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 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 22
can't eat, can't sleepPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
"I do all the cooking, cleaning, shoppinng. The only time i would see him even when we were still together was when we watched a 45 minute tv show while he ate."

You do realize how attention starved you sound when you say things like above, don't you?

"After we split we had stayed friends with benefits."

Now, you just sound desperate and like someone who has no self-esteem

"started hating me because every day when he went to visit them upstairs i would get a look of dissapointment on my face and he said that it made him feel guilty. (says it's the reason he dumped me)."

So, you stay friends with benefits with someone who "hates" you because he rather go gaming with his budies and he dumped YOU?

Whatever happened to you in your childhood that made you feel so worthless?
Seriously, fix that now, before you go on and date another gamer.

"It seemed to work out alright. but now after 7 months of being separated, he has started dating someone else."

Well, what took him so long?

This will happen to you again, if you don't find out WHY do you feel so needy for attention from people who seem to treat you like you are worth zero.

"Now I can't sleep or eat anything, any time i try to eat something it comes back up. I also cry ALL the time. I can't stop. I'm not sure what to do, it's tearing me up inside. HELP."

You should feel this way because of the way you allowed this guy to treat you
but NOT because he went and got another woman.
Are you jealous of the girl who is going to run all his errands to get to sit with him for an hour while he watches his show on TV and then goes back to ignoring her??
The least of your concerns is that jerk getting a new GF, you should worry about yourself, take CARE of you. Figure out, why was it OK for you to stand that treatment?


A pet will have it better than you, living with your ex, it will get to stare at your ex-BF while he is watching his tv show but at least IT doesn't have to cook and clean after him.

Why don't you LOVE yourself?
Why don't you think you deserve better?
Until you figure it out, you'll continue dating the same guy, different faces.

 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 23
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/30/2010 8:23:06 PM
Forumfishie nailed it.

The problem is you... You let him do what he did (staying in a FWB, doing all the cooking + cleaning, putting the guilt trip on you, etc) out of desperation and just bad decision making with no foresight as each red flag reared it's ugly head around you. (him "hating" you, spending almost no time with you, etc)


Now I can't sleep or eat anything, any time i try to eat something it comes back up. I also cry ALL the time. I can't stop.


You need to refuel your self-worth & self esteem before entering another relationship or history will repeat itself.


I'm not sure what to do, it's tearing me up inside. HELP


- Lose all contact with him a.s.a.p. and STAY out of contact permanently. Don't check up on him under any circumstances..

- Ride it out (the pain, the sadness) this sort of thing can't be healed quickly.

- Occupy your mind with other things to improve yourself

-Learn from the past mistakes so they don't happen again






 harmonyharvest
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 24
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/30/2010 8:59:10 PM
Hi sweetie,

I am sorry to hear about your broken heart. Time will heal your wounds. In the meantime, make sure you surround yourself with good friends and family. Watch funny movies and laugh even if your sad. Sounds strange, but it will help.

I recall when I was younger and I spilt up with my b/f, my brother was there to make jokes and tell me how special I was. Support is what you need most right now, so even if you feel like being alone, try to have people around that love you; at least for awhile anyways...I would suggest do not be alone all the time, but yes you still need your own time to think as well :)

Good Lucks
 lovebeingmom
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 25
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/30/2010 11:18:13 PM
he might have been perfect before but he isnt now. like many have saidget away from him. and be more caring of yourself. But dont feel to bad about falling into the trap( for lack of a better word) it is sometimes hard to let go of even the slimmest form of hope and as its happening to you its not always as clear as it is to an outsider or even yourself looking back on the situation. hindsight is 20/20 and all that

just learn from it. hope you feel better .
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 26
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 12:54:54 AM
So ok. It's over.

You've told us all about him, but what do YOU like to do?

You need to understand that there is absolutely nothing positive that is going to come out of throwing yourself at someone who a. doesnt want you b. doesnt respect you and c. is still willing to use you

People like that will only value you for what you can do for/give to them. Once you have nothing left, they simply move on to greener pastures. They don't care how you feel about it.

Call a girlfriend and tell her you need to blow off some steam. Go out and do something fun and laugh a lot.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 27
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 2:45:02 AM
I agree with forum fishy to a point.....first off there is no one perfect. If we label someone as that, then anything that falls below perfect, will change the perception of perfect, and thats not fair to anyone. Sure it was going great in the beginning, all relationships do, its what happens later that will determine success or not, and in the beginning both are so into each other, they spend essentually all their time and energy towards each other....thats what known as the honeymoon period. Eventually even in successful relations, they lessen the grip and incorporate their other initial interest back into their lives. Thats pretty normal.

But, you moved into a place where you knew he had friends living there and they had these other interest. Surely its normal for him to want to go and visit with them and have fun. But you mentioned giving him that look that made him feel quilty, or at least his perception, maybe it happened often enough, he felt more comfortable elsewhere. That could suggest you are overly needy, clingy, etc and for a reason.

On the otherhand, no two people are alike, and sometimes after the honeymoon period, one gets back into whatever they were into more than the other person cares them to, not leaving enough time for each other, or enough for that persons needs...this is just an in compatibilty thing. The more the one presses, the more the other moves away....similar to the above paragraph, but different too, in this they are better off moving on....but that you carried on a fwb with him after him breaking up and your having feelings for him, suggest you are allowing yourself a glutinous for punishment, just to have him in any form, no matter what it does to you.

Its okay for two people to realise there isn't enough there to sustain a relationship, but the sex was great and go into a FWB, if both feel that way and realise they both don't have that kind of feelings, are are completely okay with just a fwb. The wrong I see is this, is he knew you had these feelings and were this kind of person, that he carried on a FWB, knowing what it would do to you.

But its over, it was when he broke up with you, and if you still have feelings for someone, its not a good idea to torture yourself by having a FWB with them. Its better to get away and let the healing process begin. If you have issue's that make you overly needy, insecure, etc...its better to deal with them with counseling or whatever, because this can effect future relationships.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 28
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 5:07:15 AM
Stop f**king this man.

HE has everything he wants, and you ain't got shit. Start looking at what you're getting...I'll give you a minute.










Go on...look harder.



That's right...NOTHING. You were still very deeply attached to this man and decided that a d**k was better than nothing. And you thought that if he was getting it on the regular from you he wouldn't want anyone else. Not true babydoll. And unfortunately you've learned this the hard way.

What to do? Stop crying, pick yourself up, call your GF's and go do something. Do not spend that evening crying to them about this guy--spend the evening having a good time. Yeah it's hard--been there, done that myself. Several times. But he's not losing a damn bit of sleep over you nor is his appetite gone.

It won't be easy--I won't say that it will. BUT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN A ROLL IN THE SACK. If you don't know it by now, you need to.

Next time, since you know that you cannot be a FWB, don't do it. End the relationship and move on.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 29
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 4:11:41 PM
sweet, look at it as free weight loss... you can thank him for that.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 30
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 10:05:40 PM

I also cry ALL the time. I can't stop. I'm not sure what to do, it's tearing me up inside. HELP.

If I may opine
Go have some good time
With friends and some wine
He wasn't that prime
And proved to be a slime
And it is a crime
To waste party time
And your pretty dime
Forget of this swine
You’re gonna be fine
There’s no need to whine….

I made this rhyme….

Now YOU sing it, to the tune of "La Bamba"

Come on girl, smile!
 FabulousLaydee
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 31
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 10:09:46 PM
I totally agree with you procolharem
 Stormwolf
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 32
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 5:12:49 PM
OP,
Look at the bright side. You'll lose weight, save money on food
and get the Max out of your cable bill.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 33
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 8:06:00 PM
I'm concerned about your health and stability. If you are not eating well and not getting the proper rest you need if will effect you mentally.
I think that you might benefit from therapy. Maybe just short term therapy to talk about your emotional pain and maybe even get some medication to help you eat and sleep.

This is not good. Sleep depravation and ill nutrition can lead to some serious complications.

A good therapist can help you with direction, goals and a cognative plan to regroup and get your life back together. There is no shame in needing psychiatric help. I think maybe you do if you have come to the point that you are so filled with anxiety over this man that you can not eat or sleep. That's like digging a slow grave for yourself.

I've been there, done the cry and puke breakup diet. I've felt that way before after a failed relationship. I promise you there is another side, you can get past this and you can regain your inner strength emotionally and physically. It feels like your world is crashing in, but it may be just a blessing in disguise.

You are telling us that this man is not treating you well, deep down you know that you don't deserve it. Your heart is breaking but your spirit knows this is not the kind of relationship you want or deserve.

Contact your physician and ask him for a therapist or a councelors referal. I think you need help beyond this Forum and beyond what you are able to acheive alone right now.

It will not feel this painful forever. You will get over him, you just need some help to do it. Please try to rest and eat and take care of yourself. You are a beautiful woman and life is to short to put yourself through so much agony over a man that doesn't care for you. God bless you and good luck.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 34
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 8:44:07 PM
OutMind gave a good advice. But you are what you are and can not be somebody else. You will repeat the same mistakes in other relationships as well, because of your nature. Guys like this will take advantage of your good nature. You are only 25. You might get lucky and meet a really good guy who would respect you or you will go from one relationship to another getting hurt. It is all about what life offers us and the choices we make......No one here will help you, you need to help yourself.
I can give you an advice as well - travel abroad if you can afford it. You will have interesting experiences and might forget about this yahoo while having good times.
 beenhereatimeor2
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 35
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/4/2010 12:16:15 PM
'If he was so "perfect".......he wouldn't have continued to have sex with
a woman that was in love with him knowing it was misleading her into thinking
things were going to be OK.'

^^^ yup, lies of omission are still lies.
 sharee2000
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 36
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/24/2011 11:40:36 PM
oh man i feel bad for you hes a ****ing asswhole damn men! I am in a similar situation but I broke up with him cause he was treating my like a late night ho.
 sweetspyce522
Joined: 2/14/2011
Msg: 37
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/28/2011 10:44:50 PM
I agree...the FWB is what messed you up. A lot of us women rarely think of sex as sex; we like to equate it to love because that's what we're seeking. A lot of men have this uncanny ability to separate it as he did with you. My best advice is to forget about him. No man should ever stop you from physically living. I know we romantically say thinhs like "If he leaves me I'll just die". Please don't. He has moved on and I know it doesn't feel good right now but you will too.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 38
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/29/2011 6:09:02 AM
^^ above 2 posters... OP is gone.
And if she did no eating or sleeping in the 9 months since she posted,
she's dead gone.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 39
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/29/2011 10:21:54 AM
I had a friend that felt like that..

Last November, he found a nice tree, sat under it, and stuck a gun in his mouth.

I really wish he had called me instead..
 Vamperella
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 40
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/30/2011 5:22:33 PM
God grief...how many ways can this be paraphrased??

With all the agony aunts in here offering their 2 cents worth, i'm surprised all the counsellors on this planet are still in work!

You know yourself what you must do, you don't need advice to do that luv
 nicegirl1974
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 41
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 6/2/2011 9:21:12 PM
From the word go I wouldn't have got a place in the same building as his friends...
u knew what he was doing having u at home waiting and knowing u would look after the apt...while he was with his buddies...
living the high school life he was..
stop being fwb !!!
cut all ties if so move u can do better !!
 WhitePanda
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 42
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 6/2/2011 10:02:40 PM
He's not perfect, never was. You on the other hand clearly have dependency issues.

You should find a friend to move in with and start seeing a councilor.
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