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 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 126
Over 45 & never married...............Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"I'm pretty sure it never crosses a woman's mind that having children might be of great emotional importance to some men......"

I think you are selling us women short... Many of us are more than understanding and empathetic towards a man who wishes to have a biological child yet has not seen his wishes come to fruition. My youngest brother, for example, would have made a wonderful father. While options for a biological child ARE expensive and limited, adoption should not be discarded as an option. The same applies to couples with fertility issues seeking a child.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 10/30/2012
Msg: 127
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:05:40 PM

I think it's been regrettably proven that any woman can have a biological child simply by picking up any guy and poking holes in the condoms or having unprotected sex. Men have only expensive, and still limited, options when wishing to have a biological child of their own. I'm pretty sure it never crosses a woman's mind that having children might be of great emotional importance to some men


Ah! One of life's many paradoxes: many many men and women can conceive children, and infinitessimally fewer of these men and women have the capacity to be loving nurturing parents -------- for as long as they both shall live.
As for conceiving a child in one's 50's and 60' or 70's? Well. It's biologically possible, but may well be one of the most self-absorbed actions any older adult can make happen. And yes: there are always exceptions, but one of these is not our mortality.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 128
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:25:48 PM

I'm pretty sure it never crosses a woman's mind that having children might be of great emotional importance to some men......


Bullshit. However; a good number of men have no appreciation or respect whatsoever for child bearing women.


I think it's been regrettably proven that any woman can have a biological child simply by picking up any guy and poking holes in the condoms or having unprotected sex.


How utterly repulsive. Please share how that has been “regrettably proven,” or proven in any other way. You think all it takes is finding a man, popping some holes in his condom and PRESTO! there’s a healthy baby?! WTF??

Not to mention how disgusting it is to suggest any woman would simply pick up some random guy to conceive a child with!!

You should read some stats on female infertility, miscarriage, and how about some history like puerperal fever, then work your way back. Count up how many women have died in pregnancy/childbirth…then compare that to the number of men. Easy peasy, ain’t it?

That is one of the most sickeningly offensive posts I’ve ever read on here.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 129
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 1:51:58 PM
Boy, someone pizzed in your cornflakes today. I think the terms "repulsive" and "sickeningly offense" are a little overboard. The poster didn't say all women are like this.

I don't think the poster meant it as harshly as you've seemed to have taken his words. Maybe he could have changed "any woman" to "some woman" but yup, there are some women out there that don't give a damn who they sleep with or who is the "baby daddy". "Some" women don't even mind having a few kids all by different daddys. And yes, some women have fertility issues as well and no, he didn't mention that - so friggin what. Us women have been open, vocal and have been yammering about our "issues" for years where men tend to keep quiet about such things. The poster stated openly what many men have been embarrased or too shy to talk about. Good for him. To me his post was food for thought and not repulsive...geez.
 wcratz2012
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 130
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 2:13:18 PM
Well if you want a child you can adopt one.
Thousands of children waiting for a home.

Lets see....
Regular couples can adopt, single women can.... men should be able to as well. One would think.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 131
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 4:47:24 PM

I think the terms "repulsive" and "sickeningly offense" are a little overboard.


I don’t. His, “I think it's been regrettably proven….” and “I’m pretty sure….” is crap.

I’m not re-writing my last post to defend my opinion or appease your objections to it. You have your opinion and I have mine. I won’t be altering mine and have no desire to alter yours.


Us women have been open, vocal and have been yammering about our "issues" for years…


Speak for yourself.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 132
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:20:00 PM
"Speak for yourself". Isn't that precious.

The poster in question is correct, many men that never married DO regret not having biological children and it's nowhere near as easy for them to have children as it is for women. And, men do keep there private "issues" to themselves as opposed to us women telling our gal friends damn near everything that goes on in our lives. And yes "some" women don't yap about it at all but seem free to tell the world how perfect they are anyway.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 133
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/1/2013 8:04:22 PM

I'm pretty sure it never crosses a woman's mind that having children might be of great emotional importance to some men......


not at all.

my ex-fiance made it painfully aware when he dumped me one month after my doctor sat us down and explained that would never been able to bear a child.

he refused to consider adoption - no discussion.
 smart_funny_creative
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 134
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 1:06:31 AM
I feel fortunate that I made good decisions in my life, including NOT to marry the wrong person, just to say that I have. I feel that many divorced people got married to have children. ..and once that task is over they find a new woman for the new priority. . . . so those are the ones most likely "to never marry again" in my opinion. So I am glad I never had a kid with a guy who wanted my womb more than he wanted a woman.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 135
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:26:05 AM
"I feel that many divorced people got married to have children. ..and once that task is over they find a new woman for the new priority. . . . so those are the ones most likely "to never marry again" in my opinion."

I don't know how you can say "people" got married to have children and then say when the deed is done "they find a new woman". This is saying only men move on to another conquest. This is just not fact; woman start divorce proceedings as well for whatever reason.

I can understand people saying they dodged a bullet by not marrying the wrong person, thing is, you wasted time on them as well, you just didn't go through a divorce. Many out there dumped the wrong person and then found someone you wanted to marry only to have it end up in divorce years later. A successful married is good luck and good management as well as two people being on the same page.

As for "sperm donors" and "wombs", we all make choices and hopefully they turn out to be the right choice. No one needs to be used. Men SHOULD be in charge of where their sperm ends up and a woman should be making that same decision regarding her womb. But I still agree that it is much harder for a man who is single and wants a biological child than it is for a woman.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 136
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:39:09 AM

my ex-fiance made it painfully aware when he dumped me one month after my doctor sat us down and explained that would never been able to bear a child.

he refused to consider adoption - no discussion.

Well that's brutal.

Cold comfort, but it's probably a good thing you didn't marry him. Yeesh.
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 137
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:29:30 AM
I feel for dreamfire and the others I know that are longing for marriage/kids/etc....thinking by now at their age they would be enjoying teenagers or grandchildren (or both). But I gotta ask these folk: Why the hell did you wait so long?

And No way my 39 y.o. friend would pick 'any guy' to have children with, buying sperm is unappealing to her also. So where does that leave her? Adoption perhaps?

A 43 y.o. guy I know is looking for a healthy intelligent woman for a family as he thinks it will somehow 'cancel out' the chance of his kids getting his ADD...lol. I try to tell him he has more problems than that - especially since every woman he meets (no matter her age) he immediately tells them he wants kids. No woman wants to be viewed exclusively as a baby-maker, and he can't figure out why women run from him? And he will not think of adoption either.

Either live your life thankful for what you already have or live it longing for something you don't. Your choice.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 10/30/2012
Msg: 138
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:30:36 AM

my ex-fiance made it painfully aware when he dumped me one month after my doctor sat us down and explained that would never been able to bear a child.


Practically reacting? Thank GOD (literally, metaphorically, and every which way plus loose) he dumped you! He would have been a hell (iterally, metaphorically, and every which way but loose) of a person to father your children and grow old with you.

Emotionally reacting? BIG HUG, Dear DB!
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 139
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:45:35 AM
I'm over 50, nver been married, no kids that I know of.

Here's what I've recieved on dating sites:
1. One woman posted, I'm wasting my time on the site. No woman would be interested in you, you have none of the life experiences (marriage, kids) that most woman look for in a man. You have nothing to share on it. Considering its a major part of a womans life, you have nothing to offer or understanding on your part. Boy that hurt. I thought it was awfull, but I couldnt argue the logic in it.
2. Another, obviously you must have all kinds of issues since you didnt do what most people do. I replied yes, you are right(I am a bit of a wise-ass). I love anal sex & sex with barnyard animals, so there. Those are my minor issues, care to hear the major ones? But I really wish I had settled down, her next letter was ballistic. Damm I figured that should turn her off and never hear from her again.
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 140
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 11:10:22 AM
^^^ Just goes to show that there are all kinds of idiots out there and yup, we do run across them more than we care to.

If I happen to run across a guy that has never been married or had children, so what. We all make life choices and maybe some of the choices I have made over my lifetime some may think they weren't quit up to their standards. Again, so what. It just weeds out the idiots. And they are only idiots as far as I'm concerned as one's person's idiot is another's fancy.
 MrShoesnchocolate
Joined: 1/14/2013
Msg: 141
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 11:15:11 AM

One woman posted, I'm wasting my time on the site. No woman would be interested in you, you have none of the life experiences (marriage, kids) that most woman look for in a man. You have nothing to share on it. Considering its a major part of a womans life, you have nothing to offer or understanding on your part.


This reminds me of a single mom I used to see . Sometimes she chose to go to lunch with a married dad she was friends with instead of me simply because they had the kid thing in common.

It stung, made me hear a voice in my head that said " looks like she CAN get enough of you ", but that was her choice and there wasn't a gulldern thing I could do about it.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 142
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:13:13 PM
thanks, all....

i do still have a visceral reaction when something happens that sets off whatever latent maternal instinct may be lurking in my reptilian brain. like last year when one of my best friends became a grandmother for the first time and came running up to me on a lunch date a couple of days after the event going "i'm a grandma, i'm a grandma", showing off pictures on her phone. there was a twinge or two and then i just smiled and nodded and cooed and said the things you're supposed to say when your best friend becomes a grandmother.

maybe the twinges will always be there, but i had hoped that the passage of 20 years would eliminate them...
 Bogie_Bacall474
Joined: 1/19/2013
Msg: 143
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:25:51 PM
"maybe the twinges will always be there, but i had hoped that the passage of 20 years would eliminate them..."

I feel for you Divine. And I'm thinking that many of both genders feel that "twinge" of what has not transpired in their lives, like not having children.
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 144
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:33:23 PM
I've heard the gay thing too. But I never go to an event alone, if there's co-workers or people that I'm not really friends with. This may sound awfull, but if I don't have a girlfriend or a woman I can ask handy, I hire as escort. And for everyone wondering, she's just an escort, a companion, not a hooker. And usually she's a 7 on scale but educated and classic dress/appearance.

And actually back in the day, when I lived in southeast florida, i was a walker for some woman in Palm Beach. Google it if not sure.
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 145
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:34:57 PM
Actually the only time I'd date a soccer mom, I live in the suburbs, is that we can engage in kinky sex in her minivan.
 ForumFiona
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 146
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 3:16:25 PM
Dreamfire: I understand being up front but at the same time, give someone a chance to get to know you before making such a big decision. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and not to be taken lightly.

I didn't wait, there's nothing available anymore but the abusively independent, mentally ill and the ones that can't get their crap together and want a man to be everything they are not.....

Sorry that you keep finding these kinds of women. Just chalk it up to the fact that you weren't a match?

OT: I enjoyed my neices, nephews and friends children and I knew what I was missing when I didn't have any. I am not disappointed nor do I have twinges today and that is likely not to change.
And I will never fault anyone for being over 45 and never married or married half a dozen times. It doesn't matter to me as its the person I'm more interested in.
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 147
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:12:38 PM
I will say this. If I ever got married, no way could I ever bathroom or closet. Actually when I built my house, the master does have his and hers bathroooms and closets. Essentially mirror images of each other, I had the master bath split, so I have 2 decent size ones, instead of one huge one.
 niceguyga2011
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 148
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:48:09 PM
I can sit and take care of business in privacy.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 149
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 7:58:53 PM

I'm thinking that many of both genders feel that "twinge" of what has not transpired in their lives, like not having children.


i think you're on to something, Ms B.
 demux21
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 150
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/2/2013 10:35:23 PM
The biggest problem I have had dating over 45 women who have never been married is the stories they tell about the people they have dated. If i were them I would be single forever as well. What I have found with a 3 women over 45 i dated that were fun relationships is they were not going to get married as long as they continue to not provide a place for the guy to be comfortable in their lives. You have to create space by not announcing all the time how independent you are. You do not wait for a door to be opened, you d not have the ability to share a kitchen and cook together( there is nothing sexier than than cooking together and feeding each other at the same time), you loss the concept of holding hands, and you think when you pull into a gas station that something is wrong if you say "hey babe will you pump the gas". Share your independence! they were fun to date but you cannot marry someone that acts like your friend. If any of them called me tomorrow I would go out in a minute.
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