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 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 23
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Broken engagement--- need advice pleasePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I agree with Pirate Heaven. Always listen to your guy feeling. If "something" is holding you back from doing something, then listen to that something.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 24
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/22/2010 10:15:07 PM

... we fought because she wanted me to propose and I just did not do it.


Why didn't she propose? And why the hell did she push you to propose? She must be insane, or desperate.



I knew I wanted to, but I did not feel right doing it just yet.


Obviously she didn't care how you feel. That's your first red flag, actually second.



So once our problems started, I decided to propose hoping that we would then stop fighting.


So you basically proposed so she "shuts up"... which makes me wonder if you are crazy. Among the dumbest things I have heard today, this tops the list.



Then let me mention she was married previously before me, for only a year.


You didn't find that odd? Did you ask her why it only lasted 1 year? Who filed for divorce and why?



We tried to make things work and then one day she came home and said we needed a break.




Classic.

Yet she wanted you to propose!


She says we need to grow up and be ourselves before we can get back together.


She is getting serviced by other guys, or is hopping to.



However when I saw her she jumped in my arms, told me she loved me and kissed me over and over. Then she gave the ring back and I moved the rest of my stuff out.


Excellent. You have your stuff and your ring. Give the ring to someone who is worthy of it.



All of my friends do not like her, my family is not a big fan of her, but I truly care for her.


Take a hint. You are blind and whipped.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 25
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/22/2010 10:15:59 PM
OMG! From what did you graduate? Separating your thoughts into paragraphs makes it so much easier for others to understand your points.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 26
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/24/2010 6:25:07 AM
bscofnc57 are you seriously advocating that a 22 year old man marry a twenty six year old woman that basically emotionally blackmailed him into proposing to her in the first place and who has already been married before and failed at it and has since broken off the engagement but, tells him that she loves him?

You don't think perhaps this woman is a bit confused and has no idea what she rally wants or what it takes to make a successful marriage work and that perhaps she shouldn't be looking to a twenty two year old man for the answers to all those issues she has because he is not likely to have them?

In case you missed the gist of this post, he did not want to get married in the first place, she is the one that pushed for the engagement, then she broke it off and now she is playing head games by telling him she needs time to grow up and get things resolved but, at the same time she is telling him she loves him. Her actions are totally contradictory and representative of an unsettled mind and complete immaturity. But hey, love will overcome all of that LOL.

You are like a drunk driver that refuses to admit they are a danger to anyone else on the road only your weapon of possible destruction is not a car, it is your advice. If you want to live with your own head in a cloud of unconditional love that is your choice but, please stop encouraging other people to make major life mistakes on a hope and a prayer. Or maybe you work for a divorce lawyer and he gives you a piece of the action everytime you set up a relationship that is doomed when they end up filing for divorce?

YOU are the one that needs to start acting like an adult.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 27
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/24/2010 6:50:50 AM

You don't think perhaps this woman is a bit confused and has no idea what she rally wants or what it takes to make a successful marriage work and that perhaps she shouldn't be looking to a twenty two year old man for the answers to all those issues she has because he is not likely to have them?

I know what she wants....she just wants to be married. End-of-Story.
And, it terms of what it takes to be successfully, I'm sure she know it just "takes the right man" as she is already perfect.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 28
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/24/2010 6:52:11 AM
Have seen this many times. Use this as a life education. It hasn't directly happened to me but I understand it. Here is what I think happened....

You are with a woman. Going well. Love and future are tied up together for you and her.
She ran into someone that stirred her mind and body. Entering into her mind... "I'm confused".
You are perplexed because you don't understand the dynamic. She is in a dichotomy. A duality if you want. She has you on one side and "new" excitement on the other side. This has caused her to put you in a position of decision making. This pressure is nothing more than a resolution to a problem. Remember it's her problem.

By proposing at his point it is certain fate for you. The situation was unsolvable the moment she became "confused" (feelings for two men). Once she was certain you were obtainable while inside the confusion state your fate with her was sealed. Not only was the initial excitement not there with you but something shiny and new was on the other side of the coin.

In the future:
1) "I'm confused" = I'm in a diametrically opposing decision between two men.
2) The man in the already established relationship is always holding second position sexually. He is not new and shiny and the excitement edge has dissipated.
3) Being forced into a marriage decision is an attempt to solve the existing problem.
4) It was already over.
5) This is not her being evil. It's incredibly feminine but rarely understood. Be careful who you invest in.
6) The existing boyfriend or husband is always in second position in a confusion and will be the critical target of a stressful emotional state.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 29
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/24/2010 7:01:58 AM
TxRedBull,

Probably true but, she did call if off. Perhaps she sensed his hesitation and took away his candy hoping he would miss it enough to BEG for the right to marry her. Who knows. She is a mess either way.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 30
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/24/2010 7:03:25 AM
ahh...nice analysis by pandusvenator.

Could be. I got two guys, let me leverage them against each other and see which one is the marrying type or go with whats shiny and new.

Excellent !
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 31
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/26/2010 5:13:25 AM

Could be. I got two guys, let me leverage them against each other and see which one is the marrying type or go with whats shiny and new.


Its so simple it hurts. lol
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 32
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/26/2010 7:45:46 AM

Listen up dude because you will only get this here: Make it work.

.... Face it, she captivates you, nuff said. You proposed to her for all the wrong reasons, but you did have an unassailable objective -- to make her happy. If you will go that far for her, it indicates that you can't really get away from her no matter how far, no matter who you meet next, no matter how long it has been and no matter how many of these jokers tell you to "Move On".

She has you, live with it.

^^^This, despite the deluge for the opposite position, resonates with me.
And therefore because of that...you will likely,

Regardless of what I say you will still most likely attempt to see if you can make it work.

^^^The questions and confusion are great because your emotion and feeling toward her are so. Many here will tell you to move on and it might at some point become clear that you should, or perhaps you will need to see this through until a more harsh grittier and resolute ending.

Most here have seen a significant and meaningful relationship or two through to the dregs..to the abysmal 'end'. They are writing to ward you off that trail; hurling red-flags in their desperate attempt to spare you a similar fate by providing advice that they likely once overlooked themselves in their own relationship failures.

I think though that we all have our own path to follow. Each of us knows what feels inescapably authentic and captivating to us. And the thrill of engagement in such a relationship usually means that the ending... whenever that occurs, might also be more spectacular than imagined.

If you've never seen a relationship through onto this type of path, fraught with likely an extreme amount of pain and hurt in the offing, this might be the very one to put you there. jmo

edited
 nicegirl1974
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 33
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/26/2010 10:52:15 PM
it was bad timing for both of you's
if u were to reunit it would be hard getting past the past u both would be afraid of let down.....
also if friends,family don't like her then your wedding is going to be very lonely lol
and it should tell u something........sometimes its hard to see what is going on in a relationship until u see a friend being treated or things going on the same way....
 Chill Pill
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 34
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/27/2010 3:45:56 AM
"""All of my friends do not like her, my family is not a big fan of her, but I truly care for her.""""

It doesn't sound you like are truly caring for yourself in this relationship.
Perhaps your family and friends are witnessing the demise of your self esteem
and watching the side show insane drama and they are not entertained.

You think it's a love story and they think it's a HORROR MOVIE.

You compromized yourself when you knew in your gut that you didn't want to propose, but you did anyway so she would shut her pie hole and stop shyttin on you
because she wasn't getting her way.

So what will you go back for? More manipulation, control, dominance, demands.
You need to tell little Princess Demanda to climb down off her throne and hit the road.
She maybe older than you, but she behaves like a spoiled bratt 3 year old.

OP.... ONCE you give up YOUR CONTROL to someone else YOU LOSE ALL POWER

I think you should get on your knees and thank GOD you made a clean escape and get focused on figuring out what healthy relationships are. You are a poster boy for a Puddy Whipped Door Matttttt.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 35
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/28/2010 10:25:38 AM
Then she gave the ring back and I moved the rest of my stuff out. I do not understand what is going on between us.

well.....there's nothing going on between you. And IMO you are the winner here...consider her a bullet dodged.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 36
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Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/28/2010 4:09:26 PM
You didn't describe something that was really worth a great deal in terms of what she has to offer you and perhaps what you have to offer her. You seem to have puttered on in your life pretty well and reread your post. I'm not sure I can describe it but it doesn't even sound like your own story because it is sorta flatline.

And maybe you left some stuff out, but why would you propose rather than sitting down and having a frank conversation with her that you feel like she is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with but you should slow down and breath a bit and propose when it seems the right time. Maybe you had that conversation but in my experience, if you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this woman you wouldn't have been that disturbed about proposing to her before you poked your finger on a calendar and chose a date.

Who knows what she is doing, doesn't matter, what do you want and more importantly why do you want it because you really don't sound like you are mister miserable missing this woman. Sometimes we should also consider what our friends and family feel about a person, they don't have feelings invested that tend to put blinders on you.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 37
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/28/2010 6:20:02 PM
well the first thing i can see that she might have a problem with is that you put a good deal of emphasis, since you mentioned it right away, that you consider her an "older woman". 4 whole years huh? that would offend me too. i had an ltr with a man 10 years younger and he never ever mentioned it.
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