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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?      Home login  
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 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 51
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on? Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Whats kind of funky to me is dude felt the need to kind of rib on her for being "scared" to meet. Which leads me to kind of believe you've been a bit wishy washy with him in general about meeting up.


Hell, maybe you're a pain in the ass to deal with? But regardless of any of that....The fickle nature in how he dealt with the issue of money, and meeting is a red flag for most.....so at best, one can afford to be picky on here. Its not the end of the world.


But its funny, because I cant help but think from his point of view, hes going to tell people "see, i told you she was just BSing around"....just amusing how different perspectives can be tangled up, and tripped over sometimes
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 52
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Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/7/2010 7:08:52 PM
Do not meet in your home. Do a public meeting that costs zilch like a walk in the park. If he nickle and dimes you and counts his pennies on such a low cost date, consider what life would be with such a miser. ..and take a pass for subsequent dates. However, I'd meet him to see how it goes. (BTW, bring $10.00 just in case he is truly cheap).
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 53
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Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/7/2010 8:10:40 PM
I would move on. This guy is already looking for a cheap date. He's also doing a lousy job of trying to make a first impression. Its very weird that he keeps pushing to come to your place as well. Maybe he wants to scope you out to see if you'd be someone who could help him out financially.

I totally understand about a man being low on funds. Everyone is low on funds in this economy. So why not meet in pubic for coffee? You sound like you'd be up for that, but he sounds a little weird and like he might have alterior motives where money is concerned. I'd forget about him and move on.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 54
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/7/2010 8:48:46 PM
Am I the only guy here that didnt really see the original situation as him "pushing to meet at her place?"


Although the guy in her story sounds a bit funky, he didnt seem to be pressuring hardcore to come to her place.
 anewstartforme
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 55
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/8/2010 3:14:25 PM
I didn't read through all the responses to the OP's opening post but the ones I did read, no one said a word about how the guy pushed for her to pay for the first date. His contribution was going to be a whole whopping 20 minute drive to her house which would have been what? $10 in gas at the most if he was driving a monster truck that got 5 miles/gallon.

I do not expect the man to pay for everything by any means but for him to just come out and tell her she would be paying is just crazy. He's probably like the crazy guy I dated who would always give me cash (and it wasn't even enough) for his part of a bill and then expect me to pick up the rest. After dating for a year, my birthday present from him was taking our respective children out to a restaurant where he said standing outside that he'd pick up mine as my birthday present but I'd have to pay for my kids.

Good to OP for giving this guy the boot, he's just rude and sounds like a user like my old b/f.
 anewstartforme
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 56
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/8/2010 3:15:41 PM
And OP? You have the right to be picky about who you date because it is your life and your happiness at stake here; don't settle for anything less than the best for you!!!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 57
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/8/2010 3:19:01 PM

He's probably like the crazy guy I dated who would always give me cash (and it wasn't even enough) for his part of a bill and then expect me to pick up the rest. After dating for a year, my birthday present from him was taking our respective children out to a restaurant where he said standing outside that he'd pick up mine as my birthday present but I'd have to pay for my kids.

Good to OP for giving this guy the boot, he's just rude and sounds like a user like my old b/f.



And yet, you stayed with someone like that for a YEAR? Which begs the question, how crazy are you?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/8/2010 4:22:18 PM
No, that's cool not to like that. I mean, in the dating world, even for the non-traditional guys, if a gal is low on funds, has to scrape by, etc., then he should be prepared to pay for outings. If he is too, then he shouldn't pick any place with notable expense.

20 minutes is not a long drive. Not long enough to have one person pay over the other pre-emptively, sorry.

And yes, going to your house to first see them face to face?? If you have no car and have been for some reason talking for a long time, maybe so, if you have a good sense of judgement. But at least meet them FIRST before coming by your place.

You should have just said that you're low on funds and you feel it's kind of odd that he has to come directly to your place, since, 20 minutes is not that far.... and you feel that it's odd that he has to break down calculations of pricing on a first meeting. My guess would be that if he's a genuinely cool guy, he'd agree with you and think "Yeah, what was I thinking?", apologize, and just agree to meet up with you and say that he'd cover it.
 drumsafrican
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 59
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Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/30/2011 3:21:28 PM
I don't trust any man who wants to meet you at your home when you don't know him. Either he has plans to have immediate sex with you, assault you, etc. or else he doesn't understand a normal woman's feelings about wishing to be safe physically with new men.

He seems to focus a lot on money. Not a good sign. Personally, I wouldn't go meet him at all. Insensitive or downright dangerous.

If you do meet him, suggest a Second Cup and say you will pay for yourself. These types of public coffee shops are good because you can stay for 20 minutes and then leave if you're not comfortable with the person.

Also, always stay after the guy has left. That way you ensure he doesn't follow you home.

Judith
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 60
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Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/30/2011 7:33:58 PM
throwing him back in the pond is a good decision.

creepy trying to come to your house
negotiating the whole thing? imagine life with someone like that.....
scaredy cat?
look cute?


loose screw!

kaylee
 jt guy
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 61
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:17:42 AM
Just to compare myself to your online bf. I have had over 50 meet and greets and some I have driven as much as 3 hours one way to meet her. I have always payed for dinner, drinks, ice cream or movies. Even if I have more than one date I still continue to pay.

Why would I want to risk the loss of the (maybe) love of my life over a few bucks? Money issues and other things can be worked out after you figure out if each party is interested.

I never allow the lady to drive half way either. Why ? Two reasons. I consider her safety for one. What if she has car trouble on the freeway, duh? My lady will not be sitting on the side of the road waiting on AAA.
The second reason I always go to the hometown of the lady is...she knows the best place to eat and will feel comfortable meeting a strange man. If we agreed to meet half way, neither one of us would know the area.

Op, my recommendation to you is keep on
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 62
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:14:24 AM
delete him asap and dont respond to him any more. rude as rude can be is all i have to say ..you deserve much better than that
 LargoMaNonTroppo
Joined: 6/23/2011
Msg: 63
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:05:46 AM
To me the oddest thing was that when she turned the tables and said she would drive to him and he could pay the costs of the date he declined. If it was a fair suggestion for him to drive and have her pay, then what was wrong with it being the other way around?

That alone would have done it for me. When someone suggests you do something they arent prepared to do, it's an immediate deal breaker.

Suggesting coming to her place to meet is just plain stupid. Any guy who says that is either unaware of safety issues ( hard to believe anyone in this day and age wouldnt know this) or just unconcerned about your comfort level.

The rest of it- who knows? Does it matter? There was more than enough to justify breaking off contact.
 Easygoin68a
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 64
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 8/31/2011 1:55:34 PM
well, here is my take on your post...

If you are really financially struggling, maybe now is not the time to be dating. But, rather a good time to get your finances back on-line.

I am a traditionalist. Meaning, if I meet a woman for coffee, drinks, dinner, etc. I buy. Especially on the 1st meeting.

Having a total stranger come to your house, is nuts. He may be a nice guy, and just trying to offer an easy solution, but then again - he may not. Even as a man, I do not have women come to my house that I have not met before....


cheers and good luck
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 65
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 9/1/2011 6:47:33 PM
OMG!! He is extremely cheap & petty! He probably keeps a mental scorecard of everything in the relationship! I bought you a coffee, now you better buy me a Mcd's cheeseburger! He also has boundry issues, he has a lot of nerve to suggest meeting at your place. Don't waste your time on this cheapazz!! You will have nothing but problems with hs cheap azz!!
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 66
Overanalysing? Give this guy a chance or move on?
Posted: 9/1/2011 11:04:48 PM
largomanontroppo, awesome post.

OP we don't know your financial situation nor is it our business, however, when you are low on funds, just tell your potential date you feel more comfortable driving to a nearby cafe or Starbucks for coffee - don't offer your situation. I would tell him you are perfectly fine with paying for your own drink. He may offer, he may not. But it's up front. Don't make offers like you did.

Any man that wants to come to your house or you to his when you are strangers is creepy.

Good luck with future fishies.
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