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 Lilbitofsugaandspice
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 74
Indian Men with American WomenPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
[As an indian girl, let me tell u how hard it is for us as well as for indian men to date and marry out of our culture.

It is known that despite our parents not agreeing to marrying out of our culture it has been done many times and continues to do so.

If this guy truly loves u and u truly love him then nothing should stop in his way. His parents will have to come around and eventually parents do come around after 1 year or so.

Question is, if he truly loves u, he should stand up to his parents and marry u and deal with the consequences thereafter. Life is too short to fight over small things like cultures and who we shouldn't marry etc. Eventually when his parents do come around and I'm certain they will once u have a kid, (lol, baby makes it all better), they will accept u as their daughter in law.}



That above statement is not always true. The Indian man I married his family refused to accept it and eventually kept us apart and I am raising my daughter alone and have been since she was born. He wanted to stay in the states and not tell them about us, but when his work visa was denied he had to tell his family as they will ask how can get a green card and come back to the states. My daughter is almost 6 and his family has never spoken or asked about my child. We do not exist to them. All I can say is make sure prior to starting a relationship with another Indian that you ask alot of questions up front and make sure he is not lying just to have sex.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 75
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 1:30:43 AM
^^^^ wow that is so sad. I'm sorry they aren't there for you and your daughter. unreal.
 DanceyFace
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 76
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Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 5:57:37 AM
This thread is an interesting read. I'm black and Christian while my boyfriend is East Indian and of the Sikh faith. We've been together for 9 months and I his family is very important to him.

He and his family have lived in the States for about 15 years. Prior to me, my boyfriend traditionally dated non-Indian women. His brother is in an arranged marriage to a woman from India. My boyfriend told me that his mom understands his dating preference. He said that her only desire is that the women he marries is "nice".

My biggest concern is that my BF and his family live in a single household environment. Meaning, the entire family lives under one house. It's my BF's house and he takes care of his family and their bills. Culturally, that would be a HUGE adjustment for me if thing progressed to marriage.
 Asus999
Joined: 7/22/2012
Msg: 77
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 12:02:08 PM
Interesting post.

I read many stories with people telling us about their experiences with Indian guys/girls. How the family reacts, their traditions etc. For me this is very new, as my family is nothing, and I mean nothing like this at all.

Saying that, when I lived in Canada, I used to hear stories of Indian families up there being very very very traditional and set in their ways. There were even cases of girls committing suicide, to get out of their family environment.

This is all new to me and very interesting. I've tried dating caucasian girls here in LA, but they tell me they've had very bad experiences with Indian guys (from India) and don't want to go down the road anymore. I can't blame them I guess, but we're all all the same :o(

Oh, and that they think because I'm brown, I must be a Muslin and hence a terrorist. But that is another story ;o)
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 78
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Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 1:18:15 PM
Cultures are too different. They are really strict about arranged marriages and it has been going on from one generation to another. Do you really believe you can change this culture? IS the person you are interested in willing to stand up against these cultural beliefs and adopt yours? Even if he is there will be a lot of tension from the family. Relationships are tough enough without all the cultural differences. Most of these men are very possessive also. Someone from India dated me and he was very possessive and most foreigners tend to be. You are considered their property. I stopped dating mine no matter how successful he was, because he was very possessive and the cultural differences were too much.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 79
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:10:35 PM
While being overseas, living in several different countries, I have known lots of couples where one partner is Western and one is Indian. As far as the Indian family: it depends on the family, how traditional they are; it also depends on age and education. Older, more educated people are less likely to be influenced by their parents. However, I absolutely don't get going after and wanting to date or marry someone simply because of their race or culture. People are individuals. It is stupid to think all men of Indian descent are going to be the same. It's like thinking all American men are the same. Totally idiotic.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 80
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:17:21 PM
Oh, and that they think because I'm brown, I must be a Muslin and hence a terrorist. But that is another story ;o)

^^
A movie called My name is Khan would set this straight. I highly recommend it to anyone.



It is stupid to think all men of Indian descent are going to be the same. It's like thinking all American men are the same.
^^^
It's the stroke of the general brush that causes this. Information/Communication can divide that brush.
 chaka99
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 81
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Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:42:24 PM
As an Indian female having grown up in the US I have to respond. I have alot of indian male friends that married western girls and the girls were totally accepted into the by their indian families. When we had the traditional idian weddings the girls would participate in wearing all the saris and dancing bollywood style. I saw a total integration of both cultures. Both of my brothers married nive english blong blye eyed gals and my parents accepted them like thwor own daughters. The main thing that you need to do is look for an indian guy that is liberal and has grown up in the west and they will be more accepting. I on the other hand did not want to marry an indian guy but choose to marry an irish american who was fully accepted into the culture.

perveen
 chaka99
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 82
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Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 2:58:55 PM
Dont you make some sweeping generalisations here in your response.

perveen
 DanceyFace
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 83
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Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/21/2012 4:13:45 PM
Asus, I'm sorry you're having some difficulties with dating in the L.A. area. I didn't know much about the Indian culture prior to meeting my BF. We met on another dating website (he contacted me).

That Muslim issue is one that bugs me a lot. It's so racist and insulting. I've had friends, associates and family make comments that are based on ignorance. ("No, he's not Muslim...and even if he were, so what?" "No, he's not Native American." "No, he's not abusive.")

People are so stupid sometimes.
 Asus999
Joined: 7/22/2012
Msg: 84
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 10/22/2012 8:15:50 PM

I'm sorry you're having some difficulties with dating in the L.A. area.


@DanceyFace - yes it is a sad state of affairs that in this day and age people still think like this :o( You'd think with a black president, things would start to change here, but they don't seem to be. And Cali is supposed to be a more progressive state. I just get on with life and ignore these kinds of people. The last white girl I dated here in LA, oh you should have seen her parents face when she introduced me to them. I thought they were going to have a heart attack and drop dead ;o)

But I hear so many times from girls I meet out here that Indian guys are very traditional, set in their ways and will do what their parents tell them to. To some extent, the guys from India are like that. But the one's born outside of India, largely are not like that.


A movie called My name is Khan would set this straight.


@CharminC - Great movie, loved it. Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol have amazing chemistry together.
 Ary086
Joined: 1/2/2013
Msg: 85
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 2/21/2013 7:54:16 PM
OP,

I guess i am a bit late in this conversation ..haha .. more than 2 years late ... but i must say that its not that really hard to manage cultural differences if there is sincere effort in between the partners. As for the Indian marriage system goes... most of the indian parents want their sons/daughters to be married to their partners according to their selection.... as according to them "We want the best for you" - I say that's ridiculous .

Even after the westernization in india, the indian system of marriage has not seen any good improvements regarding interracial dating and marriage. Most indian people who live in western countries also have not changed their perspective . They still want to have an indian bride/groom at the end of the day.

As i read the thread, i saw a lot of views regarding Parental pressure/Cultural difference/Cast System , but these are not the main concerns coz they are just a mere projection that gives anyone a fair excuse to break off from someone and break their hearts. I have been reading about these things from quiet a bit of time but none of these ever seemed relevant to me. I am an Indian but definitely open to all other Cultures.

As far as the Indian family goes .. I would say 75% of them are, since they have only lived their lives in india and they dont want to incorporate a change in their customary style of living + the Indian society plays a big role in their decision making too. In my experience (Living in major cities of India, Thailand, MEA and now Australia), i haven't found that many indian families who are open to these kind of situations , unless they are really well educated and open for good.

I am not scaring you off or saying that it isn't even possible but I would say don't loose hope. I am sure you will find that one who will keep you happy irrespective of anything (A strong one). Coz now a days Indian guys and girls are getting off that shackles and do want to make the best of themselves by selecting their own partners and leading a happy life, rather than an arranged life.

Take care.

~~ View 2013~~
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 86
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:01:34 PM
It's unfortunate that this kind of stuff still happens. But it is the 'norm' in the indian culture that we marry someone from within our culture.

Although it varies from families to families. Some are traditional and expect the traditional way but me on the other hand, don't want it that way.

I prefer to marry whomever I fall in love with and religion shouldn't play a factor in it.

Unfortunately for some families that still matters.

My ex and I broke up cuz at first he had gone against his family and married from outside his religion. That marriage didn't last and his parents weren't happy. So the second time around, we fell in love but alas at first his parents were happy but then they forced their opinion on him to choose someone from their own community.

I lost in the end but meh, shiet happens.

Some parents worry more about culture than the happiness of their children and in the end one day, they will see that the decisions they forced onto their kids was a wrong decision. Everybody has a day in the court. OR however that saying is.


To sum it up, the decisions basically come down to u and ur bf. Is he willing to go against his family and marry u or is he gonna be the weak guy and go for his family's happiness and shatter ur happiness?

If he chooses to side with his family and their decision then the only comfort words I can say is that, he wasn't worth it.

U need to leave that decision upto HIM and only him. And time will unveil.

Good luck

hopefully u win as I lost
 aussiesealady
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 87
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 2/21/2013 8:36:28 PM
I am by no means an expert or even profess to have much knowledge on this subject.

But I do have a married couple as friends who are Indian.
He is a Siekh and she is Muslim and they moved to Australia as they could not be married and live together in India.
Apparently that is a huge NO NO!

I have tried to ask more out of my own curiousity but they do not expand other than, no, not even now, would not be possible. They go on holidays back to India separately. Never together.
It was quite a few years before either of them went 'home' for a holiday.

Here in Australia it does not matter.
I had known them for years before I even found out their religions. He no longer wears a turban and has cut his hair in a western style. Certainly for BBQ's or other meals they seem to eat what everyone else does at the same times.

They obviously made their decision to be together against pressure so great they had to leave their home country.
Now that is some love story.


p.s. White women can never look as beautiful in a Sari as an Indian woman.
There is just something magical about the way they move.

I have never met any of their family.
They have no children.
I have met some of their friends including a where he is Indian and she is caucasian / Aussie. And no she does not look as good as the Indian ladies in a Sari.
 Asus999
Joined: 7/22/2012
Msg: 88
Indian Men with American Women
Posted: 2/22/2013 7:22:35 AM
she is Muslim


I'm thinking that is the reason why they had to leave their family/home etc. It is very frowned upon for any Indian to marry a Muslim (unless they're both Muslim). But many other cultures also think this also. My mum (and other friend's parents) is like that, she tells me I can marry whomever I want, but she will have an issue if the girl is Muslim. I don't even go down that road, as I have my own rules regarding Muslim women. It's hassle I just don't want (from both sides, not just mine). India and the Muslim world have quite a tumultuous past. Think Kashmir and the like.

But saying that, I've met many people who have an issue with Muslims (think 9/11 in the US & 7/7 in the UK). I dated a white girl here in LA once and her folks were quite hard core Christian. When she told them I was Sikh, they thought I was "Shia" Muslim and absolutely freaked. How could she date someone whose people had attacked their country etc. Ignorance is bliss I guess. They had to google what a Sikh was, before the idiots came to their senses.

Indian girl in a lengha just makes my jaw drop. They always look amazing.

Truly does sound like a Romeo & Juliet story. Love has no boundaries. Reminds me of that Bollywood movie "Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham" (Sometimes Happiness, Sometimes Sorrow).
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