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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATIC      Home login  
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 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 26
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I just can't help but wonder why so many people (especially woman it seems) put such an emphasis on this "geting to know each other". Like seriously, has anyone ever wondered if people are all that much different? Or perhaps how much were all the same? Sure, it's nice to know if someone is rather trustworthy. But I think we all want much of the same thing, just in slightly different ways. Waiting as long as we often do as often as we do, amounts to alot of wasted time that can never be regained. You could die tomorrow so have fun today!
 TheEnchanted
Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 27
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/9/2010 5:11:02 AM
I am actually really attracted to older men. My cut off is 55 though. I am a very young spirit with an old soul, so they balance me. The caveat is that they have to have a young spirit and a more youthful physique and appearance. They can't look like retirement. Older men to me are wiser and I love that! Most of them also know more how to respect me and do! I really love gentlemen. The guys I like the best are the ones that are interested in knowing me, ask the right questions, and share themselves with me without me having to ask them. Tough to find in the younger crowd. Younger guys are often disrespectful without even realizing that they are.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 28
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/9/2010 10:49:22 AM
I just can't help but wonder why so many people (especially woman it seems) put such an emphasis on this "geting to know each other". Like seriously, has anyone ever wondered if people are all that much different? Or perhaps how much were all the same? Sure, it's nice to know if someone is rather trustworthy. But I think we all want much of the same thing, just in slightly different ways. Waiting as long as we often do as often as we do, amounts to alot of wasted time that can never be regained. You could die tomorrow so have fun today!
Booooo! Most of life should be spent "waiting" with short interruptions of sexual fullfilment...joy and good times then back to more waiting. Myself I'm excellent at figuring out if I'm compatible personality wise with someone and it doesn't take that long for me to know. But hey who the hell really cares? All I need to know is that there will be a nice 6 ft deep grave for me at the end of my journey and that's all I should really expect. The amount of possible good times squandered is at a point of not even worth noting anymore since 'waiting' (seemingly forever) is the name of the game now.
 dsrvsthebest
Joined: 6/27/2010
Msg: 29
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:54:57 AM
My screen name is actually german slang for Cherub. Has nothing to do with spanish "puta".... It's a name that my daddy has called me all my life. It's pronounced like the word "put" then "ah" then "lenn"....not at all like "puta". I am german. I don't think half these men are smart enough to get the puta reference. Thanks though for all your help. I thought I changed my email settings to 29 - 40. Must not have worked. But also, I'm not really interested in older guys, they seem too stuffy. I am VERY young at heart. No one ever guesses me at 36. I'm always guessed at 24 - 27. none of my friends are a day over 25. I attract the younger crowd. I can't help it. Yes, I am sexual...but not attracted to a man that just WANTS that! It's annoying! I have changed my profile a zillion times to reflect this, and still never works. I may just give up? =)
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 30
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:51:13 AM

Weird, because I thought "upper 30's" when I saw your picture.


Not that it matters one way or another, but I thought the same.^^^

Date who you want, but don't think that everyone who contacts you is going to read your profile/adhere to your criteria. That is just the nature of this thing called ONLINE dating...........
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 31
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 11:20:58 AM

Let me start by saying, this is not true!

Eventually you may or you wouldn't message them.



Especially if I message a younger guy.

For fawks sake what do you think younger than you men or any men think you want?
First you take initiative to e mail them..Very ballsy to a younger guy from an older woman.

Not saying bad..just ballsy.



I may be horny because my sex life sucked in my marriage

You probably come across that way..You are here on a public forum anouncing you are horny?
I would love to read your private e mails...NOT



At least CHAT a little first before you instantly message me back with, "what exactly are you looking for?

I think asking up front is what they NEED to do..Why waste time guessing.



Even when I put in my profile that I am not looking for a booty call.

Yeah..they all say that..men included, but they are often the first ones to want a little" get down" on a first date.


Do you men even LOOK at profiles or just the pretty face?


Most are checking the body/boobies..Your profile means nothing when you e mailmost younger men..Ya think they want to discuss herbal teas?

Your face only has to be tolerable so don't get ahead of yourself.

Me thinks you like to toot thine own horn a bit much then complain it makes noise.


No one ever guesses me at 36. I'm always guessed at 24 - 27. none of my friends are a day over 25

Keep telling yourself that...

Now tilt your head back and stretch out the right arm.NO the right arm..OK touch your nose.
Ooooooops
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 32
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 11:47:43 AM

No one ever guesses me at 36. I'm always guessed at 24 - 27. none of my friends are a day over 25


It is always hard to tell from photo's on POF as they are so grainy and I have met some ladies my age who look smooth skinned in their POF pictures and when they email me the same picture ( in all its detail ) or we meet in person they look as wrinkled as the next girl. But regardless based on your photo's I don't think it's a stretch that you look 36 but I think it is a bit of a stretch that you look mid to late 20 but then I tend to hang out with a fairly healthy crowd so my perceptions might be a little distorted. There was an 17 yr old ( who was commonly know to have been abusing many substances since he was 12 including heroin ) in my high school and many kids thought at the time he could pass for 40 something so relative health does play a factor as well as genetics.

I still see you have your settings set at 20 to 40 and if you email a horny man as young as 20 chances are they are going to think you are looking for the young stud and not a serious relationship.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 33
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 12:41:34 PM
Well I guess it's time for the "fly in the ointment"!! Hahahaha!

Hmmm, we'll get to age in a minute, and some of the other sh1t discussed!

First off, rape, really? I mean if that happened I certainly hope you called the cops, and reported him to POF management. That isn't a word to be bandied about lightly, certainly no on here, in these forums, where most women already think the men are scum.

Now about the "Good thing I fooled around a little bit with the guy". Gee I never heard that encouraging a rapist with fooling around a little, stopped them. I would think it would encourage MORE bad behavior. WOW, live and learn.

Now let's see, aside from the hen squad and all the men ages 16 to 99, being bad. Lets discuss this 20 to 40 thing. Now if a guy, messages a women, 15 years younger he is a pervert and worse, but when a woman does it, it's because "she feels younger than she is" yeah right! Hahahahaha!

So older guys are boring and staid, huh, good to know, since no one ever told me that about me! Hahaha! And all they have to do to be older is be over 40? Gee over the hill, before 50, I luv it.

As for your pic, lady their being kind, you look every bit in your late 30's. Sorry to say it, but even with that, a 20 year old has zero in common with a 36 year old UNLESS she is really immature.

Men want sex, no not always on the first date, but they want it. Young men want sex, about 20 seconds after they meet you, WITHOUT A DATE! It's just the way it is, the drive to reproduce is alive and well in young men, just as women seem more attuned to sex, later on, because their hormones kick in and scream reproduce! That isn't a knock on men or women, just a quirky biological fact. You think that biological clock thing is a myth?

So I guess in the end your just a cougar, who thinks she looks young. Just like the guys who write women too young for them. That about right ladies? Hahahahaha!
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 34
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 2:17:27 PM
Now let's see, aside from the hen squad and all the men ages 16 to 99, being bad.

Whoa, there, mr.evil. Some reading comprehension on your part is in order.

Where, oh where did either Alooo (the creative genius behind "16-99") OR I (the leader of the hen squad) say that all, or even some, men ages 16 to 99 were bad?
No where, because we didn't say that.
Not even close.
Tsk, tsk - you are the one who jumped to a negative label for your fellow men, not Alooo or me.

We said the same thing you did:

Men want sex, no not always on the first date, but they want it.
She pointed out this obvious fact, and I concurred - on page 1. Thanks for the affirmation on page 2.

Then I tossed in my own anecdotal experience - obviously relating to what, perhaps 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 % (and that's a stretch) of the population of men on the planet - and how I decided that writing first was not worth the effort for me.
That's because I'm not interested in what that tiny handful of men were really, despite all contrary info in their profiles, offering: random sexual encounters with random strangers.
(Shocking that I'm not interested in that, I know. I really DO need to come around to what they want or I won't have any luck on here.)

***Their wanting something other than what I want does not make them "bad," it simply makes them men I have no interest in meeting. DUH.***

Here are some more obvious things:

Women want sex.

Sex is not bad.
Kinky sex is not bad.

Wanting sex is not bad.
Wanting kinky sex is not bad

There is such a thing as bad sex.

Not everyone is interested in having sex, kinky or otherwise, with you.
It's a rare person who is interested in having sex, kinky or otherwise, with every single individual who wants to have sex with him/her.
People will not always appreciate a stranger propositioning them for sex, kinky or otherwise.

Men of all ages on online dating sites message women in the hopes of having sex with them asap - this timing is not always obvious to the recipient.
Women of all ages on online dating sites message men in the hopes of having sex with them asap - this timing is not always obvious to the recipient.

Men of all ages on online dating sites message women in the hopes of having sex with them eventually- this timing is not always obvious to the recipient..
Women of all ages on online dating sites message men in the hopes of having sex with them eventually- this timing is not always obvious to the recipient.

People of all ages on online dating sites message people without the intent, thought, interest, or hope of sex with that person, ever. You know, friendly-like.

People on online dating sites do stuff without thinking through what they are doing, or accurately interpreting the likely results of their efforts.
It's in their best interest to make an effort.
They don't always get it right, even when they try their best.

We can't control other people's actions, beliefs, or attitudes.

Total strangers can't read your mind.
Total strangers won't always read your words.
Total strangers will read whatever they feel like into the words you write. [That sounds familiar.]

If the OP thinks that writing first is what leads to the "problem" she is experiencing, she has the option to not write first. DUH.

======================================
I'm offended at being called a hen.
Next time, please use one of the approved terms: man-hating harpy or frigid sex-hating biddy.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 35
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 2:43:22 PM

Now let's see, aside from the hen squad and all the men ages 16 to 99, being bad.

I just said the guys in that age range have a strong interest in sex. I didn't suggest there was anything bad about that. Most men have enough sense to not put that out there right away but I suppose if sex is all a guy wants, he might as well be direct about it. I'll add that thanks to the "MILF" and "Cougar" craze, young guys are quite brazen in their attempts to score an older woman these days so any 30+ woman contacting guys under 30 can probably expect them to shift the conversation to a sexual nature rather quickly.


No one ever guesses me at 36. I'm always guessed at 24 - 27.

I don't ask guys to ever guess my age but guys in their 20's always want to volunteer their guesses and they usually seem to guess I'm 30 even though I know I look my age (39). Perhaps they're just trying to be nice or perhaps anything over 30 just looks old so it doesn't matter if you're 30 or 50, it looks pretty much the same to them. The people who look significantly younger than their age are rare so it's best not to buy into any crap people feed you. And definitely don't declare to others that you look way younger. As you can see, it just invites people to say, "No, you really don't."
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 36
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 3:01:13 PM
Sure you think your user name is cute, but people have pointed out how
it can be misunderstood. Wise up and change it.

Also bare in mind that if anyone sees you playing the hypocrite and picking
on men that prefer younger women you will be held accountable. We have
long memories when it comes to idiots.

Now my dear Mr Evil, I know you're kinda burned out because of some people's
hypocrisy but I sure hope you weren't really after Alooo and Jinx because
I've seen them stand up for men on more than a few occasions.

Ok, now I'm off to laugh at the other cradle robbers behind their backs.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 37
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 4:45:56 PM
I can only speak of my own experience, but the women I dated in my 20's who were in their 30's were looking for sex. How do I know this? In most cases they admit it, in others the relationships started out as one night stands, pretty obvious. I'm not saying it was a bad or good thing, but it was a reality. And, they were not necessarily better in bed, but did seem to enjoy it more.

What I think you are missing here is the fact that those young guys do want to get to know you, but they want the sex first. I know, sounds crazy, but that is the way young men are, sex first get to know later. Go figure!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 38
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:08:51 PM
"man-hating harpy", "frigid sex-hating biddy" dully noted, will add to my repertoire. Always looking to augment my vocabulary using golddigger, hens, posse and a few select others, becomes passe, so quickly.

Evil, not an avocation, a way of life.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 39
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/11/2010 4:11:41 AM

In all the time I have been on POF I have yet to have a guy try to get me in the sack after a bitter, over brewed cup of crap from Starbucks.

WTF, am I doing something wrong? Maybe it's because I'm over 40. Yeah, that must be it.


No, the age has nothing to do with that---its most likely you're one of the more stable, less rush-to-judgment and dare I say more mature examples of a "good woman" on this entire site! I'm guessing you're prone to having a good basic understanding of a person long before you meet in person which would explain why you've not been misunderstood by your company.

If there were a few more like yourself these forums would almost surely cease to exist. What is there to gripe and complain about when we've made good choices and decisions going into to something??
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 40
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/11/2010 5:16:27 AM
As far as I can tell, the OP referred to only one in-person meet.

Her post is mostly about the "automatic" and "instant" electronic responses to her first messages, not about meets. It's about men who respond to her first messages with messages that, in her determination, are based on the assumption that she wrote to them because she is interested in sex, and only sex, with them.

She wants to chat to get to know them, and they don't.
Given that situation, I can't see how she could gain "a good basic understanding of [them] long before" she meets them.
But other than one guy, she didn't say she's meeting them.
I missed where any other woman on this thread was griping or complaining about men she MET.

It should came as no surprise that the forums are full of men and women complaining and griping about all sorts of things, especially in OPosts by newbies.

The OP does, of course, have choices and opportunities to make good decisions. For example, if they write back seeking sex only and she doesn't like that, she can ignore/delete/block "automatically," and forget all about meeting them.
Which is what nearly all women on here do - even immature, unstable, and "not good" ones - they exercise judgment and act accordingly.
Sometimes there is a learning curve.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/11/2010 6:05:53 AM
Sorry to say it, but you look every day of 36. Attractive, yes, but you can't pull off 24-27. Anyone who tells you that is stroking your ego.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 42
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/11/2010 7:13:06 AM

No one ever guesses me at 36. I'm always guessed at 24 - 27. none of my friends are a day over 25

Keep telling yourself that...

Now tilt your head back and stretch out the right arm.NO the right arm..OK touch your nose.
Ooooooops


God bless you pepper in your wit & wisdom in a time of need for the op. lol
I tried to also touch my nose but it stuck in my ear!

I am 99 years old but look a young 89.


Most are checking the body/boobies..


What! I'm shocked! lol I must be in the minority cuz nothing beats a beautiful set of gams..
while drinking tea, of-coarse.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 43
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/11/2010 11:52:20 PM
funny,
I heard that if you were a single woman over 30 you were automatically looking for a Subaru
 RealisticRomantic
Joined: 7/19/2010
Msg: 44
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/13/2010 6:09:35 AM
Let me start by saying, this is not true! Almost every guy that I message, automatically assumes I am only looking for sex. Especially if I message a younger guy. I am 36. If I message a guy any age UNDER my age, they think that is ALL I want. That is not true!

Don't be so apologetic. Not all women are up to snuff.

At least CHAT a little first before you instantly message me back with, "what exactly are you looking for?

Not a prayer. Long before you came to the scene, some women discovered chat as a cynical waste of a good man's time. The goal was to keep as many as possible in suspended animation and never meet. Sadly, men got clued in and if willing to chat at all, it is short. Only a noob will give you his MSN or Yahoo ID. Same goes for MySpace and FB.

Older women don't really know more! or aren't necessarily better in bed. We're just wiser.

Amen. Wiser=priggish here. You have lots of company. There are multitudes of women who are strong and indepenent, who defy anything feminine in favor of being alone and discarded.
Amen.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 45
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/13/2010 12:05:24 PM
Okay, OP, first, you don't look 24-27. That's called being nice. Maybe "about 30" if you dressed up in hip/edgy 20-something clothes that fit well & nice. But that's beside the point, because in the end, they find out, whether they guessed it off by 5 years or not, that you're in your mid-30s...

Okay, if you APPROACH a guy, first, of any age, that means "less work" for the guy, regardless of age. Doesn't mean "easy" in the classical slang sense, but it means "she wants me" if you're direct and obvious that you dig him when being the one approaching him.

Couple that with say, you approaching a 27 year old guy... yes, statistically speaking, a gal in that position will be more open to just a fling. A younger guy -- not just a few digits under, but you being a COUGAR to him -- will probably not want anything more than a fling/FWB/short-term situation. You have to accept that. So if you approach him and it's obvious you dig him, that's what he'll want, whether he thinks of you that way or not.

I think guys in their 20s don't think women mid 30s & dating are JUST looking for sex. But, if a mid-30s gal says "I like younger guys (cough)in their 20s(cough)", that means she's big into sexual attraction, no matter how much she'd like to argue against that. So with THAT in consideration, take it how you will... it doesn't mean she wouldn't want something substantial with a younger guy! But it means she is MORE driven by sexual attraction and driven against a boring life, hence more open to sexual endeavors, if he wishes to go that route. It's just playing the odds in what's OPEN -- not absolute.
 dsrvsthebest
Joined: 6/27/2010
Msg: 46
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/14/2010 7:07:18 AM
Thank you soooo much Jinx for that! That IS what I am talking about. WOW, I must just be an idiot and just taking everyone's kind words as to what age they "guess" me at. Including my very close family. They all must be liars when they tell me I don't look as old as I am. No, pictures don't do justice. Especially online, which I have learned here, on POF. So many people tell me I don't look my age. Including my family. And I'm not changing my screen name. It's original. Whatever. I really am a sweet, kind, caring, honest, and loving person. Just looking for someone to spoil and be with. I can't help it that I am young at heart. Most people are afraid of a woman who cares. That seems to be my problem. I don't know. I will change my age range, again. I have changed my profile 100 times now...but thank you everyone, well not everyone, but most for your ugly words and "uplifting" help! I am just an honest girl, to a fault, looking. New at this whole dating thing. And regret that i was ever frustrated enough one night to post this forum question.

wow.
 dsrvsthebest
Joined: 6/27/2010
Msg: 47
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/14/2010 8:39:08 AM
I realize I am going to get "opinions". I fully understand that. But some people are very harsh and just cruel and not giving "opinions." Those sentences start out with, "in my opinion" or "maybe you should try..." or things like that... Not the harsh comments of, you shouldn't do this or that and you don't look this or that. And slamming my profile. Funny I didn't ask those types of questions at all. Like I said, I regret being frustrated enough at all one night to even have posted the question. Yikes! I was brought up a whole different way that obviously a lot of people on here just think they just take a stab at people who they think they will never see again because they are safely hiding behind a computer screen. Some of the people were very nice with their statements and I thank them for that! Like I also said, I am just a very honest person. And it tends to get me hurt or in trouble. Oh well! I would rather be a kind and honest women, than play games. I really wouldn't know how to be any other way, even if I tried. What does it really gain you? Except maybe guarding your heart I guess.
There really is nothing more I can say? I have learned a lot from people's "answers or opinions" as you may call them? But again, I regret posting it. Not a real "feel good" post. I know, what I am. I know how I feel inside, and how I look on the outside without everyones opinion. I don't think I look 24? But definitely not 36. Personality has A LOT to do with your outer appearance. And I'm a good catch. So have fun with my post ya'll!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 48
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 9/14/2010 8:53:49 AM
As always when we don't hear what we want, we focus on that, than the core issue.

YOU asked the question, WE gave the answer. Now frankly I don't care how old you look. The issue of look maybe germaine to the discussion, but is not the core issue.

The issue is the AGE of who you are contacting and attracted too. While you went onto comment extensively on the "picture or look" issue, you glossed over the 20 somethings you desire.

Whether your "a good catch" or not is irrelevant, when you contact immature guys interested in sex. If you believe men are basically boring at 41, then that's your opinion. But don't complain about guys who act immature when that's all your contacting, no matter how young you feel.

After reading your subsequent posts, I now get it. YOU are immature as well. Or despite the pic's comments, you would have taken away more than just that.

I love it when women say their "younger than their age" but when men make that claim their dirty old men. Hahahaha!

You women make me laugh.
 venndiagram
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 49
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 10/10/2010 8:09:54 PM
I would never ever say I dont look my age. No matter how many people told me that.

Never. Ever.

People really need to stop doing that.
 jeepwmn
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 50
Why is it that when you are a woman over 30 dating, you are AUTOMATICALLY looking for only sex?
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:43:10 PM
True, I would never say I don't look my age, either. Other people can say it, and you can believe it when they have nothing to gain by saying it. (And they're not family or close friends, either). In fact, I've often noticed the people who don't look their age are the last ones who would ever say that. They don't need to.
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