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Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 63
Is Texting Cheating?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
For future reference, you should define cheating. Usually just keeping secrets from your partner is a form of cheating (there's a fine line though). Telling your partner about it, and keeping open communication to your partner about your convos with this guy, will protect you from the "one thing led to another" situation. Unless you don't care or are looking for it, in which case mods lock this thread up.
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 64
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/28/2012 1:48:54 PM
Ok is a great example what happens in this situation I know I lived it for 18 months, nothing good can come out of this
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 66
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/28/2012 2:58:26 PM
He's already crossed the line if he is flirting with you. The acid test.. would his girlfriend be POed if she found out?

And for you, my dear. If he has a girlfriend and is flirting with you, he is not worthy of being your friend. Unless you have so little respect for yourself that you will think a guy who is unavailable and flirting with you is flattering.

If he does it with you, he'll do it to you.

And you'll get what you deserve.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 67
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/28/2012 3:04:55 PM
in my book, cheating is doing something that you wouldn't do if your partner was there with you.

Use this rule and there is no gray area.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 68
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/28/2012 3:06:19 PM

Thanks everyone for the input. Just to update you...I ended things with him before they went any further than the texts. It was hard to do but I deserve someone who I can talk to, see, and spend time with...someone who does NOT have a girlfriend.

smart choice. You are important enough to be the focus of someone; not a side thing. Bet a lot of money he has a lot of texting "friends".
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 69
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/28/2012 3:07:59 PM
so what do you think of this? My ex had a "friendship" with a girl that he used to text all the time. Her husband and I knew nothing about it. One day I found a text from him to her asking her what her bra size was and she told him and said she was trying them on and asked him what colors he liked.....I confronted each of them.. They said it was harmless and they just "had that kind of relationship." Bullsh1t....Needless to say he's the ex.
If the guy you're talking to is going to do this to his girlfriend what makes you so special that he won't do it to you? That's right...NOTHING! It's annoying to me that you're even participating, considering you said that you are a magnet for unavailable men. Attention is great, trust me I know, but get it from the right type of guy. This guy is totally playing you and you're falling for it.
 The Waiting Knight
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 70
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 5:04:44 AM
Texting or Sexting? There is a diference. Igues if one of the messages has "TTA" then he is cheating. Did you ask him to stop and explain how uncomfortable it made you before giving him the axe?

This reminds me of a song by Ludaris called "Sexting:". Hmmm
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 71
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 5:12:33 AM
Doesnt this still come back to the differences in how men and women define cheating?

HE said he has a girlfriend and doesnt want to cross any lines. I have female friends, most of whom we had a "dating" interest in each other and decided we were better as friends. I cant tell you the issues Ive had with girlfriends over this, but my friends are my friends. Id never assume I had the authority to tell my SO/girlfriend who could or could not be her friend.

Its not cheating as long as he doesnt cross the line into solicitation of anything more that friendly texting.
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 72
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:32:40 AM
Asking the question is answering it...
Joined: 12/16/2011
Msg: 73
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:49:20 AM
If his girlfriend does not know anything about you, you are in a danger zone. I would not call what you two are doing cheating but, if he is not being upfront with his gf about his exchanges with you then you are on the cusp of something that probably is not going anyplace positive. My take on the whole, "what is over the line" question is this: if you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, you should not be doing it at all.
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 74
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 10:13:57 AM
How would you feel if the same situation, but you are the gf of 2 years?

If the "friendship" is hidden in any way, it involves a shared intimacy which is robbing the primary relationship of intimacy and energy. Why is he still with her if she lives far away and he doesn't want to talk to her?

Whether it's gotten graphic sexually or not, likely this is not just leading to "friendship". He's feeling you out, protesting a bit too much about it being just flirty and o.k., and trying to rationalize his behavior. Danger zone, to be sure. In my experience, a man doesn't devote serious energy (texting for hours?) to another woman unless he's either interested in more, or he's looking for diversion from his own relationship with his current gf, which is just a sign that if you were with him, he'd at some point probably grow bored of that as well and this is how he would handle his boredom.

Consider this, too... do you guys always just text? How sure are you that the gf is not around? Texting is easy to "hide", telephone calls not as much.

Haven't read your posting history or your profile, but you look like you're old enough to answer your question.
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 75
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 2:55:24 PM
I think he is not happy in his relationship. I think it's wrong for you to flirt. Just bad karma. If they break up and you like him, go for it! But he might just cheat on you too! Once cheater always a cheater!
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 76
view profile
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 4:20:47 PM
IT is wrong if this girlfriend would be upset once she found out......
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 77
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:10:21 PM
Thanks everyone for the input. Just to update you...I ended things with him before they went any further than the texts. It was hard to do but I deserve someone who I can talk to, see, and spend time with...someone who does NOT have a girlfriend.

Im actually surprised by the responses. Its as if men and women CANT be friends. There appears to be an automatic assumption the man is skeeming to have sex with this old re-united friend from high school. There's always a little flirt between men and women that mean absolutely nothing.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 78
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/29/2012 8:00:56 PM
yes it's crossing the line. You're taking in all his flirts and sending them back when you know he's a taken dude OP. You need walk away from this or just be this dude's friend. If it were me and I was taken, I would not be flirting with any other female except my S/O.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 80
view profile
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:54:56 PM
My 2c's

Cheating starts in the brain.

Like most have said. If the gf read and knew of the texts how would she feel? But that is looking at it from an external point.

Let's look internally. How does it make you feel? If you feel it is inappropiate than it is at least cheating in your book and if you respect the "other GF" in any manner (at least as another human) - it should be addressed.

hahah. somebody said douchebaggery. That is the most awesome fake word I've heard in awhile.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 81
view profile
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/30/2012 5:49:27 PM
Would he do it in front her her? How would he feel if she were doing the same thing with another guy? If a guy *you* were in a relationship were doing this, would you consider it cheating?

He should ask his girlfriend if she thinks his texting is cheating.
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 82
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:26:42 PM
It's emotional cheating which is just as devastating as physical. My ex did it to me with another and she later tried to tell me it was harmless flirting. He kept it from me and it had overtones that were not harmless. And it will lead to more if allowed.

Do you want to do that to his GF? If you get involved with him he'll do it to you too.
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 83
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/30/2012 10:47:20 PM
If you had said it was just a text or two every so often, talking about your lives or something, things might be different.

But you made the statement that there is "some flirting" going on.

How would you feel if your long time boyfriend were to do the same thing? It probably wouldn't feel very great.

And the part about how he is 'constantly talking about not wanting to cross the line' gives the impression that he has given doing just that a lot of thought, feels bad about it, and is looking for some sort of validation that what he's doing/thinking/acting like is okay.

Some girlfriends honestly may not put too much stock in these kinds of texts, but personally I think you're playing with fire. This could escalate if you allow it to.

OP, I do think it's okay for females to have male friends, and vice versa. But in my opinion a significant (in an established relationship) should *always* be given the option to be included in any interactions between said friends.

I would recommend telling this guy (in person or over the phone) that you think it's neat that you guys have reconnected. However, that you would feel more comfortable if the nature of the conversation dialed down/dialed *out* the flirting portion.
Joined: 1/11/2012
Msg: 84
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2012 4:48:07 AM
Is texting cheating? In the strictest sense no.

But that's not really at issue hear. Is it?

You pretty pretty much laid it out. Old friend.., increasingly longer and frequent communication, and most importantly---a girlfriend of two years (which he doesn't talk about).

It sounds like he is testing the waters despite claiming that this is mere chatting and flirting. Certainly I might be wrong, but this just doesn't pass the gut test despite his claims of motivation and intent. At least from here. So it's right on the edgy edge of that line. Which is probably why you are asking.

If that were the case that this is totally innocent then I wonder if he is telling his current girlfriend that he is doing it. Or showing her the body of the texts so she knows what the deal is. If you can say with certainty the she both knows about the this and is comfortable with it then it might be OK. A little strange and voyeuristic perhaps.

However, should you decide to continue this, then just keep in mind this is the extent of things. It goes no farther.
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 85
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2012 6:40:17 AM
Maybe its me (usually is) and perhaps the reason Im single, but it seems like there are an awfully lot of insecure people in the world.

I just didnt read the harm in the exchanges between these two old there potential for something else? absolutely.

Does anyone believe they can, within the context of a committed relationship, eliminate the potential?
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 86
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2012 10:34:36 AM
When in a committed relationship I dont micro-manage behavior. No I wouldnt have an issue with her maintaining a friendship/relationship with a man.

I either trust her or I dont, if I dont trust her we dont have a relationship.

Suspicion is just distrust.

If when entering a relationship your concern is cheating perhaps thats indication you arent ready for a relationship.

Ive been involved with a woman that was a big flirt...partly what I liked about her...didnt bother me at all.
Joined: 3/9/2012
Msg: 87
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 3/31/2012 11:24:04 AM
The fact you even asked the question is a major red flag.
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 88
view profile
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2012 6:00:51 PM
Anything that is not just fantasy IS cheating. Once it leaves your head and actively involves another person it is!!
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 89
Is Texting Cheating?
Posted: 4/1/2012 9:50:39 PM
Come on OP, I can tell your instincts already know the answer to this one. Please listen-you'll just end up hurting yourself if you don't. Think how YOU would feel if you were the out of town gf. You're a pretty gal OP, I'm sure men notice you-why waste your life with this??I think you could do better if you upped your excuses...step it up ...
oh ok, just saw that you did 'step it up' acc to your later update- good for you. I shoulda read that first !
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