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 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 26
Is Texting Cheating?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
As already mentioned, if it feels wrong it usually is.

I can bet (and would probably win) that this guy's g/f does not know he is texting you.
I'd put a stop to it.

What's done in the dark always comes to the light.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 27
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 1:29:59 PM
"Thanks for the input everyone. Always interesting to see what other people are thinking. Even those that are harsh"

YOU are being harsh on yourself OP
You have such LOW expectations of a relationship
that using your thumbs up for hours end, until
your hands look like you have early arthritis is ALL
you need to keep the hope alive?
With a guy who happens to have a GF???

I actually had this happened to me
I was the GF, he told me about her
he showed me the text messages, he said SHE wouldn't leave him alone
they were all meaningless texts,

He is using YOU to pass time or pump his ego up
seeing how you follow him like a puppie dog
texting back every time he texts you and for as long
as he wants to keep you texting

He was doing this to make me jealous
I just laughed
I said, look if SHE wants to waste her time with you
and you find that entertaining, go for it!

His face went from excited to sad
and HE broke up with me
because he said I didn't care

He was right,
I didn't care, after I found there is a nine year old boy
inside his brain, texting and thinking I would care
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 28
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 2:19:48 PM
The texting isn't cheating but it's the sort of thing that leads to cheating. But more than anything, it's a complete waste of time. You spend hours texting this guy who was your high school boyfriend's buddy? Do you invest that much time each day on your family members and other friends? If so, how do you get anything done? If not, why are you in constant contact with this particular guy? It's quite obvious it's because you like him. And while you may view it as innocent contact now, I'll repeat that this is the sort of thing that leads to actual cheating.

Do yourself, do the girl and do the dude a favor: stop contacting this guy. He's not your boyfriend or BFF, he's just some guy giving you a little attention. I'm sure if you transferred your time spent on him to the real world, you'll find someone to give you attention who's available.
 goingforward2011
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 29
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 2:27:46 PM
The time he is investing in you is time he is not investing in his girlfriend to develop their relationship, to meet her emotional needs etc.

I assume the girlfriend is unaware that he spends a lot of time texting you. If it is as innocent as it seems, why the need for the secret? Put yourself in his girlfriend's place...you've just found out that your boyfriend of two years has been secretly texting an old friend and texting a lot, some of it flirty - how would you feel. Deceived? Hurt? Disappointed? Sad? Peeved off?

Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
 PregnantLady
Joined: 3/1/2010
Msg: 30
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 3:19:13 PM
If you have to question whether its right or wrong then I think you already know the answer.
Has he told his gf I talk to another woman for hours on end and I like to flirt with her? Perhaps shown her the text messages?
 johnnylange
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 31
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 3:40:41 PM
The texting part isn't cheating. It doesn't matter if he doesn't mention or talk about her to you. Someone who is married/LTR may not even tell you that. At least this guy told you he sort of has someone.

But the bigger question is, if this guy has a relationship with someone else what are you expecting to get out of this? Why waste your time and possibly get into a lot of drama?
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 32
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 3:41:39 PM

I seem to be a magnet for guys that are unavailable! I'm Facebook friends with someone from high school. We used to hang out in a group when I was dating a friend of his. That was 10 years ago. Haven't seen him since. Then he started instant messaging me when I was online. The instant messages have turned into text messages. And now we text every single day...sometimes for hours. Just general conversation and some flirting. He has a girlfriend of two years. She lives out of town. He doesn't talk about her. But he's constantly talking about not wanting to cross the line but that he enjoys chatting with me and thinks our flirting is ok and fun. I'm just wondering if you folks out there consider what he's doing as cheating?


Yes.. what he's doing is considered "cheating"..

BUT....

Not only is it "wrong" from HIS end... but you are aware that he's taken and still willingly participated in this game of tip-toe behind his girls back... which makes YOU a culprit as well.

Lets not forget that.

 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 33
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 3:48:50 PM

What you're providing for the guy is a thrill on the side, plenty of ego strokes, and the excitement of the possibility of this going farther than just texting. He's getting a kick out of it and it's exciting for him.



And, of course it works both ways for both parties.

Sooner or later, this will lead to sexting, and possibly more.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 34
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 4:00:43 PM
If i found hundreds of text messages to some woman on my mans phone you bet your sweet ass i'd call it cheating and dump his sorry ass. Do you really have to ask????
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 8:52:27 PM
I don't flirt with friends, is he physically cheating, no, but if I found your conversations, I'd be sending you his clothes and stuff and you could flirt to you heart's content.
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 36
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 9:56:58 PM
If you were the other girl and read the texts that you two exchange back and forth, would it bother you? There's your answer.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 37
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 10:32:34 PM
Flirt with *everyone*. That's my motto.

As for whether he's "cheating," that's between him and his girlfriend. Would he do it in front of her? Would he want her to know? Does she know? How would he feel if his girlfriend were doing the same with another guy?

The answer to those questions will answer your question.

Whether an activity is "cheating" or not depends on what kind of agreement two people have. What one person considers "cheating" may be no big deal to another.

Only his girlfriend can answer that question for sure.


OP here is how to tell.....If you had a boyfriend/husband and found these texts on his phone would you think it was cheating?......Hummmmm

Yep! That, too.

And, as others have said, if it feels wrong, you shouldn't be doing it. Period. Doesn't matter what someone else says. If you feel like you probably shouldn't be doing it, if you're having to ask, then you probably shouldn't be doing it.

Tell him it's been fun but you're feeling uncomfortable about it and you don't want to be saying/texting anything to him (or getting anything from him) that wouldn't be said or done if his GF were present.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 38
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/13/2010 10:34:15 PM

You can have opposite sex friends, the key is not to be flirty with them.


Flirting can be a fun experience IF you know when and where to draw the line - even if in a relationship.

In this case, as described, it seems to be over that line in quite an obvious way.
 Johnny916
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 39
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 2:03:34 PM
Let him worry about that, for all you know that relationship is on the ropes and he is looking for the next girl. There is no ring on her finger. I think people are being too puritanical on you. Have fun.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 40
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 3:09:30 PM
In this age of multiple ways of connecting with other people, I'm sure this question will come up more and more. Do you guys have jobs with on-line access and you're both just incredibly bored and are chatting away to pass the time? Don't see that as 'cheating'. If you are texting all night sometimes for hours as you say, I guess the GF isn't all that interested in supporting his 'blathering on' habit. As far as being a single person and interacting with other people in the world, I don't think it's your job to worry about what his GF thinks. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell him to knock it off, otherwise just enjoy the interaction. These things sort themselves out eventually. I would assume it's just a fun dalliance and not get overly invested.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 41
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 3:24:54 PM
just wondering if you folks out there consider what he's doing as cheating?

If he wouldn't show his girlfriend your texts with him it's a form of cheating. YOU know the content. We don't. If you had a boyfriend, would you show HIM the texts? There is your answer! You know crossing a line, you are 30 years old, not 15. Don't play coy.

And for me as a single person...what type of relationship is ok to have with a guy that has a girlfriend?

YOU HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE GIRL FRIEND TOO. She knows about you. You are her friend. You don't hide the fact that you know her boyfriend. That you are "just friends" with him. That you respect her as his girlfriend. She would know that you aren't trying to take her place or her man. You don't disrespect HER and send slutty texts to her boyfriend.
Otherwize the guy is just self seeking and using you like a little EGO puppet and your playing f&Cken games with a guy that is TAKEN. End of story. There are no two choices, there is a right choice.

Play your way if you want.... but a here is just a friendly reminder: KARMA IS A BYTCH.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 42
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 5:44:45 PM

The instant messages have turned into text messages. And now we text every single day...sometimes for hours. Just general conversation and some flirting. He has a girlfriend of two years. She lives out of town. He doesn't talk about her. But he's constantly talking about not wanting to cross the line but that he enjoys chatting with me and thinks our flirting is ok and fun.




The fact that he has to keep talking about "not crossing the line" seems a bit revealing to me.



Something isnt right about that.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 43
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 5:58:01 PM
I'm going with Msg 40.

Put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes and tell me what YOU would think if YOU found out what the two of YOU are doing.

Harsh????? Actually it's called reality.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 44
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 6:09:54 PM

The texting isn't cheating but it's the sort of thing that leads to cheating. But more than anything, it's a complete waste of time. You spend hours texting this guy who was your high school boyfriend's buddy? Do you invest that much time each day on your family members and other friends? If so, how do you get anything done? If not, why are you in constant contact with this particular guy? It's quite obvious it's because you like him. And while you may view it as innocent contact now, I'll repeat that this is the sort of thing that leads to actual cheating.

^^^Take this
And add...

The instant messages have turned into text messages. And now we text every single day...sometimes for hours. Just general conversation and some flirting. He has a girlfriend of two years. She lives out of town. He doesn't talk about her. But he's constantly talking about not wanting to cross the line but that he enjoys chatting with me and thinks our flirting is ok and fun.

^^^and it's clear that it's only a matter of time.

People that cannot observe boundaries or honor they relationship they are in, who stretch 'understanding' of what's allowable to encompass things that clearly aren't part of established 'couple behavior', and who spend countless hours suggesting that they are 'only having fun', or 'only chatting', and don't spend the same energy or attention on someone that they supposedly care about are saying volumes about where and what they want to be up to.

If you are caught up in that, it's impossible for you not to understand that this is wrong on some level...for him and for you. You asked the question, I turn it back to you...if you were his gf and found out your boyfriend was spending countless hours chatting up and texting one or several other women and if you found reams of this text chat...how exactly how would you feel? He wants out to play -- and you want him. Not rocket science.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 45
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 6:24:10 PM
The OP knows the direction its going in is completely wrong, which is why she is concerned enough to even ask.



Now, the real situation here is....will she listen to advice given, and pull herself out of this situation?



Frankly I would NEVER spend "hours a day" talking to someone else's girlfriend. That just leads to trouble. I know it....everyone knows it.
 lilcontrary
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 46
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 6:50:25 PM
Bottom line.. if you could show your texts to his gal and not blush... you are not cheating... If so.. um.. yup, you are.

Mary
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 47
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 7:00:27 PM
Hmmm....if B.O.B is in the room when you're flirting and reading texts, then it's definitely cheating...on B.O.B!!!
 Friendly widow
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 48
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Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 7:10:57 PM
That is toooo funny!!
OP let your conscience direct you!
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 49
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2010 8:21:36 PM
Texting itself is not cheating. However the content of these texts could be inappriorate.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 50
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 10/5/2010 2:11:06 PM
Doing anything that the other person would be upset by, something that is being kept hidden because of that, is cheating
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