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 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 340
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I wantPage 12 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
Fine, I'm wrong. Keep making the same failed mistakes of only dating if your****gets hard or your **** gets wet, and maybe 20 years down the line when you're still single and can't figure out why you can't meet someone worth staying with for the long-haul, you'll realize that MAYBE there's just more to dating and relationships than getting laid.

But don't listen to tons of old people who after 60 years of marriage swear that their secret was communication and respect, and all things like that. It's weird, you never hear people who have been successfully married that long base the success of their relationship on how badly they wanted to **** each other every night.

You don't need sex for love and you don't need love for sex. We rate sex so highly in our cultrue because of monogamy. But every successful open relationship will easily disagree with your claim that you NEED a sexual attraction. Do you want to tell all of those people that they're wrong. That they don't love each other and want to spend their lives together?

And again, ideally, yes, you want a partner that you want to **** all the time. And an emotional attachement DOES commonly cause a sexual attachment. But when you're looking for your partner for life, you're looking for more. Mainly the fact that you want to be with them for life, waking up to them every day, dealing with every aspect of their life that exists in the majority of your life that's spent fully clothed and outside of the bedroom. These are two different thought processes. Similar, yes, but not the same. One is reproduction, the other is companionship. One is the reason two male lions fight for that alpha spot (the correct use of "alpha male"), the other is the reason those 2 males live in the same group.

Unless, of course, you honestly believe that we're any different than any other mammal on earth.
 crookcatcher
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 341
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 5:27:05 AM

One is reproduction, the other is companionship.


Why are you here? Surely if you believe what you're saying then there is absolutely no reason you should'nt have the ability to at least find someone for companionship? Their looks and size should'nt matter to you at all, right?

Oh thats right....you need to be "attracted" to them. Why's that...because it's inherently sexual in nature.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 342
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No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 5:41:47 AM

But every successful open relationship will easily disagree with your claim that you NEED a sexual attraction.

People in open relationships are picking people they are attracted to and to have sex with. Without sexual desire it is being a platonic friend.
Yes there are people who can't have sex for various reasons but there still is attraction.
 SassyKatniss
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 343
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 8:56:06 AM
Spark and butterflies are more neurochemical and physiological responses, chemistry is more sociopsychological. Chemistry is essentially feeling like you mesh well with them. No spark is more of a 'code word' for they are not getting a neurochemical response for some reason or other (something missing; not attracted to them or something else). Well that is my opinion on it. When I think of that term usually I take it to mean that so... Probably more lust like for most. It could be missing for various reasons really. That is quite complicated and neurochemical. This is great, please excuse me for posting the whole quote:

"Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all."

The butterfly in the stomach is a bit different, it's from a reduction in blood flow to the organs as a result of adrenalin being released, possibly due to strong feelings of lust. It also can occur in general anxiety kinds of responses and anxiety disorders.

I do not at all think it in some way means the women does not know what she wants. It means she knows what she wants and she is not seeing it in you and/or she just is not getting those neurochemical 'reactions' from you for some reason.

Hope this helps :)
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 344
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 9:07:42 AM
Aradia wrote


in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.


Well gee, I don't think I've EVER been guilty of this

LMAO
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 345
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History
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 11:47:02 AM

Sex is the glue that hold you together when you hate his mother. It is the glue that holds you together when cant watch ANOTHER football game. IT is the glue that keeps you from cheating. DAMN he is fine BUT I dont want to loose that good junk I have at the house.... so I looky no touchy.

My life experience tells me that love is the glue that holds you together through in-laws, football games, economic downs, illness, etc., and that personal ethics along with love/respect for the other person is what keeps one faithful. Not saying that sex isn't important, but I don't see it as glue so much as icing.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 346
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No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 5:49:17 PM

My life experience tells me that love is the glue that holds you together through in-laws, football games, economic downs, illness, etc.

You'll need that, but sexual relations is the glue to that. Unless you love them like a brother/sister or something. But with sex, comes a lot of glue (from the guy!). Adds to the reason of washing the sheets.

Sally: "Joe, you got the glue that holds us together all over the bedspread!"
Joe: "Well Sally, if there was no spread involved, there would have been no glue!"

Right AdventureJoe? ... You were there. [In the context of movie Black Sheep]

Fine, I'm wrong. Keep making the same failed mistakes of only dating if your****gets hard or your **** gets wet

If you can't get that done at all in the honeymoon phase kicking off dating and into a Relationship, that IS a FAILED MISTAKE. Saying that's not important is idiotic. Nobody's even REMOTELY IMPLYING that is all there's needed. Nobody. It's a Requirement for non-fake dating/relationships. Sexual attraction.

But don't listen to tons of old people who after 60 years of marriage swear that their secret was communication and respect, and all things like that.

Yes, for an LTR that is very important. Why are focuses on that? Because that's not so simple, and far more overlooked than the natural basics of whether a date-to-be is attractive or not.

You don't need sex for love and you don't need love for sex.

You need sexual attraction for sexual/romantic love. Non-platonic attraction is sexual. If it's there, you're going to have sexual relations. It's a simple concept. You don't need love for sex, but that doesn't make vice-versa true. A square is always a rectangle, but that does Not automatically make a rectangle a square. For ACTUAL romance, you need sexual attraction, whether you had sex that night or didn't. An actual romantic relationship Requires sexual attraction.

And an emotional attachement DOES commonly cause a sexual attachment.

Yeah, and much of the time, vice-versa -- more quickly than many would like.

But every successful open relationship will easily disagree with your claim that you NEED a sexual attraction.

You need sexual attraction to have a non-platonic (=SEXUAL IN NATURE) relationship that's legit. Open relationships don't *mean* one has no sexual attraction toward the other. People who cheat on their husbands/wives/gfs/bfs doesn't Mean they have no sexual attraction. They want variety. It indicates there's something missing of course... or possibly at wits-end with each other and lost respect and will go out and pork others. In an open relationship, people still have Sexual Attraction toward one another. An open relationship does NOT imply the couple has no sexual attraction for one another.

By your rationale, you should have NO problem finding an LTR. At all. A 5'2" 200lb gal with an asymmetrical jaw line and a bit of a skin condition? Who cares? Attraction should mean Nothing to you as you claim. I mean, how superficial are you? What are you going to do when you're with a cute gal and she gets older & fatter with a skin condition 20 years later? Man up! Get one of those NOW -- you should have Zero problem finding an LTR! Looks (sexual attraction) shouldn't matter, as you claim! :)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 347
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 9:27:33 PM
Fine, I'm wrong. Keep making the same failed mistakes of only dating if your****gets hard or your **** gets wet, and maybe 20 years down the line when you're still single and can't figure out why you can't meet someone worth staying with for the long-haul, you'll realize that MAYBE there's just more to dating and relationships than getting laid.
--------------------
You are an idiot. What you are posting is mish mash of ideas with no coherence, which in the famous words of W. Pauli, means you are not even wrong. (Note, this is worse than just being wrong.). If your concept of dating has much in the way of merit, why the fvck are you complaining so much about how dating sucks? If you were right, dating and finding a relationship would be a breeze for you. Oh, wait, everyone else is wrong. If you really think that, then you are arguing with reality and you need to take this up with reality. I'm pretty sure most people don't think reality is going to concede defeat, so you are wasting your time here.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 348
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 9:39:25 PM

You are an idiot.


Just had to repeat that. (I'll admit it made me laugh in its... directness.) Do people actually talk like this in real life? Like, in their jobs and social lives and such? I mean, I do, but only in jest...
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 349
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 10:05:45 PM
Just had to repeat that. (I'll admit it made me laugh in its... directness.) Do people actually talk like this in real life? Like, in their jobs and social lives and such? I mean, I do, but only in jest...
--------------
In real life, I rarely run across people who are as dense as rt. Most people in real life seem to be able to grasp the difference between their own personal visions of how reality should be and how reality is, even if they need reminding of that. Rt is so desperate to win a point that he moves the goal posts until no one knows what the fvck he talking about or what his point is. I wouldn't make fun of someone who had a good reason (like brain damage) for not comprehending something so simple, but I don't think rt has that excuse to fall back on.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 350
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/9/2015 10:24:07 PM

In real life, I rarely run across people who are as dense as rt.


Rude...


I wouldn't make fun of someone who had a good reason (like brain damage) for not comprehending something so simple, but I don't think rt has that excuse to fall back on.


You have absolutely no grounds on which to make this assumption ;)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 351
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No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/10/2015 3:06:11 AM
Playing devil's advocate here.

People that have long lasting relationships or are at least seen to be together and are under the one roof are often just living together as it is convenient, leading separate lives, or are too frightened to go out on their own. Have no other options or for financial reasons.

and yes on the other hand some have a companionship, respect and a family and a long history in common to keep them together.

Sexual attraction does diminish over time. I am not talking when you are still in your twenties and thirties but when you seriously become less physically attractive to each other as you age.

Having sex with someone that you dont have a relationship with anymore, that you often dont really like, but they turn you on, is just an animal urge. We all know that ex sex can be the most exciting because it is kind of forbidden and you get to go home to your separate beds and it is not so familiar and routine anymore.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 352
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/10/2015 3:37:49 AM
Having sex with someone that you dont have a relationship with anymore, that you often dont really like, but they turn you on, is just an animal urge. We all know that ex sex can be the most exciting because it is kind of forbidden and you get to go home to your separate beds and it is not so familiar and routine anymore.
----------------
I wouldn't be turned on by someone I don't like and I've never had sex with an ex. I've never even wanted to have sex with an ex.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 353
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/10/2015 7:59:30 AM
“We all know that ex sex can be the most exciting because it is kind of forbidden and you get to go home to your separate beds and it is not so familiar and routine anymore.”




IMO ex sex is NOT the most exciting – not even close ! It’s empty , actually, since there’s no meaning behind it.

When I have had ex sex it was only because we were both single , both had the itch, so why the fuck not ?

Forbidden ?
Says who ?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 354
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No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/10/2015 10:19:33 AM

Forbidden ?
Says who ?

Mummy?
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 355
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/10/2015 10:32:43 AM
^^^^^ No Mummy is gonna tell me what to do - but the movie was pretty good .

Rachel Weisz looked yummy in that one !

Yummy Mummy ?
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 356
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 2:22:12 PM

You are an idiot. What you are posting is mish mash of ideas with no coherence, which in the famous words of W. Pauli, means you are not even wrong. (Note, this is worse than just being wrong.). If your concept of dating has much in the way of merit, why the fvck are you complaining so much about how dating sucks? If you were right, dating and finding a relationship would be a breeze for you. Oh, wait, everyone else is wrong. If you really think that, then you are arguing with reality and you need to take this up with reality. I'm pretty sure most people don't think reality is going to concede defeat, so you are wasting your time here.
4

It's how literally millions of people are happily married after YEARS together. They got to the point that they stopped thinking with their**** and starting using their brain.

If your relationsip is built on sex, that's all you have is sex. One day, you're not gonna be able to get it up anymore, that's reality. What are you gonna do then?

I'm not complaining about how dating sucks. Yeah, a lot of people suck, but that's not dating's fault, that's the people.

We've become a self-centered, egotistical, shallow society, yet we always refuse to take our blame for why things go wrong.

But yeah, maybe, dating should be easy for me if I'm right, but honestly, I have a bad habit of being completely oblivious, or waiting too long. When I don't do that, I meet heroin addicts, people looking for excuses to try to get money from me to buy their stuff, I've had a knife pulled out on me and turned into a getaway driver... But that's what you're going to find here, the bottom of the barrel. But to turn it right back on you, if I'm wrong, shouldn't dating be infinitely easier for everyone else?

Maybe there's just more to dating than ****ing. Maybe someday you'll see that and can build a lasting, quality relationship, but until then, you'll all just keep getting used for sex, because that's all you're really looking for, sex. How do I konw? Because that's the big deal breaker. Physical attraction. Wouldn't you think that would be whether or not they work, or have goals they're actively pushing towards, or are responsible with money, or are genuinely nice people...? No, you can't be with someone if you don't want to have sex with them. And that's fine, but step back and really look at what you're prioritizing and realize that the priority is the thing you're looking for. If they have to be hot, you're not looking for the good parent, you're looking for the good sex.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 357
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 2:55:40 PM
Do you want to know a Dirty Little Secret, RT, Do you, really, Do you?

Your Parents had some Sexual Attraction to each other.. Do you know how I know this?
Think about it, come on, you can find the answer, it's not that hard of a question.........
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 358
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History
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 2:59:11 PM
2+2 = 5 so there :P
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 359
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 3:18:24 PM

Do you want to know a Dirty Little Secret, RT, Do you, really, Do you?


Stop right there! He may not be ready. There is such a thing as artificial insemination, you know. There is also a stork.

Poor Rocking Trucker: Of course there is validity to your argument. It's just that you take it to an extreme. Sexual attraction versus a decision to love somebody is not an either/or thing - more like a continuum. Some people value one more than the other, but usually not just one or the other. Now, wipe that scowl off your face and go get laid.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 360
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 3:31:30 PM
It's how literally millions of people are happily married after YEARS together. They got to the point that they stopped thinking with their**** and starting using their brain.
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But, they started out being attracted to each other. Are you really that dense?

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I'm not complaining about how dating sucks. Yeah, a lot of people suck, but that's not dating's fault, that's the people.
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Same thing. You are feeling sorry for yourself because you think the problem is everyone else. You are just a poor helpless victim.
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But yeah, maybe, dating should be easy for me if I'm right, but honestly, I have a bad habit of being completely oblivious, or waiting too long. When I don't do that, I meet heroin addicts, people looking for excuses to try to get money from me to buy their stuff, I've had a knife pulled out on me and turned into a getaway driver... But that's what you're going to find here, the bottom of the barrel.
---------
Like the rest of the people on the forums who only find the bottom of the barrel, you're finding what you are attracted to and unwilling to consider the possibility that your problem is what your are attracted to. It's easier to just think everyone is like that instead of admitting you might be the problem.


-----------
But to turn it right back on you, if I'm wrong, shouldn't dating be infinitely easier for everyone else?
-----------
Well, I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years and I didn't think everyone I met was a loser, so I must obviously have done something right. As far as "everyone else" goes, all I can say is that with regard to those posting in the forums who are also complaining how they can't meet anyone decent or that their circumstances are unique and everyone in their dating pool is fvcked up or in general, that it everyone else's fault, they are just like you. Nothing is their fault. They are just such fine examples of perfection and everyone else is dishonest, manipulative, etc. it couldn't possibly be that their real problem is that they are too intolerant, self centered, inflexible and negative to get along with real people. Just like you, it's everyone else that is the problem. However, given what they post, I am not at all surprised that they have the problems they complain about.
---------------
Maybe there's just more to dating than ****ing. Maybe someday you'll see that and can build a lasting, quality relationship, but until then, you'll all just keep getting used for sex, because that's all you're really looking for, sex.
---------------
I don't get used for anything, mainly because I understand that whatever I choose to do is my choice. People who get "used" are used only in the sense that they wanted more than they were willing to give and jumped on the opportunity to get something for nothing and had their agenda turned back on them. When two people decide to have sex with each other, both are getting what they wanted. If that's not the case, then one or both of them had some agenda to get something more than could have expected.

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How do I konw? Because that's the big deal breaker. Physical attraction. Wouldn't you think that would be whether or not they work, or have goals they're actively pushing towards, or are responsible with money, or are genuinely nice people...?
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That is exactly your problem and lots of other people's problem. Whether or not you work or have goals is about what you want for yourself. If you are busy with your own life, you don't need someone else to fulfill those things for you. What business is it of mine what someone else's goals are? I don't need someone else's goals to keep me busy. If I'm responsible with my money, why would I care if someone is responsible with hers? Someone else's money is not my money, so the only reason someone else's money would matter is if I think I can get sime benefit from something that isn't mine.

------------
No, you can't be with someone if you don't want to have sex with them. And that's fine, but step back and really look at what you're prioritizing and realize that the priority is the thing you're looking for. If they have to be hot, you're not looking for the good parent, you're looking for the good sex.
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You are assuming that wanting sex excludes all of those things, which seems to be common among those complaining that they can't find anyone decent. Yeah, that makes it really easy to confirm your negativity. People looking for sex can't possibly be hot, or a good parent or decent, therefore anyone looking for sex is a loser. No need to fix anything about yourself. Good luck with that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 361
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 6:12:33 PM
Why does Mikey want to ride the cherry red motorcycle? ' cause boy, that sure looks like a fun ride! and who doesn't want to have a thrill?
Why does Mikey take Suzy to dinner? 'cause boy...well, you can guess the rest.

and its just that simple. We order off the menu what looks good. We buy the car that looks good. We stay at the hotel that looks clean. Oh, a second later, we rationalize all the other reasons our choice makes good sense. But, even when we are sober, we go for the shiny, brightly colored package. Its why detergent doesn't come in a plain brown wrapper, but a rainbow of colors and pictures of soft teddy bears.

As a society, we do tend to pass the buck of blame--we pick heroin addicts, but its the fault of the site, it carries the bottom of the barrel. Dating has an eventual purpose--to help the species survive by pairing up only the best of genes. We humans with our nature tend to pervert it, but at its essence, its not supposed to be fair, its supposed to help the species with proper procreation. a lasting relationship only goes for a few decades and then the parents die off. they did their big part at the beginning.

if one wants a good relationship...stop waiting so long. stop being oblivious. start taking it seriously. focus. if its so easy to stop looking at looks, then its equally easy to stop farting around finding the losers and take finding a real relationship seriously. if we want people to take us seriously, then we better take them just as seriously. Avoid the superficial hotties, and go after the real women who are chasing you and you don't even realize it b/c they don't peg the erection meter.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 362
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 7:01:04 PM

if one wants a good relationship...stop waiting so long. stop being oblivious. start taking it seriously. focus. if its so easy to stop looking at looks, then its equally easy to stop farting around finding the losers and take finding a real relationship seriously. if we want people to take us seriously, then we better take them just as seriously. Avoid the superficial hotties, and go after the real women who are chasing you and you don't even realize it b/c they don't peg the erection meter.

Wait, are you talking to men? Because this is exactly the type of stuff that women, especially over 30, get pounded with. As a matter of fact last Saturday I was another used book at the bookstore titled "Get Serious About Getting Married" and your quote here has summed the message of that book.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 363
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 7:22:48 PM

if one wants a good relationship...stop waiting so long. stop being oblivious. start taking it seriously. focus. if its so easy to stop looking at looks, then its equally easy to stop farting around finding the losers and take finding a real relationship seriously. if we want people to take us seriously, then we better take them just as seriously. Avoid the superficial hotties, and go after the real women who are chasing you and you don't even realize it b/c they don't peg the erection meter.



Wait, are you talking to men? Because this is exactly the type of stuff that women, especially over 30, get pounded with. As a matter of fact last Saturday I was another used book at the bookstore titled "Get Serious About Getting Married" and your quote here has summed the message of that book.


I'm sorry if Y'all failed & didn't/haven't Found the ONE..... It doesn't have to be either/or....

I found a Good Woman, who I brought out her inner Bad Girl, & She definitely pegged My Erection Meter....
I may have had a Bad Boy Persona, but She saw the inner Good Guy, too....

We Humans are Complex Creatures & are not as Simple as some try & make us.....

Stop projecting Your Failures on everyone Else......

VVV I think there's a Bad Girl hiding in Most Good Women.... They just need the Right Guy to bring it out....
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 364
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 9/12/2015 7:29:35 PM

I found a Good Woman, who I brought out her inner Bad Girl

I like that. :-) Well said
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