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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 351
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?Page 15 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
Check out the news... it's all over .... All these so called "family men" ... they're coming out one by one ... mistresses, gfs, one nighters, online hook ups... congressman, actors, athletes. They're on the spot light and one mistake ruins their whole career, even they can't keep it in their pants. That should tell you about how these things work. Oh and these are the ones you hear about.... Ones got caught!

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Chances are there is no "knight in shining armor" and there is no " happily ever after"... get used to it..!

This "until death do us part" business is utterly ridiculous in this time & age and also extremely unrealistic. IMO

 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 352
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 6:21:32 PM

Wh
And of course it's YOU who decides what "reasonable"is, right?


An agreement by definition requires two people.



Here is the real core issue,IMO. You are attempting to use money to "get even" for a deep emotional hurt-again, that is my opinion.


And I have told you several times you are wrong about that. It is totally about me keeping my assets in the event of a divorce.


Divorce and settlements are about ending a marriage that has broken down, dividing the assets via a formula that the family/civil law system has deemed fair


And I don't deem them as fair. Why do I have to subsidize someone that leaves me?


and it is meant to prevent anyone in the broken family from being destitute and a charge on the State for survival.


So because she didn't have ambition and drive to be able to support herself I have to?
I can assure you I never once even tried to stop one of my wives for working.


Don't cry to the forum,we didn't write the policies. Those who are here all but DIGESTING themselves over how unfair divorce is to men, fer Pete's sake, become an activist for divorce law reform.


How do you think the idea for the American revolution started? Do you think all the fore fathers was endowed with the same idea at the same time?

No they discussed it for years in pubs churches and town hall meetings. This forum is a modern day way of discussing such ideas. So we are activists for divorce reform.


No, the points I was making involve the part that emotion and spiritual play in a sound marriage, and that perhaps people would be better served to marry within the same socioeconomic background. Thanks for twisting/spinning MY words.


Didn't spin anything your comment wholly supported my view.


It's generally held that money is one of the 3 things commonly argued about, and a FACTOR in divorce. But people get divorced because they no longer love one another enough to continue the marriage...the marriage has irretrievably broken down.


No problem with if it is broken, then each should take their toys and go home one shouldn't gain assets from the other.

The whole time she was washing his clothes he was repairing her car. If her work for him deems payment after the fact his should too!

See how stupid that sounds when addressed in that light!


Junkyard dawg posted.


Women years ago did not have the opportunities for education and careers they have now. They were dependent on men especially if they had children.So marriage was a way to attain security for a gender, female who were largely powerless in society and of lower status.
There were also a lot of traditions about a womans role in society and in the home.These hindered womens independence and autonomy.
However times have changed and as women we know we have opportunities to educate ourselves, be independent of men and always be able to support ourselves and our children if we have them.


I agree and the archaic laws need to be changed or an agreed upon exit strategy needs to be in place....AKA a pre nup.


On the topic of prenups both genders if they have property or valuables need to protect themselves.Its the sensible option.I wonder if Donald has a prenup. At the rate he is going he wont be able to afford any more ratty rugs for his head.


Agreed and with his money I have wondered for years why he didn't have better hair!
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 353
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 7:11:29 PM

This "until death do us part" business is utterly ridiculous in this time & age and also extremely unrealistic. IMO



This is a possibility, but can the men and women understand this? Do they want to understand this? Who created true love anyways? Does one really know......



 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 354
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 7:41:04 PM

The funny part is that the women who's sons got financially castrated knew and understood the injustice done to their sons, for it is they who first brought the injustice to my attention, but did nothing about it.

What exactly were they supposed to do? Put out a hit on their soon to be ex daughter-in-law-or the divorce court judge? Why did they "bring it to your attention"? Are you an attorney, a lobbyist, an elected representative?

In other words, you can't backup the bullshit you preach. No surprise here.

Oh? The no fault divorce laws, and the division of marital assets are something I made up out of thin air?
This was posted on the divorce.com website as an answer to a question posed by an advice-seeker.

All states are "division states" in a divorce. A handful are known as "community" property states where marital assets are usually split 50/50 right down the middle. The rest of the nation is comprised of "equitable" property states. Ohio is as an equitable property distribution state. When spouses cannot agree on division on their own, the Court will distribute the marital assets between the two parties in an equitable fashion. Equitable does not mean equal, but what is fair.

Now, I will concede that "what is fair" might well be influenced by who has the better lawyer-but anyone is free to do research and find the best representation available to them.
And of course there is always the claim that the judge, the court, the whole system is biased in favor of women, but that is a matter of subjective opinion.
As for the reason for "no-fault" divorce(dissolution of marriage),that is just common sense! The legislative and judicial entities who put "no-fault" divorce laws in place,I seriously doubt were loaded with women bent on a 'class action revenge" against men.
You might be surprised to find that many mature women DON'T want marriage, they don't want to live together, they don't want your stuff.



You be surprised how wrong you are.

Can YOU back that up???

Women (at least some) make it about money and stuff.

Huh? It looks to me like this thread has plenty of men who are hyperfocused on how they got "reamed",and/or how they are gonna make damn sure it doesn't happen again.( here's a thought...don't get married again)

There are more important things in life than to suck-up to women.

I see, it is your fully-intentioned plan to alienate them-then why are you on a dating site? I'm not talking about looking for marriage or cohabitation, just even dating. If it's just about getting your "bobo honked"( I owe that one to a male poster!) why not get with one of those women you have sex with and pay to go away?

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Chances are there is no "knight in shining armor" and there is no " happily ever after"... get used to it..!

I think yo're preachin to the choir, here. I think most people are not looking for knights and princesses, just someone that they can love and have a decent life with...whether or not a marriage or cohabitation is involved.

This "until death do us part" business is utterly ridiculous in this time & age and also extremely unrealistic. IMO

Actually, in terms of pure reason and logic, I'm inclined to agree with you. "until death do us part" was written in a time when it was quite common for that event to occur quite early,when there was not the mobility, the options, the alternatives,the temptations... I'd be for having to renew a marriage license just like you do your drivers license...but,IF a decision was made to not renew, there would still be the matter of the dividing of assets and liabilities, and provisions for dependent children. Or maybe a non-renewing couple should have to surrender all assets and the children to the State-let them BOTH start over with nothing. Let their assets pay for 3rd party care of their children.

An agreement by definition requires two people.

Oh don't be sophomoric. An agreement can result from one person conceding to the other.

And I don't deem them as fair. Why do I have to subsidize someone that leaves me?

So, ask that question of those who put the divorce laws into place.

So because she didn't have ambition and drive to be able to support herself I have to?

If she would otherwise be destitute and a charge on the State. The State is going to look out for the taxpayers and the State Treasury first,the welfare of the children second, and if the grown-ups don't think that's fair, then maybe they should try to work things out and stay together??

I can assure you I never once even tried to stop one of my wives for working.

I don't believe I ever said you did. Again, I was speaking about the divorce laws and processes as they apply to people in general.

Didn't spin anything your comment wholly supported my view.

You are certainly free to think so-but it did not. I think I'm beginning to understand the reasons behind the reasons for your divorces, but that would be taking the thread off topic. Just an observation.

and with his money I have wondered for years why he didn't have better hair!

on that I can certainly agree with you. Is that his own hair? Did he actually PAY someone for the cut and styling? Or for the wig,if thats' what it is? "dead animal on his head" is a pretty apt description.
Cindy O
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 355
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 7:41:39 PM

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Chances are there is no "knight in shining armor" and there is no " happily ever after"... get used to it..!

This "until death do us part" business is utterly ridiculous in this time & age and also extremely unrealistic. IMO


Thats what I keep trying to say here, but everybody is so busy sampling all the coffee flavors and they keep missing the best flavor of them all.......

F.R.E.E.D.O.M. Coffee and it comes in a Latte' as well!

No more knight's in shining armor and there are no more damsel's in distress! All the dragons have perished as well.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 356
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 8:09:57 PM

Huh? It looks to me like this thread has plenty of men who are hyperfocused on how they got "reamed",and/or how they are gonna make damn sure it doesn't happen again.( here's a thought...don't get married again)

Sauce for both goose and gander. I’ve been divorced once. I got to pay for it twice, because even though HE wanted it, he couldn’t be bothered to show up in court on the right day and sign the papers. The second time I paid I went through a court in a different state. The judge said it looked to him like I was the one who’d abandoned my husband, not the other way around since I’d left the state where we’d been living, until I said I really didn’t think either my soon to be ex or the woman he was currently living with would have been the least bit happy having me right there in the mix - it was her house, after all. Besides, he kept leaving me to live with others anyway, didn’t matter what state we were in.

I was also the one who had real jobs all along, making real money - didn’t have a lot because he pretty much spent it faster than I could earn it, but once I got away, things were different. I got to keep what I earned. The one thing I was always thankful for was that we didn’t have any children, simply because he would have been the worst father figure in the western world.

Fortunately, I didn't let that one bad experience sour me for life.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 357
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 8:23:50 PM

Oh don't be sophomoric. An agreement can result from one person conceding to the other.


But the bottom line is she makes her own decisions she is not forced to. What is it about her having free will to walk away that you don't understand?


So, ask that question of those who put the divorce laws into place.


Nah I would rather set the parameters of my own exit strategy. Seeing as it is my assets involved. I believe since I made my money, I should be the one that decides how it is spent.


If she would otherwise be destitute and a charge on the State. The State is going to look out for the taxpayers and the State Treasury first,the welfare of the children second, and if the grown-ups don't think that's fair, then maybe they should try to work things out and stay together??


So again why should I or the state pay her because SHE was lazy and didn't learn a way to support herself?
Besides I wouldn't be married to a lady that lazy anyway.


You are certainly free to think so-but it did not. I think I'm beginning to understand the reasons behind the reasons for your divorces, but that would be taking the thread off topic. Just an observation.


you said...


I can also attest to many couples I know that have 30+ year marriages,where I am sure that is the case,but in many of them, the couple ALSO started out on reasonably equal socioeconomic footing.


As they are on a equal footing in the money they make it takes the advantage of divorcing the higher earner. I have said that all along.

I get that you don't like my straight forward attitude. I get you don't like me saying I won't marry w/o a pre nup that protects me.
It's okay but no one can say I was deceitful about what I would be willing to risk in a marriage.

It is also great to see other people thinking about this.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 358
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 8:33:00 PM

I’d left the state where we’d been living, until I said I really didn’t think either my soon to be ex or the woman he was currently living with would have been the least bit happy having me right there in the mix - it was her house, after all. Besides, he kept leaving me to live with others anyway, didn’t matter what state we were in.

I was also the one who had real jobs all along, making real money - didn’t have a lot because he pretty much spent it faster than I could earn it, but once I got away, things were different. I got to keep what I earned. The one thing I was always thankful for was that we didn’t have any children, simply because he would have been the worst father figure in the western world.


He was a gold-digger kari135! He saw a hard-working woman as his meal ticket and it bought him more "sit on his arse time & chase women time" while you were working. By the by......has he scamed the woman he's living with out of her house yet or is that still coming down the pike?

I have a question for everyone.....why do you think our forefathers(politicians, lobbyists, law-makers, etc.) and the men in black dresses(priests, pope) created the institution of marriage in the first place?
 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 359
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 8:53:48 PM
as opposed to illegally married???

seriously... marriage was another form of bond; signifying ownership. In an agrarian structure, a woman or women are assets.

In an industrialized structure the bond favors the woman. The breadwinner (usually male) was an asset.

In a technological and egalitarian structure a public/political bond has little purpose. But an emotional one, such as commitment, has great value. Priceless.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 360
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 9:35:47 PM
I have a question for everyone.....why do you think our forefathers(politicians, lobbyists, law-makers, etc.) and the men in black dresses(priests, pope) created the institution of marriage in the first place?


Before and during the years of Jesus, there was just a whole lot of begatting going on. Records of marriages, births and deaths were not kept until quite sometime after the death of Christ. How long after????.....no one knows for sure. The politicians, law-makers and religious organizations had reasons for couples to publicly declare their love, and make it a matter of public legal record........later referred to as the ceremonial exchange of vows.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 361
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/6/2011 10:39:36 PM

What exactly were they supposed to do?


Attempt reform. Speak up. Write about it. Expose the scam.



Why did they "bring it to your attention"? Are you an attorney, a lobbyist, an elected representative?


Because I'm interested in justice.



Can YOU back that up???


Sure! Enjoy:

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/womencensus1.html



The no fault divorce laws, and the division of marital assets are something I made up out of thin air?


No, not at all. What you did make up is that they are fair. That you pulled out of thin air.



And of course there is always the claim that the judge, the court, the whole system is biased in favor of women, but that is a matter of subjective opinion.


Ah... a matter of subjective opinion! I see.

I have debated many people. Those who resort to a "matter of subjective opinion" usually don't have any viable arguments to offer - nothing to backup their story, their side, their beliefs. Which is fine with me, but in such a case, you lose credibility.

You see, to claim something is a matter of subjective opinion requires in itself an argument to show it is so.



The legislative and judicial entities who put "no-fault" divorce laws in place,I seriously doubt were loaded with women bent on a 'class action revenge" against men.


I don't care if monkeys with lasers on their asses put together the divorce laws.

I only care if such laws are just. More importantly, the people who claim such laws are fair and just, must show the actual arguments that justify the current divorce laws.

People who claim 50/50 is fair, must show using clear explanations and sound logic, why this is so.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 362
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 10:36:17 AM
x-file
go argue with the legislative bodies that passed the law and the judges who enforce them-tell THEM they pulled it out of thin air.

"No-fault" divorce in the United States originated in the state of California effective January 1, 1970.[2] At that time, lawyers and judges objected to the legal fictions used to bypass statutory requirements for obtaining a divorce, which had become more commonplace since the mid-20th century.



Economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers argue that their research proves when states allow no-fault divorce, domestic violence declines, as does female suicide.[21] Specifically, they report that "states that adopted no-fault divorce experienced a decrease of 8 to 16 percent in wives’ suicide rates and a 30 percent decline in domestic violence."[22] They also argue that their research proves there is no permanent effect of no-fault divorce laws on divorce rates.[23]

Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history at Evergreen State College, states that "in the years since no-fault divorce became well-nigh universal, the national divorce rate has fallen, from about 23 divorces per 1,000 married couples in 1979 to under 17 per 1,000 in 2005."[24] She also states that before no-fault divorce was legalized, "Expensive litigation strained court resources" and that "once you permit the courts to determine when a person’s desire to leave is legitimate, you open the way to arbitrary decisions about what is or should be tolerable in a relationship, made by people who have no stake in the actual lives being lived."

Lawyer L.M. Fenton states "Feminist holdouts against New York's new bill [which allows no-fault divorce] don't understand how family law affects women today," adding "It also mystifies me that spouses could still, even in 2010, be forced to stay married to someone who refused to let go." She further states that, "Fault-based grounds usually include mental cruelty, but true mental cruelty has a psychological component that can make it very difficult for the abused spouse to articulate that abuse. More to the point, the abused spouse may be terrified to describe the relationship on paper and testify about it in a court. And of course, a controlling partner will always choose the path of most resistance to whatever it is that the other spouse wants."

(emphases mine)
from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fault_divorce



The presumed division of marital assets and debts is a 50/50 split, but, unlike in community property states, a 50/50 split is not necessarily the ending point if the judge applies any of the following factors:

(a) The contribution to the marriage by each spouse, including contributions to the care and education of the children and services as homemaker.
(b) The economic circumstances of the parties.
(c) The duration of the marriage.
(d) Any interruption of personal careers or educational opportunities of either party.
(e) The contribution of one spouse to the personal career or educational opportunity of the other spouse.
(f) The desirability of retaining any asset, including an interest in a business, corporation, or professional practice, intact and free from any claim or interference by the other party.
(g) The contribution of each spouse to the acquisition, enhancement, and production of income or the improvement of, or the incurring of liabilities to, both the marital assets and the nonmarital assets of the parties.
(h) The desirability of retaining the marital home as a residence for any dependent child of the marriage, or any other party, when it would be equitable to do so, it is in the best interest of the child or that party, and it is financially feasible for the parties to maintain the residence until the child is emancipated or until exclusive possession is otherwise terminated by a court of competent jurisdiction. In making this determination, the court shall first determine if it would be in the best interest of the dependent child to remain in the marital home; and, if not, whether other equities would be served by giving any other party exclusive use and possession of the marital home.
(i) The intentional dissipation, waste, depletion, or destruction of marital assets after the filing of the petition or within 2 years prior to the filing of the petition.
(j) Any other factors necessary to do equity and justice between the parties.

from http://www.divorcelawtampabay.com/MaritalAssetsDebts.aspx

I can only suggest that anyone, regardless of gender,who fears loss of assets or accelerated drain on resources simply not get married and have children-and that is a completely neutral statement.
As for me "not understanding protecting assets" let me assure you that I most certainly d0. As Kari's post demonstrated, there are also male gold-diggers. Even though I really cannot claim anything much more than socio-economic stability, I've found myself dealing with situations where I had to deflect male gold-diggers or househoppers.
What I'm trying to point out is that it is my considered opinion,based on 40-odd years of dealing with other human beings-that some here going on and on about unfair divorce laws and having ironclad pre-nups are really more afraid of getting hurt(again) than they are losing "assets". Again, do not misunderstand me, I completely understand and support taking REASONABLE steps to protect their assets, but with the level of anger and fear I see here in some topic participants, I have to wonder why they are even thinking about another marriage. It IS possible to be committed and quite bonded to someone without having to enter into a legal contract and/or live under the same roof. It's not a PERFECT solution some don't agree with that type of relationship, but by golly I bet a lot of people would rather do that than try to live with someone and have to keep track of every penny spent and every effort made to be certain that everything was "equal" .
Cindy O
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 363
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 11:28:31 AM

"[22] They also argue that their research proves there is no permanent effect of no-fault divorce laws on divorce rates

That is fallacious. Below is a study of 24 studies on no fault.

They found 17 of the 24 showed NO FAULT did indeed increase the divorce.

Now logic would dictate that if the majority of the studies agree that would be the correct conclusion.

Seeing as this fact is wrong in the study you chose to post it would call into question all the info. Seeing as they blatantly choose to skew the facts of one question of the study. One would have to ask if they started with an conclusion and provided a study to support that conclusion.



Executive Summary:
Did the introduction of no- divorce law
affect the divorce rate? This study looks at
all the empirical research since 1995 that
examines the impact of no-fault divorce laws
on divorce rates both in the United States
and in other nations, 24 studies in all, and
concludes:
No-fault divorce did increase the
divorce rate. Seventeen of 24 recent
empirical studies find that the introduction
of no-fault divorce laws increased the
divorce rate, by one estimate as much as 88
percent.


Sorry but your one study is biased.


I can only suggest that anyone, regardless of gender,who fears loss of assets or accelerated drain on resources simply not get married and have children-and that is a completely neutral statement.


So in your world they shouldn't marry even if they agree on a pre nup?


As for me "not understanding protecting assets" let me assure you that I most certainly d0. As Kari's post demonstrated, there are also male gold-diggers. Even though I really cannot claim anything much more than socio-economic stability, I've found myself dealing with situations where I had to deflect male gold-diggers or househoppers.


So even though the state provides favored laws to females if they are the major wage earners they should have protection?

Also noted is when I gave a similar account of my last marriage the problem was my picker was broken and no blame was placed on the cheater that kept a insurance policy on me hoping I would kill myself as her first husband did.

However no broken picker here and the blame is all his.......Any one else seeing a pattern here?


What I'm trying to point out is that it is my considered opinion,based on 40-odd years of dealing with other human beings-that some here going on and on about unfair divorce laws and having ironclad pre-nups are really more afraid of getting hurt(again) than they are losing "assets".


Then why would I be dating? The pre nup doesn't protect my feelings or from getting hurt......only my assets.

Please take your psych diploma back to the blue light at Kmart it is defective.


Again, do not misunderstand me, I completely understand and support taking REASONABLE steps to protect their assets, but with the level of anger and fear I see here in some topic participants, I have to wonder why they are even thinking about another marriage


Actually I'm not but I like to be prepared. Again I hope you kept the receipt on that diploma.


It IS possible to be committed and quite bonded to someone without having to enter into a legal contract and/or live under the same roof. It's not a PERFECT solution some don't agree with that type of relationship, but by golly I bet a lot of people would rather do that than try to live with someone and have to keep track of every penny spent and every effort made to be certain that everything was "equal" .


Oh so being equal in a marriage is not good but equally splitting the assets someone else earned through divorce is more than fair in your eyes.

For every study you can show that supports your view of no fault I can show more tan two that support mine.

Funny thing is New York one of the most liberal states there is is the last hold out on No Fault. They site the rise in divorce rate as the reason!

You say to become an activist to change the law. I say we are doing just that talking here informing the ones that are unaware, and the rise in men not wanting to marry at all and the ones that would marry again only with a pre nup. While the posts of women asking why don't men want to marry is also on the rise.

What seems to fluster you is we are talking and making changes in our lives. The stats X-File posted show there are more women marrying and divorcing than men. So that means there are some poor dopes out there marrying and getting divorced again and again. But most of us men as gender are figuring it out and the prey is becoming scarce.

As far as the laws favoring women I can post many women with doctorates that agree.

Now on with the misandry.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 364
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 11:58:13 AM
It IS possible to be committed and quite bonded to someone without having to enter into a legal contract and/or live under the same roof. It's not a PERFECT solution some don't agree with that type of relationship...


Yup...woiks for me. I've been doing it for six years and as far as I'm concerned (at my age particularly), it IS the perfect solution. In fact, I find there isn't the complacency that sets in and the "taking for granted" as can be experienced when you live with your partner, married or otherwise. We're very focused on each other when we're together and focused on our other pursuits when we're not (even if it's relaxing - no "expectations" from someone else that you "should" be doing something they figure you should be doing, including financially). I see more and more people my age post-divorce/death of a spouse opting for this type of relationship. Finances are never an issue and we spend equally on each other - no financial expectations based on gender. Obviously, it's not a desired set up for a couple with children or wanting children for various reasons, not the least of which is having both parents available to see to kids' needs, emotionally and in other ways, but even then I've seen where there's shared custody that kids can thrive when parents don't live together - particiularly when there's no step-parent or common law partner in a live-in situation (step-parenting can be a difficult task for all concerned I hear).

I've also seen many people who are married or living together who love the fact that they are. As I've said before in these forums, if everyone was designed to live their life the same exact way, we'd all be living in cookie cutter houses, driving the exact same car, having the same number of children, wearing the same clothes, etc. If it works for you and your partner (and kids if you have them living with you) in whichever way that floats your boat, that's all that matters, legally married (with or without pre-nups) or otherwise. If a person wants to avoid the pitfalls encountered in past relationships and has decided to try a different route, all the power to you - it's your life, you're the one living it, not any one else - no matter your gender.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 365
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 11:59:09 AM

By the by......has he scamed the woman he's living with out of her house yet or is that still coming down the pike?

Nah, it would have taken too much effort on his part, I think - and it was over 40 years ago. To this day I still don't know if our marriage was legal, he was a compulsive liar among other things. Changed his name and age about as often as his underwear, and could never pass up telling a lie if it was more exciting than the truth. Or even if the truth was more interesting, he still preferred lies and BS.

The only thing I do know for sure is that the divorce was legal.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 366
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:00:15 PM

Funny thing is New York one of the most liberal states there is is the last hold out on No Fault. They site the rise in divorce rate as the reason!


You got that right. NY is a NO Fault State. There's even no LTCF's (license to carry firearms) in this state. You have to go the liberal route, and prove just cause or right to get a carrying permit. Imagine how the divorce's work in this state. The divorce Judges are sick and tired of all the bickering between parties. Sometimes if the man, or woman become too petty in the court over assets...... The Judge will do a 40/60 split or worse over a 50/50. Depending on who p*sses him/her off more.



Thats what I keep trying to say here, but everybody is so busy sampling all the coffee flavors and they keep missing the best flavor of them all.......

F.R.E.E.D.O.M. Coffee and it comes in a Latte' as well!

No more knight's in shining armor and there are no more damsel's in distress! All the dragons have perished as well.


Hey Razzle. You might be right. It's nice for everyone to have their freedom, but it is inherent in humans to pair up. Be it heterosexual, or gay. Remember Noah, and the ark. Everyone wants to have someone they can trust, love, share, spend time with..... We are all just making it harder on each other. The thing today is because of all the things, and games the men did to the women many years ago.... The women are now playing those same games with the men. Because they can. They are independent, and really don't need to rely on a man. See the GAME continues on. And when you stop playing the GAME, does that make us losers, or winners? Does anyone have the answer to this?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 367
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:06:28 PM

What seems to fluster you is we are talking and making changes in our lives.

fluster me??? OMG I find this thread hilarious.
While I can certainly feel badly for the experiences some men here have had,there comes a point when it becomes resentment, unresolved anger, unresolved fear-I suspect that there is one poster here who may be divorced because he is what even the average reasonable person would call a rage-aholic. I'm simply making observations about what I see. If you want to call that "flustered" go ahead. It's a failing of mine that sometimes I just can't resist rattling certain types of people's cages, but that's certainly not being "flustered".

Did I claim a degree in psychology? I did not, I spoke of my time on the planet,interacting with other people.
I do have some background in teaching a specialized activity, and some experience as a social work technician. Unfortunately, although I do have one very serious relationship that went terribly wrong when I was young-I can't claim experiences with multiple failed marriages or LTRs. I do realize that there are conniving and downright dishonest people out there,and that one needs to have a care about one's well-being. But when "having a care" seems to be more of an ongoing PANIC, I can't help but wonder if some people are so over-protective of themselves, that they are depriving themselves of a great deal of enjoying their lives. Speaking as one who greatly enjoys her life, I feel badly for those people.
As for the things I cited,that was simply done to demonstrate that I am not just making shit up out of my own head. These are quotes from websites offering general basic advice about the process of dissolution of marriage,and some of the reasoning behind the enactment of no-fault divorce in all 50 states. I'm sorry, I don't have time to read the entire internet to come up with conflicting statistics...it was basic information AUTHORED by a person or persons that are qualified to do so.
Cindy O
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 368
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History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:06:44 PM
No-fault divorce doesn't CAUSE divorce; it merely makes divorce easier to obtain. Prior to no-fault divorce, people sometimes had to fake a reason - for instance, my parents colluded to prove adultery so they could get divorced. On paper, my mother was at fault; in reality, he began hitting her and she wanted out badly enough that she took the hit to her reputation.

A bit of research demonstrates that there are lots of reasons for divorce:

Long commutes:
A university in northern Sweden proved that the risk of divorce increases by 40% when a long commute is involved, designating forty-five minutes or longer as detrimental to a relationship.
from: http://newyorkdivorcenews.com/to-uproot-or-commute-study-finds-commuting-increases-divorce-rate/33781/

No, wait ... divorces happen because people didn't smile when they were kids
Only 10 percent of people who smiled in early photographs had gone through a divorce later in life compared with 31 percent of those did not smile.

Then again, sick women cause divorce ..
If you are a woman who has recently been diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis, the chances of divorce are sixfold greater than if your husband has been diagnosed with the same diseases.

On the other hand, it could be horny husbands that are the problem ..
If you are a man with a high testosterone level, you are 43 percent more likely to get a divorce than a man with low testosterone.
From: http://www.emaxhealth.com/1275/21-factors-may-increase-risk-divorce

Blaming individualism seems like a good idea, too ...
Not very long ago, a person was considered an insignificant unit of the society. Personal wishes and aspirations had to be suppressed in favour of what the society or relatives demanded from the person. The individual had hardly any control on his or her life and self-sacrifice was the rule. ..... People today give more importance to what they are getting out of marriage rather than what their family duties are.
http://www.articleclick.com/Article/Reasons-for-the-Ever-Increasing-Divorce-Rate/973617

There are lots of reasons for divorce, every couple is different and trying to "prove" that one reason stands out above all the rest is far too simplistic.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 369
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:40:17 PM

No-fault divorce doesn't CAUSE divorce; it merely makes divorce easier to obtain. Prior to no-fault divorce, people sometimes had to fake a reason - for instance, my parents colluded to prove adultery so they could get divorced. On paper, my mother was at fault; in reality, he began hitting her and she wanted out badly enough that she took the hit to her reputation.

A bit of research demonstrates that there are lots of reasons for divorce:

Long commutes:
A university in northern Sweden proved that the risk of divorce increases by 40% when a long commute is involved, designating forty-five minutes or longer as detrimental to a relationship.
from: http://newyorkdivorcenews.com/to-uproot-or-commute-study-finds-commuting-increases-divorce-rate/33781/

No, wait ... divorces happen because people didn't smile when they were kids
Only 10 percent of people who smiled in early photographs had gone through a divorce later in life compared with 31 percent of those did not smile.

Then again, sick women cause divorce ..
If you are a woman who has recently been diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis, the chances of divorce are sixfold greater than if your husband has been diagnosed with the same diseases.

On the other hand, it could be horny husbands that are the problem ..
If you are a man with a high testosterone level, you are 43 percent more likely to get a divorce than a man with low testosterone.
From: http://www.emaxhealth.com/1275/21-factors-may-increase-risk-divorce

Blaming individualism seems like a good idea, too ...
Not very long ago, a person was considered an insignificant unit of the society. Personal wishes and aspirations had to be suppressed in favour of what the society or relatives demanded from the person. The individual had hardly any control on his or her life and self-sacrifice was the rule. ..... People today give more importance to what they are getting out of marriage rather than what their family duties are.
http://www.articleclick.com/Article/Reasons-for-the-Ever-Increasing-Divorce-Rate/973617

There are lots of reasons for divorce, every couple is different and trying to "prove" that one reason stands out above all the rest is far too simplistic.


I didn't say no fault caused divorce.

I said it increased the divorce rate. Two totally different things.

The Marjory of the studies back this up as well as a entire state saying no to no fault because of the same reason.

Nice attempt at spinning but alas a epic fail.


I'm sorry, I don't have time to read the entire internet to come up with conflicting statistics...it was basic information AUTHORED by a person or persons that are qualified to do so


I wonder if you spent the same time looking for accurate data as you do the ones that agree with your myopic views. If you would have a stronger debate stance?


I do realize that there are conniving and downright dishonest people out there,and that one needs to have a care about one's well-being. But when "having a care" seems to be more of an ongoing PANIC, I can't help but wonder if some people are so over-protective of themselves, that they are depriving themselves of a great deal of enjoying their lives. Speaking as one who greatly enjoys her life, I feel badly for those people


So you have spent time with me interacted with me? I don't remember doing so. However my friends and I have a great time when together. They would never brand me as angry.

You only judge me by my stance of marriage.

Here is some sage advice....May judgement be meted out to you in equal measure of Judgement meted by you.


Thats what I keep trying to say here, but everybody is so busy sampling all the coffee flavors and they keep missing the best flavor of them all.......

F.R.E.E.D.O.M. Coffee and it comes in a Latte' as well!

No more knight's in shining armor and there are no more damsel's in distress! All the dragons have perished as well.


Question for the teacher....Why is the freedom to have a pre nup not included in this wonderful F.R.E.E.D.O.M. you speak of?

In every jurisdiction no fault has been made law the divorce rate has increased......In Europe some places no fault has been modified to make the couple agree on the division of assets to be quick.(30 days) If no agreement the wait time to hash it out in court is 3-7 years. The divorce rate has fallen in these places.
Coincidental?............. I think not!
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 370
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 12:53:08 PM


Oh don't be sophomoric. An agreement can result from one person conceding to the other.

But the bottom line is she makes her own decisions she is not forced to

Odd, then, that in post #259 you excused men from being responsible for decisions they make under pressure …

Most any guy will tell you once his lady makes up her mind to acquire something they have little choice but to accept.
That or experience a living hel! until he gives in.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 371
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 1:01:14 PM
^^^^There are those types of pressures experienced by both genders when married and legally entangled that will cause a person to make decisions under pressure that aren't experienced prior to marriage. The signing or otherwise of a pre-nuptual would indicate to me that there isn't the same type of ability to pressure one. At that point they still have the option to walk away easier from the relationship if they feel they are being pressured to make a decision that goes against their better judgement.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 372
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 1:03:41 PM

^^^^There are those types of pressures experienced by both genders when married and legally entangled that will cause a person to make decisions under pressure that aren't experienced prior to marriage. The signing or otherwise of a pre-nuptual would indicate to me that there isn't the same type of ability to pressure one. At that point they still have the option to walk away easier from the relationship if they feel they are being pressured to make a decision that goes against their better judgement.


Yeah the way they rail against pre nups you would think either a gun was used or the lady doesn't have the gray matter to make a inelegant decision.




Oh don't be sophomoric. An agreement can result from one person conceding to the other.
************
But the bottom line is she makes her own decisions she is not forced to
**************
Odd, then, that in post #259 you excused men from being responsible for decisions they make under pressure …
********************
Most any guy will tell you once his lady makes up her mind to acquire something they have little choice but to accept.
That or experience a living hel! until he gives in.


I fail to see me excusing the man in this. Truth is I think one would have to be an idiot and whipped to do so.

Again nice try at spinning but again a epic fail.

My stance on this is to protect each persons assets regardless to gender. Somehow y'all seem to be trying to make it about gender.

Why is that?

It would be nice to debate the actual topic instead of being attacked personally. However I promise I can take what ever spin you try and put on my posts.

As I am not gender bashing as some here are. My stance will survive cheep shots because it is based in facts and truth and is non biased.

Again on with the misandry.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 373
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 1:05:07 PM

Hey Razzle. You might be right. It's nice for everyone to have their freedom, but it is inherent in humans to pair up. Be it heterosexual, or gay. Remember Noah, and the ark. Everyone wants to have someone they can trust, love, share, spend time with..... We are all just making it harder on each other. The thing today is because of all the things, and games the men did to the women many years ago.... The women are now playing those same games with the men. Because they can. They are independent, and really don't need to rely on a man. See the GAME continues on. And when you stop playing the GAME, does that make us losers, or winners? Does anyone have the answer to this?


It's pretty much inherent for all living creatures to pair up, breed, copulate or whatever you want to call it....I just call it schtubing for recreation or reproduction!

But, it's pretty much the raging hormones that cause the problem.......yah see, they just scramble up the neurons in our human brains and in the brains of all other living creatures. It's nature's way of preserving the continued longevity of certain species of creatures. If you ever watch a male peacock strut his stuff..........it's gotta be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen, but it's also the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Yes, I agree...we all want other people to love and adore us and maybe one person in particular to love us..........keeping in mind that love and sex are two separate things.

As far as the social games that get played......well, the men blame the women and the women blame the men, especially when money is lost or gained. Humans require money to ensure their survival, but all other creatures on the planet have no need for it. Humans say that money is a measure of their success, and I say(insert big fat raspberry here). If you are truly happy in your life............then you are a success, no matter how much money you have or have not, IMO.

If you choose to stop playing the social games of men and women, you are neither a winner, nor a looser! But, rather you have just found YOUR FREEDOM, which is more precious than anyone's gold or currency.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 374
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 1:18:56 PM
As far as the social games that get played......well, the men blame the women and the women blame the men, especially when money is lost or gained. Humans require money to ensure their survival, but all other creatures on the planet have no need for it. Humans say that money is a measure of their success, and I say(insert big fat raspberry here). If you are truly happy in your life............then you are a success, no matter how much money you have or have not, IMO.

If you choose to stop playing the social games of men and women, you are neither a winner, nor a looser! But, rather you have just found YOUR FREEDOM, which is more precious than anyone's gold or currency.


Kind of sounds like what we had in the Garden of Eden, before the apple, and the snake arrived. But yes it is inherent in all humans except animals. Like dogs, or cats for instance..... They love you unconditionally.

Expenses and Liabilities = Assets without the capital gains.


P.S. I think the word you were looking for was shtupping.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 375
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/7/2011 1:25:21 PM

P.S. I think the word you were looking for was shtupping

schtubing maybe = shtupping with a short one
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