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 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 451
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?Page 19 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

My guess is that it was there all the time. You just didn't pay enough attention to her to notice it. In general, I think (1) people want to trust the person they're with and overlook things that ought to cause one to ask if what you're being told adds up; and (2) are generally too busy to pay any attention to their partners. Being all about yourslf makes it easy to just pay no attention to what's going on.
*******************************************************************************

I think Abelian answered your question quite nicely!! Now, it is up to you to understand it


(1) I can go for that somewhat as I did trust her completely. That only made it easier for her to hang the horns on me.
So now that I have learned that lesson and made adjustments in my way of thinking I am blasted here as greedy.

Seeing as I have no control over another persons free will. I see protecting myself as the only option in that situation.

(2) While I was busy I was never too busy to spend time with her or my kids. She was definitely not neglected.


Ummm ... perhaps you did too much? I do not want to be unkind or to pass judgment on a situation I can know very little about other than what you write here, but I think people need to feel part of a 'team' that’s working toward something, in order to work well together and if one person is taking on more than their share, perhaps the other person comes to feel a bit unnecessary and not a full participant in the partnership?


You have really given some good advice here and yes I have thought about that.

The thing is with her she ended up married to the guy she cheated on me with. After I told her there was no way I would want her back.

He is a bridge contractor.....While I was running somewhere around 500K a year through my shop and 200K through my racing.

He was building at least 3 bridges a year that cost 3-20 million according to the bridge.

She now works in a Drs office and he pays her an allowance as well.
If the trouble was she didn't feel part of my team then why did she end up with the deal she is in now?

BTW her parting words was she had come to realize she deserved more.

But thanks your answer has gave me some other food for thought.

As far as being all about myself. Myself was my wife and kids everything I did was for us not me.

And while she did not work in my business I did discuss the business with her and sought her advice on many things.

She knew if she needed to talk all she had to do was ask. I would always stop what I was doing to talk with her.

The answer is there is no way of knowing if anyone will honor their vows. People change you have even said so yourself.

The mirror comment is interesting though......However the image she became like was her co workers at the accounting firm she worked at. Not me.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 452
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:31:04 AM
Here is a more humorous wedding vow.............Dr Seuss style at it's best:

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad,
Whether we're happy or sad,
Yes, I will have and I will hold
Just as I have already told,
Yes, I will love her all my life,
Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich?
Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich,
And I will love her in a ditch,
I'll love her through good times and bad,
Whether we are happy or sad,
Yes, I will have, and I will hold
(I could have sworn this has been told!)
I promise to love all my life
This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,
And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit,
And when we're hurt, and when we're sick,
And I will love her when we're rich
And I will love her in a ditch
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold
Ten years from now a thousandfold,
Yes, I will love for my whole life
This lovely woman as my wife!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 453
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:44:32 AM
(1) I can go for that somewhat as I did trust her completely. That only made it easier for her to hang the horns on me.
So now that I have learned that lesson and made adjustments in my way of thinking I am blasted here as greedy.

Seeing as I have no control over another persons free will. I see protecting myself as the only option in that situation.

Actually what you're doing is more like trying to salvage the consequences of making bad choices rather than figuring out what you're missing when you make the choices you make.

As far as being all about myself. Myself was my wife and kids everything I did was for us not me.

And while she did not work in my business I did discuss the business with her and sought her advice on many things.

She knew if she needed to talk all she had to do was ask. I would always stop what I was doing to talk with her.

Those comments seem rather incongruous. The statement, ``Everything I did was for us not me,'' generally means, ``I worked a lot so I could make money,'' not ``I met my wife for lunch just for the hell of it,'' or other things that required personal time. (I'm not saying that your wives were not at fault, only that if you were around them enough, you should have noticed something was a little weird. Another thing that seems weird is saying all she had to do was ask. I usually know when something is bothering my fiancee without her having to say anything and vice-versa (about anything not just something that might be related to the relationship). How well did you actually get to know the people you married? How well did you get along with your inlaws? What were your inlaws like? (Remember, they raised her, so as a general rule, she's going to be a product of how she was raised.)

What are her friends like? How well did you get to know them? People tend to hang around with others whose overall outlook on life is similar (even if there are some obvious differences in values). She's not going to be the sole exception to a group of friends you don't like.

I really don't see how a person can be truly interested in what his/her partner does without also knowing when something is not right. What seems really weird is that I am NOT a people person, so I'd figure most people are better at reading people than I am.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 454
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History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:56:58 AM
I think your most likely correct...........it was derived from the English language word, "stupid" and for a bloody good reason too.


Touché.


Federal law states that an
insurance company must pay off in the event of a suicide if they
insured has had the policy for 2 years. (Except in Colorado where
it's 1 year). If the insured commits suicide before the time period,
their premiums are to be returned to the family.


I've worked in Insurance for many years. No policy pays off on a suicide. Where did you get your info?


Yes it is a gamble much like Vegas where the odds favor the house....Divorce laws favor the female gender.


Actually there are more female divorce judges. I don't think that rings true anymore.


-some to most men do not know how to manage money or a household and think it's mostly the female's responsibility.


See this is what causes divorces. Men not taking part in the financial aspect. They think they are being taken advantage of. Ergo.... the fighting begins.


Even with children, there is no guarantee that they will be there "at the end of the day".
Cindy O


Not End of the day, but End Of Days. And Taxes.


As I've said before, some to most men only care about the size of THEIR WALLETS and marriage isn't the problem, PEOPLE are.


Actually I see more women feeling this way as well. But they have just cause for it.


What utter bullshit that women treat their soon-to-be-ex-spouses more fairly and justly.....


People are people. Doesn't matter if they have a member. All humans will screw each other. Gender doesn't play a part.


Exactly my thoughts too..........except that it reminds me more of an UNFRIENDLY
game of Poker.


It becomes unfriendly after the genders screw each other.


Both genders need to act our ages and work together.We need to try and understand the others point of view and feels and both genders should be willing to make concessions to meet somewhere near the middle.


Exactly.... This is what I have been saying all along. Problem is nobody trusts anyone.


The best reason for getting legally married in my mind is to show the world that you are committed to succeed in this commitment, and have no fear of the downside of marriage, and as someone said way back on page one, for love.


See I like the way this person speaks.


I also sold gas at the racetrack we raced at. And I mean we I had a dragster my son had a jr. dragster and I bought her a dragster as well.



I've raced my 1969 Firebird in Englishtown. I love the 1/4 mile.



In the last two years of the marriage, she changed into the greedy person that her husband was..........because she thought it would please him. She became the man in the mirror, the one you look at every day in your bathroom mirror..........but you have failed to recognize it.


I hope this doesn't refer to the song by MJ.... "Man In The Mirror".


The thing is with her she ended up married to the guy she cheated on me with. After I told her there was no way I would want her back.



Don't take this wrong, but sometimes people aren't totally compatible in that area. That's why the marriage fails as well.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 455
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History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 10:59:47 AM

Question stands unanswered. How do you pick the one that will honor the vows?

The simple answer is you won’t know until you try.

My first marriage, the one where I paid twice for one divorce, that one I’d say was pure ignorance on my part. I flat out didn’t know people like him existed. But I learned.

The second time I was in a relationship I refused to marry, mostly because of that first disaster. That was a good choice, because we did grow in very different directions and eventually split up. But we also had children and while there was no formal child support agreement, we managed to work things out amicably and remained on friendly enough terms for the children’s sake. He wasn't a good partner for me, but he was a good father.

The third time, I did marry, but it was so that my health insurance covered him. We stayed together for over 20 years until he died.

The best you can do now, at your age, is to look at the other person’s track record. Multiple marriages and divorces aren’t necessarily red flags, it’s also important to consider the events leading up to them. Speaking for myself, I would be more leery of someone who planned for a potential divorce than I would be of someone who had multiple marriages in their past. And no matter what my track record might look like, I’ve never been the one to give up, I’ve never cheated on anyone, and I’ve never looked for a single penny as ‘compensation’ for anything. Life is what it is, you make your choices and live by them.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 456
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 11:22:53 AM

Those comments seem rather incongruous. The statement, ``Everything I did was for us not me,'' generally means, ``I worked a lot so I could make money,'' not ``I met my wife for lunch just for the hell of it,'' or other things that required personal time. (I'm not saying that your wives were not at fault, only that if you were around them enough, you should have noticed something was a little weird


We ate lunch together everyday up until the last 6 months or so. When I asked her about not eating lunch together she said she was busy she just couldn't take the time off.



Another thing that seems weird is saying all she had to do was ask. I usually know when something is bothering my fiancee without her having to say anything and vice-versa (about anything not just something that might be related to the relationship). How well did you actually get to know the people you married? How well did you get along with your inlaws? What were your inlaws like? (Remember, they raised her, so as a general rule, she's going to be a product of how she was raised.)


As I pointed out above I did try and talk to her however at that point it was moot as she had been cheating for a while.

Got along great with the inlaws I called her mother mom and meant it. Her brother called me right after she told him she left me and his first question to her was who are you seeing?

Her family and I are still friendly and they are good people.



I really don't see how a person can be truly interested in what his/her partner does without also knowing when something is not right.


Oh I knew something wasn't right but I never would have guessed it would be her cheating.

I did try and talk to her she wouldn't open up. If she had and been sorry for her transgressions I would have most likely forgiven her and worked it out.
I even suggested counseling the night she left. That is a whole other can of worms there too.

After she had been gone a couple of months her friends started asking me what would I do if she wanted to come home.
Figuring she was behind these sudden interests of her friends I went to talk to her.

I ask if she had been sending her friends to feel me out and she admitted she thought she had screwed up and would like another chance.

I just couldn't do it all the trust I had in her was gone I just truly didn't love her anymore.

She then married her lover that ended up giving her genital herpes. What a great guy!
At least he has the money to treat her outbreaks.

abelian Thanks for truly trying to help I read your post when I can you have great advice.

I realize that seeing as one can never post every detail of a failed relationship here it seems as I am overreacting.
However I have given great thought to this and for me this is what would make me comfortable to marry again.

If people can't understand that it is okay. If I never find someone like minded I can accept that much easier than having anything happen like I have already been through.

No animosity towards a gender, now the laws I do have trouble with as they are biased.

What I do know is someone can change in a short amount of time and everything two people worked together for years, can be destroyed in a stroke of a pen because of the actions of one.

So though it may be disagreeable with some here it is my choice. They can continue to sling all the mud they want it will not change my mind.

I know the stopgaps I have are legal and will protect me in case of another failure.
The lady would lack for nothing that is in my power to give her while we are together just don't want to be providing for her if she leaves.

Is that to much to ask?





Federal law states that an
insurance company must pay off in the event of a suicide if they
insured has had the policy for 2 years. (Except in Colorado where
it's 1 year). If the insured commits suicide before the time period,
their premiums are to be returned to the family.
*******************************************************************************

I've worked in Insurance for many years. No policy pays off on a suicide. Where did you get your info?


The quote is from a federal law web site.
Besides the fact the insurance company wrote her a check for 50k is enough for me to know they do have to pay after the two year period is up.

It may have changed since you left the industry but they sure wrote the check I seen it......Didn't see a dime of it from her though of course I didn't ask for any either........Hummmm maybe that was a red flag I missed.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 457
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 11:33:07 AM

Question stands unanswered. How do you pick the one that will honor the vows?


Well, I thought Abelian answered this quite well, but maybe it needs to be said extremely clearly!

Close the Mouth and Open the Ears to begin with.......then listen to what your partner is saying. If you still don't understand what your partner is saying......ask a question that might give you a better understanding of what it is, they are trying to tell you or say to you. Next........do not be afraid to ask any question, your life together depends on knowing the answer, before you marry them. You need to know what the Hell it is, that your saying I DO too!!!

Here is an Irish Folk Song by Judd Strunk that I particularly like because it's a marriage that has lasted beyond their time on earth together. Hope you enjoy the lyrics as much as I have.

A Daisy A Day Lyrics

He remembers the first time he met her,
He re-members the first thing she said,
He re-members the first time he held her,
And the night that she came to his bed,
He re-members her sweet way of say-in'
Honey has some-thin' gone wrong,
He re-members the fun and the teas-in',
And the reason he wrote her this song,


Chorus

I'll give you a daisy a day dear,
I'll give you a daisy a day,
I'll love you until the rivers run still,
And the four winds we know blow a-way,


They would walk down the street in the evenin',
And for years I would see them go by,
And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore,
Could be seen in the gleam of their eye,
As a kid they would take me for candy,
And I'd love to go taggin' a-long,
We'd hold hands while we walked to the corner,
And the old man would sing her his song,


I'll give you a daisy a day dear,
I'll give you a daisy a day,
I'll love you until the rivers run still,
And the four winds we know blow a-way,


Now he walks down the street in the evenin',
And he stops by the old candy store.
And I somehow believe he's be-lievin',
He's hold-in' her hand like be-fore,
For he feels all her love walkin' with him,
And he smiles at the things she might say
Then the old man walks up to the hill-top,
And he gives her a daisy a day,


I'll give you a daisy a day dear,
I'll give you a daisy a day,
I'll love you until the rivers run still,
And the four winds we know blow a-way.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 458
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 11:40:26 AM

To me the concept of being a husband and wife has more to do with the commitment made to one another, than the legal or religious ceremony.


That is PRECISELY what it is,the commitment and LIVING the commitment. The religious and legal formalities are a way of making that committment a matter of public record. A religious ceremony formally includes the supreme Being of one's faith in the proceedings. But one can also choose a civil ceremony performed by a judge, and in some jurisdictions magistrates or Justice of the Peace.
But it is the committment that is the heart and soul of the matter.
The other thing that formalized marriage vows does is condense a whole lot of other separate contracts that a committed but unmarried couple would have to generate, to cover the things that the marriage ceremony does in one fell swoop.

Or that 12 years down the road that they won't be someone completely different from the person you married?

I really don't think somebody can become a "completely" different person...I do think that trauma( like the loss of a child),serious illness/injury-particularly a brain injury-,substance abuse/addiction,traumatic stress is very likely to cause noticeable changes, but someone becoming " a completely different person"? Either the person making the allegation was not paying attention to what the person was really like, or the person who supposedly had become a completely different person did an Academy Award-winning level of acting until they felt they were securely placed. I really have to agree with abelians' observation on that;

My guess is that it was there all the time. You just didn't pay enough attention to her to notice it. In general, I think (1) people want to trust the person they're with and overlook things that ought to cause one to ask if what you're being told adds up; and (2) are generally too busy to pay any attention to their partners. Being all about yourself makes it easy to just pay no attention to what's going on.



The way I see it I would have been better off never marrying either of these women.

That might be true, if you REALLY could have found your children under cabbage leaves.

Msg 492...this is just my OPINION, but I can't help wondering if breaking her vows didn't come easily because she really didn't have a lot of effort invested in the family, in day to day management of the household, making financial decisions/bill paying as part of a team effort. The things you appreciate most are the things you work the hardest to get and take care of. Why is it you did so much of the management of the kids and the household? Was she lacking in competence? Did she feel like she was sort of on the outside looking in-that the "family" was you and the kids and y'all were nice enough to let her hang around/tag along?

So back to the question. In this day of easy divorce and apathy towards the vows. How do you know if the person is gonna honor their vows as they should?


One way that might help, is to let them be equally invested in the partnership/family, that the marriage and family are joint efforts.Let them have good reason to honor the vows.
We hear a lot of men complain that once a family is started, they feel like a fringe hanger-on, that the real family dynamic is between the wife and the children. In this case it sounds like a flipped script scenario with your wife feeling more like a spectator than a participant in the family.

In the last two years of the marriage, she changed into the greedy person that her husband was..........because she thought it would please him. She became the man in the mirror, the one you look at every day in your bathroom mirror..........but you have failed to recognize it.

this, too, may have been a significant part of the picture.

Ummm ... perhaps you did too much? I do not want to be unkind or to pass judgment on a situation I can know very little about other than what you write here, but I think people need to feel part of a 'team' that’s working toward something, in order to work well together and if one person is taking on more than their share, perhaps the other person comes to feel a bit unnecessary and not a full participant in the partnership?

glad to see I'm not the only one wondering that.

However the image she became like was her co workers at the accounting firm she worked at. Not me.

Really? Are you sure? A grown woman influenced to break her marriage vows because of her co-workers? We know that children and teen-agers can make bad decisions because of peer pressure,but a grown woman with a husband and children breaking marriage vows did so solely to emulate co-workers?? Was she realy insecure, easily led, have a near pathological need for approval of peers? You might want to think harder about your placement of blame.
Cindy O
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 459
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 11:56:56 AM
The quote is from a federal law web site.
Besides the fact the insurance company wrote her a check for 50k is enough for me to know they do have to pay after the two year period is up.

It may have changed since you left the industry but they sure wrote the check I seen it......Didn't see a dime of it from her though of course I didn't ask for any either........Hummmm maybe that was a red flag I missed.


I haven't left the industry. She is full of it. NO INSURANCE CARRIER WILL PAY A SUICIDE.
Be it Federal, State, or City.... even the world. They DON't PAY Suicides. Period.

Tell me the name of the Insurance Carrier, so i CAN LAUGH AT THEM PUBLICLY. Why do you think Michael Jackson's family is suing everyone else. Even they can't get his insurance money that easily unless they prove that Dr. Conrad was guilty. And that's what they aim to prove for the Insurance money. Unless their is a suicide clause in the policy, and they paid HEAVY premiums for that clause. They will not get it.

Not many company's will give that suicide clause to a regular person. It's only people who have 100's of millions, or billions. But they pay for it. I've seen them refuse people even after the two years.


Answer: Each life insurance policy is different, but most contain a suicide provision. The suicide provision states that if the person covered by the life insurance policy dies as the result of suicide within two years from the policy issue date then any beneficiaries would not be able to collect the death benefit. Otherwise, after the two year suicide provision period, the policy should pay the death benefit to the beneficiaries. But, again, check the policy's exclusions section, since the suicide provision can be different for each policy.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 460
view profile
History
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 12:00:05 PM

Really? Are you sure? A grown woman influenced to break her marriage vows because of her co-workers? We know that children and teen-agers can make bad decisions because of peer pressure,but a grown woman with a husband and children breaking marriage vows did so solely to emulate co-workers?? Was she realy insecure, easily led, have a near pathological need for approval of peers? You might want to think harder about your placement of blame.

Don't wanna rain on your parade, but being old enough to be married is not at all the same as being 'grown up' - I've seen a lot of overgrown children of both genders who should never have been married, or responsible for so much as a goldfish. Peer pressure really can be paramount in some people's lives.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 461
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 12:00:41 PM
You might want to think harder about your placement of blame.


While I do not disagree with all of mjyawn's ideas, I HAVE to disagree with them because they come from a place that is not healed yet, and that is not willing to take any responsibility for the breakup of a marriage. It's hard to take advice from people like this.

I have been reading between the lines of these posts and I see someone still hurting and who has not yet learned from it or seen their role in the "play". The only lesson learned seems to be how to protect one's money from someone you once loved. It almost seems like a substitute or way of dealing with the real issue.

But as mjyawn said, this is off topic in any case so what do I know?
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 462
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 12:48:29 PM

a place that is not healed yet


Most certainly, as people we need to heal ourselves of all the bad and ugly things that have happened to us and it is imperative to understand ourselves completely before moving on with our lives.

As humans, we are not perfect.........but we learn as time passes and through our experiences with life, we gain wisdom with age and with each and every experience.

Our emotions are a gift from God.....even the more negative emotions, of which we don't always understand.........but at some point in our lives we do begin to understand.

So, if the same things keep happening, you gotta change what you are doing and/or seek another strategy..............................if marriage is your goal.

If it is not your goal...............then your HAPPINESS in what ever you do in life is YOUR SUCCESS!

Good Luck everyone............now I really gotta run!
Mr. RoadRunner is looking particularly handsome today! Toodles!
 Bloodsugar1961
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 463
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 1:04:01 PM
A marriage (and I am using the biblical terms here) is between a man and woman. Two people coming together in the eyes of God. Pledging their love for one another for life. It is a binding declaration both legally and in faith. The law recognizes the two people are now one and they share in the responsibilities of a family.

I can see why many today don't want that legal definition in their lives. What kind of relationship do you have if you are able to pick up and walk out the moment trouble rears its ugly head and then you leave the other person legally responsible for all of the obligations you have made as a couple. Marriage protects both people against such abandonment to some extent, though in our letigious society it is becoming less and less protective all the time.

A person shouldn't think of marriage so much as a legal union, but a holy union.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 464
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 2:50:56 PM

A person shouldn't think of marriage so much as a legal union, but a holy union.


Bloodsugar1961

That is the best answer I have seen on this thread yet!

That is the problem marriage use to be a lifetime commitment Now it is a commitment till you just decide it isn't.

The posters here don't seem to mind the trashing the marriage vows yet get there knickers in a bunch the moment you mention not giving half your life's work to someone that you trusted with everything including your life, the same one that trashed said vows.

It shows just how depraved the values have fallen.

Funny first deduction was I didn't do enough so my wife was driven to cheating by that.

Then it was I did to much and pushed her into it.

Yet all but one rejected the fact she was enticed by mega money and her co workers that serial marry and divorce. All of them has been married at least 4 times.

Trading up each time. In other words each time they divorced they remarried within months to a man that made more money.

Of course that had nothing to do with it.....It was my fault I pushed her into it by being as good of a husband as I could to her.

As far as the healing I have done that. The healing some here think I need is just my way of adjusting to the current frame of mind in marriage.

If the marriage vows are so meaningless now, then the vow to provide for them should be also.

Funny how the value is put on making sure that the lesser earner is subsidized yet the breaking of the vows given of their own freewill to their spouse and to God are not of any value.

On the life insurance deal....I saw the check and she deposited in her account as I was there when she did.


Home / insurance / Life Insurance Does Too Cover Suicide!
Life Insurance Does Too Cover Suicide!

By Ed Hinerman on March 4, 2009

I’ve often been told that life insurance has an out with people with severe depression or severe bipolar disorder because they’ve got that suicide clause thing. I’ve written about this before and I think life insurance companies would probably prefer I leave it alone, but it’s a subject that needs clarification.

In virtually every traditional life insurance policy in our country there is a two year suicide clause. Simply put, for the first two years of the policy the company does not have to pay a death benefit it death is due to suicide.

The language from one of my own policies states, “The benefits payable are limited if the insured commits suicide, while sane or insane, within two years from the issue date. In such case, out liability will be limited to a refund of the premiums paid to us


Believe what ever you want it is a fact she got a payout!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 465
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 3:38:22 PM
While I couldn't tell you if yawn is healed or not, was a good husband or not, whether his wives were good, bad or indifferent (and neither can any one of the ones figuring they know what he's all about), he strikes me more as a thinking person as well as an emotional person - otherwise he wouldn't have married in the first place and he's still not opposed to it - he's just not blind to the fact that relationships don't always have a fairy tale ending.

While I may not agree with some of his planning and it wouldn't be the way I'd do a prenup, neither do I have his lifestyle. If it works for him and who he may ever marry in the future, why does it make him not healed, etc.? Now, if he were to keep jumping into marriages without any exit strategy, given his past history, I'd think that was foolish, particularly the older he gets. I work in the insurance industry and I can tell you that those who have had an incident occur without having insurance, sure as hell start getting it after the incident. If you're in an auto accident and you're insured but the other party isn't, would you be comfortable paying for half of their damages, even if they were the at fault individual? Guess who pays? - society, via the governments' Unsatisfied Judgment Funds. Wouldn't and doesn't it make more sense for each party to make sure they have plans for their financial future in place, thereby not becoming a burden to their spouse, should they split, or to the rest of society who has to take up the shortfall because they didn't plan for themselves, rather than expecting someone else to always see to their financial needs in a rose coloured glasses sort of way? That once was the case, before women could readily find employment but now it seems to be more of an excuse not to plan their own financial future. I'm not excusing men either, lord knows enough of them come to the forums (and speak it in real life) that they would have planned differently had they ever thought they would divorce. It's not a case of expecting it, it's a case of being prudent and covering your own a$$ than always expecting someone else to.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 466
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 5:35:30 PM
The posters here don't seem to mind the trashing the marriage vows yet get there knickers in a bunch the moment you mention not giving half your life's work to someone that you trusted with everything including your life, the same one that trashed said vows.


Well Mr Sleepy.......now you finally understand how women from the 1930', 40's & 50's felt about doing 25 years of work.....birthing and caring for his children, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, caring for his home, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc (100% of her work compared to the HALF, you say you've given).

Then, after 25 years and children being raised to adulthood..........he would toss he out of the house for a "younger version of puzzy" and there was no spousal support back then or decent paying jobs for women, especially Elderly women.

So, please don't tell women that the Institution of Marriage is Holy.........because it is so far from being holy, that I'm sure it was created in Hell. And as far as being created by God[please insert big fat raspberry here] I highly disagree, but I do know it was created by men shortly after the death of Christ, and it only favored the needs of men.

So women trading up to a man with more money isn't much different than a man trading up to a younger version of puzzy.

Question for you..........Why in the world would you want to get married anyway, if it has caused you so much grief? It's almost as though you enjoy getting slapped in the face with something that just hasn't worked for you. Geezus, even a small child knows to stay away from a dog, if it's only gonna bite him/her in the leg.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 467
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 7:16:16 PM
Believe what ever you want it is a fact she got a payout!


At least that's what you were told by her. I worked in claims. I can tell you they rarely paid out. When people's dead relatives died in the (undisclosed location) Everglades after a jetliner plane crash, they wanted money for their misery. Half, or full alligator eaten bodies. How would you feel? The Insurance carrier only gave them more misery to go with the grieving they were already going through. You can think what you want, or believe what you hear. I've seen the truth.


So, please don't tell women that the Institution of Marriage is Holy.........because it is so far from being holy, that I'm sure it was created in Hell. And as far as being created by God[please insert big fat raspberry here] I highly disagree, but I do know it was created by men shortly after the death of Christ, and it only favored the needs of men.

So women trading up to a man with more money isn't much different than a man trading up to a younger version of puzzy.


I have to agree with this. I've heard stories of my grandfather messing around on my grandmother when they were younger. My grandmother didn't know the ways of the world. She was not told how men treat their women. He always said to her that he was going out to paint the boardwalk. She believed him, because she didn't know any better. It's a damn shame she only lived to the ripe age of 52. In my opinion, I think she passed away so early from a broken heart. Btw... He was a house painter. Why wouldn't you believe him?!?

 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 468
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 7:55:22 PM

It's a damn shame she only lived to the ripe age of 52. In my opinion, I think she passed away so early from a broken heart.


I am sorry you lost your grandmother at such an early age UnixGrand. I do believe that people can fall into ill-health and die from a broken heat, especially if they feel they were betrayed by someone they truly loved. My grandmother warned me of such things when I was 17 years old. Both of my grandparents were very kind and loving people and both of them lived nearly a century............75 years of marriage and still in love with each other until the end. He was 98 when he passed and she was almost 100, but they were very important people to me and there wisdom was never lost. They saw great value in sharing it with me and my bro or anyone who would listen. My grandfather was a carpenter and violin-maker, and my grandmother was the best cook, seamstress and gardener.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 469
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/10/2011 11:05:54 PM

Don't wanna rain on your parade, but being old enough to be married is not at all the same as being 'grown up' - I've seen a lot of overgrown children of both genders who should never have been married, or responsible for so much as a goldfish.

I concede that you do have a point there...it just seemed sort of a dissonance..."because my friends were doing it and I wanted to fit in", is the sort of thing one expects to hear coming out of a teen-agers' mouth. But you're right, there are people of chronologically mature years that you wouldn't let mind mice! Still, in the situation under discussion, it sort of feels like there is an effort being made to deflect blame from the troubled couple onto other people...the co-workers who apparently were having sex with customers/clients to bring in more business???

I have been reading between the lines of these posts and I see someone still hurting and who has not yet learned from it or seen their role in the "play". The only lesson learned seems to be how to protect one's money from someone you once loved. It almost seems like a substitute or way of dealing with the real issue.

That is exactly what I've been thinking, and trying to convey.

That is the problem marriage use to be a lifetime commitment Now it is a commitment till you just decide it isn't.
I think that this position tends to trivialize divorce as something people just up and decide to do as casually as they'd decide to get a haircut!
Realistically speaking, there are several factors in what seems tp be the devaluing of a "lifetime committment". One is that yes, maybe people had more integrity, but also a lot of what drove that lifetime committment was social and economic pressure and matters of practicality.Another is the inescapable fact that back when those vows were first written and put into use, "until death do us part" tended to come a lot sooner. People had to spend a lot more time and energy just surviving,rather than looking for greener grass or stuff to fight about.

The posters here don't seem to mind the trashing the marriage vows
Not all are 'trashing' marriage vows-whatever that means.

yet get there knickers in a bunch the moment you mention not giving half your life's work to someone that you trusted with everything including your life, the same one that trashed said vows.

I don't think anyone is getting their knickers in a twist over your protective measures per se, but that you are investing so much effort into building a fort against a war that need not ever happen if you explored the deeper "whys" of your previous marriage failure, beyond blaming you ex-wives and their co-workers for everything.

Funny first deduction was I didn't do enough so my wife was driven to cheating by that.

Then it was I did to much and pushed her into it.
Actually, though it sounds like we are all intentionally screwing with your head-I think what everyone is trying to convey is that you got mixed up and did too much of the wrong things and not enough of the right ones. While I don't dismiss the effect that the examples set by her c0-workers may have had...what is this "enticed by mega money"? It doesn't sound like your household and family were deprived of comforts and even some luxuries-so was the "mega money" seen as a reasonable substitute for something else? Or, as another poster suggested-she got the impression that she had to also bring in big money to MATTER?

If the marriage vows are so meaningless now, then the vow to provide for them should be also.
Well, if you are so convinced that the whole world has deemed the marriage vows as meaningless-then why even think about ever taking them again? Don't get married. Problem solved.

I do not disagree that many people go into marriage with little forethought, or expecting it to be a cure-all for dissatisfaction with one's own life. Covering one's own a$$ is a good plan,as long as it doesn't end up with the marriage being nothing more that 2 people living under the same roof and(theoretically)sleeping in the same bed, but competing with each other in the "cover my own a$$"derby to the extent that it's NOT a marriage in intent and spirit. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, a team. To be married but still completely focused on protecting ones' own interests/covering ones own a$$,is basically having used the marriage ceremony to get social approval of having sex.
There needs to be a balance.
Cindy O
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 470
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 9:54:29 AM
Lets clear up a few things.

I am NOT looking to get married. I have no desire to do that again.

I am simply prepared IF and that is a big IF someone comes along that I would consider marrying.

Another thing it seems as people think that back when people actually honored their vows all the men had mistresses.

Though a few may have it would be a small percentage. About 1-2% now most seems to be okay with that to be a reason to hang the blame on an entire gender.

Not long ago a study was done on blood types of some collage age students.

It found that 18% of the students had a blood type that could NOT have had with the blood types of their parents.

In other words 18% of the students fathers were not their mothers husbands. As there is no way the mother could have not given birth to the students.

Lets look at the percentages if 1-2% of cheating husbands is enough to condemn a gender of all cheating, What does the 18% say about the other gender?

My point is NOT to bash a gender but to show both have cheaters in them. That is not exclusive to just one gender.

As far as the mega money having a influence on my ex's decision to leave. Her own words when we talked about her sending her friends to see if I would have her back was.

"I got dollar signs in my eyes and forgot about what was important." However at that point it was much to late for she and I.

So go a head and speculate at what I did to much of or not enough of that has very little to do with the reason she left.

The life insurance
She received a check from the insurance co for 50k that is a fact. I also seen her write a check to her ex mother in law so she could pay for her sons funeral.

Here read this and see what the facts are.

http://www.douglasturner.com/2007/12/10/life-insurance-suicide-and-the-two-year-one-year-rules/

Building a fort

Not building a fort I have simply protected my assets from someone that would try and take them.

As far as the debates I am simply letting people know what I have experienced and what I have learned from it.

It seems most don't like that........Well that would be their problem not mine.

Some has said they now see the NEED to have some kind of protection in place.

That is the reason I do it not to try to change everyone's minds but to let the ones that do want some protection know there is legal ways to do so.

Some have no idea they can protect there assets from divorce ,what is wrong with letting them know?

It is perfectly legal.
No different that no fault divorce that allows the lesser earner reap the higher earners assets.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 471
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 10:36:10 AM
The life insurance
She received a check from the insurance co for 50k that is a fact. I also seen her write a check to her ex mother in law so she could pay for her sons funeral.

Here read this and see what the facts are.

http://www.douglasturner.com/2007/12/10/life-insurance-suicide-and-the-two-year-one-year-rules/


Ok... If you say so. But read the small print on your policy. That's how they get you when you need it. Insurance is something you pay for that is invisible. You never see it until you are in need of it. And then sometimes the company will find a way out of paying off the claim, or giving you a percentage of it. The insurance companies know how to work the non knowledgeable. That's why they sit on all the money. And they have a slew of Lawyers [sharks] that work for them to save them money. This means screwing the public. From the Cradle to the Grave.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 472
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 10:51:58 AM

Ok... If you say so. But read the small print on your policy. That's how they get you when you need it. Insurance is something you pay for that is invisible. You never see it until you are in need of it. And then sometimes the company will find a way out of paying off the claim, or giving you a percentage of it. The insurance companies know how to work the non knowledgeable. That's why they sit on all the money. And they have a slew of Lawyers [sharks] that work for them to save them money. This means screwing the public. From the Cradle to the Grave.


I have no doubt they will try to keep from paying. However the facts are they do have to pay if the two years are up.

You may have to make them but they do have the responsibility.

The same thing can be said of divorce, the sharks (attorneys) are the ones that benefit. If two people can work those things out before hand then that would cut the sharks out of it when there's blood in the water.

There would be less "go for the throat" settlements. Neither party may be happy but going by a prearranged agreement would be fair to both.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 473
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 10:55:56 AM
Marriage protects the assets of both genders (his dowry and her dowry under the Dower Act of Canada, not sure about the U.S.). These are the assets both genders can choose to share or not choose to share in the marriage.

However a pre-nup can be a useful instrument as well.............like, I want him to make me a strawberry/kiwi/banana milkshake every Sunday morning.
As long as he continues to make my milkshakes every Sunday morning, the marriage will continue without a lot of dispute

Oh...........a pinch of cinnamon in the shake is great too.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 474
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 11:11:14 AM
Marriage protects the assets of both genders (his dowry and her dowry under the Dower Act of Canada, not sure about the U.S.). These are the assets both genders can choose to share or not choose to share in the marriage.


A dowry? I didn't know that was still in existence in this day, and age. At least in this country.



Oh...........a pinch of cinnamon in the shake is great too.


Boy.... just a pinch huh. You are a tough one to please.


Don't care for milkshakes but I love my coffee,but I will fix it my self as I want it done correctly.


Don't take this the wrong way dude, but me thinks I see a control freak. The bitterness will kill ya. I let mine go 10 years ago, and I am a better person for it.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 475
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 6/11/2011 11:12:12 AM

Marriage protects the assets of both genders (his dowry and her dowry under the Dower Act of Canada, not sure about the U.S.). These are the assets both genders can choose to share or not choose to share in the marriage.


According to this web site it just covers the homestead not other assets.

However it is a good start.

The US has no such laws but it is high time to revise the laws concerning marriage and divorce.

Don't care for milkshakes but I love my coffee,but I will fix it my self as I want it done correctly.


Don't care for milkshakes but I love my coffee,but I will fix it my self as I want it done correctly.


Don't take this the wrong way dude, but me thinks I see a control freak. The bitterness will kill ya. I let mine go 10 years ago, and I am a better person for it.


Completely misunderstood.

Not trying to control.......I have a knack at making coffee grind my own and know exactly how much coffee to the water ratio is correct.

The other point I was making is I don't need a women to wait on me. I am perfectly able to do for myself.

Isn't that one of the big complaints they seem to have?
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