Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Don't count on it.
 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 52
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/17/2010 8:26:08 PM

YES they can, my partner was a heroin addict for 8 years, i didnt know this when i met him and he hid it from me for 3months at which point id fallen for him and him me. I Ended the relationship a month after finding out as i couldnt handle it but remained his best friend as he started trying to give up the drugs as he wanted to be with me. I attended every meeting with him and every doctors appointment just as a friend to show him i had his back, i loved him just hated his addiction. 6 months later he was clean and 3 months after that we resumed our relationship and he stayed clean, i got pregnant and we planned to marry in may 2010 our daughter was born xmas eve 09 and unfortunatley he passed away when she was 3 weeks old in january this year....it was not drugs related. But YES and addict can get clean but only when u make yourself the prize at the end and not enable them by staying and giving the best of both worlds, They have to make that choice!


Am pretty sure the OP meant by taking the first steps of seeking help; alot of people who do seek help, do come clean, but its a matter of them wanting to come clean. If you have no desire to come clean, then NO, you can not get over the addiction without help.
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 53
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/18/2010 9:20:38 AM

They have asked for help. I was actually a huge help at times, just encouraging them and doing different activities, spending money on more constructive activities. I know what the meets are all about, I've had family/friends involved, so I've been there/done that... I didn't try to CHANGE them... that was the wrong words. I wanted them to be better, so we could be better together, and I wanted to save their life, and they knew it was more then needed.


but, addicts become VERY adept at LYING, and PRETENDING that they want help, etc. going through the motions -all while still using.

for most, NOTHING is as important for them, as their drug/substance. Not YOU, not their family, NOT their reputation, not "love", not affection from people (they don't care about driving people away as long as it facilitates their drug use) not their freedom (from jail/prison), not even their OWN LIFE. In short they care nothing about the things that most 'normal' people do care about -they only care about ONE thing, getting their next fix.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 54
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/18/2010 11:07:47 AM

YES they can, my partner was a heroin addict for 8 years, i didnt know this when i met him and he hid it from me for 3months at which point id fallen for him and him me. I Ended the relationship a month after finding out as i couldnt handle it but remained his best friend as he started trying to give up the drugs as he wanted to be with me. I attended every meeting with him and every doctors appointment just as a friend to show him i had his back, i loved him just hated his addiction. 6 months later he was clean and 3 months after that we resumed our relationship and he stayed clean, i got pregnant and we planned to marry in may 2010 our daughter was born xmas eve 09 and unfortunatley he passed away when she was 3 weeks old in january this year....it was not drugs related. But YES and addict can get clean but only when u make yourself the prize at the end and not enable them by staying and giving the best of both worlds, They have to make that choice!


Am pretty sure the OP meant by taking the first steps of seeking help; alot of people who do seek help, do come clean, but its a matter of them wanting to come clean. If you have no desire to come clean, then NO, you can not get over the addiction without help.


Not being nit picky, but I do wish people quit using the word " a lot" when referring to that amount of people that actually become AND stay clean from addictions. The number is actually less or around 5%. Dat is NOT "a lot". A lot will just continue the cycle,,,,clean for a period and then fall back into the abyss,,,,only to come out again,,,,and then fall back again,,,,and then come out.....

Well, you get the picture. It's one the reasons I didn't want to reply to msg # 69. His time clean before his "untimely?????" death that this message referred to was not very long. Long for an addict,,,but not in the big picture if ya know what I mean.
 rustygetsit
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 55
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:44:24 AM
A "true drug addict" has already found the love of his/her life - and it's not you.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 56
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:14:14 AM

A "true drug addict" has already found the love of his/her life - and it's not you.


yes and yes...

addicts dont' love themselves...how in the world do you think they could love you?
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 57
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:45:49 AM
Addicts chose drugs vs. sobriety, not drugs vs. "you."
 Truthisee
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 58
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/29/2010 2:37:46 PM

A "true drug addict" has already found the love of his/her life - and it's not you.


bullshit.

A true addict has found a way to cope with whatever pain/loss they have experienced in their life using whatever drug, but I can sure as shit assure you there is no love involved.

Either within or without.

To answer the OP's question, no, an addict cannot chose you over their drug of choice, as they must first choose themselves, only after they choose themselves and continue for a prolonged period of time can they ever offer love to a relationship.

If you ever hear something like, "I want to be with you, and for your love I will walk away from being an addict", you are going to become a victim, there are no exceptions.

At this point in my life I have no time for it.

period.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:47:29 PM
They have to decide to save themselves and the only thing you are doing when you keep helping the person is make it take longer for them to bottom out and help themselves.
 Truthisee
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 60
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 10/1/2010 8:55:49 AM

The addict has to chose a higher power beyond themselves to survive and cure themselves of self-focused destruction.


*rolls eyes.

Your 12 step philosophy has been found lacking and therefor taken out behind the shed and shot.

Fvck the higher power crap, it doesn't work for everyone, simple as that.

Within yourself is the true higher power, focusing on the root cause for your particular addition, be it alcohol or drugs, is the key for successful transition. To simply say let go and grasp a power greater than yourself, is in my opinion, ridiculous. God doesn't exist, but you do, and therefor "letting go", is not "letting go" of self in realization of a program that essentially panders false ideals to the weak and stupid, sure it has worked for millions, but it has also not worked for millions more.


Drug and alcohol addictions are not chemical, they are spiritual.


Totally wrong, and spoken like a true outsider.

I will say however that a lack of spiritual awareness, or the suffering of a spirit, can often lead down the path of chemical dependency, but to say after a prolonged time said dependency does not enter into the realm of chemical is absurd.

When I said they must first choose themselves, I meant they must first choose to heal themselves, it starts with self realization, understanding the impact we are having not only on ourselves, but those around us. I never gave myself to a higher power when I quite drinking, I came to see there is something worth believing in, and that something was me.

step away from the candles, flowers and hippie love shit, and realize what may work for you, may not work for everyone, and as I said before, the addict must choose themselves, only once they learn to love what they see in the mirror, can they ever offer any kind of stable relationship.



 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 61
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:11:30 AM
I would definitely choose a good man over Haagen Daaz, but he would have to be more available than Ben & Jerry.
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 10/2/2010 6:22:38 AM

The addict has to chose a higher power beyond themselves


*rolls eyes.
Your 12 step philosophy has been found lacking and therefor taken out behind the shed and shot.


There are many paths.
This is freely admitted in the 12 step philosophy.

If someone has more that 5 years sober, they have a very good chance of remaining clean, they are likely to be making better choices in life than they were making while dependent on drugs & booze.

If you are seeing an active drunk or dope fiend, do not expect anything to change... ever.
 desires path
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 63
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/19/2011 10:19:56 PM
A true drug addict has already made thier choice and it is not you. Any thoughts that you may wish for it to be different are wasted. Incredibley harsh my statement and not intented to be so, merely stark in stating the reality of what you open yourself up to if you choose to believe otherwise. Forever is a long time. It is what we all (well most anyway) seek from our partner, it is what an addict faces in thier struggle to decide; you or the drugs. I was appauled to learn of the very slim percentage that actually overcome thier addiction. I know first hand what it is to grow sick with want for them to overcome thier desire. I know first hand what it is to forgive and forget once 2 years had passed and no sign of use was prevalent. I know first hand what it is to learn after 12 years that in the end a true drug addict will always choose thier drug, over you, over children, over family and over anything they once held dear in life. I wish you every strength in your journey and hope that what ever your struggle you will recall that it is thier decision, not yours, your task is to continue on, live laugh and learn. Very best to you.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 64
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/19/2011 10:32:12 PM
This is not about you and it is not personal.
This is about the person who is addicted, only they can change .
They will only do it when they are fed up.
 KiwiBassist
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 65
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 9:24:01 AM
No not really. I had an ex l ike that, they chose the drug addicted lifestyle over their children, and their family. The excuse was they had a hard life, and had been doing it since they were 15 yrs old, so that just kept enabling them. They need to clear their lives of the past including all friends still stuck in that lifestyle. Many won't, as it requires a lot of work and effort on their part to stay clean.

It is sometimes easier for them to continue going down hill, and most don't even really care about themselves, because if they did, they would ensure they would stop. Sometimes even hitting rock bottom for them doesn't wake them up as long as they have all their addicted friends they hang out with still around.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 66
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 11:02:34 AM
~OT~ Even if one chooses to get "clean" the after-math is miserable. Dry drunks, dry highs, generally picking a new addiction to feed the personality. If they don't choose sex, alcohol, it's likely be AA/NA meetings and the people there who will become their new addiction. If not? It'll be food or religion or something else. I was with a "recovering" addict, there was nothing worse than watching someone sober, yet Jonesing non-stop for something to feed the addictive personality. When that addiction became me, for lack of anything else to be addicted to, I had to opt out. I'm sure there are stories out there of those who are successful in recovery in all aspects, but I personally don't know that side of this topic. JMO
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 67
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 12:15:41 PM
Op, this part of your post is what caught my attention:
"I'm not sure if I should have kept trying to change them."

YOU can not change any one.....ever!! The only person you have control over, is YOU.
If you want to be a friend and give support, more power to you!!
An addict of any kind will only change when THEY are ready!
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 2:12:17 PM
From personal experience- no.

He is now dead. One year. Drugs were his
girlfriend, wife, lover, friend.

No. No no no.

Believe me- I tried. No.

Take care of yourself.

I hope you never face what I had too and he
seeks some help. Mine was in rehab over 13 times
including all kinds of treatments from basic to
experimental.
Save yourself. You can't save him. You will die
trying. It is futile.

I waited six pages because I just could not post
here. My stomach hurts just telling you this.


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13971908.aspx
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 3:35:36 PM
Condolences to those left behind.
I've always heard that the DEFINITION of addiction, IS that the person addicted CAN'T "choose" not to be. They are as transfixed by the addiction as they are to being what ever sex they are, what ever SPECIES they are for goodness sakes. Addicts can seek to escape , and heal from their addiction, and can, once they are TRULY free from it, make a number of choices to make sure they don't go any where near it again, but by definition (again), they will ALWAYS be physically addicted, or at least susceptible to being addicted instantly again, to what ever held them in thrall.
Thus, to my thinking, no one who has tried to help an addict, or loved an addict, should EVER feel any blame or guilt that they failed to be tough enough, or supportive enough, or loving enough, or worst of all WORTHY OF TURNING TO INSTEAD OF THE ADDICTION. It's another romanticized fiction that sounds wonderful and touching, but is actually dreadfully and dangerously poisoning to the soul to believe.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 70
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/20/2011 6:09:44 PM
well somebody is dating Sheen.

maybe if you just "LOVE' them enough, they will see the light.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 71
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/21/2011 11:08:01 AM
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?

I find this question unfair to addicts, whomever they may be and whatever their addiction is.
Asking them to "learn" to choose a person over a drug is like asking to walk a tightrope while juggling china plates.
I've once mistakenly thought it would be so simple. "We're (or they're) family!! Duhhh... of course you should chose us(them)!"
But, nope... time and time again, drugs crept in and took over.
Why? Because addicts are human. Addicts can't click a switch like a robot and turn of all urges to abuse drugs. I understand this now and so should anyone on the outside of the life of an addict.
I've just recently confessed to an addict (who is trying to recover) that although I am not close, per say, I still feel affected. I am on the outside looking in feeling all the pain and anguish and it alters my day to day being. Alters my ability with stress. Like a stone in a pond creating ripples. *sigh
It's been years now and I've seen and felt enough to understand I can't be too angry nor can I pity too much. I also can't help. The onus of their addiction is on them. I can only wish them well. Therefore, the question is unfair.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/25/2011 2:00:21 AM
Only if you are a dealer.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 73
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/25/2011 2:35:26 AM
It is a very unfair question because its like you (OP) are asking an addict of anykind to turn you into the addiction istead which is just as unhealthy.

I am an alcoholic. I have faced my demons (I had been sober for six years till the death of my late fiance) and even the two drinks I have when I fall off the wagon (not often) affects my family. My youngest daughter for one wants to put duct tape over my mouth. Cant say I blame her; I already speak my mind. I get mean and nasty with a buzz. We all make choices for a better life. Trading one addiction for another isnt one of them.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/25/2011 3:35:35 AM
Lost my best friend to drug addiction, there was nothing I could do or his family to stop him, he lied, cheated and stole to fund his habit, it was devastating to watch and be helpless to help or stop him. Would never get involved with an addict again, found out the hard way there is no changing them.
 IHateBarstars
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 75
Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?
Posted: 3/25/2011 12:10:57 PM
Haha, and giraffes fly.

In short, no.

However, in some cases, it can be an incentive. I dated a guy last year and he had some issues and he quit everything when we got together. Then, I moved away for 6 months, went home to visit and he was back to using again, and then quit again when I came home for christmas when I got mad and helped 'em detox over Christmas. We still keep in contact/friends and he isn't using anything now still.

However, I've also befriended a few drug addicts and they've stolen money from me and in 99% of cases, they don't care about you regardless of how many times they say they do. Addicts are attracted to "helpers" because for the most part they provide unconditional companionship and other addicts because they have the same habits.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Can a true drug addict learn to choose you over drugs?