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 AUTHOR
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 176
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

There are always a few exceptions,but on average it's still the moms who do the majority of child rearing.


A few exceptions......kinda like the few men that gets money in a divorce when the woman makes more.......your stance on that was 180 degrees from what you are saying now.
You said then it happens on both sides of the genders so it is equal. Now you seem to be saying because it is not equal in numbers it is not equal.......Hummmmmm


Most of it is fueled by bitter woman hating misogynist who are delusional.


You seem to use the word Misogyny/Misogynist in many of your post. I wonder if the real problem is not Misandry?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 177
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:19:45 PM
Nowhere and I do mean nowhere did I say that pay out in divorces were equal.I fully invite you to find anywhere I said that payout in divorces were equal.Go ahead I will wait.I will wait forever because nowhere did I ever say that payout in divorces are now equal.

For some reason you like to read things that are not there and have never been written.I know full well what I wrote and it was that there are now more women,not an equal amount, that are making good money and have had to payout in divorces to their ex husbands.I said that it's not only men who have to to pay settlements and that woman have had too as well,just not as many as men.I said that in the coming future there will be an equal amount of woman making the same as men and then it would be equal.

Kindly stop making things up please.




You seem to use the word Misogyny/Misogynist in many of your post. I wonder if the real problem is not Misandry?


I use it because it is an accurate description of so many bitter and hate filled men on here such as yourself.


Good luck in your angry and resentful little world.This is the last time I will be responding to you.You are exhausting and a discouraging person to converse with.
 Purr Heart
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 178
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:38:59 PM
I gotta say .... I'd rather have a nice bag of potato chips over something sweet....

Oh...is that off topic ?

I'm sorry, my bad ... what is the topic again ?

Oh , that's right....online dating and whether or not it's a waste of time... I wonder why I forgot that ?

Well.....I guess it's all a matter of perspective .... yeah...
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 179
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:41:30 PM
Well why don't you go first?

You've thrown out that BS about how women weren't considered "persons" under the law until sometime in the 20th century before, and it's still BS. It might be true of some other country, on some other continent, but women have been considered "persons" in Anglo-American law for centuries.


Sweetie you might actually want to look at facts before you make incredibly ignorant and misinformed comments that are truly only in your own mind.

http://archives.cbc.ca/politics/rights_freedo1801ms/clips//
http://canadaonline.about.com/cs/women/a/personscase.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's_suffrage
http://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.com/index.cfm?PgNm=TCE&Params=A1ARTA0008678:r:
http://www.child.alberta.ca/home/1069.cfm
http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/04/0431_e.html
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 180
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:45:57 PM

Nowhere and I do mean nowhere did I say that pay out in divorces were equal

Maybe you should read my statement .
You said then it happens on both sides of the genders so it is equal.


Here is the statement you were responding to.

I agree there have been a few very few women that have had to pay to divorce


Here is your answer.
Not in la la land.There may be less women then men doing it but there are still a relatively large number of women who have to pay out to less earning spouses.Where would Kevin(loser)Federline be with out Britneys money?Gold diggers now come with a penis in some cases


Now reading this in context you are saying because it is happening it is equal. As the post you were responding to said it was not the same because of the much lower number of cases. You responded with the above like that did not matter.
However in this because it is the lower number you want to defend you jumped the fence.


Kindly stop making things up please.

Not made up facts are stubborn little things aren't they!


I use it because it is an accurate description of so many bitter and hate filled men on here such as yourself.


Good luck in your angry and resentful little world.This is the last time I will be responding to you.You are exhausting and a discouraging person to converse with.


Hummmm or is that I come to the debate with facts and information and it goes against your opinion?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 181
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:03:00 PM
Oh god, back to this again?

(mj) YAAAAAAWWWWNNNNN. Wake me when this thread gets back on topic.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 182
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:08:04 PM
It's not a wasted of time if you can use it to come on line and fight with someone from a safe distance. That's the same fight that you had with your ex before he or she quit fighting, and will be the same fight you have if you do get together with someone new. One ongoing fight with whichever member of the opposition you currently can engage with, on or off line.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 183
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 5:52:41 PM

I use it because it is an accurate description of so many bitter and hate filled men on here such as yourself.


No offense intended moonlight but you seem non less bitter.

Actually the stat is slanted on pay. You can't factor in home makers who have chosen not to work. When this is removed it is very equal. Not only that but over 60% of college graduates are female. The male drop out rate is actually climbing. A male who is not a minority, by actual research will most likely receive no help getting into college or paying for it.
I personally know two women who divorced their husbands so they could qualify to get their college paid for by socialists using our money to "make men pay" for the acts of men long dead. If you choose to dig them up and thrash them it's fine by me. It has nothing to do with the here and now. No man may be punished for the sins of his father. All of this is way off topic actually.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 184
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 8:09:50 PM
The topic is: Is online dating a waste of time for men.

I don't date "online," I date in person, so yes it is a waste of time for men, at least in my case.

Of course, if we wanted to take sexism out of the topic. We may ask, is online dating a waste of time? Dating is what it is.

I asked one fellow what was it that made him choose me to contact. He told me I would not like the answer. His answer was: "It is all a matter of numbers. I emails every lady." The non romantic fact is, he is right.

We get out we mingle. We mingle here on POF hoping to find a spark that actually touches another spark. Is is a waste of time? It may depend on perspective. I personally know people, who met their love in an on line setting, who do not think it was a waste of time. Others, from reading some of the responses on this thread think it an enormous waste of time. And still others enjoy kicking our lonely butts while we are down. A question this subjective is not worth arguing over. The answer is: Yes, it is. No, it is not.

As for you off topic folks, you make excellent points but go find another thread, there are tons of them.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 185
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/22/2010 8:04:30 PM
Some very good points have been brought up, so I thought I'd add my two cents too.

First - as someone said, for men, yes it is a numbers game - period. Exceptions to the rule are, of course, the guys who look like [insert-current-pop-culture-heartthrob-icon-here], then all bets are off. But in the mean time - for the average guy (which is most of us out there) - it IS a numbers a game. A guy might go into a pub and approach 10 women. Of those 10, 6 might already have an SO in their lives. Of the 4 left, 1 might have no interest at all, of the 3 left, he might get 2 phone numbers, of those 2 phone numbers he might get a date. So, you cannot throw stones at the guys who's sending out en mass emails to those women he finds interesting. And so what if it IS a cookie cutter message? Sorry to burst any bubbles here, but there's nothing about "the first" email that's supposed to be magical in any way shape or form. The very point of the first email is get your attention, it's that simple. It's SUPPOSED to be quick and short - sending you the intended message of "hey, I just checked you out and found you interesting, check me out and let me know if YOU are interested in me as well..." I often hear women bitching because guys send too much information, emails that are far too long, then turn around and whine when they [the guys] send a couple of simple sentences. Again, sorry to rain on your little fairy tale fantasy, but the first email isn't supposed to be "magic."

Secondly, YES - the photos ARE the most important element of your profile. Let's stop pretending we're as deep as the Atlantic, pull our heads out of the sky and start living and dealing in the real world. Humans are VISUAL creatures - men AND women. If you're not attracted (physically) to the person of the profile you're viewing are you really going to waste time "getting to know them?" Really? I call BS. No you're not. You're going to do what everyone else does and hit the back button and continue scrolling down the list. And, quite frankly there's nothing wrong with that. Sure, I completely agree that looks aren't everything - but if there is no physical attraction, it "ain't" gonna work. Forget not we are dealing with ONLINE dating here, not meeting someone in person on the street or at the gym or at work. However, with that said - let me qualify my statement with just because someone is visually hot to you doesn't mean they're going to be a good match, nor does it mean you'll attempt to make contract. You could be the finest redhead on this site, but if your profile is chalk full of arrogance and egotism I'm sure as hell not going to waste time on you.

Third, the Webbernet is not a place to find your next spouse, no matter what the Match.com commercials tell you. It IS however a great place to make a few friends, score a few dates and even get "lucky" a time or two. If you create your profile with the intent of finding the next Mr or Mrs so and so - you're screwed. Outright screwed. Again, as with my other points there is a disclaimer - CAN you find marriage here? Of course, it does happen. But, its rare and you can't come here with the intent. As with any dating situation, you really need to approach it with no expectations - if it happens it happens, if it doesn't move on.

Forth, if this form of media is the ONLY resource you have to meet men or women - you're really fucked. Are you seriously that socially inept you have to depend on a website to find a date? "Oh, but I'm so busy!! I don't have time to go out and meet people!!" Really? So then how the hell are you supposed to have time to go out on dates? You're too busy too go out and meet someone, but not too busy to go out for a night on the town for a date? Really? How many people fall for that lame ass excuse? Raise your hands, we're all friends here. If this IS you're only resource, then it isn't the dating site that's the problem... it's YOU. Your obvious lack of any social skills IS the reason you're not having your emails replied to - not some mysterious conspiracy.

So, what's the bottom line here? Simple.

1. Stop using the Internet dating to find true love - if you happen to stumble across it, great! Otherwise use it for what it has evolved into - a great way to set up a quick Friday night date.

2. Stop pretending that the profile pics "aren't that important because I'm so philosophically deep..." They ARE the most important element in gaining your attention.

3. For guys it is a numbers game. Don't get your panties in a wad when you find out he's emailed 200 other women on the same day he emailed you... sorry princess you're not that special. You're just another potential date. On the flip side, guys don't get your panties in a wad when you find out she's getting 20 to 50 emails a day - because she is - whether she lies to you about it nor not.

4. Stop expecting the first email to be some wonderful, mysterious, magical, message-in-a-bottle. Shut off the chick flicks for a few moments and come back to earth. That's not what they're supposed to be. And, guys really - your first email shouldn't be a description of your micro-penis and what you would like to do with it. Because if you are sending her notes like that - she already knows the only action you're getting is spanking to random photos of your Facebook friends.

Good day.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 186
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 12:07:47 AM
So if many guys send out mass emails to women since it's a numbers game, and women generally tend to be more selective with who they e-mail. Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages? Because I can tell you from my experiences I don't receive much spam and most of the messages I get seem like thought went into it. Which makes me feel bad about not replying if I'm not interested.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 187
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 12:26:59 AM

Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages? Because I can tell you from my experiences I don't receive much spam and most of the messages I get seem like thought went into it.

It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile. When I first tried online dating I had a rather generic profile and received generic emails. I added some personality to mine and now the majority of emails I receive include at least one humorous line. It never hurts to provide people with a little material to work from.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 188
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 12:47:59 AM
"So if many guys send out mass emails to women since it's a numbers game, and women generally tend to be more selective with who they e-mail. Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages?"

No, it means that 29 out of 30 Pof women have such a short attention span that they will vanish after a message or two, so you have to message a couple of hundred women in a relatively short span just to find one you can actually have a dialogue with.
 fashiongal2
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 189
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 6:56:42 AM
So if many guys send out mass emails to women since it's a numbers game, and women generally tend to be more selective with who they e-mail. Then does that mean that guys receive less messages but more meaningfull messages?"


I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know". As stated earlier, the content of the first email doesn't matter that much to me unless it is blatantly inappriorate or it included something that wasn't on his profile. The purpose of the first email is just to see if there is any initial interest based from the profile and photos. I don't need a man to state that we have things A and B in common when I can determine that by reading his profile.

Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture. That may be for many people. But the profile is just as important to me. A man could have great photos. But I wouldn't be interested in him if we had very little in common, he had a negative profile etc. Also I wouldn't reject a man simply because he had a mediocre photo. Some people aren't photogenic and could look much better. Much of the time, I would reject a man based on photos when there is a clear visual dealbreaker. Such as obesity.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 190
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 7:45:51 AM
Online dating is no more a waste of time for men than for women it would seem. A lot of people of both genders are complaining about it. The problem is everyone is playing the gender based blame game and talking OVER one another instead of talking TO one another to get to the bottom of why that is, or they are no longer even interested in dating and are on here solely to cause trouble but, they won't admit it. Even those that are willing to listen to the other parties point of view usually get bashed instead of talked to in a rational way and no one will defend their position more strongly than someone that is playing a game and intends to win at it.

I mean some ( note the SOME) people are on here strictly to stir the pot and they are going to be confrontational no matter what subject matter is being discussed. They could pick a fight over whether it is a good idea to eat your eggs fried or boiled and you can bet your bottom dollar someone else would wade in and say that ALL women like their eggs fried while ALL men like theirs boiled and give twenty absolutely ridiculous reasons why that is and then everyone else can type up a response as to why they agree or disagree, AND THE FIGHT IS ON. By about the fourth page, no one even knows what they are fighting about anymore because the content of the original post has been completely obliterated by the desire to promote individual agendas and points of view.

Now if they kept to a strictly theoretical debate that would be fine but, they don't. They take that animosity, resentment, vitriol, venom and negativity and spread it around in the dating world so others can be infected by it.

There are far too many blanket statements that start with, "All women" or "All men", followed by a litany of complaints about members of the opposite sex being used on here. Not one rule or trend in behaviour applies to EVERYONE in a demographic, whether that demographic be sex, age, location, socio econmic standing, race, political orientation, etc. and anyone that wants to be successful with online dating, or dating in general, had better stop that nonesense. Or fail at it, and harp somemore.

Because the atmosphere on here has become so toxic it attracts more and more negative people instead of positive ones, leaving those that are really trying kind of at a loss as to what to do or what is going on. A lot of users on this, and other sites, have been here for years. They know all the tricks, they have played all the games and they drag everyone that contacts them into their vortex of evil and turn them into carbon copies of themselves so they can have allies in their need to be right about everything, most especially their insupportable opinions of members of the opposite sex.

Get rejected enough times and you start to resent the gender doing the rejecting. Have your messages deleted without even being read enough times and you start to get bitter about those who are deleting them. Go on enough bad dates with people that completely misrepresented themselves, or end up using you, and you start to get jaded and cynical about the dating world. There are people on these sites that COUNT on that. They want everyone to be as miserable as they are. They are ruiners.

I am sure we have all met one or two of those along the way. Nothing ever pleases them, nothing is ever their fault and if you happen to make the mistake of saying anything upbeat or positive around them they will verbally assualt you until you agree that with them that life is a sack of garbage. They live for spreading trouble, creating drama and upsetting people's apple carts. Some of them are obvious about it and they are just pains in the ass but, some are smart about it and subtle about it and those ones are very, very dangerous because you often times do not realize you are caught up in their little web of negativity until it is too late.

Those actively seeking relationships on here are letting those people win. They are falling right into their trap. They will tell you to break up with an otherwise perfectly fine person over something totally trivial or some meaningless banalities that the average kindergartener could find a way to fix and they will pat you on the back for throwing that person away by saying, "Good for you for not settling", as though it is something to be proud of that you are now as superficial, shallow, nitpicky, demanding, delusional, and unreasonable as they are. And you walk away feeling all righteous and proud of yourself for standing up for yourself for about five minutes, until you realize that you are still alone.

People that want what is best for you don't tell you to do things, or encourage you to do things, that are not in your best interests. I learned that when I was a teenager and figured out what peer pressure was. Why can't more adults figure it out and think and act for themselves?

Do people really have to come on POF and ask a bunch of total strangers if it is a good idea to date someone that is a a convicted felon, a drunk, a druggie, a man or a woman that hits them, screams at them, demeans or debase them, treats their kids like crap, spends their money willy nilly as if it was their god given right to do so, has no respect for anything or anyone, stalks them online or in person, wants to form a long term relationship after one date or no date at all if they think chatting online, emailing, texting and talking on the phone already means you are in a relationship with them? Seriously? You have to be told as a supposedly rational, intelligent adult that something is wrong with those situations?
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 191
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:18:30 AM
WOW! Couldn't pass up this little diddy of a post. I LOVE myopic views and one sided statements! They make my day.

While women did not have the vote, they were hardly treated as property. I'll admit that contract law did not recognize them, but still they had a say within their family. I'm sorry to tell ya honey, men were not dragging their knuckles on the ground by the 20th century. Did you not hear of the victorian era, where many women had the voting movement. One of the main rulers of the WORLD was the queen of England.

"Well men still have nothing on what women have had to go through"

Hmmmmm, guess the hundreds of MILLIONS of men who died in wars, didn't suffer a thing! I don't think the vast majority of them really waited with baited breath to charge the enemy. Or shall we talk working conditions 7 days a week until late in the 19th century when management gave them Sundays off. Not to mention no one had an 8 hour work day.

"Men are not expected to do as much parenting"

Maybe part of this maybe the courts, who award custody to women "90%" of the time. I know I made my contribution of time and money trying to obtain custody. Then STILL despite, my not receiving it, took as much time with my daughters, every Wednesday, every weekend, holidays and vacations. This despite a cruching workload and extensive traveling schedule. While overcoming an onslaught of "phone left off the hook", "5 minutes late and they left the house", "calls 4 minutes before I was to pick them up(20 miles away) to tell me they were sick and wouldn't be able to", changed meeting places, changed dates for various reasons, calls from my daughter asking why I didn't care enough to call, when the phone was left off the hook for DAYS!!

Recently my daughter, called ME, rather than her mother to take care of her kids, while she went to work, cause they were sick. So take that "only women" attitude and put it where the sun don't shine!

As for the rapes, beatings I agree a man should never hit a woman or violate her. BUT at the same time I will say this, a rapist, a mugger who beats a woman, is arrested, arraigned and given a trial, he is innocent until proven guilty. A husband, can have a wife call the police, and he is escorted from his home without proof(not a mark on her) and told he will be arrested if he returns. In essence he is guilty until proven innocent.

As for "pffftt" well I agree, in some areas, it's a mans world, many jobs women are physically incapable of doing, but STILL they try and pass reduced demands for physical tests, thereby endangering not only those who would be protected, but also first responders, who partner with weaker females, to give equality.

Yeah just like all th horsesh1t here about suzie wanting the man to write first, pay for the first number of dates, act in a chivalrous manner, they want to pick and choose where equality lies. So the jobs that they can do that equate with their physical abilities should be slanted toward women, the others that would pay well but are arduous in physiacl work, they would have amended so they could do 40% of the work and get 100% of the pay and the ones they never want they never try for, or never mention. You don't see women riding the back of garbage trucks, working oil rigs and digging mines.

So Pfffft to you!!

edit to add: onenight, makes some excellent points, one thing should be remembered, there will always be difference in how men and women date. Online dating takes a thick skin, patience and an ability to communicate. Yes by virtue of the normal roles of men and women in dating, it will be easier for MOST women, by that I mean those who are reasonably good looking, those who are not men and women alike, will just hear crickets. For men, yeah by all means what seems reasonable, sometimes is not, women will set higher standards based on a number of reasons. Not the least of which are guys trying to just get laid, act foolishly or treating women poorly. So their guards are up.

Men will have to try harder to get noticed, is that all that different than IRL? If you wear sandals with black socks, have a collection of hawaiian shirts, and think a big night out is dinner at Sonic, your gonna have a problem. So it isn't one size fits all with women. Is it that different than men?

I have succeeded here better than most I know, certainly not as good as others. Remember I did that without a picture as well. So if you can figure this out, you can date off of here.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 192
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 9:00:29 AM
It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile.

Actually, they don't. The majority of contact messages I received from women (including my fiancee) started out, ``I know I'm probably older than your age preference and that I'm probably not your type, but...'' (fill in comment about my profile). Comments in older threads about contact messages indicate women would wonder why a guy wold bother writing to a woman if he felt that way and that they'd delete that sort of message without a reply. I answered those sorts of messages because I allowed for the possibility that a lot of women don't feel comfortable being more direct and aren't used to rejection.

The effort required by males and females is different, but I don't think males put more effort into online dating than females or vice versa. Women receive more first contact messages than males, so women would naturally have to spend more of their time reading messages and selecting the messages to which they should resply. If they are lazy and casually dismiss any but the very best and witty, then they're selecting guys who are great at writing witty messages. Guys have to spend their time writing something that at least gets them noticed enough to make it to the ``maybe'' pile. Both have to be willing to just meet a lot of people and stop expecting a guarantee of anything before meeting.

The rule of thumb for messages ought to be, ``Be careful with what you send and liberal with what you accept.'' That's what I did. If everyone did that and didn't dawdle in setting up a pesronal meeting, a lot more people would find online dating easy.


I added some personality to mine and now the majority of emails I receive include at least one humorous line.

I read your profile. It's great. There are zillions of opportunities in it for a guy to exploit in a contact message. If I ran into a profile like that, my difficulty would be what to leave out. I easpecially like the testamonial.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 193
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 10:14:28 AM
I have a rather cryptic profile. There's plenty there to talk about if you happen to think like me though.

I get a lot of guys who write "Wow, interesting profile, I would love to have a conversation with you!"

So I'll bite, I'll reply and ask them what in particular captured their attention.

99% of the time, it's the photos. Sigh.

I've thought about taking photos off my profile completely, but I know I like seeing who I am talking to in the forums, so I leave it.....for now.
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 194
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 10:38:33 AM
Just view online dating as entertainment or something to do after all the household errands and chores are done on a rainy day. You either have to be a perfect 1o when it comes to writing out your profile, or a 10 in the looks department to really have success at it. Anyways there is nothing wrong with being single.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 195
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:13:08 PM
I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know".


That's mostly what I get...


Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture.


HUH? Photos in a PICTURE?

The way I see it women don't REALLY have their pick just because of the numbers.

It's like during the Dot.Com boom. companies were seeking programmers like crazy and offering the world to them yet there were thousands of programmers who couldn't get but the simplest of jobs. The reason was because, although these companies were desperate for programmers, what they REALLY were after were the ROCKSTAR cream of the crop programmers! I knew some who would get tons of job offers and have recruiters trying to steal them away and others who complained that programming didn't pay. The interesting thing is the companies sometimes would mass contact new graduates inviting them to apply, only to turn them down.

So, I get emails from ladies all the time... They're just not the ones I want usually.
Some guys email every woman, looking first to see who responds, THEN seeing if they're interested in the woman.

To me that is a lot of work and not very efficient for the man OR the woman. It creates a scene where the women are overwhelmed and that does TWO things; 1. It makes it work for them so they don't pay attention thereby passing over some guys who MIGHT have potential for them and. 2 It greatly inflates their ego and expectations!

I sit back after writing a novel of a profile and posting current pics that show a range of how I look and wait for a woman who likes my pictures and profile enough to write. When that happens I respond with either a continued conversation or an email saying I don't think we'd be compatible.... no explanation, just a polite no thanks.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 196
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 4:41:36 PM
O yes I have seen inflated egos result from getting tons of mail. I'm sure the ones with the inflated egos don't realize that 60 percent of their messages were probably sent to 70 other women as well.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 197
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:06:53 PM


It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile. When I first tried online dating I had a rather generic profile and received generic emails


LOL... that's a load of shit. I get anywhere between 20 to 30 emails a week (first time contacts) - do you know what those emails say?

One sentence. "Hey I love your eyes, can we chat?" Or "I hope your week was good, love to hear from you!"

That's it - zero substance - zero thought. Your opinion is about as valid as the idea that the world is flat.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 198
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:12:57 PM

Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture. That may be for many people. But the profile is just as important to me. A man could have great photos. But I wouldn't be interested in him if we had very little in common, he had a negative profile etc. Also I wouldn't reject a man simply because he had a mediocre photo. Some people aren't photogenic and could look much better. Much of the time, I would reject a man based on photos when there is a clear visual dealbreaker. Such as obesity.


That's exactly what I said - in different words. Hence the pics ARE the most important element of the profile. As you said yourself obesity is an issue (as it should be). If a guy is grossly overweight you aren't going to bother reading the profile (and neither would I if she were large and in charge). Therein lies my point. The pic is the FIRST thing you look at. It is the FIRST thing you see. The pic is what gets you a 'seat at the table.' From that point, I agree, it IS about the profile. As I said in my post - you could be hottest thing on the planet, but you think you're a princess or that the world revolves around you because "you're pretty" - you can bet you last dollar you wont be getting an email from me.


I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know". As stated earlier, the content of the first email doesn't matter that much to me unless it is blatantly inappriorate or it included something that wasn't on his profile. The purpose of the first email is just to see if there is any initial interest based from the profile and photos. I don't need a man to state that we have things A and B in common when I can determine that by reading his profile.


Excellent post. It's nice to see there are women out there who do get it.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 199
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:23:07 PM
"It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages"

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! Gawd I wet myself on that one!

OK I've received more than 80 messages first from women on here since last November. Far less than 15 were of substance. Most of those came from fellow forumites.

The ones who messaged me about dating were, "hey liked your profile", "you seem like fun, wanna chat?", "Hi my name is___, email sometime"!

Of course that doesn't count the "so how evil are you?" Then go onto explain what they like. Hahahaha!!!

For women it's "I dain to write you, so of course you'll write me back" thought process.

Hahaahahaha!!!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 200
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:37:41 PM

Your opinion is about as valid as the idea that the world is flat.

My opinion stated it's *possible* and it was in response to a guy who said he believed thought had gone into the emails he receives. I further stated that the type of emails a person receives might be a reflection of the contents of their profile (rather than the gender of the person writing).

I'm not aware of any research that has compared the emails sent by men and women to know for sure who sends the more thoughtful emails (thus my use of the word *possible*) but it does make sense to me that the person who sends few emails is more likely to put extra effort into each email than the person who sends out many emails.
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