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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 26
Women and eye contactPage 2 of 1    

Not as easy as you make it out to be. Females are cruel and we know it as well as you do.

Unless you approach a woman in a dark alley, you probably aren't going to be met with some pepper spray.

To the OP and the guys who keep looking for damn signs all the time, if you're in a situation where you'll have regular contact with the girl and a rejection might result in some awkwardness, then it does help to have some positive signs of interest before pursuing her. But when it's some random girl in public and your opportunity to meet her is fleeting, don't worry about whether or not she's giving you any signs. If you're interested, strike up a conversation with her. Accept the fact that the odds of success are not in your favor so if she rejects you, don't take it personally. Just move on to the next girl who catches your eye. You'll probably face a lot of rejection over the long run but you'll also have more success than you will by waiting for some burning bush to tell you the time is right to make a move.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 27
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 6:05:46 AM
The short answer: (1) she maintains eye contact for more than 3 seconds; and (2) she smiles at you. Maybe she's possibly interested. You'll never know until you talk to her. So at that point, you walk over and talk to her and risk getting shot down, or she screams and runs, or you can just smile and walk away.

Life is a crap shoot ... I say go ahead and roll the dice.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 28
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:16:50 PM
Looking for signs is a waste of time, but not bad as far as time wasting goes. The usual affect a woman projects is disdain. If she is distracted she might lapse into indifference. Either way, there is nothing to get excited about. When a woman does become interested in a man just the fact that she no longer seems as if she was wishing him gone or dead makes her appear keen. Then if she does something that even resembles expressing interest affirmatively it's like she has leaped up into your lap with her eyes wide, breathless and trembling with wild desire, even if all she really did was not quite sneer. Was that a smile? I can't tell if that was a smile or if she was trying to stop a sneeze. The Mona Lisa is respected as a portrait of the enigmatic smile men have been trying to decipher since women were first discovered. It is seen that way by men. Women look at the painting and wonder what all the fuss is about. Her eyes do seem to follow you around the room. She is making eye contact. But what can it mean?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 29
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 1:07:17 PM
And make sure you dont mistake her having something in her eye, for her winking at you.


How embarrassing that would be.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 30
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 1:51:23 PM

The search for "signs" is one way of conserving time and energy.

I can appreciate this explanation in situations where there are time constraints or when there's a pack of lovely ladies and the guy wants to make the wisest selection possible. But in situations where there's enough desire that the guy is writing posts about it later on, he should have approached the woman regardless of whether or not there were any signs.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 31
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:14:28 PM

Therefore most men develop methods of discriminating between the women who are likely to be interested in them, and those who are unlikely to be. The search for "signs" is one way of conserving time and energy.

My method of discriminating only goes as far as discriminating between overt interest and disinterest. If I really want to talk to a woman, I'll say something. If she really wants to talk to me, she needs to say something. The rest is just a mixture of bs and wishful thinking.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 32
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:16:52 PM
No, he should not have approached her. She did nothing to invite him. Don't go where you're not wanted. If you can't be sure you are being invited, stay away. Even if you are sure she wants you to approach her, don't do it. You can catch something.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 33
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:41:18 PM
I suppose if one has the attitude that this particular real world dance is a horrid chore, one can always bow out, then go stand against the wall refusing to participate ... or leave the dance hall and toil through the online dance instead.

On the other hand, if one sees this dance as fun ... it probably will be fun, regardless of the outcome.

The guys who ... when we've gone beyond the mere eye contact people tend to have with other people because we are human ... look to be men who like the dance ... get a smile in return.* We are in on this fun dance together. If they ask me to dance, so to speak, I'll go out onto the floor with them for a whirl. That way we figure out if we fit. If we do, we make plans to dance together in future. It's all fun.

Nine times outta ten, when I make the first move, and ask a man to dance, so to speak, he starts humping my leg or bumping and grinding right away. I suppose it's his eagerness. Or his inability or unwillingness to recognize a fun two-step when he hears one. Or a sassy cha-cha. Or a sexy salsa. Or the glorious tango. Or, often, the fact that music hasn't even started yet. :shrug:

*Provided they aren't intoxicated to the nth degree or obnoxious to the nth degree, which - believe it or not - is often the case you are observing from a distance of that "nice, average" guy getting shot down with such disdain by that nasty, mean woman.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 34
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 8:32:37 PM
Don't dismiss how important eye contact is in any human interaction!

The thing is this. You need to meet enough women, so that you can find one that firstly finds you attractive and then you of course must find her attractive. Because, once a woman finds a guy attractive, it's a cake walk for the guy. I think of it in animal terms. Trying to get an animal that fears you to become your trusting friend is very time consuming and has possible dangers. Doing the same with an animal that somewhat trusts you from the beginning is much, much easier! Trying to win over a totally strange woman, just because YOU find her attractive, is a tall order! You would have to have good looks (in her opinion) and/or have a very charming personality at the very least.
 scenesoflife
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 35
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/20/2010 11:15:54 PM
when a woman looks at me longer than 3 seconds.. I assume I have this mornings shaving cream stuck to my head all dried up...
or maybe I have food on my face... stuff like that...
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 36
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:01:26 PM
Yes!..or no..who knows until you go up to her. Chances are she is either thinking your really cute or your really creepy. Smile eyes are a sure sign and the "wink" is fool proof.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 37
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 12:38:30 PM

Therefore most men develop methods of discriminating between the women who are likely to be interested in them, and those who are unlikely to be.

Except that most of the time those methods are inaccurate and may keep you from taking risks but you may also miss out on a lot of things that way.

The search for "signs" is one way of conserving time and energy.

If dating is a chore and you're looking for ways to conserve time and energy, then giving up and not dating at all is the best way to do that. Dating takes time and energy - you won't separate the two. You also can't stay shy but want a social life. You have to give one of those things up.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 38
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:38:12 PM

Except that most of the time those methods are inaccurate and may keep you from taking risks but you may also miss out on a lot of things that way.

This is something often said, and I assume the motivation is a kind of encouragement, just in case that one man of a thousand you would like to have approach you would otherwise be shy to do so, but he reads that he should take the risk, and so he does and you live happily ever after.

I am quite sure that any woman who is approachable is going to be approached, and that is the deciding factor; if she is approachable then the man, any man, even the shyest of men, will want to and he will approach, because he can tell this one is different. He can see the invitation and accept it.

There is no such thing as "taking a risk", and there is no "missing out". No man has ever needed to take a risk or missed out by not taking one, when he has looked at a woman who seemed unapproachable and decided he would stay put and wait for someone who was. What I think happens sometimes is that women will wrap themselves up in a kind of scorn, projecting an attitude of indifference or hostility, because they are either tired of being approached or dislike it, and then they wonder why nobody comes up to them like in the movies. The fact that millionaire movie stars are not wont to wander the world seeking out stand-offish women never needs be considered. It's one of the freakier contradictions of the premise, that a woman can increase her odds of being found by the kind of man she wants find her, if only she explains to men how to go about looking. What a difference it could make if women would bother to approach men instead, since they already know how it should be done and which men should be doing it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 39
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:43:49 PM
^^^Hey, I'm a woman who approaches men, and when they approach me, yes - I like to be intrigued, I like to be brought interesting conversation - that may make me seem unapproachable.

I'm also not one who cares if anyone ever approaches me since I'd rather do the approaching.

However, what each guy deems unapproachable may be different. Some guys are better at reading it than others, and some guys just paint MOST women as unapproachable, and it's really their projection based on a fear of approaching. We'll never know, because we're not there. I'm sure there are guys who found a woman approachable, but STILL didn't want to take the chance. In that case, it could be a shame if she's actually interested. Furthermore, a lot of shyness does come across as disinterest, so there are women who are only mirroring back what THEY think is happening.

Bottom line? People need to just approach and deal with the fact that not all their approaches will lead to happily ever after. This is part of socializing, and dating.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 40
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:52:31 PM

Sorry WIP, but I don't have enough time or energy to strike up a friendship, or even an acquaintanceship with 100% of the people I encounter in life. For most encounters simple civility is sufficient.


Oh hardwoodfloorboard...that's sad...

You never know what a difference you can make to a shy, lonely, seemingly unapproachable someone with a simple smile and "Hello" and a few brief moments of conversation. You could save a life.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 41
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 3:45:12 PM

Is my time well spent by imposing myself upon folks who show definite signs of not wanting to interact with me?


Aside from giving you a snarl or the finger, I can't think of many definite signs that a person you haven't even spoken to doesn't want to interact with you. For the most part, you're just assuming you know what she wants, which may or may not be accurate.

If you don't have enough time or interest to make an attempt, then don't. But if that time is otherwise being spent on a bar stool gazing at her, then your time is much better spent at least making an effort.


I'd be willing to bet that you've encountered men who may have piqued your interest, but whom you did not approach because they gave off a "vibe", a "sign" of not wanting to be bothered.


Actually, that's not the case for me. Usually when I approach a guy it's because I haven't observed that he's even noticed me so I don't take his standoffish appearance personally. I also do my best to eliminate the "approach" part. I don't just walk up to someone who's across the room, I find a reason to be in close proximity and start up a friendly conversation rather than blatantly hitting on him. It doesn't take long to determine whether he actually wants to speak with me or not. If someone can't or doesn't want to carry on a conversation, I have no desire to prolong it.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 42
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 4:11:24 PM
"I don't have enough time or energy to strike up a friendship, or even an acquaintanceship with 100% of the people I encounter in life."
Exactly. Too many women, too little time. Gotta go...
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 43
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 4:17:12 PM

What I think happens sometimes is that women will wrap themselves up in a kind of scorn, projecting an attitude of indifference or hostility, because they are either tired of being approached or dislike it,

If a straight person considers that roughly 10% of the opposite sex strangers simply don't swing his/her way, and that some percentage (I think it's well over half) of the opposite sex strangers are already in monogamous relationships, it paints a slightly different picture.
One that can let us off the hook of "wow, I'm undesirable to over half of the opposite sex."
One that reasonable people can use to surmise that the world is, indeed, full of decent people who wander about doing the right thing by their partners.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 44
Women and eye contact
Posted: 9/23/2010 6:29:28 PM

Sorry WIP, but I don't have enough time or energy to strike up a friendship, or even an acquaintanceship with 100% of the people I encounter in life. For most encounters simple civility is sufficient.

On one hand you should strike up conversations with people you find interesting. Obviously if we stopped and talked to everyone we saw in the course of a day, we'd do nothing else - it'd be too time consuming. On the other hand we're talking in the dating sense here.

I don't claim that any "signs" are foolproof, or even accurate part of the time, like old-time weather signs. But I can get a good sense that it might rain from the general look of the sky.
Similarly, I would probably not bother to approach a woman at a social function who pointedly avoided eye contact.

Ok, that works for you. And as long as you don't care that this narrows down your dating pool that's fine. It certainly won't break any of their hearts.

If I have to "approach" ten women before I encounter one who is interested in me, why should I bother interacting with an additional 10 whose behavior positively suggests that they don't particularly want to interact with me? Is my time well spent by imposing myself upon folks who show definite signs of not wanting to interact with me?

Maybe having the vibe of an agenda when you approach is what causes that reaction. I'll talk to a guy anytime that's not trying to talk to me for a specific reason. When I sense they are trying to steer the conversation to a phone number, a date, or whatever - it gets awkward, and my walls go up. Sometimes I just like conversation...without a goal attached.

I'd be willing to bet that even you encounter people in whom you are not interested, or who appear to not be interested in you, and that you can obviously tell that by various "signs". Do you "take a risk" on all of them?

It's not a risk to me. I talk to guys I'm interested in, I expect that some won't be interested back, but I don't corner them. It goes where it goes. There can only be a risk when there's an expectation on my part. There isn't. As I stated before, I don't approach men specifically unless I'm interested in them in some way.

Looking for "signs" is just another way of "weeding out", or "filtering".

I guess I can't identify with any of that as I don't search. If I see someone I like I talk to them. Where it goes, it goes. *shrug*

There is a difference between expending one's time and energy efficiently, and wasting them.

I guess when you're throwing tranquilizer darts out and trying to bag someone, a strategic approach is useful if you want to do anything else in your schedule.

Yes, everyone looks for slightly different signs, according to our various different experiences.

I'd be willing to bet that you've encountered men who may have piqued your interest, but whom you did not approach because they gave off a "vibe", a "sign" of not wanting to be bothered. Or do you just approach all interesting men regardless?

If I'm in the mood, and I have time, lol - then yes. I find most guys only have a wall up to prevent women from taking them the wrong way. I've rarely approached a guy that flat out didn't want to talk to me, or whatever. But so what if I did? That's a possible outcome. Shit happens. I'd move on...the only time I don't approach a guy is if I'm not sure I'm that interested, or I have too much going on to stop.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 45
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/4/2011 3:25:48 PM
^^^If you are just asking directions or looking for something and a woman doesn't want to talk to you, why would you care? Some people are just rude...why let that get in your way in life? Just ask the next person. I don't agree that if you're friendly, without agenda and just making conversation that most women you talk to are going to be rude about it.

If you are attempting to chat with a woman for a specific reason and she shuts you down, it's likely she sensed that's why you approached her.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 46
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/4/2011 3:54:10 PM
I hate this question but I'll answer it anyway.When you look at her the eyes connect first then she smiles, then you have to approach her to see if she freezes up. I don't stare at any of them because I have missing teeth and I can't smile back but good luck to you.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 47
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/4/2011 10:12:59 PM
Cenomeno said : Quick glances and once get caught she looks down, plays with her hair, acts like her friend said something funny, laughs nervously .... Smiles with a blush.... That means she's interested.

BINGO!
You got it, this is exactly what women do.
Unless they are big cats and then they can be a lot more bold, but you will not have to wonder about that you will know.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 48
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/4/2011 10:52:45 PM
Could be, but don't count on it. it also be a thousand other things as well.
 GirlyMuscle
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 49
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/5/2011 5:26:19 AM
Not necessarily. LOL I look at people all the time and I always use eye contact. If I want to talk to someone I will go talk to them. A lot of the time I am looking at people wondering what they are doing wearing an outfit that they should not be in or watching people just to watch. There is nothing to look out for. LOL Just your own back.
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 50
Women and eye contact
Posted: 1/5/2011 6:34:12 AM

Is eye contact the key to whether a woman is interested?


Yes, but only if they linger. Quick eye contact is not an indicator.

Other things:

Viewing a woman across the dance floor and, later noticing they are next to you.

A woman who touches you when she talks to you.

A woman who sticks up for you when you are in an argument with someone else and does not even know you.

A woman who kisses you. (you really need help if you don't get this one)
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