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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do people not tell the truth upfront?      Home login  
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 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 19
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I did not know this would take off like this. I truly just wondered why people lie. zekestone you really did try to analyze it from different angles. You guys I probably miss out on a lot because I am honest.

I feel it is best to be straight forward. NO, you may not get what you want at the time, but you do not have to worry about what you get being yours.

I wish I did cheat on my taxes because I would not owe the IRS! LOL Now, my credit that is another thing. I have credit cards that I have not paid and yes, I do feel bad.

So, there are those of us that do exist.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 20
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/1/2010 7:11:14 PM
I am not surprised this took off like this, and just to add fuel to the fire....
The thread title doesn't mention lying, and while it is named as such in the opening post, the description seems more about full disclosure. What makes any of us think that we are entitled to so much personal information about anyone, before they are thinking about becoming seriously involved with us? That is vastly different from lying, if you ask me. Many details of my personal life are none of your business, until we get to a point in our relationship that I choose to decide that they are. Isn't that maturity, self protection, etc., rather than lying?
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 21
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/1/2010 9:04:07 PM
When I say tell the truth upfront I mean basic things such as marital status, basics like do you have a drivers license? Nothing deep.
Some people on line place old pics, say I am 6'0' when they are 5'7'.
Many people claim to own businesses or even be employed. Those are not things you should hide. You would be surprised if you tell the truth or be honest upfront. The person may not care that you are short, married, with no job or drivers license.
When the person meets you and your not tall or skinny, better yet young. When they find out you are unemployed or only work for the company you claim to own. Not to say the wife and kid show up or you get arrested for driving w/o a license.
Not, deep dark relationship talk. Just basics, then yes, trust is broken. What could have at least been a good friendship now may end.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/2/2010 4:19:20 PM
^^^The word "honesty" doesn't imply that we all want to hear random, irrelevant, unsolicited information. There's a difference between someone distoring information they were asked or are required to disclose before meeting, and someone just vomiting true information that has nothing to do with initial conversation.

If I'm asking something - I do want to know the truth, just as if someone asks me something, I give them the unadulterated truth. If based on that truth I decide not to date someone or to discontinue talking to them, it doesn't mean they should lie; it means what I learned from what I asked caused me to make that decision. Someone else may well decide that person's the right one based on the very same information.

Some people won't be a match for you based on your honest responses - that's the way it's supposed to be when getting to know someone. It's all about fact finding and assessing where you go from there.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 23
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/2/2010 6:27:50 PM
They are short sighted... or just plain don't trust themselves as far as I can tell.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 24
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 2:53:25 AM
Because they are afraid of rejection I guess. I have a habit of probably being too truthful.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 25
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 5:22:51 AM
faith said:

I feel it is best to be straight forward. NO, you may not get what you want at the time, but you do not have to worry about what you get being yours.


One additional thing about not lying, you don't have to try and remember what lie you told to constantly be in that lie.

I have dealt with professional liars in my profession, they all slip up and forget which one they are telling, or get outside their 'script'. It's simply not worth it. Once you're in that lie, sooner or later you forget and mess up. Best not to even go there, and be straight all the time.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 26
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 7:32:52 AM
LOL..nope, but have dealt with lawyers and journalists, not much different. Their usual settings are different, but the BS is the same.
 edventure1
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 27
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 4:13:02 PM
Right on Brother!, just what did the guy lie about?, thats the point alot of the" posts" seem to miss or ignore. A lie rarely works if you don't want to believe it in the first place. We all put our, "best foot forward" to get what we want. Its what we want thats the real issue. She wanted a "soulmate", he wanted something else, but probably made her believe he wanted her now and forever so she'de "open the gates of Heaven" and let him in. Homerun...sad, but true. Men have lied to women to get what we want from them since "they" took our "clubs" away that we used to find our mate and made us start using guile. No excuse....but there you have it ladies..... "THE TRUTH!" Up Front!: (Oh nooo...., you dideentt!)
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 28
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 8:31:40 PM
Goodmanforyou,

I hear your theory stating they are testing the water and do not desire to hurt ones feelings, but in my heart I believe if you are honest with a person in the long run you are more successful. As I stated earlier. I am not stating tell them deep dark secrets on the first encounter, but basic things marital status, height, weight, job etc. Those should not have to be secrets.
Someone stated it may be ok to not tell someone your marital status if you are in a sexless marriage. I hear that, but let the person know the truth and give them the opportunity to say if they desire to pursue you are not. It is only fair.

 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 29
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/4/2010 9:04:47 PM
They want to make sure you are totally taken by their appeal, charm, and intelligence, before they reveal PPOs, DUIs, no car, revoked license, alcoholism, they smoke, their divorce is not yet final, ex-girlfirends they are still sleeping with, mood disorders - oh god, the list goes on. It's so now that I want to ask them these things right up front. I've stopped dating simply because now I start thinking with every potential date, "Okay, now what's wrong with you"? I'm just really sick of it.
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 30
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/6/2010 9:00:59 AM
axl617

In my experience when a person lies about the basics it does not turn out well. I am not saying you start out saying your deepest darkest secrets, just do not lie about the basics.
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 31
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/7/2010 9:11:50 PM
lucky that was interesting. I heard something like that today. Or at least they can enjoy the friendship for a few months.
Well, if the person was honest then maybe they could have a friendship for life!! Even if it never became a relationship (lovers).
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 32
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/9/2010 6:29:54 AM
They probably think U wouldn't like them, if U knew the truth, & yet, they still want your attention/time, anyway.


Funny thing is, after they've told me the truth, they hate ME for actually listening to them. I ask questions and encourage them to talk a lot about themselves, and then they dig themselves into a hole, not realizing till later how much negative stuff they've told me about their lives. They treat me more like a psychotherapist. I can't believe how screwed up other people's lives are, and most of it is self made misery and poor life choices.

 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 33
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/10/2010 7:10:05 PM
pamperpooch000,

I am not talking about the honeymoon stage of any friendship, but telling lies about basic things that can be dangerous.

1. Are you married? No, but you really are and not separated.

2. Do you have a drivers license? Yes, but cops pull you over and the person is arrested for driving your car without a license.

3. Do you have a job? Yes, but they are unemployed.

4. Do you do drugs? No or I only smoke weed occasionally, but they are on crack hiding in crack homes or hotels spending their entire check.

5. I like your car. Turns out it is their mates or parents car and they are 40 years old.

6. Nice house. This guy once tried to pretend his mothers house was his and she was living with him.

Now, that is not putting your best foot forward, that is telling lies unnecessary lies that the truth is going to come out. Why do that? I guess to enjoy your company as long as the lie last (few days to a couple of months).
 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 34
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 9/12/2010 3:58:24 PM
Happy for you sporstfreak, but key word GIRLFRIEND. She was too honest, but it worked out in the end. These people are NOT honest about small things and often lose what could be a good friendship!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 35
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/8/2010 4:07:07 PM
If you want full and complete disclosure.........you might need a lawyer and a private investigator!!!
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 36
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:23:38 PM
When trying to figure out if someone is lying to you, look for the two easiest signs: body language and the way the person's voice changes when telling what you think might be a lie.

The body language displayed by someone who is not telling the truth can be quite subtle, but once you know what to look for you will not have to use a lot of effort to realize that the person does not completely believe what he or she is saying.

Lack of eye contact can be a relatively accurate sign that someone is not comfortable with what is being said, although it is important to remember that in some cultures direct eye contact is not appropriate. If you know that a person usually maintains good eye contact during conversations but turns away during a particular statement and will not look you in the eye, this can be an indication that the person is either telling a lie or is not comfortable with the subject matter being discussed.
Gestures: Study people in a pleasant conversation and you will notice that even though gestures vary greatly from one person to another, there is generally a harmonious flow with how gestures are made. Gestures make sense and are congruent to the conversation. The same is not true for a person who is not telling the truth. In fact, if one side of the body seems to do one thing while the other side of the body seems to do another, this can be a sign that the person is conflicted as a result of not telling the truth.

Respiration may change when a person tells a lie as a result of the stress involved with telling a falsehood, as well as the fear of being caught in the lie. Look for a sudden change in breathing patterns, especially if the other person suddenly seems to be holding his or her breath for no particular reason.

A person's voice can also provide telltale signs of lying.
Does the person seem to suddenly speak more rapidly, or speak in a choppy, chaotic way? Does the person's voice change, such as becoming flat or instead getting higher for no reason? Does the person seem to have a problem with getting the words out and does things like clearing his or her throat or stumbling over words? These can all be telltale signs of lying, but they can also be a sign of a person discussing something that makes him or her uncomfortable.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 37
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/9/2010 10:53:01 AM

so people just lie because they are weak and have low self-esteem . so they are not dangerous.


They can be dangerous if other people believe or are deceived by their lies, such that it diversely affects their life. Spending too much time with a liar can lead to you having major "trust issues" in other more and valuable relationships.
 springhillcougar
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 38
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/9/2010 7:30:54 PM
I was in a relationship for 5 years with a men and the whole 5 years he lied and cheated and i thought things could change so i kept taken him back then one day i said what am i doing and i said bye for good now he is calling and texting me trying to get me back but i can never trust him again so i know what you mean.
 Erota
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 39
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/10/2010 1:04:49 AM
Why do people give their trust away instead of making someone earn it???
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 40
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/10/2010 7:05:01 PM
"Why do people not tell the truth upfront?"
-----------------
Because if they did they'd be rejected for reasons that seem shallow to them.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 41
Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:03:05 PM
Because some people already know they themselves are such lowlifes that no one would possibly give them the time of day if they told the truth.
 MJ Preston
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 42
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 10/15/2010 3:55:48 PM
i believe that some have the gene that triggers "absolute bullshite" to spew out of the mouths of those unfortunate to be predisposed.

don't have an answer for ya hun....i'm just able to relate is all.

 faith2565
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 43
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Why do people not tell the truth upfront?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:47:55 PM
They are afraid.........
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