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Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 25
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can't eat, can't sleepPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
he might have been perfect before but he isnt now. like many have saidget away from him. and be more caring of yourself. But dont feel to bad about falling into the trap( for lack of a better word) it is sometimes hard to let go of even the slimmest form of hope and as its happening to you its not always as clear as it is to an outsider or even yourself looking back on the situation. hindsight is 20/20 and all that

just learn from it. hope you feel better .
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 26
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 12:54:54 AM
So ok. It's over.

You've told us all about him, but what do YOU like to do?

You need to understand that there is absolutely nothing positive that is going to come out of throwing yourself at someone who a. doesnt want you b. doesnt respect you and c. is still willing to use you

People like that will only value you for what you can do for/give to them. Once you have nothing left, they simply move on to greener pastures. They don't care how you feel about it.

Call a girlfriend and tell her you need to blow off some steam. Go out and do something fun and laugh a lot.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 27
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 2:45:02 AM
I agree with forum fishy to a point.....first off there is no one perfect. If we label someone as that, then anything that falls below perfect, will change the perception of perfect, and thats not fair to anyone. Sure it was going great in the beginning, all relationships do, its what happens later that will determine success or not, and in the beginning both are so into each other, they spend essentually all their time and energy towards each other....thats what known as the honeymoon period. Eventually even in successful relations, they lessen the grip and incorporate their other initial interest back into their lives. Thats pretty normal.

But, you moved into a place where you knew he had friends living there and they had these other interest. Surely its normal for him to want to go and visit with them and have fun. But you mentioned giving him that look that made him feel quilty, or at least his perception, maybe it happened often enough, he felt more comfortable elsewhere. That could suggest you are overly needy, clingy, etc and for a reason.

On the otherhand, no two people are alike, and sometimes after the honeymoon period, one gets back into whatever they were into more than the other person cares them to, not leaving enough time for each other, or enough for that persons needs...this is just an in compatibilty thing. The more the one presses, the more the other moves away....similar to the above paragraph, but different too, in this they are better off moving on....but that you carried on a fwb with him after him breaking up and your having feelings for him, suggest you are allowing yourself a glutinous for punishment, just to have him in any form, no matter what it does to you.

Its okay for two people to realise there isn't enough there to sustain a relationship, but the sex was great and go into a FWB, if both feel that way and realise they both don't have that kind of feelings, are are completely okay with just a fwb. The wrong I see is this, is he knew you had these feelings and were this kind of person, that he carried on a FWB, knowing what it would do to you.

But its over, it was when he broke up with you, and if you still have feelings for someone, its not a good idea to torture yourself by having a FWB with them. Its better to get away and let the healing process begin. If you have issue's that make you overly needy, insecure, etc...its better to deal with them with counseling or whatever, because this can effect future relationships.
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 28
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 3:50:03 AM
You played with fire and got burnt.

If you had let time be the healer you would be fine but decided regular sex with him was in order. So what was the difference between a relationship at the place you rented together and living in the same place having sex together?

Simple, you downgraded, lived the lie you were still in a relationship yet lost the commitment from him by being outside one. Other than the formalities things continued the same... he thinks your acceptance of FWB arrangement was you not being interested when you should have tried to get the relationship back on track.

During the FWB stage it probably sparked a peak of the more desire than you have ever had for him. Now, you cannot eat or sleep solely because you FEEL hurt as he is now dating again. This is what happens, person gets dumped, nothing is done to sort it out (or successfully), both parties move on and find someone else.... all apart from you of course!

So the bold element to sum up the whole situation was you were ok for sex while he was probably having sex with other girls too... but as soon as he is looking for a potential relationship you are worried about being REPLACED by another woman.

Is this element even heartbroken? I don't doubt you feel a little bit heartbroken but most of it in my eyes is your jealously and lack of security deep within. You seem sensitive and vulnerable - it isn't about love or feelings in that regard, but by you comparing yourself to these other women and feeling insignificant via comparison.

You have some self-esteem issues to deal with - this is clearly proved when you wanted casual sex with him as he made you feel everything what you don't now that you aren't together and the thought of someone else getting that boost instead of you makes your blood boil, but not in an angry way, but in a way you need to vent via crying. I wouldn't know where to start about building your self-esteem up, suggesting dating others to displace the issue is a difficult option to pick likely to be unsuccessful and if you do really have feelings for him then you need to get back into a relationship to feel whole again. As soon as that happens you need a reality check and build up some self-confidence and self-respect to eliminate the dependancy issues you have. There is nothing wrong to miss someone and to feel absolutely great when they complete you, but without them you cannot feel empty as an insignificant human being. Hope this helps.
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 29
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 8/31/2010 5:07:15 AM
Stop f**king this man.

HE has everything he wants, and you ain't got shit. Start looking at what you're getting...I'll give you a minute.

Go on...look harder.

That's right...NOTHING. You were still very deeply attached to this man and decided that a d**k was better than nothing. And you thought that if he was getting it on the regular from you he wouldn't want anyone else. Not true babydoll. And unfortunately you've learned this the hard way.

What to do? Stop crying, pick yourself up, call your GF's and go do something. Do not spend that evening crying to them about this guy--spend the evening having a good time. Yeah it's hard--been there, done that myself. Several times. But he's not losing a damn bit of sleep over you nor is his appetite gone.

It won't be easy--I won't say that it will. BUT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN A ROLL IN THE SACK. If you don't know it by now, you need to.

Next time, since you know that you cannot be a FWB, don't do it. End the relationship and move on.
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 30
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 4:11:41 PM
sweet, look at it as free weight loss... you can thank him for that.
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 31
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 10:05:40 PM

I also cry ALL the time. I can't stop. I'm not sure what to do, it's tearing me up inside. HELP.

If I may opine
Go have some good time
With friends and some wine
He wasn't that prime
And proved to be a slime
And it is a crime
To waste party time
And your pretty dime
Forget of this swine
You’re gonna be fine
There’s no need to whine….

I made this rhyme….

Now YOU sing it, to the tune of "La Bamba"

Come on girl, smile!
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 32
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/1/2010 10:09:46 PM
I totally agree with you procolharem
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 33
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 5:12:49 PM
Look at the bright side. You'll lose weight, save money on food
and get the Max out of your cable bill.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 34
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 8:06:00 PM
I'm concerned about your health and stability. If you are not eating well and not getting the proper rest you need if will effect you mentally.
I think that you might benefit from therapy. Maybe just short term therapy to talk about your emotional pain and maybe even get some medication to help you eat and sleep.

This is not good. Sleep depravation and ill nutrition can lead to some serious complications.

A good therapist can help you with direction, goals and a cognative plan to regroup and get your life back together. There is no shame in needing psychiatric help. I think maybe you do if you have come to the point that you are so filled with anxiety over this man that you can not eat or sleep. That's like digging a slow grave for yourself.

I've been there, done the cry and puke breakup diet. I've felt that way before after a failed relationship. I promise you there is another side, you can get past this and you can regain your inner strength emotionally and physically. It feels like your world is crashing in, but it may be just a blessing in disguise.

You are telling us that this man is not treating you well, deep down you know that you don't deserve it. Your heart is breaking but your spirit knows this is not the kind of relationship you want or deserve.

Contact your physician and ask him for a therapist or a councelors referal. I think you need help beyond this Forum and beyond what you are able to acheive alone right now.

It will not feel this painful forever. You will get over him, you just need some help to do it. Please try to rest and eat and take care of yourself. You are a beautiful woman and life is to short to put yourself through so much agony over a man that doesn't care for you. God bless you and good luck.
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 35
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/3/2010 8:44:07 PM
OutMind gave a good advice. But you are what you are and can not be somebody else. You will repeat the same mistakes in other relationships as well, because of your nature. Guys like this will take advantage of your good nature. You are only 25. You might get lucky and meet a really good guy who would respect you or you will go from one relationship to another getting hurt. It is all about what life offers us and the choices we make......No one here will help you, you need to help yourself.
I can give you an advice as well - travel abroad if you can afford it. You will have interesting experiences and might forget about this yahoo while having good times.
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 36
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 9/4/2010 12:16:15 PM
'If he was so "perfect".......he wouldn't have continued to have sex with
a woman that was in love with him knowing it was misleading her into thinking
things were going to be OK.'

^^^ yup, lies of omission are still lies.
Joined: 5/5/2011
Msg: 37
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/24/2011 11:40:36 PM
oh man i feel bad for you hes a ****ing asswhole damn men! I am in a similar situation but I broke up with him cause he was treating my like a late night ho.
Joined: 2/14/2011
Msg: 38
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/28/2011 10:44:50 PM
I agree...the FWB is what messed you up. A lot of us women rarely think of sex as sex; we like to equate it to love because that's what we're seeking. A lot of men have this uncanny ability to separate it as he did with you. My best advice is to forget about him. No man should ever stop you from physically living. I know we romantically say thinhs like "If he leaves me I'll just die". Please don't. He has moved on and I know it doesn't feel good right now but you will too.
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 39
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/29/2011 6:09:02 AM
^^ above 2 posters... OP is gone.
And if she did no eating or sleeping in the 9 months since she posted,
she's dead gone.
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 40
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/29/2011 10:21:54 AM
I had a friend that felt like that..

Last November, he found a nice tree, sat under it, and stuck a gun in his mouth.

I really wish he had called me instead..
Joined: 4/27/2010
Msg: 41
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/30/2011 5:22:33 PM
God many ways can this be paraphrased??

With all the agony aunts in here offering their 2 cents worth, i'm surprised all the counsellors on this planet are still in work!

You know yourself what you must do, you don't need advice to do that luv
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 42
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/31/2011 3:47:18 PM
I felt exactly like you after my first and serious relationship ended. I was devastated and we were also "friends with benefits". Trust me when I say that only prolongs the agony, and it took me a while to see that nobody who really loved and cared for my well-being would make me want to suffer unrequited love for his own ends. In the end I ended this arrangement, as I don't think he would have.

I think your boyfriend was a user and you're well out of the situation, but I reckon it will take you a while to see that. Surround yourself by people who are supportive and get the book 'How To Mend Your Broken Heart'. See link below:

I wish you all the best. Look after yourself and treat yourself kindly, as though you were your own best friend. Big hugs. :-)
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 43
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 5/31/2011 3:50:57 PM
ps It's called a break up because it's broken is also a great read. I hope you feel better very soon, but you have to give yourself the chance to experience life beyond your ex. See it as a brand new start, because he didn't deserve you. :-)
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 44
can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 6/2/2011 9:21:12 PM
From the word go I wouldn't have got a place in the same building as his friends...
u knew what he was doing having u at home waiting and knowing u would look after the apt...while he was with his buddies...
living the high school life he was..
stop being fwb !!!
cut all ties if so move u can do better !!
Joined: 5/28/2011
Msg: 45
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can't eat, can't sleep
Posted: 6/2/2011 10:02:40 PM
He's not perfect, never was. You on the other hand clearly have dependency issues.

You should find a friend to move in with and start seeing a councilor.
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