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 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 146
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Looks are and always will be important to most people, young and old. And I might add that I am very interested in staying healthy for as long as possible. That means lots of exercise, healthy eating, etc. One of the benefits of this type of lifestyle is looking your best, and when you look your best you also feel your best and vice-versa. There is nothing that turns me off as quickly as looking at women of my age who have let their bodies go to pieces, and by the mid fifties, lots of women have done just that.

If I were dating, I simply would have no interest in dating a woman too heavy or older looking then her chronological age, and too much sun, smoking and too much weight causes most women to look old before their time. Guys too, far too many of them, have guts that are far too large. I don't know how they can stand living in their own bodies. People don't have to let themselves get old like they do. People can make a priority of living a healthy lifestyle, but far too few do so.

Bottom line is this. . . if I were in the market, I would be looking for a relatively slim, fit and attractive looking woman. That's the standard I set for myself and that is the standard I would set for anyone else. Personality is all well and good, but I want the entire package, its as simple as that. Lots of people might settle for less because they bring nothing to the table to demand more. Its all about life choices.
 Katzenschnauzer
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 147
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/1/2010 11:00:12 AM
{Not really a response to manicmelanie but didn't see where to click to post}

I've always put forth great effort to embellish what I have then I feel confident; I would hope the man I meet would do the same. To me a man with visible nose hairs, little pills on his socks, flakes in hair are reason to bail.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 149
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/1/2010 2:58:03 PM

Yes, those sock pills can really ruin the mood.


Little sock pills?....lol Can honestly say I've never took notice.

One thing I did have a problem with...dirty fingernails. And he wanted to share a pizza.


...mae
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 151
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:52:47 PM
[quote No matter how good looking someone is if they are not sharing theirselves and feel that they have to attain perfection every single time....I will fail miserably

And yet I see so many women who seem so unforgiving and judgmental. Just read how scornfully some of them react in their posts to any man who admits a weakness or failing. To hear them tell it, a man must always be brave, never falter, always bounce right back and succeed--and never lose his confidence, even for a time. Otherwise, presumably, he'd never stand a chance of winning her heart--however cold and stony it may be. (And just why they think he'd want to, I'm not quite sure.)

Running across a few like that--or even seeing them here-- can make you feel there's not much room for error. Whatever weakness or doubt I might be feeling in a difficult situation, I'd never let a woman like that see it. She'd not only be no comfort--she'd probably hold it against me. I don't believe all single women are that way, although a lot of them seem to be.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 152
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 8:52:46 AM

And yet I see so many women who seem so unforgiving and judgmental. Just read how scornfully some of them react in their posts to any man who admits a weakness or failing. To hear them tell it, a man must always be brave, never falter, always bounce right back and succeed--and never lose his confidence, even for a time. Otherwise, presumably, he'd never stand a chance of winning her heart--however cold and stony it may be. (And just why they think he'd want to, I'm not quite sure.)

Running across a few like that--or even seeing them here-- can make you feel there's not much room for error. Whatever weakness or doubt I might be feeling in a difficult situation, I'd never let a woman like that see it. She'd not only be no comfort--she'd probably hold it against me. I don't believe all single women are that way, although a lot of them seem to be.


Being a women who reads men's profiles and not women's, I can assure you the same
can be said for your gender.

I really believe it's a fishes (or online dating) thing though. There are wayyyyyyy too
many people who appear to be rigid in requirements and almost dysfunctional in
social skills on these sites. People who have been hurt in previous relationships that
use the forums for ranting or venting, people who have tried online dating for a while
and have constantly come up against incorrect or misleading profiles, the list goes on.

I don't find this to be true in real life. I've discovered I prefer the old fashioned way
of meeting people...just saying hello, striking up conversations, making friends and
making friends with their friends, etc.

If you hang out in the fish pond and base all your judgements on the opposite sex
by what happens in here, I think you're going to come out with a warped sense of
what people are all about.

But that's just my opinion of course.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 153
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 11:08:11 AM
^^^^^I was thinking more of how women come across in their posts than in their profiles, but I agree with almost everything you say. I'm always striking up conversations and making friends with people I meet in person, too. But--I find most of them are either married or involved with someone. And I don't know why single women I meet in person, rather than online, should be less likely to be jaded about previous relationships.

You're right about the danger of basing judgments about the opposite sex on what happens here. It's easy to start believing what I see here is more typical of what women in general think, and how they act, than it really is.

Seeing so much negative sentiment tends to make you cautious about making contact. I've had women I've met online do some very unpleasant things. This isn't the place to detail them, but they pretty much happened out of the blue. Sometimes I felt like these women were just waiting for some guy to come along so they could unload on him. And here I'd thought most women actually liked men and were sweet, nice, and considerate of people's feelings.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 154
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 11:12:50 AM
And I don't know why single women I meet in person, rather than online, should be less likely to be jaded about previous relationships.


Well, I think they could be more jaded online because they are surrounded
by threads and posts of he did/she did me wrong. The threads also give people
a place to rant and vent and thus relive the relationship over and over again
while sharing their "experiences" with others.

Just seems to me in real life your friends will listen to you only so long
and will then give you a proverbial slap and tell you to snap out of it.
In here. lamenting a lost relationship is encouraged if only because it
contributes to the thread fodder.

Everyone deals in their own way I guess.

and PS on topic. looks become less important as we age, at least as far as
I'm concerned. I think people tend to focus too much on looks frankly,
when the reality is (at least for me) I can be attracted to a guy because he's
interesting, funny, or has intriguing hobbies or a weird family. Looks really
do fade, but personality usually shines forever.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 155
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 1:29:48 PM

...how important are looks?

Today I noticed my eyes really aren't seeing as well as they did in my youth.
Just one of those little things you notice.. nothing serious.
But who knows, as I get older eventually I may view everything with a bit of a blur/softness around it...
.. and I'll be able to say,
"I knew all along that people's 'looks' didn't matter!"
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 158
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 3:06:46 PM

... wish there were more women like you because you are not of the norm in here and especially out there in the real world.


Oh, I don't know about that. My experience has been that, the more intelligent women appear to be attracted to intelligent men. Of course, an intelligent woman is more of a handful than a not so intelligent one, so there may be important tradeoffs to be considered.....
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 159
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 3:40:04 PM
I must admit that I am kind of surprised how many of the still good looking women from my high-school days are married to or going out with guys with large bellies, gray hair or no hair, full faces, and lousy looking skin. In their facebook photos they are hanging on to each other. Maybe people try to make themselves look happier or closer than they truly are when on facebook, but still . . I wonder what a woman truly thinks when her guy has let himself go. And many guys have let themselves go by their fifties.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 160
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/2/2010 4:39:54 PM

Of course, an intelligent woman is more of a handful than a not so intelligent one, so there may be important tradeoffs to be considered.....


The biggest problem is that it may be harder for us men to put things over on them. Just have to turn our game up a notch . . .
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 162
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/5/2010 2:32:15 PM
I just looked up an old flame who I dated in College. She is still fantastic looking. On her second marriage to a guy who is bald, fat and ugly imho. He must be a hell of a guy, because looks wise she is way out of his league.
 seasonsheart56
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 165
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/6/2010 10:53:24 AM
For me its about looks but not the way you think.... For me its a certain kind of look. One that shows the guy is confident yet relaxed and has most of his pics showing a huge smile. He has to dress as if he takes care of himself but does not primp for hours. He has to be clean and his hair has to be maintained. I don't care if hes balled or long it has to be neat. At our age life happens so if he is out of shape like me he has to want to improve that and we can work together on our fitness.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 166
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/6/2010 11:00:37 AM

I don't care if hes balled

a magnanimous attitude, but you can bet he does.
 seasonsheart56
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 167
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 11/6/2010 11:25:04 AM
sorry typo I meant bald.
 lilmopeep
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 169
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:20:56 PM
You know, what one person finds physically attractive, another one doesn't.

I still subscribe to there has to be some physical chemistry with a person you find attractive.

Relating to and kindness are part of it, but not all of it...
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 172
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/8/2010 8:31:33 PM
I need to feel some sort of attraction, that's a fact....but at the same time I look for other redeeming qualities as well. I'm a pretty upbeat, happy person (most of the time) and I would want someone much like myself. I don't have room for negativity in my life. A good looking person can also be ugly.

A Korean proverb says, "After 40 years, everyone is responsible for his/her face." It means if someone is always smiling, his/her looks are going to change to a smiling face.


...mae
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 174
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/13/2010 5:21:48 PM
Well I'd go for the cute thin one.
but my neighbor prefers the short big ones.
which is what makes him such a good wingman.
We don't compete for the same type.

Ladies think he's good looking and he's never without a girl....
a very big non-attractive girl in my book, but an angel to him.

So never think all guys are attracted to the same.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 176
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/13/2010 8:29:37 PM

If someone lined up a stage with a gorgeous brunette, a blonde and black haired beauty a 10 in every way......opposite these beauties were some blonde, brunette, and black haired overweight homey looking dumplings, where will the guys go to first?


Ok, have you got something against redheads?...Lol


...mae
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 177
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/14/2010 5:00:11 AM

where will the guys go to first?


Depends. Up here in Winter, the latter. In Summer, perhaps the former, if they are not to bony. Myself I prefer a somewhat luxurious woman to the wraiths that make it into the usual 10 category.......
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 180
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/15/2010 11:19:21 AM

Myself I prefer a somewhat luxurious woman to the wraiths that make it into the usual 10 category

luxurious ...
luxurious .....
luxurious ....

I like the sound of that. How wonderfully descriptive. Sort of rolls off the tongue.

Thank you, rearguard.


You certainly have a way with words...Yeah....I kinda like that too. *smiles*

...mae
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 181
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LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/15/2010 1:34:59 PM
Perhaps a suggestion to Markus that he add it as a "Body Type" option?

Not that Markus is open to suggestions, mind you.....
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 185
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/23/2010 11:32:17 AM

Beauty is like "Art" very subjective and there fore different from one person to another. What I find attractive another person might scoff /quote]


Actually this is simply not true:

http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/columns/drjim/2007/12-universallyattractive.html

1. In both sexes clear skin and vibrant hair is admired as a sign of youth, vigor and good nutrition.

2. In both sexes having a symmetrical face and body are indicative of good physical and psychological health and the absence of genetic abnormalities (7,8,12,15).

3. Qualities desirable in men include substantial height (3,6), square jaw, wide brow, wide shoulders, strong arms, defined chest and a waist-to-hip ratio of about 1.0. Many of these features indicate that a man is healthy and is a good protector.

4. Qualities desirable in women include full, red lips, large breasts, waist-to-hip ratio of about 0.7 and voluptuous buttocks. Many of these features indicate that a woman is able to produce healthy children (2,13,14).

5. In both sexes (although more for men than women) features that are typically associated with a baby’s face are deemed attractive. In other words, there’s an apparent preference for “cuteness”, which includes large, closely spaced eyes, a small, slightly upturned (or “button”) nose and a soft, rounded chin. These baby-like features signal nurturance and non-dominance—traits that men appear to find very attractive. Women find these traits attractive too, often because nurturance is a positive quality in a mate (4,9); however, women have a more significant preference for facial features which signal maturity, strength and dominance (11).

6. In both sexes an “average” face and body (1,10) are perceived as optimal. Few people like a nose, for instance, that is too large or too small. Average faces and bodies are composites that wash out extreme ends on the continuum of various features, that is, they indicate the absence of potentially maladaptive genes.

7. In both sexes unattractive facial features are often offset by attractive physiques.

8. In both sexes certain physical, but non-anatomical features are especially desirable. In fact, these features can either counteract anatomical flaws or can by themselves be more physically attractive than the kinds of anatomical features mentioned above. Examples include:

- A person’s physical style, such as posture, stature, gait, eye contact and smile. Some people have a smile that is warm or bright enough to accentuate average physical features or even offset particularly unattractive physical features.

- A person’s body image, including level of comfort with his/her own bodies. Nothing can be more physically unattractive than a person who dislikes their appearances whether or not they’re considered generally physically attractive. In fact, a physically unattractive person’s comfort with his/her own looks can sometimes make up for any physical flaws and actually become more physically attractive than a person who’s already above-average looks – and especially a person above-average in looks who doesn’t think that s/he is physically attractive.

- The person’s level of physicality with others: some people are quite physically attracted to those who are more “touchy-feely,” such as people who like to give pats on the back, brushes on the arm, hugs or massages.

- A person’s personal hygiene, grooming and dress. In some cases, exceptional presentation can make average or not-so-attractive faces and bodies look quite physically attractive.

9. In both sexes a person who’s similar to us in physical attractiveness. The reasons for this may include the following:

- We are comfortable and feel safer with people who are similar to us.

- We know ourselves well; if we consider ourselves to be physically healthy, then we’ll consider people of similar physical attractiveness to be healthy as well.

- We don’t like to be around people who are more attractive than us, because we fear they’ll upstage us.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 186
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/23/2010 12:46:05 PM
Well seeing as how most women will say they don't necessarily need
a man for sex or their money, what the heck else is left besides their looks?




7. In both sexes unattractive facial features are often offset by attractive physiques.


This certainly explains a phenomenon I've noticed in here.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 187
LADIES: Over 45, how important are looks?
Posted: 12/25/2010 7:45:24 AM

In both sexes unattractive facial features are often offset by attractive physiques.


I agree with this--though I think men often overlook my 20 pounds of extra weight because of my face (a stranger stopped me the other day to comment on my hair--happens all the time--but also said I had an attractive and expressive face) and hair.

And yes, attractiveness is important, but "attractive" is composed of various components that change from man to man.
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