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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????      Home login  
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 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 51
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Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
there is more to the story..


long story short..

friend of mine from school meets a guy on a dating site.. they are FWB he wants nothing more.. she does.. they continue on.. because she wants to be with him...
then they break up..


Wow!!! Is it just me or are there red flags flying here? They have a friends with benefit relationship (he is horny) she wants more........HE DOESN'T but she wants him so they continue.......then they break up.........They Break Up.


then he asks if they can be room mates together because he has a son and needs a 2 bedroom and can't afford it on his own..


Oops........he wants to be able to have his child for visitation yet now he is told he cannot because he cannot afford a two bedroom..........(Light bulb moment)......along comes MISS I WANT HIM to the rescue.


she says no.. she wants a relationship..


A relationship HE SAYS? Hmmm.......why not.....no problem as long as it gets me a two bedroom apartment for visitation. Was this the real reason for his agreeing to get that two bedroom apartment?


she is so happy that now she gets her man! she works and makes more money.. and basically pays for the proceedings.. he all the while stating that now he wants to have a baby with her.. and eventually have full custody or at least regular visitations with his son.. (now she is thrilled!!)


Sounds like a proposition that is paying off richly for him....something he better sow the seed to make it last........a long comes baby number two on the way and now he can opt for custody of his first son while she is so generously paying for all his legal woes.


so now they live together in a little 2 bedroom.. she does everything as a wife would.. has his baby.. 3 months later.. he takes her to a lovely park with his son and their son.. (apparently all planned out) asks her to marry him.. but gives her no ring?? huh?


I guess he should make things legal since she is so very, very good to him. Doing all the housework, paying for all of his needs and most likely his son's needs AFTER ALL he really caught the big one when he put his bait out in the dating pond. Why give her a ring though.......she seems content paying for everything......she won't care........SHE WANTS HIM.


shouldn't a man give something? even if he can't afford much? it is a symbol right?
that same night she went to her high school reunion.. imaging being so happy that she is announcing her engagement and I'm sure everyone said.. "oh show me your ring!!" I would be embarrased... wouldn't you?


Yes, a man should give something even if he cannot afford much. In his case this is not only a symbol of his love for her.....it is a symbol of his sincerity. I think she should be more embarrassed that she is being taken by this cad then whether or not she got a ring to show off.


is he just using her? or is this acceptable....


I'm sorry but she so desperately wanted him that he saw no problem using her at all.......she made it way too easy for him. It is not acceptable.......he is using her.

I hope your friend sees this soon before it is too late. Oops wait........the baby is here. It's okay though, many women have raised babies without the father. Just tell her to get a paternity test and then take him for child support.
 Milt38
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 52
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 10:35:48 AM
Kudos to POF!
I had dated online on 4 different sites for a year and a half after being widowed. I met Roxane online on this website in Feb this year and met in person in April, spent the summer with her in NH and gave her a ring and we both proudly announced our engagement recently. Love is so great the second time around for both of us. Our great big thanks to POF for making it all happen.
Milt
 Fresh fish is best fresh.
Joined: 7/29/2010
Msg: 53
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 11:00:50 AM
Well My whole opinion on the engagement ring deal is simply, if she wants one, then she can pay for it. I would rather spend my money on practical stuff for the new dwelling that her and I will be sharing after the marriage or engagement. Now paying for the wedding band(not engagement ring) can be agreed upon. But the notion of buying my sweetest honey a useless sparkling rock to show your affection for her is very silly. I mean to me a washing machine or new vacuum, or laptop computer would be more practical, after all a rings worth is only what one can get at the pawn shop or jewelry store when one may feel the need to sale it. And of course that same money for the ring, depending how fancy you want to go, can be used to invest in property or mutual funds. Cheers.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 54
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 11:14:33 AM
My friend worked at an upscale jewlery dealer. He told me that engagement rings are marked up way more than other stuff. Some models are marked up 400% over cost! Why, you ask? Because, he says "suckers" come in to buy them, all excited about pending nuptuals, when all along they could buy one that looks like an engagement ring that's only marked up 200% or so...
Wedding planners? Same deal. Huge markup for suckers.

Rings, weddings, receptions, honeymoons. It's great to want to celebrate your relationship, but wouldn't that money be better spent on your future together? All the stuff I mentioned above could ring $20,000 or more from a family (if parents of the couple pay for the wedding or whatever) that could be better spent elsewhere.

I'm not totally against giving her a ring; go get a really nice one from a pawn shop and have it polished (for example). I'm not against getting married, but I AM against spending thousands and thousands on dresses/cakes/flowers/food/parties for 200 people that could be better spent on the couple themselves.

Let's be practical here, people. Rings are a material symbol. If you invest that $5000 a ring costs on the possible child's college fund, it could be worth $20,000 by the time they're ready. Let's see, our kid's college vs. a fancy ring... Pretty easy choice if you ask me.

Gawd, I'm fvcked, no woman will want to marry my practical arse...
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 55
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 11:48:51 AM

My question is does it need to be black and gold with a T - roof and come with a 1977 version of Burt Reynolds?



I would prefer the 77 to be blue with t tops and standard
shift with a 4.0............. but a shiny 2010 will do.

No Burt required..LOL..
Jim can have a Sally

The one in the movie was modified and did not look like the 77 to me.
I always thought it was a 76 or 78 for that reason.

Much cooler than some diamond ring.
You both can have fun with it!!!!

Now when this guy is gone(if he is indeed a jerk) she can still sport around in a car..but hock some cluster chipped ring ya got nothing but a happy meal.'
Or she can keep it and be reminded he was what he was.

I think the op should just let people live and do what they are going to do anyway and
stop stirring something up.

If her friend catches grief from the guy she sure doesn't need any more grief from a "friend" over some lame ring that can be lost at the beach or left somewhere..

Now just try and lose a big ole car!!!
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 56
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 12:07:46 PM
^^^^^^^^
I can't argue with that

Even women who are engaged to men who dissapear for hours at the time
want a ring
Women who think their men are inmmature for not reporting their whereabouts at all times
want a ring
Women who pay for all the expenses in the relationship, want a ring

Most women want one
The ones who don't .....don't.

Some guys are not ever going to have to deal with this problem
For instance:

Guys who can't get a first date

Guys who get first dates and never a second one.

A guy who dates women twice or three times and then, out of the blue, those women tend to keep doing a dissapearing act on him
He won't ever have to propose to anybody, since they are nowhere to be found, can't be harping about nothing anymore, therefore no ring concerns here.

The guys who say "If you want a ring you can buy it yourself" won't be in a relationship too long after that, no need to buy a ring there.
Unless they find one of those "as long as he is with me, I don't care if he treats me like a doormat" women

I was talking about the guys who SUCCESFULLY date a woman, they fall in love and want to have a life together.

Back to the OP, I agree with peppermint P, you should stay out of this one, your friend has much bigger problems than choosing and getting the right engagement ring.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 57
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 1:09:20 PM

Back to the OP, I agree with peppermint P, you should stay out of this one, your friend has much bigger problems than choosing and getting the right engagement ring.


& having sex on the hood of a Trans Am could seal the deal like Bert did! lol sorry
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 58
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 1:16:07 PM

& having sex on the hood of a Trans Am could seal the deal like Bert did


Now there's an alternative to the I do's and the kiss at the altar this could be proceeded by a mutual ring tattooing ceremony... and would the trans am be borrowed or blue ...
 anewstartforme
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 59
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 4:49:52 PM
I have to agree with the poster way back in Msg #13; if I'm actually going to say yes, it better be one hell of a ring because I've done the marriage thing already and my life's focus is based on something besides finding #2.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 60
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 4:59:01 PM
^^^^would that be #2 in the bathroom sense?
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 61
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Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:47:54 PM

I was talking about the guys who SUCCESFULLY date a woman, they fall in love and want to have a life together.


Why don't you just admit that YOU want a ring without claiming to speak for all women? It's seriously illogical to extrapolate from your personal opinion to the whole world.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 62
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:23:00 PM
"Why don't you just admit that YOU want a ring "

You mean to tell me after reading three pages here, you still don't know if I want a RING???
No wonder some men rather go away on long weekends and rides by themselves
Why stay and have a LONG conversation with someone to get nowhere
when they can be out riding the convertible
listening to the sounds of silence
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 63
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Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:00:24 PM
I would settle for the cigar band if it were the right man...
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 64
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 9:56:09 PM

I was talking about the guys who CAN afford the ring and just don't want to bother

Watch 'Blood Roses and Deadly Diamonds: Vanguard' sometime.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OJoyQOHf-Q
It will open your eyes to the GREAT deal of pain, suffering, and environmental damage done in the name of our silly little traditions.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 65
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Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/20/2010 10:59:45 PM
I've known women who got married without ever having received an engagement ring. At first they said they were being non materialistic and that a ring didn't mean love, the way they were treated everyday was what mattered. What happened with these women, was that later it just ate away at them that they didn't receive a ring. In both cases, the guy they married didn't treat them as if they were valued and appreciated.

I really think they man should buy the woman an engagement ring if he's serious about marrying her. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it should be some token of his love for her. Now, I also think its nice if the woman can return the gesture and buy the guy an engagement present as well. After my ex husband gave me my ring, I bought him a telescope he had been wanting, as my engagement present to him.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 66
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 1:39:40 AM
I would settle for the cigar band if it were the right man...

Monica? Is that YOU???

(Clinton joke disclaimer...no harm was intended in the making of this joke.)

OT: If the guy stays home and takes care of the kid, I don't see the harm or shame in her supporting him.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 67
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 3:35:36 AM

If the guy stays home and takes care of the kid, I don't see the harm or shame in her supporting him.


Hey at 27-42 I would have loved that.. a huge stress would have been taken off of me.



I always said I needed a wife, cook and maid along with sitter..Whats the problem ?
..Buttonskis I tell ya!!



guess what my name is


And she says she isn't physic ....balderdash!!!

They left some .................left..lmaoooooooooo

 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 68
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 4:01:01 AM

Op many Ladies {and I use the term loosely} would consider that a sign of being cheap.
And many if you don't buy them a carrot Lol, or bigger they'll get very upset.

Does a piece of paper a ring getting married in front of a Padre going to determine
your love for the individual, NO.
Will your marriage last NO.
Does that mean he doesn't Love you NO.


What have we been saying???????????????/..I have had the rings..
THEY mean NOTHING.

I want some wheels..some cash..some real estate..IF he MUST spend money I can think of a multitude of other things I would rather have than some thing that is a useless vanity item that is easily lost and is worth 1/10th of what you pay for it.



Wearing 5 to 30 grand on my hand is asinine..right up there with a 2500 hand bag wtf??
MEN are the ones usually embarrassed over the size of the jewel in my experience NOT women.

Gawd go get a cubic zirconia fake 2 carat piece of junk and I will wear it in front of your friends at the super bowl party and you can brag about your jewels.

My first husband heard so much grief from his brothers and friends..when all I wanted was a band with ittty bitty emeralds in it I saw at an antique store he went out and bought a huge diamond to shut them up. It did not feel right with 2 rings on one finger.

I bet he was still paying on that "vacuum cleaner sucked up pressed carbon "after the divorce..
Lost gone..oodles of money.

Stop blaming the women..it's a lot of the men and insecurities THEY have.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 69
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 4:11:40 AM
this is really weird
i have had men that have given rings been engaged
gave a pre engagement ring but spent every living moment together and lived together
been married husband never there
been considered engaged but no ring yet

i have felt through the end of all of these experiences, that if a man is serious
you will get an engagement ring. Get married. It is that simple. There won't be living together try and buy.
pre engagement crap.we are engaged but i want to wait until i can afford a nice ring
none of that matters
he will give you a ring
rings can always change
it is the sentiment behind it
it is a foundation
 motown cowgirl
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 70
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 5:16:12 AM
OP it's obvious that the tacit opinions of friends & acquaintances based on appearance and/or material things is of the utmost importance to you. your friend... not so much. so hey, it's good for everyone involved that he actually asked HER to marry him and not you.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 71
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 9:41:40 AM

I will wear it in front of your friends at the super bowl party and you can brag about your jewels.


Yes some men feel a need to be able to brag about their jewels maybe it's because something is lacking in the family jewels. Just like some men drive their car like it's and entension or a replacement for their penis....it takes all kinds
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 72
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Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 12:58:40 PM

...I can think of a multitude of other things I would rather have than some thing that is a useless vanity item that is easily lost and is worth 1/10th of what you pay for it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=HaHj4S7EcBU&feature=related

 Savona
Joined: 8/4/2010
Msg: 73
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 1:45:51 PM
Sounds like the ring is as "amazing" as the relationship is.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 74
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/21/2010 2:16:15 PM
And if he gets her just a "little" something. . . . . See: Can only afford $800 on an engagement ring - is that enough to spend in this day and age
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5506828.aspx

Some are going to be happy with what they have; some are not going to be happy with anything. Way of the world.

 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 75
Will you marry me? but then he gives her no ring????
Posted: 8/22/2010 12:23:19 PM
Yes because a ring is SO important. No wonder those million dollar rings I see pictured on covers of gossip magazines, with smiling celebrities with their million dollar smiles looking so 'in love' have such happy, strong, everlasting marriages....Oh wait! They don't. That alone should tell you how much a piece of jewelry matters. In the end of the day a ring really doesn't do jack.
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