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 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 76
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 4 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Well said Jinks!

Everyone is on here for their own reason looking for what they are looking for no two is the same.

However if you have a attitude of this is not going to work guess what it most likely won't.
In my profile I state I am very picky. I also have some views that some would call hard to deal with.
However I am sure there is a woman somewhere out there that will see eye to eye enough to share a life with me.

Good luck to all but attitude is 99% of the battle.
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 77
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 7:54:39 PM
I wouldn't call it a complete waste of time. But I don't think people should have high expectations either. Online dating should be just one of several possible ways to meet people.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 78
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 9:03:49 PM
I'm with MisterDynomite kinda. I don't message women except on very rare occasion...


I may email one a week as a first contact email. It's never to one of the "catch me if you can" types. In the real world these types would have a conversation with me no problem. I do it all the time. This way can be fun but I wouldn't put too much stock in it. Lots of dates if I choose but it's so hit and miss.
In the real world you communicate and there are nuances and inflection and smiles. In the cyber world it's completely reversed. You have to engage them with the written word.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 79
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 9:45:34 PM

^^^^^ NOTHING to do with "attraction" there az. I can enjoy somebody's company without actually EVER being attracted to them. Some people call them "friends".

Good effort though. Anybody else wanna take a shot at that "formula"?????
The way you read what I wrote, it made sense to you differently than it did to me when I wrote it. I will defer to your interpretation because I am a sucker for CAPITALIZED EMPHASIS. (You big stud, you.)



 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 80
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 11:15:34 PM

Of course if you think the "numbers" game is part of finding the "one",,
I think that it is a game of numbers.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the correct frog, because they all look and croak the same.

I am not very familiar with the chou-chou train some refer to, but don't men have to kiss a whole bunch of sleeping beauties (once we're into the fairy tales) to find one who doesn't snore too loudly and eventually is willing to get off the feather bed and make a sandwich??

Online dating is is a waste of time as much an an internship is a waste of time for a new doctor. It's a learning process. We apprentice here at the forum by some great masters of the trade and learn the craft.

Some are talented and learn fast. Others are thick-headed and they have to spend years at the forum before they become skilled enough to be set loose and date seriously.
For the theoretical part, we are all superb, but in practice we suck, and I don't mean that literally...

 AnotherPinHead
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 81
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:14:01 AM
For a middle aged guy who puts some effort into it I'd say it's not a waste of time at all. I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 82
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 5:42:37 AM

It isn't a waste of time for 'men.' However, it can be a waste of time for some men.

If online dating isn't working, then go out into the real world and meet women that way.

Quit depending sole on dating sites.


Of course, we have to consider that offline dating didn't work for many people, and so they turned to online. I read that a lot in many profiles.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 83
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 5:43:08 AM
For a middle aged guy who puts some effort into it I'd say it's not a waste of time at all. I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though.


If you don't live in the dorms, its harder to build social relationships, and for a lot of us, dating coworkers = bad. I know that I am not really a fan of trying meet a potentional LTR in a club/bar. Additionally, there are plenty of good people out there that just don't congregate at your typical hangout spots. Then of course, even if they do, you don't know where they are in their lives. At least if they are on a dating site, you can -assume- that they are trying to date.

I think the biggest problem with 20-something women is that they have these really dry profiles that really don't say much about them. IMO, if you don't even have the capacity/attention span to talk yourself up, you're probably not that interesting of a person. It's also kind of pathetic when I see phrases such "I love to laugh," "tired of playing games," or "good man." All of these are pretty much no brainers, and really shouldn't need inclusion. If anything, they're just red flags to me that they are boring, easily manipulated, and have bad taste in their mates.


Is online dating a waste of time for men?


To answer the question directly, I would say that it depends. The more you have going for you as a guy (translation: being financially stable and/or attractive) the better chances you have. Women, from my experiences, are less willing to settle in the online dating world, while guys are willing to copy/paste messages to any girl that's remotely compatible.

I actually put this to a test. I posted two different craigslist ads, one where I was essentially myself (but a little less brazen than my current profile) where I played up my strengths. I also didn't say anything that anyone could make a clear inflection about my income or how I felt in regards to family life or whether or not I wanted children. I made a second one some time later where I was essentially your typical blue-collar white guy (and yes, I do think race is a factor, but that's a different thread), and I talked more about what I did for a living and what I was doing with my life than who I am as a person. I think I even added that I was making about 40k a year. The former profile got two replies, while the latter one averaged about six a day for almost two weeks.

I really think that with guys (especially my age), it's really a war of attrition. You really have to have all your ducks in a row, and you have to project that onto your profile in order to be able to make good use of online dating. Being -in- school isn't good enough, having an apartment (instead of a house), a job (instead of a career), and a car are bare minimums. Your values in family, and lifestyle etc. obviously factor in, but all the personality stuff you may or may not mention are subjective (less important initially) and are to be truly determined -if- you get to actually date any prospects.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 84
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:40:21 AM
I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though


Have you notice the inordinate amount of time the young spend talking on their cells and texting each other rather than connecting in person it is probably just an extension of that.


think the biggest problem with 20-something women is that they have these really dry profiles that really don't say much about them. IMO, if you don't even have the capacity/attention span to talk yourself up, you're probably not that interesting of a person. It's also kind of pathetic when I see phrases such "I love to laugh," "tired of playing games," or "good man." All of these are pretty much no brainers, and really shouldn't need inclusion. If anything, they're just red flags to me that they are boring, easily manipulated, and have bad taste in their mates.


20 something women are not the only ones doing this. I find some women in their 40's and 50's have very poorly thought out profiles and I have recieved initial contact emails from women that says just "Hi" and little more - the reality is if a woman is attractive she know she does not have to put much effort into online dating.
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 85
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:40:35 AM
I think the majority of men will get a relatively low percentage of positive replies in general. But some men will make it even harder for themselves by only looking at a woman's photos and not reading her profile, having a poor profile and photos themselves, sending extremely rude emails such as the ones containing sexual comments etc.

Like others have stated, women in general do get more emails. But sometimes the emails are from men who clearly don't match what a woman is looking for. Also some women on these sites are very picky.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 86
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:38:15 AM

I think the majority of men will get a relatively low percentage of positive replies in general. But some men will make it even harder for themselves by only looking at a woman's photos and not reading her profile, having a poor profile and photos themselves, sending extremely rude emails such as the ones containing sexual comments etc.


I agree with a lot of what you have said.
However have you took the time to browse the profiles of women?

Some NOT all have pics of them in lingerie their breasts all but exposed and posed in very sexual poses.
I took the time to look at your profile and you have very nice clear pics that show you as a person not a sex object.

I avoid the profiles with the women that has the half naked pics as I don't want that quality in a woman. Most men will see them and give it a shot. What do they truly have to loose?

If she finds him attractive and they end up hooking up then he got what he wanted if she gets mad and blocks him no skin off his nose.

The thing that is strange to me is while women are allowed to post almost phonographic pics I cant even post pics of me at the beach as I don't wear a shirt there.
I work out 5 days a week and am in better shape than most 20 somethings. Yet I cant show a pic that shows it.

Are there some men out there that will send massages that are out of line yes but sometimes you get what you advertise for.

To the OP's question if you are sure this won't work for you guess what it most likely won't.
A MLB player is considered a very good if his batting adv is around .300 that means he strikes out or doesn't get a hit 70% of the time.

If your not getting the response you desire take a look at how you have packaged yourself the problem may lie there. Just saying
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 87
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 12:50:27 PM
Even though I posed the question is online dating a waste of time for men I was just looking to get opinions. I personally do not think it is a waste of time if you do it properly (By that I mean putting effort into your profile and not just sticking up the first picture of yourself you have on hand) and it is still better than the real world where chances of meeting someone are even less likely. I agree with some of the points mentioned. In the real world you usually work with a limited number of people (many of which are not single), people are affraid to make a move, and not everyone wants to go to clubs or bars which seems to be the only place to meet people these days. Here you have a much wider selection of singles and it's easy to make the first move. I still do believe this is the best dating site just because of the mere size of it. That being said women still do have the advantage due to the unequal gendre makeup (Surplus of men) of most dating sites but it is still worth a shot.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 88
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 2:59:46 PM
Posted by: LivingintheReal


So basically your average Joe.

Interesting conclusion you're drawing there.

So, you think people make themselves interested in, and subsequently respond to positively, every single ... or most ... or many, offers they get in their inbox from people offering them things they have no need or desire for?
Yeah, when Amazon offers me the latest, sexiest, hottest bestselling book or mobile phone or HD TV or garden hose or cordless multi-tool, I jump right on it. They are offering it, therefore I want it. I've bought 54 phones, 32 TVs, and several thousand books this year alone.
Ditto for when they offer me food (which they themselves refuse to ship to my location) or diapers (which I not only don't need, but that they also refuse to ship).

Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways. I'll be sure to say "yes, please" to these people who write to me, since their interest in me trumps my lack of interest in them:
lesbians
guys looking for a hook up
guys looking for a fwb arrangement
guys looking to have children
guys looking for a woman who lives her life based on Biblical principles or New Age principles
guys who live in places that require a plane ticket for me to meet

This is about 80-90% of the people who write to me, so I'll be one helluva busy gal. With an enormous credit card bill ... what with buying everything offered to me online, and all those plane tickets.

All of those people could be average Joe's (or Jane's), or far from average. They could be extraordinarily spectacular human beings in every conceivable way.
Whether they are average or wondrous to behold is totally irrelevant. They don't interest me.
They doubly don't interest me, because they all seem to be somewhat literate, yet failed to read my profile well enough to realize that I do not interest them.

But hey, if it makes ya feel better to think people aren't interested in ya cuz you're "average" (whatever the he11 that means), knock yourself out.
 letsgocanes11
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 89
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:16:14 PM
Maybe the big question is: When you find someone that you like and that person likes you. There is a connection both physically and emotionally. Yet you both are still playing the field seeing what POF has to offer and both parties continue to hang out while hanging out with others from this site. Is it really giving both parties a fair chance at love? What is everyones take on this?
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 90
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:27:17 PM
both parties continue to hang out while hanging out with others from this site. Is it really giving both parties a fair chance at love? What is everyones take on this?


Allright.. I will attempt to speak for everyone... It appears that many Forumites are here strictly for entertainment purposes..

Since the majority of their online time is spent in the Forums reading about others woes..
That leaves much less time for IRL meetups which would be much more productive towards finding an actual compatible SO..

Suggest moving out IRL to a target-rich environment and actually talking to strangers until you find someone you really feel compatible with..

Then you focus on them exclusively for a few weeks and see if the spark continues.. Voila..

But deeply embedded habits are hard to break.. So most Forumites come back to POFerland and see what's new with their online "mates"..

And actually the IRL attention for some pales to the high-fives and affirmations they may feel from afar from old "friends" online..

It's like gambling at the casinos.. Casinos know that a little reinforcement goes a LONG way to hook into someone's addictions...





The thing that is strange to me is while women are allowed to post almost phonographic pics I cant even post pics of me at the beach as I don't wear a shirt there.


I want some of those talking pics.. That must be the latest new feature here?...
 *MrP*
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 91
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:36:58 PM
Online dating isn't for the faint of heart, but it's not a waste of time for men either.

Perhaps there are 7 guys for every 3 women on some dating sites, a quick glance at the local POF pond reveals that there are actually slightly more women than men 30-50 within a 25 mile radius of my zip code....the ratio comes out to roughly 13 women for every 12 men. I doubt that these figures are much different in other locales. Now if you want to talk about quality, that an entire different ballgame....it's extremely slim pickings for someone who actually has standards.

I know a several guys who get dates through POF.....one is currently in a happy relationship with someone he met here. If you consider numerous bad first dates and meeting flakes, fakers, poofers, head cases, and psychos as online dating "success" then I guess you can include me on that list. Again, as others have stated, it isn't about quantity but quality....which is why I'm taking an indefinite break from it all.

Ironically, get more quality messages from women with my current "I don't give a sh!t" profile than I did when I had a real profile up. Go figure.

MrP
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 92
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:47:53 PM

Ironically, get more quality messages from women with my current "I don't give a sh!t" profile than I did when I had a real profile up. Go figure


That may be some valuable advice for those men seeking help with their profile. I recall another guy on a different thread saying the same thing about his responses.
 Pull_Me_Under
Joined: 12/5/2009
Msg: 93
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:52:18 PM
Simple answer is yes. I know a few ladies that have profiles on here and on another site. They get hundreds of emails a week.
 weathervanes
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 94
view profile
History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:30:45 PM
My take, you find someone who "lights your fuse".....then a short time later they tell you they're not sure if the compatability is there, in reality someone else came along so, viola, instant doormat------been there done that---soooooo, it is a waste of time...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 95
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:43:09 PM

That may be some valuable advice for those men seeking help with their profile. I recall another guy on a different thread saying the same thing about his responses.

It's true. Initially, I was here for the forums and wrote my profile as a lark thinking that no one could possibly read it and write to me. I was wrong, so I expanded on what I wrote. I still get new contact messages almost every day, even though I now have a fiancee (who I met here) , changed my status to Not Looking/Not Single and put a note at the top of my profile saying that I wasn't taking any more applications for dates. I'm not sure an I don't give a shit attitude is the ky. I think the key is writing something that doesn't look like every other generic profile so that it isn't boring to read so that a person seems interesting (at least to some people).
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 96
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:53:20 PM
//the OP lives in perhaps one of the most target rich environments and shooting galleries with women in his age range and I'm not talking bars or clubs either...//

I'm not sure I know what youmean by this. What do you mean? I'm curious. We both live in the lowermainland of BC. What makes this any different than anywhere else?
 1966ok
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 97
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:08:30 PM
At your age you should be out meeting people in the real world.Then 20 years later when you get my age you can rightfully pose this question.Experience life & enjoy,you won't find that on a computer, good luck.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 98
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 1:07:14 AM
"I would guess that some of the guys that are complaining, have about two lines on their profile. I see a lot of that."

I wrote to the character limit on my profile and I have gotten repeated complaints that it is too long.
Just about any guy can get a date. The question is, can he get a date with someone he really wants to date? Jamisond is entirely correct in that the most desireable women are going to have their mailboxes filled to overflowing. If they do not respond, it is not necessarily because they find you undesireable, they just have too many choices. It is not fair to get angry with them for not responding. The ones I take issue with are the ones that you are seeming to get along great with, and then they just vanish.
The biggest problem I have is the problem that caused me to finally hide my profile. I repeatedly got responses to my profile from gigantic women who were angered when I did not respond favorably. It seems that a great many of them blame men for not wanting them because they cannot stop eating twinkies. I want a good woman, so I made the effort to lose most of my excess weight and am still losing. I do 100 pushups and 100 situps a day. Is it too much to expect women to make the same effort to look good?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 99
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 5:16:03 AM

the OP lives in perhaps one of the most target rich environments and shooting galleries with women in his age range and I'm not talking bars or clubs either...


Does it matter if the targets are walking around in a world of which they act like neutered nuns?????? Or that he got hit these targets with numerous shots and they continue on their way oblivious to the reality of it all. More than one dating "expert" has expressed these concerns and more about this "enviroment" (region) in general.
I didn't know the OP was from this area. Now, because of that, I will tell him it IS a waste of time being here. He's better off to go out and fish the real waters for the real fish. They actually bite,,,,,,and this past few weeks,,,,more than enough fishies in the Fraser to fill a freezer or two. At least he won't go hungry.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 100
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 5:58:05 AM
LivingintheReal wrote:


Here Ill try to make it simple
Some people have a whole VAT of milk from which to choose from ....
But whats the point right? some people have to many choices, some have to few, its what you do with those choices that matters


Here, I'll try to make it simple.

You are suggesting that all this mail from many men to a woman constitutes "too many choices" for her.

I am saying that is blatantly, absolutely, completely 100% not the case.
Lots of mail DOES NOT EQUAL LOTS OF CHOICE.
The idea that it does is totally illogical.

It hardly matters if I, or most other women, get 200 first messages a day saying "u r hot i'd do u" ... NONE of them could conceivably be among "choices" for me or those women. Ditto for the ones that say "nice tits" "I like your ass" "u r sexy wanna hook up" blah blah blah.
Anyone who thinks these are "choices" for us is, frankly, an idiot.

A man just posted about women contacting him who he isn't attracted to, and has no interest in. THEY are NOT CHOICES for him.

Try this analogy: I want a pair of athletic shoes. Suitable for cross-training. Not Nikes, as I know from experience that they don't fit my feet properly. I wear a particular size, just like everyone else.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of Nikes only - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of dress shoes only - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of athletic shoes, but none that fit me - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that only has thousands of pairs of golf and hiking shoes - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of athletic shoes, but none that seem particularly suitable or comfortable for cross-training - I HAVE LIMITED CHOICES, which is exactly what only dating is.

Am I looking for cream of the crop shoes? NO. I am looking for suitable shoes.
Am I insisting on "perfect" shoes? NO. I am looking for suitable shoes.
Am I stupid enough to think that cream of the crop shoes would be bad for me? wtf, no.
Am I blaming anyone or anything for my NOT finding a suitable pair of shoes? NO.

Should I just go ahead and buy dress shoes because the sales guy is nice? NO.
How about golf shoes, because the sales guy wants me to buy his golf shoes? NO.
Should I buy shoes that don't fit, because the sales guy thinks my feet will grow into them? NO.

Seriously, this persistent "lots of mail equals lots of choices" notion is one of the most ridiculous ideas on these forums. It makes no sense to equate volume with choice, unless, of course, one thinks that women have the discernment skills and mating drive of gerbils.
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