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 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 93
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I wantPage 3 of 19    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
I don't really understand the "no sparks" thing, but I have rejected at least one girl who I thought was nice and I was attracted to. I don't know how I feel about saying it, but one reason I turned her down was that she was poor, yet she was going to spend a massive amount of money on a breast implants, and I just found that unattractive and an unwise decision. Breast-enhancement is such a bad idea, since it involves gruesome surgery, plus, it's not permanent. The implants will wear out, necessitating more gruesome surgery. She seemed like she would not take kindly to it if I complained about the issue, so I just didn't contact her again after the first date. It was kind of sad to let her go, though.

Or it could be smoking. Or having kids. Lots of reasons to turn someone down, even though they have all the qualities you want.

As far as "no sparks" goes, I am just perplexed by it. I never know if it's a valid reason or if they are just kind of psyching themselves out of a good relationship opportunity. Rather than "blaming" women for their incomprehensible decisions, I just wish I understood what they were thinking pr feeling to know whether or not there was something I could do about it. I would never take it to mean they don't know what they want, though. That seems kind of like wishful thinking.

Once someone has made up their mind about something, it's hard for them to change it. That may help turn those "no sparks" judgments into a self-fulfilling prophecy, whether or not there is any validity to the "no sparks" feelings themselves. Although I tend to have doubts about more concrete things that I can put into words, I know what it feels like. It can be difficult to deal with feelings of doubt with a potential relationship, and you may not have that much control over them. Therefore, as tragic as it may be, whether the girl is right or not about the potential of the relationship, it's hard to put much blame on her. She may be afraid of getting into a relationship and the nagging doubts won't go away. I know the feeling, myself, though, again, my doubts are usually much more concrete/logical than "no sparks".
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 94
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:18:52 PM

No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want



nooo

its girl code for ""i am not attracted to you at all""
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 95
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:29:09 PM
spark is whether or not she thinks youre hot. butterflies, same thing. most of the women looking for actual good men are already taken. i actually had a female friend tell me this the other day..."girls these days just want a rich guy. either that or really good looking"
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 96
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/10/2012 12:39:58 AM
Chemistry aka "The Spark" is sexual tension. You have to build sexual tension before you can build a romantic interest. This means early on from the get go you have to break the touch barrier, flirt, make sexual innuendos, etc.. Women respect men that are bold and go after what they want. All men no matter how nice want to get laid. So when you hide your sexual interest and act timid, it is like you are telling her you don't have the balls to take what you want. Guys who get the no chemistry nice guy speech are the ones who are too timid to build sexual attraction. They also have a tendency to be too agreeable, not state their opinions, and be overly complimentary. Go into each first meet with the attitude of just being yourself and not trying to impress her. Always state your opinion, tease her playfully when she deserves it, and build sexual tension. If you can combine these things with being thoughtful and a gentleman you are worth your weight in gold to women. Women want the good guy who can get bad when it becomes to behind closed doors. They want to be taken, they want to be manhandled, and they want to be f**ked. It is that simple. If you are the type of guy who asks permission to kiss a woman, or doubts himself when it comes to holding her hand, or touching her in general, you will fail to build that spark they are looking for.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 97
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/10/2012 8:34:38 PM

When there's no spark.........there's no fire
Can't build a fire without a flame...............
I know exactly what I want.......................fireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and I don't speak in code


Yeah, but what's puzzling is why women would expect it right away.
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 98
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History
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 9:38:15 AM
This is a weird subject... at least in my experience and maybe it does have to do with pheremones...and genetic compatibility don't know. I do know that I have male friends who are attractive - in the sense of aesthetics, but not to me.. as in I would never want to have sex with them. I'm just not attracted to them that way...and i have no control over that. I think they are great guys, sensitive, smart... all that, but no spark.

Can't make it happen either, it either is, or it isn't. The funny thing is that I will know this within an hour of talking to someone... sometimes immediately, even instantaneously (the 'spark')- even if I don't 'like' them as people and would choose not to have a sexual relationship with them... so it's more than just personality or character. It's the quality that would give me a reason to try to get to know them better if they have other qualities i like and see where the spark leads... if all else goes well.. then...

It's not a 'code'... it's a facet of human nature... and maybe women, because biologically we are supposed to be more selective, have it a little stronger.. don't know.. it's a thought.

Interesting subject... but not a 'conspiracy' or game playing - just words to describe something that is hard to define.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 99
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 10:32:36 AM
First LUKE
What is on your head and where did you find it???

OP
NO spark is the same as women finding he Just not the into you.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 100
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 12:44:35 PM
Maybe you're too nice? Maybe it's overkill? Doormat nice?
Personally, I respect and appreciate a guy who is kind and considerate, but if I think he can't or won't just grab and hold onto me (once we're together, that is) I start to lose that 'feeling' of butterflies, of anticipating his touch, etc... I tend to follow the man's lead romantically and if I feel he doesn't want to or cannot connect with me, or shies away every time I initiate, on that level what 'spark' could I possibly feel?
Just a thought...
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 101
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 1:45:00 PM

Maybe you're too nice?

No such thing. Women use the nice guy thing as a cop out to save an ego. It simply means they aren't interested.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 102
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 2:29:32 PM
I'm sorry to disagree. Romantically speaking, yes there is such a thing.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 103
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 3:30:37 PM
Nope. There are flat out door mats and there are nice guys. The door mats are not nice guys, the meaning just got mixed up by the masses because if you're nice you are weak. So people ran with it and it got lost in translation. Doormats are spineless guys who will do anything for their women, agree with everything, are a lost puppy dog with out them. Those aren't men they are pets, and are preyed upon by some women for an ego boost. Legitimate nice guys are called gentlemen and have that equal balance that women do like. They are confident in themselves to let a woman know when she is in the wrong, knows he doesn't need her, but wants her, and will stick up for himself and her. The nice guy is a term used to let a guy down easy. "You're such a nice guy,but..." "you seem like such a nice guy, but...". If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we would all have a Merry Christmas. "it's means I'm not attracted to you, sorry." the whole nice guy pandemic could have been avoided if women and men would be honest when rejecting someone.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 104
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 3:48:11 PM

Funny you say that, bc a guy told me just about verbaitum the same thing....I don't really understand how physical attraction and clicking personalities don't warrant a relationship ...


REALLY?? YOU need honest at this moment??? WOULD you rather have a person sit down and list all the reasons they are not into you???? I mean bare bones, no hold back, straight to your face honesty? EGO breaking, knees buckling, heart ripping out honesty??
OR it is not you it is me????
I will take it is not you it is me any day of the week.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 105
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 5:51:01 PM
I love your description, RockyDakota, and I get it. But for me, I'm going to have to keep to what I said. And I repeat I'm implying romantically - intimately.
My ex is a really nice guy. Never a doormat. A nice guy. I was very attracted to him. It didn't work. We split, and I told him he was a nice guy, but...
And it had nothing to do with attraction (I was VERY attracted to him). And he was never a pet, puppy, or puppet...
Sometimes there are grey areas.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 106
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 5:53:22 PM
scottishhouston: you are a woman, and an attractive one at that. i doubt you deal with as much rejection as men do. also, women dont seem to mind being lied to as much as men do. men have a natural tendency to want to fix problems, even if we are the problem. if every woman that rejects us gives us a BS excuse as to why, it gets annoying. personally, id rather know the truth. if you think im a jerk, say so. if you think im ugly, say so, ect. women arent doing men any favors by saying "oh youre a nice guy, but..." be real and be honest. by the way, you can be honest without ripping out someones heart and buckling their knees. if you dont like someone because theyre fat, you can say that youre not attracted. its better than saying you dont date morbidly obese people with excessive pounds of backfat.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 107
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:12:35 PM

scottishhouston: you are a woman, and an attractive one at that. i doubt you deal with as much rejection as men do. also, women dont seem to mind being lied to as much as men do. men have a natural tendency to want to fix problems, even if we are the problem. if every woman that rejects us gives us a BS excuse as to why, it gets annoying. personally, id rather know the truth. if you think im a jerk, say so. if you think im ugly, say so, ect. women arent doing men any favors by saying "oh youre a nice guy, but..." be real and be honest. by the way, you can be honest without ripping out someones heart and buckling their knees. if you dont like someone because theyre fat, you can say that youre not attracted. its better than saying you dont date morbidly obese people with excessive pounds of backfat.[/qoute]

Last night I put on a very cute red dress and high black heels and go out. I do not know Dallas so I go down town hoping to find the Skye Bar. COME to find out the SKYE bar is closed in Dallas and has been for 2 years. I go in a place that is bumping some good sounds. WELL it is a bar. I am alone. Only black woman in the place. I had a white man in his late 30 dance around talking about how he love white women and would never deal with a black woman. AND a group of black men agreeing with him. I AM THE THE ONLY BLACK WOMAN THERE SO WHO WAS HE TALKING ABOUT??? I get rejected all the damn time!!!! AND more so since moving here. AND did I need to know that loser didnt like black women??? DID I NEED to know those black men felt the same way??? Yes we all get the rejected. AND based on some of the craziest reasons.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 108
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:15:41 PM
Since they have a preference that isn't you they are a loser?
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 109
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:43:10 PM
scottishhouston: you were in the wrong bar. i know that if i walked into a bar only to find i was the only white guy in the joint, id walk back out. i know i wouldnt have any luck meeting someone in there. now you know why there werent other black women in there. evidently they had good reasons for avoiding the place. if bars are your thing, find a new bar with the right atmosphere for you and your luck with definitely improve.
 HiHeelsLover
Joined: 7/13/2012
Msg: 110
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 6:56:46 PM
Well it hasnt been found in Dallas but as said WE all face rejection. IT just a matter of not letting that effect our view of ourselves. AND damn a list of the reasons why I dont want to date you would play in your head. I have been the only black woman before. I lived in Scotland. I lived in Livingston TEXAS. So WHY would I think in Dallas it would be the land of the unnatural tan? But I know this much, my delight and happiness will be Dallas in my review mirror.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 111
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 7:52:34 PM
Chemistry is a mystery and we never know who will spark it. It is not strictly an American thing. We can get to like and appreciate someone but the initial attraction has to be there for most women and they can afford to be picky on dating sites like these with so many men. Falling in love is not something that can be fabricated or controlled. Everyone is entitled to want what they want. Yes women dont like men who are too nice and accommodating, it comes off as wussy.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 112
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/12/2012 8:26:30 PM

WOULD you rather have a person sit down and list all the reasons they are not into you???? I mean bare bones, no hold back, straight to your face honesty? EGO breaking, knees buckling, heart ripping out honesty??


If I actually got some feedback on what women were thinking about me, maybe I'd be able to improve. As it is, I'm stuck with no feedback, so it's nearly impossible to get any better on the next date. The only thing I can do is read some dating advice and 99% of it is nonsense, so I don't trust what anyone says about it, unless they can prove it objectively, which they rarely bother to do. Having so much difficultly in dating hurts infinitely more than any harsh words any one girl could give me ever could.

There are few things more absurd than trying to learn something when you are deprived of the feedback that tells you if you are doing it right or not. It's like blind-folding yourself and then trying to learn marksmanship. You won't even know if you hit the target or even how close you were, so how are you ever going to improve? You have no way of knowing how to do it better next time.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 113
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/13/2012 9:48:28 PM

If I actually got some feedback on what women were thinking about me, maybe I'd be able to improve. As it is, I'm stuck with no feedback, so it's nearly impossible to get any better on the next date. The only thing I can do is read some dating advice and 99% of it is nonsense, so I don't trust what anyone says about it, unless they can prove it objectively, which they rarely bother to do. Having so much difficultly in dating hurts infinitely more than any harsh words any one girl could give me ever could.

There are few things more absurd than trying to learn something when you are deprived of the feedback that tells you if you are doing it right or not. It's like blind-folding yourself and then trying to learn marksmanship. You won't even know if you hit the target or even how close you were, so how are you ever going to improve? You have no way of knowing how to do it better next time.


That is your main problem right there. Thinking you have to change and improve yourself. Why waste time on a woman who doesn't appreciate who you are? You need to start being more selective, become indifferent to rejection, and find a woman who lives up to your standards. Not the other way around.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 114
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/14/2012 1:06:55 AM
rdeffley: i have to disagree with you there. i dont think that self improvement is actually the same as changing yourself. it doesnt change who you are fundamentally, just makes you a better YOU. there is nothing wrong with bettering yourself a little. not only will it help you meet someone of quality, but youll be happier in other aspects of your life as well. its much easier to find someone who lives up to your standards when you live up to others.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 115
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/14/2012 6:03:25 PM

I'm to accomodating to my friends, such as being their D.D.

Off topic: Being a DD will save a life. That's not being accommodating, that's being a human being.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 116
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/14/2012 8:28:26 PM

You profile reads like it was written by a mad scientist.


Yeah, and that's more or less what I am, so they better take it or leave it. Anyway, I don't care about on here. I want to get better in real life.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 117
No spark/chemistry is women code word for I don't know what I want
Posted: 8/14/2012 8:35:04 PM

That is your main problem right there. Thinking you have to change and improve yourself. Why waste time on a woman who doesn't appreciate who you are? You need to start being more selective, become indifferent to rejection, and find a woman who lives up to your standards. Not the other way around.


I'm already way too selective, and that's the main reason why I can't find anyone. I am indifferent to rejection. What I am not indifferent to is the near-impossibility of finding someone. The feeling that my odds of success, not with one woman, but with one who meets my standards at all are about the same as winning the lottery.

If I don't improve at it, I guarantee you, I WILL be single for life, or at least until I am very old. If I can't improve AT the dates, I at least need to be able to get more of them. At the current rate of getting dates and the success rate at them, it's almost hopeless.
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