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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?      Home login  
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 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 51
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?Page 3 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
Well, my niece lived with the father of her son for several years. She did not work outside the home but stayed at home to take care of their young child. He worked erratically at various low-paying jobs, often getting laid off because he was unreliable. Then he died in a car crash (we was driving over 100 mph and lost control), leaving her with no income, no savings, no car, no insurance, nothing but a lot of grief. Their son can get Social Security benefits but she cannot get survivor's benefits because they never legally married.

That's one disadvantage.

I hate to be cold, be she's better off without him. She does a much better job of managing their meager resources without him in the picture and has gone back to school with the goal of making herself more employable.


If one of you becomes hospitalized, you have visitation rights.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 52
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 1:09:14 PM

The number of bitter used up men is irrelevant to marrying a man who is not bitter and used up. They won't come around in a pack outside your honeymoon hotel to ruin the mood by yelling, clanging pots with spoons, and setting off firecrackers. It helps to be positive and sweet when you look out upon the sea of possibilities, lest any men deduce from your pessimism that you have at least flirted with bitterness yourself at some point, and might be just a bit used up yourself.


I should have prefaced this by saying...too many bitter used up men IN HERE.
Actually the men I meet in real life are quite nice, or perhaps because they don't
have a computer to hide behind, they are masking their true self until one gets
to know them, but so far so good.

I'm hardly pessimistic, in fact I fully expect to get married again.
I'm pretty sure bitterness gives you wrinkles and makes you scrinch...so I avoid
it at all costs.

Not sure if you were suggesting I should be positive and sweet in here, but if you
were...ahahahahahahahahahaha!



 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 53
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 2:17:15 PM
The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?

One reason is that it is preferable to getting illegally married, which could land you in the jail, and waste an elaborate ceremony and all the money you send to Russia.

Another benefit is you can call each other "my husband / wife", thus eliminating the need to use terms like "my lover" (too sexy) , "my SO" (IHA) , "my partner"(too lawyerly) “my companion” (sexless or gay) or the embarrassing "my boyfriend / my girlfriend" when neither one qualifies for the title of Boy or Girl for the past 39 years.




 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 54
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 4:32:41 PM
Whewww....well, here goes:

I hate to be cold, be she's better off without him. She does a much better job of managing their meager resources without him in the picture and has gone back to school with the goal of making herself more employable.
I agree with you there; as cold as it may seem. HOWEVER (don't you just hate those "howevers"?) I must ask....what the HELL is someone who is unemployed, underemployed...or for any reason incapable of caring for a child....doing....HAVING ONE?
Now, I had 3 daughters...and very early in their mid teen years...when girls start making the connections between babies and "husbands", I STRONGLY emphasized my personal belief that NO ONE....not male...OR female has ANY business having a child which THEY cannot PERSONALLY support and care for.

Granted, I grew up way before the "deadbeat dad witch hunts"...so, in MY era, the paying of child support was very much "voluntary". If Dad didn't want to pay...he just didn't pay. "Mom" had to come up with attorney fees to haul him to court...because the law just wasn't interested. Not only would then not look out of state for a Dad not paying support...they wouldn't walk across the street...because, it was NOT a jailable offense anyhow. Well, circa 1984 all that changed with the establishment of CSEA...but Ya know....I HONESTLY believe that I was BETTER OFF because there was NO agency going after my father to make him pay child support. What it taught ME was...that if "I" wanted children.....then "I" had damned well better be able to support them. Yes, I know...now don't all get your girdles in a bunch at the same time telling me that I advocate letting men get away with "murder". Nayyy, far from it. BUT people, people....when WILL you learn to STOP USING innocent children as a tool to FORCE irresponsible adults to ACT like adults???

Please don't miss my point here, because believe me...I got an A+ in Human Sexuality...so I know it takes 2 to tango; but do you really think when that child is living in poverty that he/she is really all that cognizant about WHY? And, does it really matter WHY? NO! The poor kid doesn't get to live in a house in a better neighborhood, go to better schools or wear nicer clothes simply because they have the knowledge that "Dad" is an irresponsible excuse for human flesh. That doesn't matter. The child can't eat bitterness and resentment.

When *I* decided to have children...then *I* made a COMMITMENT to those children that *I* would do EVERYTHING in MY power to see that they were well cared for and happy and had the best life I could give them. Don't you SEE this? *I* could ONLY make the commitment for ME.....not for anyone, and I certainly never considered that I could wiggle out of MY commitment just because someone else was irresponsible.

AS a RESULT of having gown up in an era where people learned to accept PERSONAL responsibility...I (we) do NOT look at marriage as a means of financial survival. We don't worry about "survivor benefits" from Social Security because we have a Social Security benefit in our own names...which is NOT dependent on what another, perhaps less responsible adult does...or doesn't do. We don't worry about health insurance ... because we have that too. We don't worry about getting "our" 1/2 of someone else's pension...because we have our OWN.

BUT, "marriage" to someone less than personally responsible, who is capable of looking at one single act, with no more effort that a license and a blood test (in the states which still require it) means to jeopardize a lifetime of our own hard work. It's extremely easy for someone who has "nothing to lose" to be very casual about commitments. We hear from them continually about how "love" makes the world go round...and their predictions of doom and gloom for those who have lived their lives being personally responsible. We here them say that "love means putting the OTHER person first!"....but THEY don't!!!

LOL! and....ya know; I'm not absolutely 100% against marriage; it's just not something I would ever "do to" someone that I professed to love.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 55
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 5:02:15 PM
oooh new divorce insurance..... makes playing the odds less risky
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 56
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 5:07:36 PM
I agree with you there; as cold as it may seem. HOWEVER (don't you just hate those "howevers"?) I must ask....what the HELL is someone who is unemployed, underemployed...or for any reason incapable of caring for a child....doing....HAVING ONE?
Now, I had 3 daughters...and very early in their mid teen years...when girls start making the connections between babies and "husbands", I STRONGLY emphasized my personal belief that NO ONE....not male...OR female has ANY business having a child which THEY cannot PERSONALLY support and care for.


Hey, they didn't ask me. And the kid is here. He was 8 years old when his dad died. That's a pretty tough thing to lay on a kid. Point is, if they'd gotten married, she'd qualify for survivor's benefits. That's anyone with a kid under 16, not just her and not just because they were low income.

There is no law governing who can or cannot have children and, unfortunately, the less responsible someone is, the more likely they are to get pregnant. Lots of people who shouldn't have children have them anyway. What would you do? Forced abortion, like in China? Forced sterilization, as was once practiced here with some populations? Take children away from their parents by force? Force children to live in either more poverty than they already do? Force adoption? Force children to live in foster homes or children's homes?

It's getting off the original subject but I did want to point out that was one advantage to being legally married. There are a number of benefits available to spouses that are not available to domestic partners.

Meanwhile, I'm encouraging my niece to continue with her education. She's doing better than expected and I'm hoping eventually she'll be more stable than she's been in the past. She grew up under pretty bad conditions. You ever watch Jerry Springer? That's the kind of people she was surrounded by. She's actually doing well under the circumstances.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 57
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 6:54:06 PM

Meanwhile, I'm encouraging my niece to continue with her education. She's doing better than expected and I'm hoping eventually she'll be more stable than she's been in the past. She grew up under pretty bad conditions. You ever watch Jerry Springer? That's the kind of people she was surrounded by. She's actually doing well under the circumstances.
ABSOLUTELY!!!! And I too applaud anyone who is willing to stand up and do whatever they can do to care for themselves and their responsibilities. You are a good Aunt for encouraging her...I hope you will be equally kind to her by firmly placing your foot up her rear if she even THINKS about quitting!

But, in all seriousness.....WE (our society) has a formidable foe in our midst; for about the last ohhhh....25 years. It's called the "Government as Husband Syndrome". Believe it or not....when I said "here goes"....I said it in anticipation of the "jump off the cliff" comment you handed back to me. (Forced abortion, forced adoption, forced sterilization, etc). NO, of course not. But what this niece is doing (getting an education to become self sufficient) is also NOT being "Forced" on those who look at the "government as husband". I certainly don't advocate all the things you think I do (forced X,Y,Z) but I DO advocate that those "spousal benefits" being provided by "government" (i.e. taxpayers) SHOULD be "forced"...and for the individuals own good.

Personally, I hold those child support enforcement laws established circa 1984 as being directly responsible for the next class of impoverished citizens...which are....Mom's who's children turned 18, the child support stopped...and she was ill prepared to enter the workforce. NOW, she has no child support, no health insurance, as even the "Government Husband" kicks her to the curb when she no longer has minor children to "entitle" her to the subsidies. They make it sound like a good deal though, right? Little do most people realize how quickly 18- 20 years go by.
The parable "Give a man/woman a fish, and you feed them for a day....teach a man/woman to fish, and you feed them for a lifetime" would seem to apply here.

This whole "argument" is so transparent to EVERYONE....EXCEPT to those who need to benefit from a legal document granting them "entitlement" to things which they haven't worked for. It's absolutely ridiculous to make statements like....if you refuse to marry....then you refuse to "love"...and you refuse "commitment"...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's absurd.

I think there are probably a LOT of "anti-marriage" people who actually, honestly are NOT opposed to "marriage"; but RATHER....are opposed to what today's definition of marriage has disintegrated to...which is MORE like "adoption" rather than "marriage".

It's just that....and I've been around a LONG time...but I never seem to see/hear this "marriage" argument between 2 people who are "equally yoked". They either do...or don't...and it's fine with both either way. When you have to write down a list of Pro's and Con's....I always prefer to "err on the side of caution" myself.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 58
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 7:27:49 PM
When you get legally married you won't have to worry that government agents will storm into your house in the middle of the night to confiscate the matchbooks you had made up for your wedding reception. Illegal marrieds are subject to having cakes, matchbooks, flower arrangements and even wedding gowns seized as contraband. The photos and all negatives could be collected and destroyed. It's just not worth the risk. Get the license, pay the small fee, and make your marriage legal. Or else the terrorists win.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 59
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/9/2010 8:05:16 PM
1) stupidity
2) lack of insanity
3) never wanting great sex again
4) to go in debt
5) to get divorced
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 60
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/10/2010 7:10:08 PM
I think the best reason for getting married is if you are going to have children. Other than that, I can't see that it makes any difference. JMO
But even then :
http://www.showbizspy.com/article/212600/renee-zellweger-desperate-to-start-a-family-with-bradley-cooper.html

(OMG I feel all gossipy!)
Note the critical part:

“Renee and Bradley are very much in love and committed to each other,” says a source close to the couple.

“But with Renee’s experience with marriage she is saying another wedding is not important to her.
If more woman would ease up on the marriage demand it's possible it could increase their chances of getting what they want (sans marriage). Johnny Depp is another celeb who isn't married yet he and his lady have kids and from what I've heard a dandy relationship for both.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 61
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/11/2010 11:34:43 AM
Despite the cries of women who chose careers over their families and feel guilty about their choices or were from broken famlies where the father paid no alimony to their moms "so why should other people get it" and so write these long diatribes against women who get support after the end of a marriage,
IF this were an absolute truth....THEN pray tell....WHY do so few males CHOOSE to place their financial well-being entirely in the hands of the "fairer sex"? Far from being a diatribe, OR even farther from being "envious"; maturity and independence are factors that lead ANY person to LEARN self reliance...without regard to gender.

A woman who has spent 10-15-20 years at home raising the kids and taking care of the household giving the man a chance to work late, travel, etc and financially support the family deserves support, both child( an alimony for a reasonable amount of years).
PLEASE....DEFINE "a reasonable amount of years"! 10? 20? 40? 50? So, you're saying that the children are all 21+ yrs old, out of college, but "Mom" should continue receiving alimony (enough to support the lifestyle to which she's grown accustomed) for how much longer? (She should be approx. what....45 yrs old when the kiddies finish college) AT WHAT point should SHE have started concerning herself with HOW she would survive AFTER the support stops? LOL! and....ya know...I have NO (0) ZERO problem with the woman collecting her alimony for the rest of HIS life...!!! WHAT I DO have a problem with...is when the TAXPAYERS have to support her after he's broke.

NO ONE, has ever dismissed the value of what someone's sister provided by allowing hubby to work late....BUT at some point....after the divorce, WHILE she's collecting the alimony...SHE should ...if NOT by law...at least by common sense...make SOME effort, and give SOME consideration TO...what and HOW she will support herself when she's 50!

Not all of us buy lotto tickets; but I do understand the mentality. You think that throwing away $1000 a year (or more) on the CHANCE that you MIGHT get rich someday more than justifies what some others of us call "waste". LOL! but SOME of us think this way....If I that take that same $1000 a year and INVEST it in something I know I can RELY on....I may NOT get rich...but at least....I won't end up on SSI when the child support stops.

:-) No diatribes, or envy.....Merely the difference between an independent thinking person...and a dependent one.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 62
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/11/2010 9:22:11 PM
Its quite possible that there are more reasons not to get married.


A woman who has spent 10-15-20 years at home raising the kids and taking care of the household giving the man a chance to work late, travel, etc and financially support the family deserves support, both child( an alimony for a reasonable amount of years).


I don't think so at all. When those children became teenagers she should start forward.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 63
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/11/2010 10:41:07 PM

P.S. Nice research in Message 23 Helen.

Thanks, but I can't really take credit for it, as all I did was just look it up... anyone can do that, and find out quite readily just how valuable marriage really is for committed couples.

It isn't just a matter of standing up and declaring the commitment publicly, it also confers rights and privileges that can be had in no other way. That is important in and of itself. It is not just a "piece of paper." Far from it. Anyone who tries to reduce it to that is kidding themselves... or just under-informed. Or both, they're not mutually exclusive.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 64
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/11/2010 11:20:43 PM
for every reason there is to getting married

there is a new reason to get a divorce insurance policy ;)
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 65
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:09:46 PM
Because it is the ultimate commitment that you can make to each other. Because being married is different than just living together or any other type relationship. It changes everything.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 66
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:02:45 PM

Because it is the ultimate commitment that you can make to each other.


You can do that without a piece of paper, with the right person.

In my seventeen year common-law marriage I was : faithful (always have been), there when needed, and certain it was going to be until one of us died. I took one of my rings and placed it on the proper finger, and it only came off when I asked my wife if she wanted me to leave - and she said yes.

For all intents and purposes, I was married.

During those years I saw other couples marry, divorce, and get married again. I saw others cheat, sometimes with the knowledge of their spouse, sometimes not. I saw others who treated their spouses in ways I could never imagine treating "someone you love".

Some are still doing that as I type this.

That commitment starts and ends in your head, not when a ring is placed on a finger and a piece of cake gets served. If it's there, all those other things are just icing on the cake. If it's not there, that ceremony won't suddenly magically make it appear.

At least from my viewpoint, that's how I see it, anyway.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 67
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:29:50 PM

I have full intentions of marrying again. I believe in marriage as an institution. If the "Big Three" (Sexual, Social and Emotional) Compatibility are there and there is Love, I want in on that. I love the idea of waking up and going to bed with the same person who you love respect and honor and who does the same to you. Even if we both no longer want kids, I think its important to have that signifigant other and marriage is just a way to show the deep, deep level of the commitment you have to one another.

That pretty much embodies the emotional importance, IMO, and is beautifully said.

But don't forget all the practical stuff I cited in post #23, either! This level of emotional commitment is exactly why those things matter.

To make one another family, with all that it entails... deepest thing we can do with each other.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 68
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 7:52:09 AM
*Hits "necro" button*

I have a girl buddy that got married to one of her guy friends who was going into the military. I know for the military, your income and housing allowance goes up by 8-10% if you're married and/or have kids.

However, now she's having issues getting financial assistance for college because he makes too much, and there's a lot of crap because he wants to keep making the extra money from their contract marriage, and she wants a divorce so she can try to get her life on track etc.

I personally, think the real question is: "Do the benefits of marriage outweigh the pitfalls of divorce"
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 69
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 8:13:16 AM
It helps the economy.

Think of all those jobs, caterers, waiters, pastry chefs, wedding photographers, gown manufactures, limo drivers. How about all the stupid gifts. Those three toasters that you were given will helps the economies of China, Singapore and Guatemala.

Other reasons to get married?

......
.....
(Okay, I am thinking....)
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 70
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 12:11:54 PM
Who's really making the money here? The Lawyers (sharks), the courts, etc. etc..... What I know now, I wish I knew before I was married. The cost of a marriage license should cost $20,000. The cost of a divorce should be $38. Do a background check on anyone you might be considering marriage too. Do a credit check. You inherit bad things sometimes. As far as the money goes.... Be an independent person, and you will not need to rely on a spouse. If you have doubts, keep separate bank accounts. Open a house bank account, and deposit only the needs of the house to it. It's called Trust, but Verify. Also you can make a revocable trust for later on. All these thing make sense. If they don't make sense to you, good luck.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 71
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 2:33:22 PM
What Are The Reasons for Getting Legally Married?.............you ask, well what are the reasons for legally registering a business venture you are partners in? Say, with 2 or 3 people of same gender or mixed genders.

It's so that everyone has a clear picture of what is expected of the other under the partnership agreement in both legally registered entities. Failure to understand what is expected of all partners or a strong disagreement will lead to the disolution of both.

Is running a fine-tuned and happy marriage any different than operating a sucessful business. Well there is only one difference........marriage involves sex, sex with a business associate is bad business and they make poor bed fellows.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 72
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What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 3:14:09 PM

Well there is only one difference........marriage involves sex, sex with a business associate is bad business and they make poor bed fellows.



Here Here..... I agree. Sometimes Ships sink at sea. FriendShips, relationShips, companionShips, and partnerShips. The problem is who is screwing who? And who is doing the screwing. This is what seems important to people. No one wants to be made stupid looking, and found on the wrong side. That's where all the anger, and hatred comes from. Some people just want the upper hand.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 73
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/15/2011 7:23:25 PM

The problem is who is screwing who? And who is doing the screwing.


Well hopefully in a marriage......the 2 people are physically screwing each other physically in a good way (consentual sex and both are happy about the outcome). In a good marriage they wouldn't mentally and emotionally hurt each other in all the ways that one can hurt another human being because they Love and Respect each other. Happiness is the ultimate goal, typically.

In a business partnership......the partners work together to market their product/service for the purpose of earning Money and gaining Financial Stability which is the ultimate goal, typically. The partners may Respect each other, but individual Greed, Jealousy, Anger might sink their ship as well. They don't love each other so that is not the common goal, the common goal in business is to earn money and be happy about what they bring to the business and receive from the business.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 74
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/16/2011 6:36:44 AM

1) stupidity
2) lack of insanity
3) never wanting great sex again
4) to go in debt
5) to get divorced


I think #2 should be "lack of sanity".

Besides that, I agree... even with the order in which you presented the reasons.

Marriage is a pile of shit on top another pile of more shit, and it is for unevolved monkeys. Not to be confused with actual love for another being.

When a man says, "I do", he publicly announces his mokeyhood.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 75
What Are The Reasons For Getting Legally Married?
Posted: 5/16/2011 7:10:55 AM

Failure to understand what is expected of all partners or a strong disagreement will lead to the disolution of both.

Is running a fine-tuned and happy marriage any different than operating a sucessful business.


Well, there's a huge Yabut with looking at marriage this way....

Yabut: breach of contract in a marriage is often financially rewarded or at least. There are often very few repercussions for the one who does the breaching.

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