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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 45 & never married...............      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 158
Over 45 & never married...............Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

The biggest problem I have had dating over 45 women who have never been married is the stories they tell about the people they have dated. I would be single forever as well.


Well, if they are *that* negative on men in general, yeah, I wouldn't date them either, but its not like I don't have "stories" about the women I've dated either, if anyone cared to ask. Sure, I've been cheated on, lied to, probably taken advantage of, etc... damn, I'm 48y/o, at this age who hasn't had most of those things happen to them?


You have to create space by not announcing all the time how independent you are. You do not wait for a door to be opened, you d not have the ability to share a kitchen and cook together( there is nothing sexier than than cooking together and feeding each other at the same time), you loss the concept of holding hands, and you think when you pull into a gas station that something is wrong if you say "hey babe will you pump the gas".


Wow... well, I don't care about how "independent" she is, I'll try to be offering to cook on occasion, I'd love to hold her hand, and when we pull into a gas station I'd probably be *offering* to pump the gas (if it was even a question). I guess I don't get the point - when I love someone I *want* to do things for them - I'm not sitting around worrying about how I "expect" them to react to me wanting to do those things, or whether they thing its 'wrong' for me to do those things for them... they're welcome to refuse/argue it, but I offer/do because I care, not because I'm expecting them to react in some specific way.
 wt1
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 159
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/13/2013 4:37:55 PM

How many here feel like they're from another planet for never being married by now?


Not cheated. You play the cards you're dealt and live the life you have chosen.
I realise I've missed somethings that so many people have gained from. But have to move onward.



At 47 - I'm losing hope of ever finding someone nice.


Don't do that to yourself. Just keep living the life and being the best you you can be.
Doesn't anyone you'd be with deserve that?
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 160
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/13/2013 5:25:14 PM
To me its weird to see all my friends married or still dating.
I got a few friends who will break up with a gal and in 1mo have another one.
They make it look so easy.

Must be nice to have that ability..............................................................................................
 MixNBA
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 161
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/16/2013 2:35:38 PM
When any of my relatives ask me why I've never been married, I respond quickly: "The right guy hasn't come along yet." That always stops the conversation right in its tracks.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 162
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/19/2013 10:09:34 AM

How many here feel like they're from another planet for never being married by now?


Never being married is just one of the reasons I feel like I'm from another planet.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 163
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/19/2013 2:49:46 PM

How many here feel like they're from another planet for never being married by now?
I've been on this site almost since its inception. I've been a reader of the forums the entire time. The knowledge that I have gained from reading the various and assorted threads is there appears to be a certain hierarchy expressed, perceived or alluded to as it pertains to one's marital status.

Widow(er)s: Top the list at the most coveted position. No noticeable negative "red flags". Perfection in marital status terms.

Still Married and Not Looking: Hold the "second best" position. No noticeable negative "red flags". Almost perfection in marital status terms.

Divorced: Viewed with skepticism but still can be viewed has having at least some respect for giving a marriage/relationship a try. Not many, if any, noticeable negative "red flags". Usually in goodstanding in marital status terms if the number of divorces is not excessive. If there are too many divorces under their belt, then they drop down a notch in marital status terms.

Still Married and Looking: Not really the most respected but there is some acceptance. This may garner a "red flag". Not ideal in marital status terms.

Never Married: This is the bottom of the barrel position. This is the worst possible marital status one could have. Those in this position cause "red flags" to fly high. Often the red flags are many and varied but the bottom line amongst some who post in these forums is that never marrieds should be avoided at all costs because they are perceived to be complete and total failures in life and who are unable to commit, sustain a relationship, they are just plain weird or defective so nobody wanted them and they probably have cooties too!

Is it any wonder why never marrieds often feel like they're from another planet? Nope, it's no wonder.

The above are my observations of the attitudes shown by many of the forumites from the many years spent reading all the bravado and baloney that is written in these forums.

Gotta go....I'm off to buy some bug spray!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 164
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/19/2013 3:18:40 PM

Few women have the appearance if Grace Kelly,


Grace Kelly has been dead for 30 years, I don't think I'd be interested in someone with her appearance.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 165
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/19/2013 4:05:45 PM
If we can't be up beat about life in general,what's the point?From another planet?
Isn't that sinking a little low.I tell people if they want to get a pulse of the dating over 40 scene
to come here and read a few posts.
Two friends told me that they're surprised how ugly people can really be to people they
don't even know.She told me there's your road rage.They both agreed taking advice and reading
this stuff is really unhealthy!
 OceanStar66
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 166
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/23/2013 3:00:04 AM
How many here feel like they're from another planet for never being married by now? How many people think that married has-beens have a totally different mindset and are almost impossible to develop a bond with?At 47 - I'm losing hope of ever finding someone nice.

I have been thinking the exact same thing as I approach 47. I have never been married and yes, I do feel like I am from another planet...I feel like I have been left out of one of life's rite of passage, which is marriage. It seems like all of my friends from the past have already been married, whether they are together with their spouses or not, which most of them still are, over twenty years later. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I missed out on this event in my lifetime, and I truly feel like it is too late for me to find true love and marry now. I have alot of love to give and truly want to be happy, but men around my age have 'been there, done that' and refuse to go down that road again, even though I am clearly not their ex, but they seem to think we women are all the same, that we are all gold diggers who only want their money and I am not a materialistic person so this is saddening to me that I cant find love based on the assumption that I will take their money and run and leave them heart broken...if anything, it has been quite the opposite for me in that I have been the one used due to my over generous nature and I have been the one hurt and crying in regards to relationships...but I keep on trying, searching for my true love, the man who will respect me, the man who will be my best friend and my lover, the man who will actually want to spend time with me and get to know what a good woman I really am, the man who will be my King, the man who will treat me like the Queen I am....I really want to have hope and faith but the older I get and the men I come into contact with make me believe they are all just too scared to take that chance again. I for one am willing to take that chance, not just with any man, but with the right man...so tell me, where oh where can he be...sigh....I sooo hear you sister...
 OceanStar66
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 167
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/23/2013 3:05:43 AM
...and for the record, I have been engaged twice in my lifetime, but both times it was me that realized they were not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...so in retrospect I think that maybe I should have married them, just so I could be part of the general population who has also 'been there, done that'...but I know they both would have ended in divorce...and I am seeking a marriage that will last for the rest of our lives, a healthy relationship would be so nice for a change...
 funny4uwannatry
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 168
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/23/2013 5:45:33 AM
I am very weary of men over 45 who have never married or raised children. Why? They lived a different lifestyle than me. I have devoted my life to others( husbands, children) while they have devoted their lives to themselves. I have dated three such men, all of whom were selfish and had a very difficult time understanding that not every minute of my time and day could be devoted to their happiness. Before some of you start screaming, Not every single person is this way, I am only stating my personal experience with dating those over 45 and never married. One of these men I dated over 10 years ago.. he is still single and put another women through the whole commitment phobic nightmare. The second one is also still single. The third, guess what, still single. For someone like me who is looking for a LTR with commitment, this kind of man is not for me at all. Just my personal experience, I am not saying all single men are like this, just the ones I personally knew.
 HelenBackAgain
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 169
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/23/2013 9:25:46 AM

I'm not a religeous man but I firmly believe that if I make those vows that I will really mean them and I only want to make them once.

I feel the same way.

Well, except for the "man" part...
 suds00
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 170
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/23/2013 10:02:52 AM
i was married in my 30's to someone who really didn't love me.this was because i have a handicap and thought i'd never marry.well we battled for 11 years.now i'm 63 and alone.i don't feel that i'll ever meet someone.
 seafoodandeatit
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 171
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/25/2013 4:58:12 AM
why buy a cow when you can get your milk for free?
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 172
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:29:14 AM

seafoodandeatit
why buy a cow when you can get your milk for free?

With that 'tude, I'm sure you'll find a future Ex-Wife some day, but I doubt you'll be able to hold her for long.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 173
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/26/2013 3:18:39 PM

why buy a cow when you can get your milk for free?


Most of the milk I have gotten for free was evaporated to dryness in a heated drum, I had to reconstitute it with my own potable water supply, and it had an over cooked flavor.

And I enjoy doing my own milking.
 seafoodandeatit
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 174
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/27/2013 4:27:03 AM
grammer: you cant find a Ex-Wife you have to find a wife first!
Next: you presume i want a wife?
Why would I want to make that mistake again!
Its 2013 now! so as with a lot of male and females you dont need to
have a ring on your finger to be happy with someone.
 itsmetxgirl
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 175
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:57:11 PM
Yeah, I can relate. I'm 48 and have not been married and do want to find the right connection so we can settle down . I would say that since my late 20's or so I've wanted to find "the one" and get married. I like kids a lot, too, and do wish I had kids of my own. But I am not sure about adoption or fostering in the future.

But I totally agree with you -- today dating is really something else!! It seems that nowadays many of the men online are not willing to take the time to get to know a woman a little bit before talking online or going out. I have seen that frequently -- men talking with romantic one liners (this is truly "playing games," I think). It seems they are leading me on and then if I write back, I often don't hear back from them. Confusing!!

Also, I like talking on the phone fairly quickly after communicating online, since I think it can help two people see if they connect. Then, I think that after some good conversation on the phone, a face to face date is good. I recently talked by email and then on the phone for a couple of hours with one guy I met online. I thought he seemed nice and that we had many similarities. A few days later he stood me up on our dinner date -- he didn't even text or call to cancel ahead of time. At the time we were supposed to meet, I texted and got a quick reply from him saying he met a wonderful woman the night before and he couldn't make it to our date. I felt disappointed and definitely not respected -- what man over 40 would be so disrespectful?

Anyways, I have fallen for a few guys I met online. I met them in person and dated them for a while (one as long as little over 2 yrs). But there were always issues with them -- substance abuse, lying, etc. I sure hope there are some genuinely good character men out there somewhere!! I agree with your statement -- rare to see a guy with integrity!!

As far as divorced people's view of marriage -- I think it varies from person to person. Some men have a very cautious approach to marriage since they were hurt and disappointed from divorce. But some divorced men are amicable with their exes and therefore are more positive about marriage in the future.

I hope you will find the right one for you! I hope, too, I will find the man I've been waiting for!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 176
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:11:55 PM

I sure hope there are some genuinely good character men out there somewhere!! I agree with your statement -- rare to see a guy with integrity!!


Speaking of integrity, in her (itsmetxgirl) profile:
"If I don't respond back, I don't think we are a good match."
If a guy goes through the trouble of looking at your profile, and there's some attraction and makes initial contact with you, and you immediately delete and ignore him without a "thanks but no thanks", who is the one that lacks integrity?
 brutis12
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 177
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/1/2013 3:27:35 AM
You sound like a very grounded person. Thanks for your thoughts.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 178
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:28:57 PM
I agree jersym. I have seen quite a few "long time marrieds" who are in highly dysfunctional relationships, but, they're "married"......sad.
 tpphilips
Joined: 2/4/2013
Msg: 179
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:44:19 AM
Why not, scared someone will hurt u
 DEUCE956
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 180
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Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/3/2013 8:47:15 AM
I understood many years ago that no woman would want me so I have no regrets about never getting married or having kids. I couldn't do that to a child anyway, having me as a father.
 14everBlessed2
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 181
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/3/2013 11:10:16 AM
I also have experienced what you have gone through Miss Divine.(message 155, etc.) I found out when I was eighteen and going in the military that I had some problems, and was infertile. ( I won't go into all the medical crap) I doubted my worth as a woman and who would want someone who couldn't have children( especially at that young of an age?) But I met a man who did not care and we married. Discussed options and considered adoption, but we were young and decided to wait. And then we divorced...was a relief that I was not a single mother (kudos to all who are) having to raise a child by myself (or not, think the ex would have been good about that). My children are the children of the world, have sponsored 9 children through the Christian Childrens fund.... (now children international, it's more PC I guess) and I am Miss Terrie," the popsicle lady "to the neighborhood kids, have 3 nieces and nephews and 8 grandnieces and nephews and have the love to share to them all.I have had that twinge of envy when a friend was a new mom, haven't experienced the joys and pain of pregnancy and have been looked at like I had 2 heads when someone wonders why I never had children.It's OK to mourn that. Remember there are people who are parents that should have never had children and some that can't have children that CAN be the best parents...(albeit not physically.) Good Luck sweetie!
 afitdancer
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 182
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 3/10/2013 12:25:47 PM
I have been close to marriage; engaged and she broke it off. At this stage in my life hope still burns because I still know that I am a good guy with a lot to offer.

At this point in my life I find myself with a number of divorced people in my life who now harbor a certain level of disdain for the opposite sex now because of it. Not all have those feelings, but a larger number. That gets to be the challenge.

I once had a friend say, without thinking because I was not married, "If you are not married at 30, there is something wrong with you." He is now divorced. ...
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