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 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 51
Giving a girl flowers before a datePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
capitano...you always add such a sweet note to things...

I'd happily bring you flowers
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 52
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/20/2010 7:10:06 PM

As for women expecting men to pay, why? Just give me ONE good reason why a man is supposed to pay for anything, be it on the first, second or 15th date? Why? The answer is that he's not obligated to give her more than his presence just as she gives him hers. He shows up and that's it. The rest is up to him - AND her. Bringing someone flowers, jewelry or whatever doesn't change anything. If it's a gold digger she'll come back for more, using the poor ba$tard who thinks that money will buy him love, attraction and happiness - how sad - how pathetic. I'd feel sorry for a fool like that. Who buys what, where and when has nothing to do with it. Even worse is to EXPECT it from someone only because yeah, it happens to be a man and traditionally men have taken that on to their shoulders. Now, as times have changed and women demand equal rights everywhere - you know what - fine - but equal rights also come with a price of their own. Nothing is for free in this world. A man who doesn't pay isn't more "cheapo" than the woman who expects him to pay. Personally I wouldn't touch a chick like that with rubber gloves... If you want that drink, those flowers or that jacket - great - pay for it yourself.




Dont be afraid to just let it all out eh?


Usually I dont buy anything on the first date, or even the first few. I WILL however, buy a woman a gift I think she'll enjoy if she has spent her time with me, going out various times, and things have gone well. Just a gesture of kindness really. In my mind she has earned it, in the same way someone earns your trust over time. Through actions, and their company. (Not saying people need to earn things with me, as if im the boss) But honestly, I dont just buy people things just because we had a nice date.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 53
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 2:00:54 AM
" Just give me ONE good reason why a man is supposed to pay for anything"

Perhaps there is no good reason, but it is not something really worth quibbling about. I pay because my mother taught me that it is the right thing to do. It is a tradition dating back to when women made way less money than men, and most of them still do make less than men. Personally, I am not so hard-up for money that I am going to worry about it. If you spend a lot of time worrying about such insignificant things, you are probably also going to spend a lot of time sleeping alone (grin).
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 54
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 6:27:37 AM

Perhaps there is no good reason, but it is not something really worth quibbling about. I pay because my mother taught me that it is the right thing to do. It is a tradition dating back to when women made way less money than men, and most of them still do make less than men. Personally, I am not so hard-up for money that I am going to worry about it. If you spend a lot of time worrying about such insignificant things, you are probably also going to spend a lot of time sleeping alone (grin).


actually I can think of no better use for my money than to make a woman ...the object of my interest ...smile

I don't really care if she makes ten times as much as me ..I will pay for the date ..because it is the way I was raised ..and if you decide to have sex with me ....do it because you want to ...not because you owe me any more than your company ...and this holds true on the first date as well as it will on our 50th anniversary
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 55
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 7:46:17 AM
The point is that women, not all of them, but let's start with at least ONE on this thread, expects the guy to pay and THAT'S when I start having a BIG problem. It's not about the money. It's about EXPECTING someone else to pay. I wasn't raised that way myself. What's that nonsense about anyway? Just open your eyes and look around. There are women out there complaining and demanding equal rights - again - fine - but it also means that some men who've been brainswashed into old traditions thinking that THEY are obligated to pay and take responsibility is no longer a valid "truth". In MY world men have no more or less responsibilities or obligations than women have. In fact, I give women what they want. I give them equal rights, responsibilities, obligations if you like and I have no traditions whatsoever. Those times are over much thanks to women themselves who've been complaining for the past what... 100, 50 or 30 years? Just give them what they want. If they want to take the burden that men have had on their shoulders up until now - getting killed in stupid and pointless wars, slaving night and day and bringing food to the table - because again - traditionally it has been a MAN'S job. Or why not turns the tables and start expecting women to pay?
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 56
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 10:39:48 AM
Baby I'm through runnin' it's true
I'd be a fool to try to escape you
Maybe I'm beat but oh what a sweet surrender

You keep your rights, I'll take your nights
No one can lose when we turn the lights out
Tastin' defeat, lovin' that sweet surrender

I'm givin' up myself to you but I didn't really lose at all
********************
Equal rights belong in the outside world ..between people of different persuasions
equal rights have no place within a relationship between a woman and a man... within a romantic relationship ..or even a dating relationship ...it's equal respect ...respect the equality ...respect the differance ...respect what she gives to you to complete your needs
and respect her by giving anything that meets her needs ..and making her happy

we have no rights to anything our partner gives ..every thing exchanged in a romantic relationship is a gift ..accept all gifts only because you know that doing so makes the giver happy ..and even more so if the thought behind the gift makes you happy ..reciprocate with a gift only if it is your intent that the recipient receive joy form your thoughtfulness

never diminish yourself to the stature of a gift ..you or your body is not a gift ..sex is not a gift .... two people do not give sex to each other ..they have sex with each other ...joining in the act and .each taking what they need from it ...never repay any act/gift with sex ..and never give anything with the intent of getting sex ...to do so just cheapens the act ...sex is meant to be the most profound act we can engage in ...cheapen it and you only cheat yourself
*******************
I gave the only love I've known and it never hurt me to fall

Now that it's done, so glad you won
I know our lives have only begun now
No more retreat, only my sweet surrender
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 57
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 12:41:02 PM

at least ONE on this thread, expects the guy to pay and THAT'S when I start having a BIG problem. It's not about the money. It's about EXPECTING someone else to pay.

Why do YOU care what SHE expects? If you go out with a woman like that, you don't have to pay. And afterward, she can end up disappointed. If she complains about her expectations not being met, too bad for her. If a guy who refuses to pay can never get a second date and wants to complain about it, too bad for him. See how that works? The woman in this scenario is more likely to have her expectations met but it's still each person's choice how they want to operate.


There are women out there complaining and demanding equal rights

This silly argument always comes up in these discussions. How many rallies have there been where groups of women protested against their husbands and boyfriends? No big ones that I'm aware of. Equal rights as a civil liberty issue does not translate into everything being exactly equal in a relationship.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 58
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 7:42:53 PM

Who thinks it makes you look desperate, or clingy. Who thinks it's a nice gesture. Who thinks it's a pain in the azz, cause you have them at the restaurant when you meet them, they then have to carry them, OR take a chance and walk them back to the car, your not supposed to see for their safety! Hahahaha!


Relax Mr. Evil. It is not desperate. It is not clingy. It is not even a pain in the azz.
It does not jeopardize nobody's safety. I have yet to meet a stalker who started with a bunch of flowers.

But it is a very romantic gesture, and as such it is better saved for when it really means something.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 59
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/21/2010 8:02:40 PM
Flowers are good.... Do it. Just make sure that you are picking her up or meeting her at her home so that she doesn't have to bother about what to do with the flowers.
 fashiongal2
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 60
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/22/2010 6:13:59 AM
IMO it's not necessary for a first date. Perhaps it would be a better idea after a few successful dates.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 61
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History
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/22/2010 6:44:41 AM
Too much too soon for my tastes. Unless we've been having a hot & heavy correspondence for months before meeting because of distance.

Wait at least until after the third date.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 62
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History
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/22/2010 6:54:52 AM


" Just give me ONE good reason why a man is supposed to pay for anything"


Perhaps there is no good reason, but it is not something really worth quibbling about.


Because he's usually the one doing the inviting? And because in most cases he makes more than she does? Women still, on average, make 3/4 of what men do.

I'm not arguing one way or the other, but if you want to look for "reasons" those might be two. You can always do things that are free or don't cost very much. I don't "expect" anything. However, if he invites me to do something I can't afford to pay for, either we won't go or he's going to have to pay for my ticket.

Now, the guy I met the other night suggested we meet at a bar/restaurant and didn't have so much as a glass of ice tea. THAT is really cheap. I think it's obnoxious and inconsiderate to use a business that sells food & drink as a meeting place and then not even buy a soda. And the meeting was his idea. If you can't even buy a glass of iced tea, then meet at the park.
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 63
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/22/2010 10:20:45 AM
That kind of gesture would be appreciated by me. Not only do I like fresh flowers but I also enjoy traditional courting and would take it that way. I think it just depends on the women. I enjoy and like men as just as much as I enjoy being a woman. I think there are definite differences between the sexes and I celebrate those differences. I don't want that to get twisted...all PEOPLE are equal. I'm just saying I don't need to be defensive or unappreciative about gifts just to make sure the playing field is level. Mind games are a waste of time really. One could speculate for hours the intentions of gifts. I take it for what it is and assume it was well given....as it was well received.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 64
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/23/2010 1:01:38 AM
" I like fresh flowers but I also enjoy traditional courting and would take it that way. I think it just depends on the women. I enjoy and like men as just as much as I enjoy being a woman."

That is a refreshing point of view when about 90 % of the women on Pof are pretending to be virgins looking for bridge partners. Lol.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 65
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:54:31 AM
"Relax Mr. Evil."

I'm always relaxed, I maybe passionate about my views, but always relaxed. Despite your views, if you read the rest of the ladies, you will see your views are not mirrored, everyone has an opinion(just like a..holes).

On another note that always gets me. I MUST address this other statement. I always love this tude.

"Because he's usually the one doing the inviting?"

Yeah why is that? CAUSE WOMEN NEVER ASK FIRST! That's why. Yeah we're equal, we can do what ever a man can do blah blah blah... they don't, it's all horsesh1t, they are not and never will be equal, until they learn to put on their big girl panties and do ALL things equally, not think of life as a buffet where they only get to pick and choose they good stuff and avoid the bad.

"And because in most cases he makes more than she does?"

Yeah OK, so why doesn't she date men who make the same? Then they could split the cost evenly.

OH, I forgot, then she couldn't go places she couldn't afford to on her own dime. Women don't date down, only up, another myth about equality, they never look for equals, only someone capable of paying her way to better.

C'mon ladies call a spade a fuking shovel when it is one.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 66
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/23/2010 5:51:57 PM

On another note that always gets me. I MUST address this other statement. I always love this tude.

"Because he's usually the one doing the inviting?"

Yeah why is that? CAUSE WOMEN NEVER ASK FIRST!

That's because women usually don't have to. If that bothers you so much, you need to direct your ire toward the men who ask women out. You're basically complaining that people should stop doing what works for them. Nobody's ever going to go along with that. It's the people whose system is not working for them that need to consider a change.


Yeah we're equal, we can do what ever a man can do blah blah blah... they don't, it's all horsesh1t, they are not and never will be equal,

If you expect everything to be equal in a relationship, then go ahead and demand it. Nobody is stopping you (though, the closest you could get to equality would be with someone the same sex). Let us know how that works out for you.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 67
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/23/2010 5:58:07 PM
Apparently dream, you have a problem with how I posed my response to that other poster! Hahahaha!

For the record, and it is in wayyyy more than one thread, I'm always the one who asks, who pays, and yes even provided(prior to it becoming an issue for several) flowers.

I "don't demand" anything, but far more women rely on that old saw, as an excuse to avoid participatation in the "that end" of the dating spectrum. Just as you are free to date as you please without harm or prejudice, so should men be who wish to date on "equal" ground. The fact that you can insinuate that they "reach loser status pretty quick" only serves to prove my point.

I embrace only my own philosophy of dating. Yes it involves paying, yes it involves being what many would embrace as dinosaur status. But I'm OK wiith it cause it's me.

Far more women want to embrace that "carefree, independent woman capable of making her own decisions" attitude, but wish to avoid the costs associated with it. In other words they can make their own bacon, fry it up in a pan, BUT it's for them only! That kinda makes me laugh. It shows that equality goes only to the line of where it costs someone else, then it's no longer a viable option! Hahahaha!

So while you can have your shets and giggles, the laugh is really on those who would cry for one thing, but embrace another. Kinda like "yeah their OK, as long as they live in THEIR neighborhood, not in mine" kinda thinking. You can feel free to ascribe who "they"are depending on your own bigotry. Because this is the very same thing, when it comes to equality. Don't like it? Then don't refer to what you want as equality.

Simple huh?

Edit to add: gee I seem to have so many fans when I post on this. I will REALLY say something outrageous now. Why is it when a man fails to pay for a date is he a "cheapo"? Would it be the same as saying a woman was asking to be hit, if she disagreed with a man? Yeah that's outrageous, much more so than the point I'm trying to make, but is similar in thought process. That women will only date up, or that they should be accorded "special status" because they are simply women, seems patently absurd. While I did not do this while dating was a habit or way of life habit I had from long ago, doesn't mean I don't recognize the changing times. The fact that women can't or won't see it, simply means they are bigots from another era.
 ProdigalSon81
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 68
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/27/2010 11:39:11 AM
I personally wouldn't give flowers on a first date, for me they're for someone who I'm familiar with and like.

Maybe on a second or third one,but in the initial meeting where we don't know a lot about each other, not a chance.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 69
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/27/2010 11:47:23 AM
OP- I've heard that most women do not think themselves worthy of flowers from a guy before they've actually gone out...so flowers before the first date or even on the first date really screws with the minds of some.

it also shows u are way into them before they are into you...a definite no-no for attracting a woman to ur side.

who knew?


I always live by the rule that flowers are special....doesn't have to be for a "special day", ie birthday, anniversary, whatever.

give flowers to a woman when she's least expected and in my experience, they are most appreciated.

so never give flowers for the sake of giving flowers- because women can read thru that sh!t that it is not genuine. kinda meaningless at some level...

definitely a turn off.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 70
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History
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:52:52 PM

Because he's usually the one doing the inviting? And because in most cases he makes more than she does? Women still, on average, make 3/4 of what men do.

I'm not arguing one way or the other, but if you want to look for "reasons" those might be two.


Like I said, I'm not arguing in favor of those "reasons," I'm just offering them as possibilities.

In my limited experience, when I pursue a guy, they don't seem to value me. If I let them pursue me, they seem to value me more. So, I've given up on pursuing men. I don't make the first move. I may be friendly, may make it clear that if they ask they won't be turned down, but I don't ask first.

As for only dating guys who make what I make . . . well, one of the most common complaints I hear from men is that women ask them right away how much they make. They find that offensive and I do, too. On average, most men make more than most women and most *people* I know make more than I do. So, if I only dated men who made what I made, it would shrink the available pool even more. I'm fine with meeting at the park or the art museum; it's free. I've done it. But if I'm supposed to limit myself based on income, yet men find it offensive for me to ask, then I've got a Catch-22 situation where I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. What's a girl to do?

For this girl, save the flowers til you get to know me better. Then it will mean something to me.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 71
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:37:23 AM
if you give flowers or a gift BEFORE a date it just smells of desperation. it also makes the gift less meaningful as she'll assume you do this for ALL your dates. Better to give meaningful gifts, when they'll count the most. That's not to say once you're in a relationship a gift for no reason isn't a good idea.... But before you've ever met is a bit presumptuous at best.

The exception would be if you've been talking for quite awhile by phone, developed a rapport AND the first date is a home cooked meal, then it might be appropriate for the one NOT cooking to bring something....preferably a wine that you'll both enjoy.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 72
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:39:49 PM
you used to do that and stopped because of it was wuss like. I would give a lady flowers if we were in the relationship stage after the dating is done ( not right after) because I think she'll appreciate them more than to give them on the first date.
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/9/2010 5:42:23 AM

actually I can think of no better use for my money than to make a woman ...the object of my interest ...smile


I don't really care if she makes ten times as much as me ..I will pay for the date ..because it is the way I was raised ..and if you decide to have sex with me ....do it because you want to ...not because you owe me any more than your company ...and this holds true on the first date as well as it will on our 50th anniversary


Equal rights belong in the outside world ..between people of different persuasions
equal rights have no place within a relationship between a woman and a man... within a romantic relationship ..or even a dating relationship ...it's equal respect ...respect the equality ...respect the differance ...respect what she gives to you to complete your needs
and respect her by giving anything that meets her needs ..and making her happy

we have no rights to anything our partner gives ..every thing exchanged in a romantic relationship is a gift ..accept all gifts only because you know that doing so makes the giver happy ..and even more so if the thought behind the gift makes you happy ..reciprocate with a gift only if it is your intent that the recipient receive joy form your thoughtfulness

never diminish yourself to the stature of a gift ..you or your body is not a gift ..sex is not a gift .... two people do not give sex to each other ..they have sex with each other ...joining in the act and .each taking what they need from it ...never repay any act/gift with sex ..and never give anything with the intent of getting sex ...to do so just cheapens the act ...sex is meant to be the most profound act we can engage in ...cheapen it and you only cheat yourself

^^^a great gem---love it all.
 iSlandeRon1967
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 74
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 9:14:10 PM
I've given a single yellow rose (which is a symbol of friendship and/or promises of a new beginning) at the beginning of a first real date (never first meetings) and as far as i can tell the woman usually was flattered!
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 75
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 9:24:38 PM
Yes I like the idea of a single flower, I like orchids or a lily.
I think it is a super gesture to give flowers after a date, but I like charm and flowers
so bring it on!!!!!!
Maybe I will make you some cookies.
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