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Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 67
Giving a girl flowers before a datePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Apparently dream, you have a problem with how I posed my response to that other poster! Hahahaha!

For the record, and it is in wayyyy more than one thread, I'm always the one who asks, who pays, and yes even provided(prior to it becoming an issue for several) flowers.

I "don't demand" anything, but far more women rely on that old saw, as an excuse to avoid participatation in the "that end" of the dating spectrum. Just as you are free to date as you please without harm or prejudice, so should men be who wish to date on "equal" ground. The fact that you can insinuate that they "reach loser status pretty quick" only serves to prove my point.

I embrace only my own philosophy of dating. Yes it involves paying, yes it involves being what many would embrace as dinosaur status. But I'm OK wiith it cause it's me.

Far more women want to embrace that "carefree, independent woman capable of making her own decisions" attitude, but wish to avoid the costs associated with it. In other words they can make their own bacon, fry it up in a pan, BUT it's for them only! That kinda makes me laugh. It shows that equality goes only to the line of where it costs someone else, then it's no longer a viable option! Hahahaha!

So while you can have your shets and giggles, the laugh is really on those who would cry for one thing, but embrace another. Kinda like "yeah their OK, as long as they live in THEIR neighborhood, not in mine" kinda thinking. You can feel free to ascribe who "they"are depending on your own bigotry. Because this is the very same thing, when it comes to equality. Don't like it? Then don't refer to what you want as equality.

Simple huh?

Edit to add: gee I seem to have so many fans when I post on this. I will REALLY say something outrageous now. Why is it when a man fails to pay for a date is he a "cheapo"? Would it be the same as saying a woman was asking to be hit, if she disagreed with a man? Yeah that's outrageous, much more so than the point I'm trying to make, but is similar in thought process. That women will only date up, or that they should be accorded "special status" because they are simply women, seems patently absurd. While I did not do this while dating was a habit or way of life habit I had from long ago, doesn't mean I don't recognize the changing times. The fact that women can't or won't see it, simply means they are bigots from another era.
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 68
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/27/2010 11:39:11 AM
I personally wouldn't give flowers on a first date, for me they're for someone who I'm familiar with and like.

Maybe on a second or third one,but in the initial meeting where we don't know a lot about each other, not a chance.
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 69
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 9/27/2010 11:47:23 AM
OP- I've heard that most women do not think themselves worthy of flowers from a guy before they've actually gone flowers before the first date or even on the first date really screws with the minds of some.

it also shows u are way into them before they are into you...a definite no-no for attracting a woman to ur side.

who knew?

I always live by the rule that flowers are special....doesn't have to be for a "special day", ie birthday, anniversary, whatever.

give flowers to a woman when she's least expected and in my experience, they are most appreciated.

so never give flowers for the sake of giving flowers- because women can read thru that sh!t that it is not genuine. kinda meaningless at some level...

definitely a turn off.
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 70
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Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/5/2010 5:52:52 PM

Because he's usually the one doing the inviting? And because in most cases he makes more than she does? Women still, on average, make 3/4 of what men do.

I'm not arguing one way or the other, but if you want to look for "reasons" those might be two.

Like I said, I'm not arguing in favor of those "reasons," I'm just offering them as possibilities.

In my limited experience, when I pursue a guy, they don't seem to value me. If I let them pursue me, they seem to value me more. So, I've given up on pursuing men. I don't make the first move. I may be friendly, may make it clear that if they ask they won't be turned down, but I don't ask first.

As for only dating guys who make what I make . . . well, one of the most common complaints I hear from men is that women ask them right away how much they make. They find that offensive and I do, too. On average, most men make more than most women and most *people* I know make more than I do. So, if I only dated men who made what I made, it would shrink the available pool even more. I'm fine with meeting at the park or the art museum; it's free. I've done it. But if I'm supposed to limit myself based on income, yet men find it offensive for me to ask, then I've got a Catch-22 situation where I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. What's a girl to do?

For this girl, save the flowers til you get to know me better. Then it will mean something to me.
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 71
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:37:23 AM
if you give flowers or a gift BEFORE a date it just smells of desperation. it also makes the gift less meaningful as she'll assume you do this for ALL your dates. Better to give meaningful gifts, when they'll count the most. That's not to say once you're in a relationship a gift for no reason isn't a good idea.... But before you've ever met is a bit presumptuous at best.

The exception would be if you've been talking for quite awhile by phone, developed a rapport AND the first date is a home cooked meal, then it might be appropriate for the one NOT cooking to bring something....preferably a wine that you'll both enjoy.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 72
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:39:49 PM
you used to do that and stopped because of it was wuss like. I would give a lady flowers if we were in the relationship stage after the dating is done ( not right after) because I think she'll appreciate them more than to give them on the first date.
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 73
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Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 10/9/2010 5:42:23 AM

actually I can think of no better use for my money than to make a woman ...the object of my interest

I don't really care if she makes ten times as much as me ..I will pay for the date ..because it is the way I was raised ..and if you decide to have sex with me it because you want to ...not because you owe me any more than your company ...and this holds true on the first date as well as it will on our 50th anniversary

Equal rights belong in the outside world ..between people of different persuasions
equal rights have no place within a relationship between a woman and a man... within a romantic relationship ..or even a dating relationship's equal respect ...respect the equality ...respect the differance ...respect what she gives to you to complete your needs
and respect her by giving anything that meets her needs ..and making her happy

we have no rights to anything our partner gives ..every thing exchanged in a romantic relationship is a gift ..accept all gifts only because you know that doing so makes the giver happy ..and even more so if the thought behind the gift makes you happy ..reciprocate with a gift only if it is your intent that the recipient receive joy form your thoughtfulness

never diminish yourself to the stature of a gift or your body is not a gift is not a gift .... two people do not give sex to each other ..they have sex with each other ...joining in the act and .each taking what they need from it ...never repay any act/gift with sex ..and never give anything with the intent of getting sex do so just cheapens the act is meant to be the most profound act we can engage in ...cheapen it and you only cheat yourself

^^^a great gem---love it all.
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 74
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 9:14:10 PM
I've given a single yellow rose (which is a symbol of friendship and/or promises of a new beginning) at the beginning of a first real date (never first meetings) and as far as i can tell the woman usually was flattered!
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 75
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 9:24:38 PM
Yes I like the idea of a single flower, I like orchids or a lily.
I think it is a super gesture to give flowers after a date, but I like charm and flowers
so bring it on!!!!!!
Maybe I will make you some cookies.
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 76
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 9:39:07 PM
a single flower on the first date , not the first meet, is nice.

please not an entire bouquet of roses. once i had a lunch for a first meet. after lunch he asks me to walk to his car and he gets out a bouquest of roses for me.
wow. I didnt even want to see him again and I knew that during our lunch.
What was he doing? Did he buy the flowers and if he wasnt attracted to me he wasnt going to give them? Was he saving them for another date he had the next hour? or were they for a date he had before he met me and he decided he didnt like her enough?
just kidding. but he really did that and it felt too weird.
Then he invited me to Vegas. sheeeesh. (no I didnt go)
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 77
Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 10:32:45 PM
and I even made the cardinal mistake of forgetting a Halfaversery. You know the six month mark between when you met and the next full anniversary.
I think Hallmark is missing a market.
Well apparently I was a thoughtless cad for missing that one !

and why cant you say 'Im sorry with a consolance cactus?'
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 78
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Giving a girl flowers before a date
Posted: 3/18/2011 10:52:45 PM
I agree with little broker it should be something that shows you've been paying attention. I also would rather receive flowers after the date to show how much you liked being with me and i'm also not into the cut flowers but more the potted plants.
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