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Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 76
Over 45 & never married...............Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Well according to what I have seen marriage is not really a commitment..So I can certainly understand those not wishing to go this route.. It is going to become a thing of the past that is what I believe.. 5 year renewable contracts are far more likely on the distant horizon..

Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 77
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/6/2011 2:08:24 PM

marriage is the commitment I need.

Why is it the commitment that you need?

That'd be my question too. I'm 47 in a few months, never married... I certainly don't "need" to be married. I'm not *against* marriage either, there've been a few women I would've married over the years... and glad I didn't (one cheated, one was 'demanding' marriage at 6mo's - no talking about it either, "now or its over" - ended that quick - since when was marriage a 'demand'?), heck, I'd be happy with just a real committed relationship. Nothing against marriage, if the relationship lasted a few years I'd be open to talking about it (and doing it if it seemed right). But I wouldn't consider it a "need". I would "like" a lasting committed relationship, marriage or not, with someone I loved - but then given the divorce rate I personally don't see a piece of paper being any real sign of "true commitment" - its a piece of paper.
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 78
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/7/2011 8:40:58 AM

it's a piece of paper

Actually, it's a little more than that, it is a legally binding contract for one thing. Many women do want that.

And it is also a "moral commitment". Many women want that sense of accomplishment that comes from achieving "marriage". Many women were brought up by mothers who taught them that getting married, and getting married to the "right kind of man", was the most important thing they would ever do. Period. Above all else.

There are advantages to marriage. And I am not talking about "sex", or even companionship. If you are in the hospital, in intensive care, your spouse will be allowed in to see you. Your girl friend will not. A married couple can go in together on a mortgage to buy a house. Try that if you're not legally married -- it might not be impossible, but it is a lot harder. Try reading up on why homosexuals want the right to be legally married, there are advantages.

I am not advocating that everyone should be married. It is a personal choice, you make your own choice, and I will respect your choice, and ask the same courtesy in return. I am just making the point that our legal system is, in many regards, weighted heavily towards marriage.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 79
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/7/2011 3:43:35 PM
Have you noticed that 'committed' and 'institution' are applied to both marriage and the insane.....?
Joined: 11/29/2010
Msg: 80
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/10/2011 12:51:37 AM
I've noticed that a lot of people still place importance in marriage, including a number of people who've been divorced. I'd like to marry someone. Someone right for me. There's hope. I don't mind if the woman has children. If I like her, it's a done deal.
But I wish it had happened years ago..
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 81
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/14/2011 7:01:58 AM
Hmmmm...sounds like you need a therapist....For what-ever reason we all make our beds...we all have to lie in them....Ive been married and say myself I wont do it again...not dogging the situation...just not going there again...divorce is a bad deal for both....heart-ache takes a toll happy if you come accross someone who doesnt scam you and tell you all sorts of dumb stories...their a dime a dozen....been there...and EVERYONES got skeletons in the safe and good luck!
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 82
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/17/2011 12:21:41 AM
I am in the same boat- at 48 and no prospects in sight!
Like a lot of others here have expressed in various forum chats, I never really was on the time line to hurry up, get married and produce grandchildren. My parents both came from BIG families, were never close and didn't have a great marriage with each other. So with that being said, I was never pushed for anything matrimonial, so therefore I didn't ruminate on it.

That being said, here I am, single and... single.

I would've loved to have found someone to share life with- but for whatever reason it seemed like the only men interested in me either were married (And I STILL attract those like a magnet) or were just unattainable by being up higher on the social scale or job/career scale.

I have still yet to figure out where to meet SINGLE men-I don't dip in the company inkwell and there usually isn't anyone in my field that I'd be real interested in anyways- don't ask, it's a long explanation, trust me on this one.

I've never met men at the market, bookstore, car dealership, hiking trail, bus stop, casino, restaurant, library or traffic school. Oh did I miss one? I did! The BAR! But I'm not a bar person- soooooo that was never an option.

My biggest problem is actually meeting a real person. A single one. If I had, maybe I would've gotten married, etc.

It seems I'm surrounded by marrieds or gay men. NEVER do I ever meet anyone, young or old, ugly or good looking that is S I N G L E. They are ALL taken. No kidding.

I have often wondered if I'm the only single person on the planet.

At this point I'm not necessarily looking for the cozy cohabitation- I would be happy with a great friend- and to see where it might go.

So that brings me here. And it 'appears' that there are single men here. HOWEVER I have had an incredible hard time finding any that will actually meet. I am shy to initiate contact- I hate to look like the aggressor. I will 'favorite' hoping to get the hint across- but I will send a little email if someone really catches my eye. And I have quite a few who initiate contact with me- only to turn tail and hide if I respond. Rarely will anyone follow through with a date. Again, is it because they're in a relationship and this is seen as window shopping?

So this is why I am single at 48. It's nice to know I'm not alone...
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 83
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/17/2011 2:36:38 AM
I was about to be married at 48...but then i got arrested and my dad had to pay
4 grand to a much for the wedding plans...

Wedding.... no criminal do the math
Joined: 1/21/2011
Msg: 84
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/22/2011 12:25:40 PM
I have never been married. All my sister have been married for over 25 yrs. and are still happily married.
For me, marriage is more than a piece of paper or a ceremony. It is a celebration and a promise. I think, if I were married, it means I am commited and serious about this relationship. I would try my hardest and do almost anything(excluding if he is abusive) to make it work. It would be easier, for me, to just walk away if I wasn't married to him.
Is marriage still a dream of mine? Yes. If it doesn't happen, I am still happy and enjoying my life. Happiness doesn't depend on whether I am married, dating or anyone else, it comes from within me.
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 85
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 5/26/2011 5:42:37 PM
Massachusetts has lifetime alimony if your ex demands it. Glad I never got married and no kids. Don't believe me, Google it!
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 86
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 6/5/2011 3:44:47 PM
Look ... everyone has regrets. I wish I had had the nerve to ask Cindy out ... I wish I hadn't given Maggie the brush off ... I wish ... I wish ... I wish ...

If all of us had the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, we'd all be lotto ticket winners.

The best we can do is to learn from our experiences and to soldier on.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 87
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 6/5/2011 8:19:00 PM
OP wrote "For those of you who have never been married but would really like to be, do you feel cheated some times?" OP does not want to do what she has to do to get married so, no, she's not being cheated and has no right to feel cheated. If there are no suitable men in the rural area where she is "a big fish in a small pond" she needs to go where she can find suitable men. But she doesn't want to. In our society people can get what they want as long as they are willing to do what it takes. Nobody is being cheated.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 88
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 6/6/2011 8:27:08 PM
I have not visited POF forums fora VERY long time. Many never marrieds here have made some awesome recent posts that I very much agree with. I am also happy to bloom where I'm planted, and definitely have put down roots where I am at. Moving and losing my established business would put me in a financial tailspin, which in today's economy is not a good gamble. I do not place blame on men, but don't want to spend months of my life dating someone who harbors a resentment towards a commitment I take very seriously, yet someday hope to make.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 89
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 7/16/2011 1:30:29 PM
I find it funny (well more sad and ironic) that at past the tick of mid forties everyone wants and pines for the 'NICE" guys, but in the twenties and thirties there is practiced decimated weeding and thinning of the notions.
Maybe you should be poaching younger before men learn the reward for being "nice' is the male equivelant of crazy cat lady.
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 90
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 7/16/2011 3:28:20 PM
Msg 101

Many .... here have made some awesome recent posts that I very much agree with

For some strange reason, those posts keep dissapearing.
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 91
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 7/16/2011 3:39:49 PM
"I find it funny (well more sad and ironic) that at past the tick of mid forties everyone wants and pines for the 'NICE" guys..."

I’ve always wanted a nice guy.

I didn’t “tick” past a certain age and decide out of the blue my taste in men was completely different.

For instance, I’ve never wanted an obviously bitter man.
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 92
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:49:07 PM
I have been married, twice as a matter of fact. The profiles that send red flags flying for me are the ones that state the longest relationship he has been in has been way below 10 years AND he has children....If you're not gonna make a commitment, at least leave children out of the equation.
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 93
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 7/19/2011 9:10:13 AM
I'm 46 years old and have never been married. Sometimes this bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. I've learned to be very independent and live my own life. Some would assume that I'm selfish and inflexible since I've been on my own for so long but that's not the case at all. Being dependent on yourself is a great character builder. I'm very close with some people who got married in their early 20's and never had the opportunities that I've had. I really think they missed out on something. But if they are happy and don't have regrets, who am I to judge?

Bottom line is to appreciate, treasure and respect everything in your current life and situation, and not complain or worry about what you don't have. Focus on what you have and find joy and happiness with it, and don't pine for what you don't have. Nobody anywhere ever gets everything they want; no such thing! Marriage is like everything else: there are good aspects and bad aspects. Same thing for the single life.

You should get married because you meet someone who you can't live without and who brings so much to your life that it rocks your world. I've always wondered about people who get married solely for the sake of "being married." Doesn't seem to take into account the person they are marrying!!!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 94
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:17:37 AM
Well this self confident spinster just posted on the "When you're Not Looking" thread. lol I would be perfectly happy if people would just stop making assumptions about single people's lives and stopped dropping those tired old cliche's. There is nothing wrong with my self esteem, I have a satisfying job that requires a healthy self esteem and working with the public, and I am not desperate to go sprinting down the aisle to someone I barely know. I'm not a closet lesbian (not that there is anything wrong with that), I don't hate men (guess that makes me a masochist), and my cat quotient is no more than 2. I'm about to turn 49, just ended a 2 month relationship and just asking what's next. Not depressed, just wondering when it will be my turn to have someone that is going to care and be there for me.
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 95
Over 45 & never married...or even dated - what would you do
Posted: 3/11/2012 11:35:07 PM
Ok, I am ok with people not having been married. But, my question would be more about how would you handle it if the person you were getting to know, had never even dated... and this I am presuming would possibly include not even being intimate with someone! If someone has never even been in a dating relationship, let alone a there a chance of anything developing out of it...curious to know what others think...thanks!
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 96
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/12/2012 12:00:55 AM
I hate to say this because it is sort of creepy, but my older single career gal pals (50's/60's) have been more successful at finding a marriage to a good mate later in life because there are more widowers in their age bracket. Good men who loved being married and loved their wife until death did them part seem to make for better late-life marriage prospects than divorced 40 something men in their selfish mid-life crisis phase.

My beau is first older man I dated (mid-50's) and he was married 30 years to his college sweetheart before her mental illness ended his marriage...he misses being a couple with that special someone and is a caring, considerate, marriage minded man who enjoys spoiling a mate. Men like Ray are out there, but they are rare, so maybe the best advice is to look for someone older or widowed..
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 97
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/13/2012 12:24:35 PM
In my opinion (if viewing myself objectively) I've made the worst mistake in life....twice, but life's a learning experience :)

Well, I escaped that, but "almost" got married twice - wasn't really a "committment phobia" on my part, but the first one cheated on me a week after I asked her to marry me, and the second was 'demanding' I marry her ("now, or its over") after 6mo's - didn't think it was a good sign for the future). So, heh, I 'escaped' my own bad decision making twice...

I still have no problems with the idea of getting married, but I dunno if its just that my 'eyes are more open' or what, it just seems harder to find someone compatible as you get older.

Like Browneyesboo said on the prior page: "I don't have the answer for that, I just know that for myself, when I'm happy in a relationship it doesn't occur to me to look for anyone else." - doesn't cross my mind at all. And, interestingly, all the times I've been accused of it in my life, have wound up with me getting cheated on/dumped by *them* for someone new... go figure. Yet, I'm still generally trusting by nature. It is what it is, I'm generally happy single, but I would like someone to share life with.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 98
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 1/25/2013 9:00:11 PM
wow I haven't been back here in months.I have kind of given online dating a very long break. It was making me miserable and feel lonelier than if I had never done it. I no longer wish for what I don't have and I'm happy no matter what. I have found better dates and male friends just in the social circles that I happen to be in at the moment. But I won't get serious with anybody until I know they're looking for the same type of relationship I am which is a true, authentic sincere commitment. That's just not honey let's spend the night together or let's live together or lets just have fun and see where that takes us. I am not willing to do that anymore and it feels good. I am no longer in a relationship to please only them but it is also about my happiness. It is still a 2 way street. A man that truly loves me would never ask me to lower my standards for him but instead would raise his ambitions for me. At least with not meeting people online and knowing them in real life I don't have to deal with lies or petty lies about age, relationship status, or height even. I really thought that trying to meet people through online dating was going to broaden my horizons open up my world and lead me to someone who is perfect for me. Not the case at all and it only let down to disappointments time after time. I know that anyone who wants to bad mouth the type of relationship that I want is telling me that he is not the 1 for me.I have been sleeping alone and eating alone most of my life and I'm okay with that but if someone wants to be in a relationship with me he's got to want to change that. I see many successful marriages and people that have been married and best friends for a very long time, decades. It can work but it needs 2 people that are mature enough to do it. Both of my cats passed away in the last six months. It was like losing my children, but I sure saw which men around me were compassionate and here for me during a time of loss. Whether I am single or not I am truly blessed at 50.
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 99
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 1/25/2013 10:03:27 PM
I'd love to marry for purely romantic reasons.

Of course I'd have to find someone I really felt like marrying. Don't want to divorce after a few years lol
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