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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Super_Eve
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 26
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Red Dragon wrote:

I'm not one to judge....


maybe they are just so high on each other they don't need one.

seems you are having a bigger issue with this then they are.

if he gives her a mule for christmas then by all means ...as a friend you can step in and say some thing.


Now, now, ...traditionally livestock was an exchange for mutual consent...despite the approval of either parties conjoined.

But I do agree...a ring is a token not necessarily representing the verb...
 *ScorpioSweetiepie*
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 27
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 10:49:33 PM
REDDRAGON




I'm not one to judge....


maybe they are just so high on each other they don't need one.

seems you are having a bigger issue with this then they are.
..
I really hope that they are completely and totally in love..
but if you read back to message #6 where I give the short form of their 'courting' you will see my concern..

I don't know the guy at all.. only from what she has told me throughout their entire relationship.. after reading that post.. if he had bought her a ring.. then I wouldn't have these concerns at all.. but it was to me, like a red flag went up when they got engaged with no ring..
he works.. he makes money.. she has paid for nearly all of the legal proceedings in getting him divorced from his ex wife..(because he said he couldn't afford it) and now he gets to see his child and have him overnight on weekends because he has proper housing and has proved that he is in a stable enviroment..SHE takes care of his first child and drives back and forth to the mom.. she does all cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc...I found it odd also because on his holidays.. she took the baby to her parents place.. and he took his child on a camping trip elsewhere..
oh... and he pays no child support because the ex wife makes double what he makes..


I think a ring would have been an appropriate gesture on his part if he really and truly is sincere, and loves her and wants to marry her.. and is appreciative of all that she has done...


I'm just worried about my longtime friend getting hurt..and I don't like it when people take advantage of others..
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 28
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 10:54:10 PM
I understand these are hard economic times

I understand the no wedding unions
since they are so expensive
just a quick run at lunch time to sign the paper, OK too

I also know people who got married
and had no time/money to go on a honeymoon

But now is like it's too much to want a ring?

If you are liberated and a independent woman
who needs not to be "traded" for a ring
I understand that, nevertheless,
If you are a WOMAN
YOU still want a RING!

Even lesbians give each other rings!
At least the lesbian couples I know
And nobody there was whining about price!

Who are these people who have no money for a ring?
Are they homeless living under the freeway?
No way Jose!
It's always the guy with the OK job
saying it's too much money, "maybe next year"

Same as the guys who say they don't care about having a convertible
They are really happy driving the family's station wagon, really?
Is that why they get whiplash every time a Maserati drives by?

Just

Don't lie to yourself
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 29
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:10:05 PM
Ok.. this hits close to home.. I was engaged to someone who asked me to marry.. I was in the position of waiting for my divorce papers and told him that I was and could not accept his offer but yes I wanted....

He said ok.. then I will give you a promise ring, pick one out.. and I picked out an Irish Claddagh ring as it represents friendship, love and loyalty. The price on the ring was 225 buckaroos.

After I told him of how much I love the symbolism in what the ring stands for he said to give him the websites and info to order such...

It is 3 mo later.. still no ring but instead he changed his mind (but claimed all bragging rights) and said that what ring he bought me would be not only be the original promise ring but an engagement ring. I was given a price range (generous) and found one I went oooh over. I waited a month and nothing was said but look for a ring.. which I did and gave to him for a guideline. To me it was insulting.. We broke up but for other reasons.. Yes the symbolism means a lot to us.. but price is tertiary..

Mary
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 30
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:16:19 PM
ring hell, he already knocked her up. If you didnt pay for the cow when you were getting the milk for free.... why are you surprised he isnt buying a new bell for the cow.

ok I stretched the analogy, but somebody other than myself has to find the bell ring, and engagement ring double entandre amusing.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 31
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:40:39 PM
Your friend sounds like a doormat
She is paying for ALL his expenses and services him
in every way
She is his
Personal assistant
Maid
Bank account provider
Sex provider

The guy is just taking advantage of her
because he can

Getting a ring is the least of her concerns
It's funny, you started a thread about her getting a ring
when what she really needs to get is self respect

Do you want to bet money
Once he gets his life in order (thanks to your friend OP)
He leaves her?
Moves on to a new woman and marries her whitin the year?

If she wants a ring
she can buy it herself
She is already paying for everything else
Even for his company
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 32
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:44:31 PM
If you talked to your friends and neighbors, YOU might be shocked to learn how FEW of them had engagement rings or fancy church weddings. Most military brides got a quick ceremony on the base and then the husband left for duty somewhere for months. Many people here out west run to Vegas to spice up their civil ceremony - my brother did that for his second wedding.

A ring is a frivolous expense for any couple that's struggling paycheck to paycheck, and especially for people with young children to raise.

If you want to watch a fairy tale, Disney has many movies to offer. Maybe your friend doesn't appreciate being stereotyped, pigeonholed, boxed-in, or otherwise expected to heel to YOUR fantasy version of "romance".

I suppose if her ring was less than 18 carat gold and 1/2 carat flawless white diamond, you'd still throw a hissy fit.....???

 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 33
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/19/2010 11:55:08 PM
I don't like rings much, so I'd fall in the 'wedding band only' category, and even then, I could see myself taking it off for not liking the feel.

It sounds like there are more pressing issues surrounding the relationship than the absence of a ring though.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 12:10:20 AM

Men who propose without a ring should get a slap in the face as an answer to that poorly thought and planned gesture.


a slap? say hello to my lawyer and the district attorney, sweetheart.

judging by what i read and hear, if a gal's got a guy who even CONSIDERS marrying her, she should be down on both knees every night thanking jesus, mary, allah and the easter bunny. if he's feeling extra generous, maybe he clips a few coupons and throws em into the deal.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 35
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 1:02:55 AM
ScorpioSweetiepie, it sounds increasingly like your real concern is that your friend may be being taken advantage of financially.

I'm sorry to say, I don't think there is really anything you can do about that. It's totally her call.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 36
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 3:39:05 AM
Any person that harps over a piece of hardware, generally is empty headed to me.


Sorry, but the spiritual bond should be far more important than showing off a ring to your friends. Get outttttta here.



Now, dont get me wrong, if you want a modest ring, then thats cool, but to sit there and go ape-sh*t over it? I dont know.....I hope I do not meet a woman like that.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 37
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 4:46:16 AM

friend of mine from school meets a guy on a dating site.. they are FWB he wants nothing more.. she does.. they continue on.. because she wants to be with him...
then they break up..
then he asks if they can be room mates together because he has a son and needs a 2 bedroom and can't afford it on his own.. she says no.. she wants a relationship..

he eventually gives in.. because his soon to be ex wife will not allow him to see the child overnight..and he can't afford the proceedings.. or the 2 bedroom


You're BIGGEST concern is that she didn't get a RING? Not that she is being taken for a long ride in a cheap ass car??? Really?

Let's recap...

Started out as f**k buddies. Check.

He wants to move in because his ass is broke and probably got put out by the wifey. Check.

He moves in and starts a "relationship" cause he wants a place to sleep that's warm and show the wifey that he's got a place for his son. Check.

Your friend pays for his divorce. Check (and no comment from me on that one since I have a friend who did that and her 2nd ex promptly cheated on her 6 months into their marriage...).

Oh, don't let me forget, your friend decides to have a baby by this broke ass, broke back sucker. DOUBLE CHECK.

Yes...a ring is what I'd be worried about the most (that's pure sarcasm btw).

WTF...I don't think I'll EVER BE THAT DAMN DESPERATE that I'd settle for someone who is broke, still married, and just that sad.

BIG PICTURE...your friend settled. End of story. As her friend, it's now your duty to be happy for her. And if she's whining about no ring tell her that her baby IS her ring.

And if she really wants one to go buy it herself...she bought her fiance didn't she?
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 38
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:08:42 AM
I would be embarrased... wouldn't you?

She should be MORE embarrassed that she's basically become a welcome mat (and a brood mare) for a guy whose clearly taking her for a ride.

The lack of a ring is the LEAST of her problems. Maybe one day she'll find her pride and dignity and stop jumping around like a trained seal for this schmuck.

It sounds as though she settled, and settled for nothing at that!

Yup.

Who are these people who have no money for a ring? Are they homeless living under the freeway?

No, they're guys who had their girlfriends pay their legal fees for their divorce and who have made it possible for his broke ass to afford a 2 bedroom apartment in which to have visitation with his first kid.

If I'm EVER this desperate for a man, I'll march myself right behind the barn and put myself down, just like Old Yeller.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 39
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:17:59 AM
Your friend sounds like a doormat
She is paying for ALL his expenses and services him
in every way
She is his
Personal assistant
Maid
Bank account provider
Sex provider
..........well, first off we are getting second or third hand information from someone who admitted she doesn't know him very well or at all. Now thats something to consider. I see a couple of old time addages here .....in the modern times we consider sex as something "both" give each other, long gone is the notion sex is something for men only, given to them by a woman. As far as cooking, cleaning, I do agree a man should chip in there...I do...but I work on the cars, do all the outside stuff(have small farm), do the home repairs etc...thats typical in most relations, If a man typically does this and helps with the housework, what should we call that? so in a sense is a woman getting a home repairman, lawn service....and of course protection. Are all men doormats here? From what I read they both work, could be she has more money, and wanted to speed up the process of the complications of his past marriage to speed up the process of their engagement.

Don't get me wrong...I don't like seeing a loser or people get taken advantage of either, but we have second hand info. from someone who doesn't know him, and we are not there and haven't heard from either party of the engagement.

So here we are in modern times...women can now do things once reserved for men, but the things of the past some women want to preserve, they do...these generally benefit a woman....Take engagements for example...he still has to ask and provide a ring, etc....all her imput is to say ...Yes or no....hmmmm kind of one sided isn't it, so what does he get? Oh yes...her...but does he own her...heavens no!!! kind of the old pedistal thing huh? Of course he gets her love and commitment, but he is giving her that too...so again, what does he get as signification in a material sense? kind of one sided isn't it?...geeze what a doormat is he.

Just making a point here...because there are two sides to everything, and we need to move past the notion of a woman giving herself to a man because she is something mystical, sitting on a pedistal, in a relationship both give and take and should be special to each other and looked at because they are both humans, both halves of the yin and yang that both have emotional and etc value....a ring might be a symbol of love, but its also a materialistic thing....but I'm a mix of the old and new ways....I still give a ring, but modern enough to help with the housework, but do the outside stuff and home repairs, and I don't expect her to fight off any intruders.

I don't know this couple, but if they are sincere in their feelings and very happy...well, that puts them well ahead of the pack, and reviewing those marriages of the past with all their traditions, many were not happy.

Personally I don't wear any rings or etc...they are uncomfortable and in time the metal wears off into the body( ring size adjustments anyone?) well, metal is an element that when enough enters the body is carcenegic....I try to stay away from cancer.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 40
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:21:14 AM
Non....YA

YOU butte out.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 41
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:58:57 AM
Well, I feel the whole engagement ring thing is too old fashioned, and in todays society, not needed. Why should a male be obligated to purchase a pidgeon tag for a woman, when there is no such obligation for the lady today? In years back, she got the ring and he got her 'dowrey'...I dont know too many parents that actually put together a dowrey for thier daughters marriage anymore, so why do men still have to offer up the goodies?

People need to be reminded that hardware, material things are just things. If these two love one another and treat one another with respect, then shame on thier friends/families for trying to embarrass them over something so trivial. Shame for sure.

Another case of misguided fools worried more about 'the wedding' than the hard work of a marriage. Sheer stupidity.

I know lots of women who accepted proposals from men, who got the big ring...they are not any happier than my friends who opted for bands only at the service.

When I get married, Id like a simple band for each of us to exchange as we exchange vows, or matching tattoos on our ring fingers. Cant take those off....seems more meaningful to me that way.

It is friends who make such comments that are causing the embarrasmant. Had no one ever made such a comment or asked to see 'the ring', there would not be an issue here at all. Shame that external forces, that have NOTHING to do with this relationship is already causing a rift. Hopefully this bride to be does not cave and start needling her man to follow the sheeple.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:36:51 AM

If you are a WOMAN
YOU still want a RING!

Oh goody! Somebody appointed you Official Spokesman For All Women!

NOT.

I know LOTS of women who don't like wearing rings. I guess that makes them men?

Yeesh.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 43
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:01:33 AM

it doesn't have to be the '2 month salary guideline'.. but I think it should be something.


OP you did not give much information. Was your friends SO waiting to afford that 2 months salary ring or something approximating that because that is what he thought she or her circle of friends required him to do? He could have just given her an inexpensive ring if it is was only the symbolism that counted but may have been concerned of being ridiculed for being cheap was there pressure for a grand jesture from your friend or you. Or does your friend even think she needs a ring and this is only your concern? More info please

The two months salary thing -who came up with that? Was it an advertiser selling expensive rings. Putting it into the perspective of the rich who can easily afford to do this. Tiger Woods when he married his soon to be ex was making 100 mill per year do you think he bought his wife a 16.7 million dollar ring? I would personally like to see a survey of what portion of their annual salary was spent by the rich on their wife or soon to be wife's engagement or wedding ring.

I think the only people spending to this sort of guideline are the ones who can least afford it. IMO the average person and in particular young people getting married would be better off having a simple wedding ceremony and rings and spending the money saved toward something that may sustain the relationship say a downpayment on a house or something else that helps the two of them build and sustain a life together.
.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 44
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:17:01 AM

look, normally I'm not this negative, but this whole scenario you painted here sucks the big one.
let us all know where the honeymoon will be...I can barely wait!


Yes, being rational in this relationship is a bit on the far side. lol



When I get married, Id like a simple band for each of us to exchange as we exchange vows, or matching tattoos on our ring fingers. Cant take those off....seems more meaningful to me that way.


Ring Tats? I say we get tats on our foreheads & that will show all them non believers out there! lol
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 45
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:23:00 AM

Not everyone wants a ring.Maybe she would rather he put that money in their savings account


I was talking about the guys who CAN afford the ring and just don't want to bother buying one.

There have been quite a few posts mentioning the money/affordability or using the money for something else.
(not picking on the writers of the 2 I grabbed out randomly as little examples)

I never have been able to wrap my head around putting so much money into jewerly that it would would even matter if I put it in the bank/savings instead.

I have lots of fun with the jewerly I wear.. bit of the old hippie soul in me,I guess, lol.

None of it has to cost as much as a big flat screen tv (as someone suggested, I think).

Even an engagement ring can be a sterling silver little etched band.. and only be the cost of going out to eat somewhere halfway decent!

But it seems a lot of people just don't think like me.

As for the woman the opening post is about..
She's been a somewhat used all along. Can't imagine deep down she even expected a ring.

As for the "should a ring be given" subject..
That is something the man & woman involved can discuss.
SHOULD be able to discuss easily... just a nice flow of conversation.
And both should be feeling good after the conversation... and discuss it if not.

If they can't have conversations about any and all whatevers that are happening in their lives?
Better be a long engagement because they've got some communication problems going on.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 46
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:24:51 AM

If you are a WOMAN
YOU still want a RING!


Noooooooo I want a Trans Am....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 47
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:25:11 AM
People have different expectations in different scenarios.
Not everyone wants a ring, but apparently there are plenty
out there that do or the jewelry business wouldn't be what it
is. I think when you reach the point of asking someone to
marry you, you would have a pretty good idea of what kind
of person you were marrying and whether or not they might
expect a ring.

Wanting or expecting a ring does not make you a villian.
Not knowing your future spouse enough in this regard seems
a little creepy to me though.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 48
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:38:33 AM

Noooooooo I want a Trans Am....


My question is does it need to be black and gold with a T - roof and come with a 1977 version of Burt Reynolds?
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 49
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 8:07:14 AM

I mean really, if he showed up with the ring he gets a mulligan on all the other crap?

As odd as this sounds, some people just keep going through crap, because they like going through crap. Your friend is in crazy love with this guy and you just don't understand. It happens all the time. To us it looks like crap and a series of poor choices, to them it just may be a happy life.
I'm becoming more and more impressed with the way you see things, Abicci....

The lengths this girl has gone to to be with this particular man may seem like crap to other people, but I'm thinking in her mind, it's just the things that were necessary to create the relationship she wanted.


Lastly, why is you friend SO desperate that she moved in with an impoverished "loser", had his baby, and is supporting him anyway? Chicks THAT desperate for wedded status make me go a big rubbery one mighty fast.
No offense, JustJay, but I don't get this comment. I hear so many men on these threads complaining that women are just after thier wallets, and here's a girl who proved that theory to be utterly false. She chose THIS man, gave him her heart, and worked with whatever circumstances came up in order to be with HIM. For her, it's clearly NOT about the money, it's NOT about the ring, or what he can offer her financially. And she gets labeled "so desperate that she accepted an impoverished loser"? Good grief, we're a tough crowd, aren't we?

Personally, I hope she's deleriously happy. She certainly deserves it. She met a man that touched her heart, for reasons no one else needs to understand, she found a way to overcome obstacles that would have sent many women running in the opposite direction. She stepped up and did the things that needed to happen to facilitate their relationship and their life, and now she has exactly what SHE wanted.... Her child was fathered by the man she adores, and now, they're getting married. It's not exactly a fairy tale, but it sounds like about as happy of an ending as one can hope for in this crazy world. Why judge her, or him, for that matter? If they're both happy, why not just be happy for them?
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 50
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 8:50:52 AM

My question is does it need to be black and gold with a T - roof and come with a 1977 version of Burt Reynolds?


Can I get one with Sally Fields? mercy!! lol
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????