a variety of places. Bars / nightclubs, work, social interest groups, dating site, church, the gym etc. I have been to bars / clubs without my boyfriend when I'm in a relationship. I would go with female friends to dance, watch a sporting event, listen to some music, trivia night etc. I wasn't there to pick up other men. I'm sure there are many women and men who go to bars / clubs for the same reasons. If a man didn't trust me going to a bar / club without him, then our relationship isn't going to work out anyways.


 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 62
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:19:35 PM
I can drink beer at home and I already have a plasma TV and I can actually hear the volume on it. I go to coffeehouses to people watch in a less annoying way than what I've listed as distractions at bars.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:22:15 PM

However...I've known this to be the main catalyst that can lead to a serious fight and then eventually divorce. Esp. if the husband doesn't like the wife going to the bars/clubs....since he's non-party type.

He can't have it both ways. If he doesn't want to join her - trying to stop her from doing her thing isn't real productive. Neither is it good for her to drag him out of the house if he doesn't want to be there. I have a female friend who likes to go out dancing. She dated a man who doesn't like going out dancing. He assumed she'd give it up and watch movies on the couch all weekend. Wrong! And unless she actually wanted to, why would she? Naturally, she became resentful of it.

A co-worker of mine was married, they had a toddler child, the wife made it a habit of going to the local honkey-tonk once a week, while he stayed home....he was okay with it at first, then one evening, he got a call from one of his single friends at the bar....that said, "Hey, you better get over hear, and see what your wife is doing."

He took a special trip, sat at a bar stool, and saw his wife sandwiched in between to men, grindin' up against her....she looked up, saw him, and must have turned white as a sheet. lol

This pretty much set motion the dissolving of their marriage.

That's relative to what you consider cheating or bad behavior. If she wasn't going home with anyone or taking any phone numbers, I don't see the harm - but that's just me. You either trust who you're with or you don't. All else is a symptom of that. If she was a cheater and wanted something on the side, going to Wal-Mart would have been just as dangerous.

I've known a few other similar situations where a wife still liked going to dance clubs, even after marriage.

Most people though, that I've known....after they've gotten married, pretty much lost interest in night clubs or bars. If they DID go out to a bar, it'd be together....even if the one person didn't care for it, they did it to be romantic.

Bars and clubs aren't enemies of relationships unless a person assumes they are for finding dates. Techically going to a club to find someone though you don't like clubs makes no sense. You are either a club person or not most of your life. If you are, it's not for the opposite sex, and if you're not, then you have no reason to go there and only go because you feel you should for some reason.

I've never met anyone who "grew" out of nightspots - only people who never really wanted to go but felt left out if they didn't - and once they paired off had an excuse to stop showing up.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 64
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/9/2010 4:46:21 PM
I will crawl over broken glass to see a live band I really want to see. (and I have!)

If he won't join me, she will. If she wont, I'll go alone.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 65
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/10/2010 6:56:23 PM
Woman:

From 19 through like 23 I like and enjoyed clubbing, then all of the sudden I didn't want it any longer. I find it odd that people in the 30s still like to go out to bars. Why? It gets old after a while.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 66
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:53:57 PM
As mentioned earlier, there are many different of bars / clubs with different target audiences. If someone likes the activities or events that take place at a bar ( trivia night, live music etc ), then I don't think bars will necessarily become boring for them. Many people over 30 don't go to bars that often any more because they have less free time. Especially if they have fairly young children. It's not always because they lost interest in bar / clubs.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 67
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/12/2010 4:36:25 AM
1east:

I don't have a spouse or offspring. On my rare free times I'd rather just go to a PA State Park with my dog and enjoy the outdoors, go antique shopping, day trips or a book store jaunt. I've been like this since my mid-20s. I find it odd anyone wants after the age of 30 to hang out at a bar. I could see someone going to a bar in a Cheers type setting (where you know like a few people and BS for like 1-2 hrs w/1 or 2 beers in you) once or twice a wk, but making it a ritual is strange to me.
 nated012
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 68
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/12/2010 6:04:31 AM
Most 20yo's are not interested in staying sober and going to bed early. I mean is this really hard to figure out? Reading this board it seems like people are just complete idiots.

If I was in this situation I would search for women that have "no" for drinking in the age group you date. Obviously, that is going to be a small group but the chance they are not into partying is going to be rather high.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 69
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/12/2010 7:35:33 AM
I've never met anyone who "grew" out of nightspots - only people who never really wanted to go but felt left out if they didn't - and once they paired off had an excuse to stop showing up.


Don't think I said anything about outgrowing that whole scene..... they just loose interest in that kind of scene when they get married....at least from a lot of married people that I know. As a married couple, they wind up doing other activities and nightclubs have gone to the wayside....they're idea of having a good time is going to the flea market or shopping for their home together.


He assumed she'd give it up and watch movies on the couch all weekend. Wrong! And unless she actually wanted to, why would she? Naturally, she became resentful of it.




Nothing wrong with vegging out on a weekend....I just like to get out, too....because there's more to hobbies than watching movies all weekend, other than clubs...they could go biking, kayaking, hit the theme parks, etc etc....I dunno, at that point in my life, if I'm with someone....nightclubs are not interesting to me...even now , as a single guy.....they aren't as interesting to me as it was in my 20's...occasionally I'd go with a group a friends once in a blue moon, but that's it.

I think the last time I went out dancing....was rather early this year.

I think that's why I gravitate to profiles that state, "I am over the night club scene" or "I'm not much into the bar/club scene" lol


Of course, there could be more to the story about that man's situation....whose to say the marriage would've ended by some other means....but, when he told me what happened, it was pretty much the straw that broke the camels back, I was thinking it had something to do with her marrying too young, and missing out on the things her single friends were currently doing....she never experienced that...and indulged in that as a married woman.

Now, I know there's nothing wrong with an occasional "girls night out" at the clubs, though...it's just MOST people I've known, after they've gotten married...agian....they lost interest/desire in all that. In some cases, they become even homebodies. LOL

I like going out on occasion even, I like some of the dance music.....it's fun....but if I do start getting involved with someone, and she wants to go dancing, I'll probably go with anyhow.

Esp. after having kids...which was another issue with their marriage, she had a toddler to come home to, and the husband didn't like the fact she came home at the wee hours of the morning...ie 3 am every weekend.


So to addresst he OP's topic....I think a party type would not be compatible with a NON-party type.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 70
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/12/2010 7:45:10 AM

I find it odd anyone wants after the age of 30 to hang out at a bar. I could see someone going to a bar in a Cheers type setting (where you know like a few people and BS for like 1-2 hrs w/1 or 2 beers in you) once or twice a wk, but making it a ritual is strange to me.


I'm sure there are some people over 30 who still go to bars 4-5 times / week. But pretty much everyone I know goes to bars 1-2 times / week or less. Personally I will go to a bar about 2-4 times a month. Although I still like going to bars, I have plenty of other interests as well.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 71
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/12/2010 10:39:09 AM

I find it odd anyone wants after the age of 30 to hang out at a bar. I could see someone going to a bar in a Cheers type setting (where you know like a few people and BS for like 1-2 hrs w/1 or 2 beers in you) once or twice a wk, but making it a ritual is strange to me.

That's the second time you mentioned it's odd. You don't have to like it or have it make sense to you what others do. I find it odd that some people eat liver - doesn't make it wrong for them - it's just not my thing. Bars have nothing to do with age. You can go to a bar, not drink much and leave early - your behavior has more to do with who you are than where you go - unless you let others dictate what's right and wrong for you.

Nothing wrong with vegging out on a weekend....I just like to get out, too....because there's more to hobbies than watching movies all weekend, other than clubs...they could go biking, kayaking, hit the theme parks, etc etc....I dunno, at that point in my life, if I'm with someone....nightclubs are not interesting to me...even now , as a single guy.....they aren't as interesting to me as it was in my 20's...occasionally I'd go with a group a friends once in a blue moon, but that's it.

I think the last time I went out dancing....was rather early this year.

Ok, so it's not for you. I get that. Point is my friend liked to go to clubs and dance - she's also big into fitness and likes to stay active. He assumed she'd give it up because he didn't want to go. It was an expectation on his part, which in itself isn't real productive. Again what you're not into is not necessarily what others won't be into. Realize that and try not to associate it with negative because you don't personally like it.

So to addresst he OP's topic....I think a party type would not be compatible with a NON-party type.

Agreed - if a couple thinks they have to like all the same things to be happy, then naturally that won't work very well.
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 72
Dating the non-party type
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:46:26 PM
I've found in my experiences that non party means more sex. sex > party.
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