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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 167
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 6 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages? Because I can tell you from my experiences I don't receive much spam and most of the messages I get seem like thought went into it.

It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile. When I first tried online dating I had a rather generic profile and received generic emails. I added some personality to mine and now the majority of emails I receive include at least one humorous line. It never hurts to provide people with a little material to work from.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 168
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 12:47:59 AM
"So if many guys send out mass emails to women since it's a numbers game, and women generally tend to be more selective with who they e-mail. Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages?"

No, it means that 29 out of 30 Pof women have such a short attention span that they will vanish after a message or two, so you have to message a couple of hundred women in a relatively short span just to find one you can actually have a dialogue with.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 171
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 9:00:29 AM
It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile.

Actually, they don't. The majority of contact messages I received from women (including my fiancee) started out, ``I know I'm probably older than your age preference and that I'm probably not your type, but...'' (fill in comment about my profile). Comments in older threads about contact messages indicate women would wonder why a guy wold bother writing to a woman if he felt that way and that they'd delete that sort of message without a reply. I answered those sorts of messages because I allowed for the possibility that a lot of women don't feel comfortable being more direct and aren't used to rejection.

The effort required by males and females is different, but I don't think males put more effort into online dating than females or vice versa. Women receive more first contact messages than males, so women would naturally have to spend more of their time reading messages and selecting the messages to which they should resply. If they are lazy and casually dismiss any but the very best and witty, then they're selecting guys who are great at writing witty messages. Guys have to spend their time writing something that at least gets them noticed enough to make it to the ``maybe'' pile. Both have to be willing to just meet a lot of people and stop expecting a guarantee of anything before meeting.

The rule of thumb for messages ought to be, ``Be careful with what you send and liberal with what you accept.'' That's what I did. If everyone did that and didn't dawdle in setting up a pesronal meeting, a lot more people would find online dating easy.


I added some personality to mine and now the majority of emails I receive include at least one humorous line.

I read your profile. It's great. There are zillions of opportunities in it for a guy to exploit in a contact message. If I ran into a profile like that, my difficulty would be what to leave out. I easpecially like the testamonial.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 173
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:13:08 PM
I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know".


That's mostly what I get...


Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture.


HUH? Photos in a PICTURE?

The way I see it women don't REALLY have their pick just because of the numbers.

It's like during the Dot.Com boom. companies were seeking programmers like crazy and offering the world to them yet there were thousands of programmers who couldn't get but the simplest of jobs. The reason was because, although these companies were desperate for programmers, what they REALLY were after were the ROCKSTAR cream of the crop programmers! I knew some who would get tons of job offers and have recruiters trying to steal them away and others who complained that programming didn't pay. The interesting thing is the companies sometimes would mass contact new graduates inviting them to apply, only to turn them down.

So, I get emails from ladies all the time... They're just not the ones I want usually.
Some guys email every woman, looking first to see who responds, THEN seeing if they're interested in the woman.

To me that is a lot of work and not very efficient for the man OR the woman. It creates a scene where the women are overwhelmed and that does TWO things; 1. It makes it work for them so they don't pay attention thereby passing over some guys who MIGHT have potential for them and. 2 It greatly inflates their ego and expectations!

I sit back after writing a novel of a profile and posting current pics that show a range of how I look and wait for a woman who likes my pictures and profile enough to write. When that happens I respond with either a continued conversation or an email saying I don't think we'd be compatible.... no explanation, just a polite no thanks.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 177
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:37:41 PM

Your opinion is about as valid as the idea that the world is flat.

My opinion stated it's *possible* and it was in response to a guy who said he believed thought had gone into the emails he receives. I further stated that the type of emails a person receives might be a reflection of the contents of their profile (rather than the gender of the person writing).

I'm not aware of any research that has compared the emails sent by men and women to know for sure who sends the more thoughtful emails (thus my use of the word *possible*) but it does make sense to me that the person who sends few emails is more likely to put extra effort into each email than the person who sends out many emails.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 178
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 9:39:08 PM

I'm not aware of any research that has compared the emails sent by men and women to know for sure who sends the more thoughtful emails (thus my use of the word *possible*) but it does make sense to me that the person who sends few emails is more likely to put extra effort into each email than the person who sends out many emails.

You could also argue that the person who sends out few emails sends few emails because he/she isn't very good at writing them or that those who send out many emails get more practice writing. I think anyone who writes well does a lot of writing. I can only go by what I've received in the way of first contact messages from women. However, I'm not sure that it matters for any practical reason. What matters is doing what gets quality dates.

I wrote to a lot of women, but if I had to do it over again, I'd consider adopting jco's approach and wait for women to write to me. The main reason for that is (1) despite changing my status to Not Single/Not Looking and putting a note at the top of my profile that I'm not looking for dates, I still get messages from a about a dozen women each month; (2) Women who contacted me were appeared more interested (at least outwardly). For example, my fiancee contacted me; (3) Writing messages for women who expect prose is harder than whatever work is required to evaluate the intelligence of a woman who just says ``Hi'' and reply to everyone, even if I wasn't interested in a date.

One thing is for sure. If someone decides to cut off his/her nose to spite his/her face by trying to do less work than he/she perceives the ``other side'' is doing, dating here is going to suck.
 cuteazabutton
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 179
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History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/24/2010 7:19:49 AM
I feel sometimes it is a waste of time for them to be here because they dont even bother to reply back to you when u do send them a message. In their profiles they say to send them a message but when u do and they see your pic with the message and if they dont like it they dont even bother to even say "thank you" but im not interested. Leaving a message "unread/deleted" to me is very rude.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 181
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History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/25/2010 8:37:28 PM
Interesting, but not surprising, to see that the thread has gone off topic by so many who have chosen instead to foster a gender war. As far as I am concerned, the "waste of time" is for those who, bitter, unhappy & feeling the need to find fault, blame their lack of success (if that's what you want to call it) on everyone else. If you are of the belief that all people who have one thing in common are the same, I imagine you ARE wasting your time here, regardless of your gender.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 182
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/26/2010 5:15:41 PM
I just looked at Maxim and they say only 5% of men sleep with 95% of all women. To me, it seems only 5% of men get accepted and women do the rejection 95% of the time. Interesting statistics, but still very sad for dudes.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 186
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 9:11:11 AM
Waste of time?
Yeah, huge. All of five minutes to attach pictures, ten minutes of profile writing (10 minutes gets you a better profile than 90% of the guys on here), and about five minutes to send thoughtful messages.

Huge waste of 20 daily minutes. In those 20 minutes you could have almost watched a TV show, drank 2/3 of a beer, or gone for a short walk. Would hate to sacrifice that just to find a nice woman to date...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 188
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:19:08 PM
Is breathing a waste of time?......I guess for some it is.

If you have to ask this questionnaire then the answer is YES, for you it is!!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 189
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/5/2010 7:32:35 AM
"Is online dating a waste of time for men?"
---------
Neither more or less than it is for women.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 194
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:38:42 PM

Internet dating is just another way to potentially find dates


well said eastshore...

that's exactly how I look at it.

I have several avenues that I look for potential dates.

Hoping they never cross paths!! lol

To me, online dating is a just a compliment to the other avenues which I seek to meet women to date.


Never put all of your eggs in one basket or they will likely break...
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 196
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/6/2010 7:44:52 PM

Is online dating a waste of time for men?


I don't think so, I'm glad I only get that 1-2 messages a day.

I don't envy women for having 150 messages a week, sounds like a chore to me. I don't want that.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 198
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/7/2010 10:47:31 AM
Well, if you care more about quality than quantity women are definitely not in a better position. Also, a lot of people don't limit themselves to just one dating site, nor to they limit themselves to just exchanging emails with one person only. If one site sucks just take it for what it is and do your fishing elsewhere. It's as simple as that. If the problem is more personal then work on it, e.g., your profile, the way you write and express yourself, etc.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 199
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/7/2010 1:05:19 PM
even one message a month is not that bad. im talking about initial messages. not responses.

some aren't that fortunate.
 Chiliagon
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 200
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/7/2010 1:30:04 PM

Op.....currently, I have 15 unread emails (one's I will probably just unread/delete) and there are 5 pages of emails I've just let sit and eventually the inbox will clear itself.


sorry but I find this is total BS.

who do you think you are to just do an unread/delete to all these people?

you mean to tell me that you can't possibly spend a few minutes to do a quick browse through the messages? that on average will take 5 or so seconds to do?

you're that busy or that short of time that you can't do that?

this is exactly why this site isn't all that it's cracked up to be!

sure the gorgeous men and gorgeous women would disagree but they're the ones who get all the messages!

but they're not the majority! the majority of men and women here aren't gorgeous hunks or babes! they're average or so so looking!

this site really has given complete and total power to the women and it's a joke lately.
 Chiliagon
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 201
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/7/2010 1:31:30 PM

If you are honest about your attractiveness and what you have to offer and choose women who are at your level your inbox will be overflowing.


so what you're saying is that we have to admit that we're not attractive?

talk about a total lack of self confidence!

no wonder we're so F'n screwed up!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 203
view profile
History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/8/2010 4:54:42 PM

If you are honest about your attractiveness and what you have to offer and choose women who are at your level your inbox will be overflowing.


And you know this . . . how?
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 204
view profile
History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/8/2010 5:15:04 PM

Would you have everyone reply to you simply out of OBLIGATION?


I realize you weren't asking me, but the answer is no--of course not. No point in a reply unless it can be positive. What I wonder, though, is what good it does anyone to get e-mails at all, if they automatically put them in the trash unread. Isn't there some way just to block them all, so you don't even have to dispose of them?
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 205
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/8/2010 5:30:05 PM

sorry but I find this is total BS.

who do you think you are to just do an unread/delete to all these people?




this site really has given complete and total power to the women and it's a joke lately.

Yeah sure. Is that why I continuously got flaked on?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 207
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/8/2010 11:52:35 PM

Um, 17 years online.



Back in those pre-historic ages of paying per minute for internet connection. Ah, the good old days.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 208
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/9/2010 12:24:57 AM

sorry but I find this is total BS.

who do you think you are to just do an unread/delete to all these people?





she is someone who exudes confidence....


lol
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 209
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:22:16 AM
This site would only be a waste of time, if this is your primary source for trying to get dates. Im talking if you ONLY sat on here and tried to email woman after woman, after woman, and this is all you had, then yeah....You'd be wasting major time.


Put it to you fellas like this....Most women on here, have PAGES of emails in their inbox for the most part....so...out of those pages, they are going to only choose the top percentage of good looking men to respond to. Its THAT simple. They have alot of options like that.


I dont buy the nonsense that men feed themselves here that if you write some shakespearian sonnet, that she'll respond. Thats just bullsh*t in itself completely. If you arent attractive to the woman, then she isnt responding. Chances are, she wont even read the email.


Lets keep it real, it is what it is.



With that being said, this should be treated as just another way to get a date, on TOP of you having an active social life, with hobbies, and interests outside of the internet.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 211
view profile
History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:38:12 PM

With that being said, this should be treated as just another way to get a date, on TOP of you having an active social life, with hobbies, and interests outside of the internet.

I agree, it's just one way, and shouldn't be the only way. Although that's tempting because it's obviously so "easy". But nuthin's ever "free" and my own experience has been that the "quality" seems to improve more with folks I've met IRL (in real life), than online. Dunno, maybe it's the anonymous quality of internet dating and the lack of accountability that attracts a certain "type", but too many of the gals I've come across online just seem kinda skittish and flakey, sending all kinds of conflicting signals, like they're not even sure WHAT they really want, let alone WHO!

But just personally, would recommend donating some time in local volunteer groups. You'll be doing some good work, and the quality of folks there is usually kinda nice too!
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