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 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 62
How to cure my bad boy addiction?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Why don't all the good guys just kill the bad ones and save us women a lot of trouble... I mean, shit, come on... help us out :)

The good guys learned a long time ago that you never change a woman's preferences even if it's damaging.... it's an entitlement women can have - and keep.
 shanetheguy
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 63
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/19/2010 10:58:54 PM
I'm getting a real kick out of this, actually.

See, I have a long history of dating women who, after a couple of weeks to a month, get bored with me and move on. It's something that I'm struggling to identify and fix in myself, because I'm tired of it. I went through a phase, years ago, where I thought, "man, everyone always says I'm a super nice guy, but girls aren't interested in me, so it must be because I'm a nice guy." Then I kind of grew out of it and started treating the problem like an adult, i.e. looking for solvable problems and devising solutions.

I haven't fixed it yet, but I'm trying. And I'm not blaming it on other people.

These labels are killing us all. "Nice guy", "bad boy", et cetera. It's nonsense. Here's what happens: A girl gets into a relationship with an edgy, independent, dangerous guy. Since many guys with those qualities are also a-holes, they treat the girl like dirt. She thinks, "I wish I had a nice guy." She thinks that because she doesn't like being treated like dirt, but she's already taking the good things for granted -- the attraction, the thrill, the excitement, the physical qualities, mostly. So she convinces herself that what she values most is being treated well, because it's the one thing she doesn't have.

Then, of course, she hops to a guy that treats her well -- selecting for that invariably means she gets the guy who treats her best, which is typically an insecure, desperate, or clingy guy (three adjectives which I could claim at various points in my life). This does wonders for her self esteem, but doesn't really make her heart flutter, so after a little time -- say, two weeks to a month -- she decides she's confident enough to spar with someone more independent, and re-enters the field looking for someone more, well, attractive.

It's a subconscious process that happens constantly. In the past (and maybe just a little in the present) as a pushover, I did everything I could to make a woman feel good about herself -- not even usually out of desperation, but just out of kind of a general need to make people feel good. In every single case this results in the woman feeling good enough to try another 'edgy' guy in a month or less.

The solution? Well, I don't know. Ask me in ten years. But to the OP, you should try moderation. There are not just two types of people in the world. Start looking at finer-resolution traits, and change the only common variable -- yourself.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 66
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:28:06 AM

Okay I should give a better definition of a bad boy. They do take you on nice dates, but that's after they've canceled 2 or 3 times and show up 30 minutes late. They probably smoke/drink/curse too much and they have a group of friends that do the same. They're inconsiderate of your feelings and only keep you around as long as you serve some purpose to them. Despite all that, it's usually fun while it lasts (except of course the crying and stressing out).


Oh, you mean PLAYER! Lol....
Um, well... you already described their common traits so.... now you can profile and avoid them.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 67
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 6:47:51 AM
Op..You seem to need external excitement or "drama" to keep you entertained.
It's not an addiction it's a preference/choice.

That may be due to youth, lack of imagination or feel superior to a bad boy in some way.

People who are bored easily are the ones up to something "BAD" in most cases .

So are these boys really BAD or just immature and selfish party boys?

I seriously doubt you have ever encountered a real bad boy in your life.
You wouldn't keep wanting another if you have IMO.

People seek out what they are usually..their "own kind" in thought and likes.
Maybe you are a "bad girl"?
Birds of a feather.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 68
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 7:28:34 AM
Hmmm....to me, 21 is too young to even determine if one has an "addiction" to any type really...I mean seriously how long is your dating career at that point? A few years?


You'll grow out of it soon enough if you keep dating a-holes.


And if you dont grow out of it...then consider it something wrong with YOU.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 69
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 7:37:30 AM

you know, the type that always have an exciting date planned out, keep you laughing, and never make you feel creeped out by their clinginess.


That sounds like my kind of man. Send me these guys numbers........lol.

Men that are nice dont always equate to boring. A man who is mature, stable, loving, respectful, calls when he says he will, treats women well, shows concern and love for you, can be just as fun.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 71
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 9:59:10 AM
Op. its natural for women and girls to be attracted to someone who holds their interest, shows signs of adventure, fun, confident and can take care of themselves and protect you, etc, etc, etc.

In the early years, the ones who seem to be this way are the ones who later in life don't always prove out.

Really in a sense, there are a few different kind of bad boys

The ones who are bad, in a bad way...but give the impression where good counts, they are this, but they aren't.
The ones who are good, but can show their bad( or wilder) side, but keep everything in perspective.

There might be other examples. Even a supposed nerd, when he grows up and gets confidence and becomes more worldly, can understand and reveil his other half, the wilder side in him.

Your just at the age and experience to where you can't distinquish the two types I mentioned, and you get a first hand impression of the nice guys too quickly.

Again this will change as you grow up more. Obviously you are seeing the signs, the fast action bad boys have some bad traits. These might look at life, its things and women as just something at their disposal, maybe you should look for men with good quailities that are not completely reserved and can show a little wild side with some control and privacy..........you cannot judge a book by its cover, you have to look inside.
 Ideoform
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 72
view profile
History
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 11:33:37 AM
"Here is my secret.
It is very simple:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What makes the desert beautiful," said the little prince, "is that somewhere it hides a well."

~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry, "The Little Prince"

The thing about bad boys is that they are "real." Well, they can be real, anyway, because they can say what they mean and mean what they say -- if they want to. Some do this because they have no internal "filter" to weed out the socially inacceptable stuff before it comes out. I think that is often caused by mild traumatic brain injury from skate-boarding and dirt-biking accidents.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."

~ Antoine de Saint Exupéry, "The Little Prince"

Ask yourself what qualities you were attracted to in the bad boy part of the guys you are "addicted to." It probably wasn't exactly what he did or didn't do, but that he had some quality that made these things possible, like independence, courage, "realness," fearlessness,....

Now take an honest look at yourself (or how you see yourself) and maybe you have those qualities inside you, too, but you have had to become "nice" because traditionally society wanted girls to be "nice." And we let men be "bad" because it is sometimes necessary, functional, expident, to achieving some goal. And so, we let men's behavior slide a bit (less manners required) because we need them to be ambitious.

So maybe what you are really looking for isn't certain exciting behaviors that are "bad," really. Maybe you can clarify what qualities you are looking for, like ambition, courage, fearlessness, independence, passionate, not limited to the status-quo, etc... This way, you might see these same qualities in men who are doing some very interesting things in life, but who have also learned to be more social, have some manners, and behave to a point in order to accomplish some higher goal. You might see these men as boring on the first glance, but they have just learned to camoflauge themselves better in the workplace.

Ask yourself if you want these qualities for yourself, too. If you feel like you have given too much of your identity up when you hit puberty in order to "act more feminine," then perhaps you need to reclaim your inner tomboy and realize that you can still be beautiful in a pair of jeans going rock climbing. And you don't necessarily need a bad boy to talk you into it.

Being real is a great way to connect. If he is being real, even if not that "nice," at least he is being honest with himself and you. You like it because you know what you are dealing with -- because there are less multiple agendas, less covering up fear out of desperation. If you aren't real also, then he might be leaving after finding out that your behavior has been mostly a mask, or an act, because that is only interesting for a short time without having to hire a script writer. The best way to really make a connection is if you can be real, too.

If you are both real, there will be fewer "matches" for you. This means you don't invest a lot of time in doing the kind of dating where mask meets mask. .... and then they change masks... and meet different masks .... Uggggh.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you.
When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.
"When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.
"You become. It takes a long time.
That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.
But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

~ By Margery Williams, from The Velveteen Rabbit
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 73
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History
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:17:02 PM

Okay I should give a better definition of a bad boy. They do take you on nice dates, but that's after they've canceled 2 or 3 times and show up 30 minutes late. They probably smoke/drink/curse too much and they have a group of friends that do the same. They're inconsiderate of your feelings and only keep you around as long as you serve some purpose to them. Despite all that, it's usually fun while it lasts (except of course the crying and stressing out).
They're fun, because they planned it that way. It's not fun for them. They have to plan out their clothes, where to go, what to say, all in advance. They have to plan out they've got enough money that you don't have to think about it, and they wait to go out until they have saved up enough money.

But they cannot live that way all the time. It's too much effort. So what they do, is they save up all their "fun-ness", and plan everything out, so that they can use their "fun-ness" to maximise the success of their end goal, getting laid.

"Nice guys" can do that too. They just think they should be around for long-term. So they spread their "fun-ness" over the whole month, rather than just hit it all in one or two days a month.

Make your choice. You can have a extremely strong dose of fun, every so often, or you can have a little bit of fun, every day, and someone you love, as well.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 74
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:27:07 PM
Bad boys give good girls an excuse to have sex. That's all there is to it. That is the badness.

It's for girls when they got raised to think having sex is bad. The boy is bad. Therefor the boy is for sex. By being with him, sex can happen, because bad boys want to have sex and good boys respect you to the point of not trying to have sex with you. There are bad girls, too, and they are the ones who don't need the badness of bad boys. They supply their own and have sex when they want, even with good boys.

bad = sex
good = no sex

The way to cure your addiction to sex being available only from bad boys is to decide that you will have sex without depending on the boy to be bad. You can be good and have sex with good boys. Your mother and father didn't tell you that because they knew it would interfere with your homework in junior high school.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 75
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:28:33 PM

Unfortunately they're the same ones that vanish after a month or so because they're met someone younger/prettier/more exciting. I've met a few nice guys too but I always tend to get bored after the first few weeks because the novelty wears out and all you're left with is a repetitive cycle of dinner and movie dates.

Maybe those ``exciting guys'' think you're boring. If you're stuck with the repitive dinner and movie with those so-called nice guys, at least half of the boredom is your own fault. Why can't you think of anything more exciting than dinner and a movie?

My four year relationship ended a few months ago because our paths were diverging but him and I are still great friends.

That's not very conducive to starting a new relationship. That would be enough for me to only consider dating you until I found someone else.

I just want to know how I can stop being so enamored by the charm of the "bad boy" and find someone that I still have a great time with but that respects me.

First you have to want something that a relationship offers and I don't think you want anything a relationship offers, since a constant party isn't one of them. I certainly wouldn't want to date a woman for very long if she can't entertain herself.
 scenesoflife
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 76
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:33:46 PM
this thread is hilarious!!!

also your definition of a bad boy is pretty out there too.. especially the smoking and cursing part!!!
I needed a good laugh!

oh those bad bad boys... they always dress up like cats and work on cars..
no wait.. that was a miami soundmachine video...

anyway..
yeah.. youre in for a ride gurl..

I think you secretly hate yourself, thats why you are attracted to un disney like characters..

never ever invite one over un less you like scraping bubblegum from under your table!
( I heard they do that)
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 77
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:48:29 PM
How to get over a bad boy? Let him beat the crap out of you, drain your bank account, knock up your little sister and steal your car.


That might not work, but you'll get exactly what you're asking for.
 Truthisee
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 78
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 4:16:20 PM
fvck.

Listen close babe.

I fall under the 'reformed' category, but I wanna let ya in on something.

You mean nothing to us, never have, never will. The sum total of your worth is found between those pretty little legs, I'll make you feel like daddy's lil princess if that's the cost. The easiest part is how I can make you feel special, how the cosmos cannot exist without the grandness of your intoxicating personality.

That's the hard part, putting up with your childish need to belong, how everyone in your life does you wrong, telling you how mature you are, blah fvcking blah.

Face it, your Easy.

slvt?

yup.

I've gotten over myself, mayhap you might want to do the same thing and realize in spectacular fashion that really....

your nothing special, just a set of open legs.

sorry if I offended, and no...

your best efforts can't change meeee.

 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 79
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 4:50:20 PM
^ That was extremely rude and uncalled for. You calling her a 'babe' and a 'slvt' shows rather clearly what type of character you are. I think you need to go work on that 'reformation' some more.

The things I want to say to you, I unfortunately can't say because I don't want to be suspended for the 3rd time.

Lighten up!

 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 81
view profile
History
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 4:58:42 PM
^^ Hearing what bad boyz think just might be a cure for a bad boy addiction. I think it fits with the thread.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 82
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:01:42 PM

^ That was extremely rude and uncalled for.

^^ But he speaks the truth. I've associated with bad boys and watched how they bend girls over the pool table and take turns on her... in a fvcked up way, these girls feel important, special and liked by those guys.

I don't know too many decent guys who would date girls who lived their life chasing bad boys - there's nothing positive about it.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 83
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:02:45 PM

He said he was a bad boy. what do you expect?


^^^He's actually a "reformed" BAD BOY. He's sharing how a BAD BOY views women/thinks.
 Truthisee
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 84
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:02:51 PM

That was extremely rude and uncalled for


So is a woman degrading herself to the level of needing[\b] an external source of definition.


You calling her a 'babe' and a 'slvt' shows rather clearly what type of character you are. I think you need to go work on that 'reformation' some more.


Expectation of self comes from self, tho I love your profile pic, speaks volumes...




The things I want to say to you, I unfortunately can't say because I don't want to be suspended for the 3rd time.


more like you don't have the prescribed skills of alliteration.

baby.

 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 85
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:03:26 PM
I think the bad boy was just giving the OP a taste of how charming a bad boys attitude can be. He maybe doing the OP a favor with his over the top post.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 87
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:09:46 PM

^^ Hearing what bad boyz think just might be a cure for a bad boy addiction. I think it fits with the thread.


Yes, but it's clear that women, despite their protestations to the opposite, have absolutely no way of resisting us piratical, bad-ass types....

They even wrote about it in Psychology Today, just today, go figger....


But wait; don't all women want a kind, understanding guy? Of course; it's just that nice isn't a high-caliber turn-on in the short term, unlike bravado. Says Kruger, "Women want their emotions activated." And audacity grabs attention, even if only in the service of marshaling good genes.

A clue to female psychology emerges in a study examining the cheesy best sellers that set millions of women on a Harlequin high. The male protagonists are invariably studs on steeds who morph into devoted dads by novel's end. That is, the women get the best of both worlds.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200901/neanderthink-the-appeal-the-bad-boy

 Truthisee
Joined: 5/2/2010
Msg: 88
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:16:18 PM

I think the bad boy was just giving the OP a taste of how charming a bad boys attitude can be. He maybe doing the OP a favor with his over the top post.


That's right, that's exactly my point in posting to this ridiculous thread.

Some need to be beat with daddy's shoe to see the absurdity of their question, of course, some need to beat by another tool....



That would be the bad boy's department.

Too bad the mommy's boy crowd hasn't had the pleasure of fvcking a beautiful woman for 6 hours, yeah babies, you leave em breathless with your love, I leave em breathless with a magnificent breathlessness you'll never get.

course...

They won't forget....





 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 89
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:19:50 PM

Too bad the mommy's boy crowd hasn't had the pleasure of fvcking a beautiful woman for 6 hours, yeah babies, you leave em breathless with your love, I leave em breathless with a magnificent breathlessness you'll never get.


Your ignorance is encyclopedic.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 90
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 5:29:56 PM

had the pleasure of fvcking a beautiful woman for 6 hours


I thought the warnings in the commercials said see a doctor for erections lasting longer than 4 hrs. Most of the women I have know have expressed little or no interest in pursuing marathon sex they would rather walk comfortably the next day - it doesn't have to be all night to be all right.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 91
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 9/20/2010 6:03:23 PM

Girls at 20 are a lot more mature than their male counterparts, they convince themselves that they are ready for true love and motherhood nearly a decade before men even begin to think about children.


That's becuase men dont't put the cart before the horse. Why would a 25 year old guy be thinking about children if he's just establishing his career and he isnt EVEN married.

Men prefer to do things in order.
Step 1. Get an education (so you're not raising a family on mininum wage 10 years later).
Step 2. Establish a career.
Step 3. Find a woman worth marrying.
Step 4. GET MARRIED
Step 5. Have kids.
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