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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 237
Just looking for friendsPage 11 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

I'd agree with you if I was looking to date casually with no intention of having a relationship. I'm seeking mutual devotion and I'm prepared to be single for a long, long time until I find it. Plenty of wine and hand lotion here:)

Most people in long term mutually devoted relationships have friends and activities outside their SO/spouse. Typically, it's not healthy not to. If you're looking for someone to quit your job, hobbies and lose your friends for who will do the same, that's fantastic - but it's not the norm. Giving your friends some value isn't just for casual daters - temporarily or long term.

I'm looking for a mutually clingy experience. We'll drop everything to be together and cross the sands of time.

You own a copy of The Notebook, right?

I respect your powerful feminine ego and have witnessed your tear downs here in the forums...easy does it ma'am..no showdown desired here:)

My post has nothing to do with ego or power - it has to do with loyalty. I'm not tearing you down or looking to debate - I'm responding to your post; it insinuates that having friendships and wanting to keep them while involved means you're not serious about dating. Again if your friends don't really mean that much to you and they're just around because you're single, that's fine - in that case it makes a lot more sense to have your point of view.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 238
Just looking for friends
Posted: 3/17/2014 7:40:21 AM

WIP: Most people in long term mutually devoted relationships have friends and activities outside their SO/spouse. Typically, it's not healthy not to. If you're looking for someone to quit your job, hobbies and lose your friends for who will do the same, that's fantastic - but it's not the norm.


There are a lot of cases where a person is getting a job transfer-usually as a part of a job promotion-where they and their spouse and kids (if they have any) have to move to a far away city, away from friends and relatives, where they don't know anyone, and have to try to start their social lives all over again. I know people where their job transfer was to another country. I think it's common in the military for the possibility of getting transferred to anywhere on the planet. Are these people not healthy because they moved away from their neighborhood-away from friends and relatives?
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 239
Just looking for friends
Posted: 3/17/2014 7:53:04 AM

There are a lot of cases where a person is getting a job transfer-usually as a part of a job promotion-where they and their spouse and kids (if they have any) have to move to a far away city, away from friends and relatives, where they don't know anyone, and have to try to start their social lives all over again. I know people where their job transfer was to another country. I think it's common in the military for the possibility of getting transferred to anywhere on the planet. Are these people not healthy because they moved away from their neighborhood-away from friends and relatives?


I think there are very different things at play. One thing a person is being ASKED to transfer, where it is job related.

The other is a personal choice of a person to walk away from their friends and family and codependently ONLY interact with the new SO.

I think she is saying that a healthy outlook will have BOTH the new SO in a person's life; but without fully disengaging from the rest of their friends and family. Sharing ALL of a life is much healthier than closing a life off from everything except what has to do with one specific person. It narrows it down too much; and the infusion of other people's energy, perspectives and activities can only be a good thing to be added to a couple's plate, not something that will only take away from it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 240
Just looking for friends
Posted: 3/17/2014 8:20:02 AM

There are a lot of cases where a person is getting a job transfer-usually as a part of a job promotion-where they and their spouse and kids (if they have any) have to move to a far away city, away from friends and relatives, where they don't know anyone, and have to try to start their social lives all over again. I know people where their job transfer was to another country. I think it's common in the military for the possibility of getting transferred to anywhere on the planet. Are these people not healthy because they moved away from their neighborhood-away from friends and relatives?

Moving for a job and taking a family you already have created with you is very different from dating someone and not bothering with friends and family in the same area because you live to revolve around your SO (and your SO expects you to put him/her before all else including your job, your family, your friends, yourself, your hobbies, etc).

Also, in the case you described you'd make new friends and visit family - you wouldn't be isolating yourself from them on purpose.

I think there are very different things at play. One thing a person is being ASKED to transfer, where it is job related.The other is a personal choice of a person to walk away from their friends and family and codependently ONLY interact with the new SO.

Exactly.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 241
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/5/2014 2:06:09 PM
The reality is that, in the past 20 year or so, American women have been allowed to be indulged in their own B.S.

When men give a woman the whole "Just looking for friends............" speech, it's blatantly obvious what is going on.

When women give the speech to men, it's code for, "Like 90%+ of all women, I am deathly afraid of rejection AND being direct and rejecting a man." Therefore, I give you the one-sided friends nonsense (because, REALLY, what the hell does the man get out it?)

"Real friendships are reciprocal in nature; otherwise, you have an opportunist and a fool."

Real 'friendships' are NEVER initiated via verbal offers.

The only possible exceptions would be an attractive woman who is going to be your wing-woman
and/or
she is not attracted to you, but is willing to campaign and co-sign for you, with her girlfriends, acquaintances, and co-workers. So, while she is not attracted to you (which is fine), she is willing to assist you in meeting eligible, single women who may be attracted to you.

The way I see it, my "friendship" is only available to a woman who wants to bang me
or
is willing to assist me in finding eligible, single women who want to bang me.

Realistically, what else is there that a female 'friend' is going to offer me, that I can't get from a male 'friend'? Again, realistically, a man is more likely to have similar interests as me, and even more importantly, my experience is, though you will have to twist his arm, a guy will still hang out with you when he is in a relationship, WHEREAS, in MY experience, when your female 'friend' meets a guy that she is banging, the so-called, "friendship" goes down to like 19th on her list of priorities.

It fills an emotional void for the female, but what the hell is in if for the man?
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 242
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/5/2014 6:12:01 PM
For me a female friend offers more than just sex, or hooking me up with other women. Yes the idea that a woman's opinion is there, but I treat them just as I would a guy friend. Hang out, talk about similar things, watch similar shows, play various games (video, board, card, what ever). Women are just as capable of being 'one of the guys' as any male can. And even though just because women share the same gender, does not mean they understand other women either. Men are easier to understand for the most part, when you stop over thinking it.

-------------------story-----------------------

I recently had a woman friend that I reconnected with after more than a decade apart (she moved back to this area) who introduced me to her then boyfriend. Of course he was as laid back as I am. He had suspicions that some guys she had around were there for more than just hanging out. Of course I was occasionally there for hanging out, and I would stay longer than I typically wanted just to wait for him to get home from work to spend a bit of time with him too, rather than skipping out. Long story short, they broke up after she had started going off on me as if I was "just trying to get into her pants" (his repeating of her words). Needless to say she burned the bridge herself, and he and I are still friends hanging out once in awhile. It really is her loss, because platonic love is for real. It may be rare, but it does exist. Most of the time we talked about what ever. The Walking Dead, her arrow head collection, various music groups. Never once did I try to get close, make seductive moves on her or any other "I'm hitting on you" actions. Now of course she had some chemical dependency problems that caught up with her finally, even after her then boyfriend and I warned her about it. She is now supposedly in MN married to some 23y old guy (she is 33), I am guessing to hide out from the prosecution that awaits her here. She started her tirade against me just before Thanksgiving of 2013. They broke up right before Christmas, and she got herself in trouble with the law in late Feb, and is now hooked up with a guy way up north...... she has problems and its not likely going to end well......

Maybe it isn't good for men and women to be friends, maybe it is. This one example though is mostly caused by a woman being a loose cannon to begin with.... sometimes just got to take your chances, or not.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 243
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/5/2014 9:46:16 PM
There are way more men/women looking for a relationship/dating than looking for friends. So why be a doormat and choose someone that can't be direct about their intentions?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 244
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/6/2014 8:37:39 AM

American women have been allowed to be indulged in their own B.S.


No, we worked though sociopolitical, socioeconomic and sociocultural channels to EARN the right to be treated as first class citizens on our own merits rather than mere possession of a penis.

because, REALLY, what the hell does the man get out it?

I don't know about anybody else, but I get alot of value and enjoyment out of my friendships with people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.
Women are people, not just life support systems for a vagina. The fact that I have to SAY this, in the year 2014, simply reveals the fact that some men either didn't get the memo, or couldn't see past their erection to READ it.
This website is meant to help people find sociosexual activities, and what type those are-as long as no laws are being broken and coercion is not involved, ought to be up to the individual member. If you don't like what somebody's looking for, don't read their profile. Don't continue communicating with someone who isn't on the same page as you are.
It ain't rocket science.
Cindy O
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 245
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/6/2014 7:20:13 PM
Cheers Cindy O.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 246
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/6/2014 7:38:53 PM

miketheAwesome wrote:

When a girl tells you she just wants to be friends, there's some fatal relationship/attraction landmine you stepped on and she wants no part of you but wants an emergency exit established.


Either that, or she wants to be friends with benefits.......... Although, my own experience has taught me otherwise.
 *Eiledon*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 247
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/11/2014 3:17:49 AM
...Reminds me of a conversation I overheard on the street years ago back home:

"Girlfriend! 'Aint seen you in days! What a cute baby! Is the daddy your boyfriend?"

"Nah, he's just a friend..."

'Friends' apparently has come to mean different things to different people ; )
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 248
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/15/2014 10:38:39 AM
Message them. If they're only looking for friends, what's stopping them from answering you?

Truth is, there's way more to it. Some girls use it to have a guy to call when ever they're in that mood. Some use it to have guys to do things for her... It's rare that you're going to see someone looking for friends who truly is looking for friends. If they really wanted just friends, then the fact that you two have everything in common should be enough, if she's still not talking to you, the truth is either sex or a goal of a relationship. Friends tend to not have these requirments behind them.
 captainharlock
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 249
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/1/2016 8:59:20 PM
"Just looking...."

He is mad as hell that they never let him enjoy his dinner

All these calls trying to sale him something, or telling him to vote for him or her, or this or that.

He hangs up with violence, and declares:

-- "No more nice guy".

He wants revenge.

-- "Payback time, lil Indian baby"

He googles the number of the Home Shopping Network and dials.

1-800-284-3900

-- "Home Shopping Network, may I help you?"

That accent.... most likely from Bangalore, if not Bangalore then Hyderabad

He smiles....

Or rather, he grins, to be precise

--"Nah...... just looking"
 captainharlock
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 250
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/1/2016 9:00:34 PM
He probably needs someone to press her shirts
 prime ribb
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 251
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/2/2016 9:57:41 AM
One thing a guy should remember is that he has options just like the woman he's talking to. If you're not looking for that from her, be upfront and let that be known. Don't let her throw you off course as to what you're looking for and if she isn't down with it, fine.

Personally, at this point time with me, unless it's a FWB I'm not interested. I value my time and I know what I want.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 252
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 6:18:48 AM
someone will probably come along to ask if you've tried meetup.com yet. you can even host your own group in your own interest/hobby/etc.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 253
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 7:05:24 AM

Im looking for friends.

Got no interest in dating what so ever. What about it?


Going to a dating site just to look for friends is like going to a steak house to look for vegetarians.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 254
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 11:53:42 AM

Got no interest in dating what so ever. What about it?

You're barking up the wrong tree going to a dating site like POF. As this one says:

Going to a dating site just to look for friends is like going to a steak house to look for vegetarians.

And another analogy, more closely related to your situation -- would be like a wholesome Christian who wants sex to wait until marriage or engagement, but going to the sex-meetup site "Adult Friend Finder" to find someone that sees things the same way as she does. What in the World would make you think it'd be the place to do that? :)

I think what you may mean is -- and I hope you are -- is that you're looking for no romance, no "date dates", nor any intention or expectation to go steady with anyone at all ... but where you also are not expecting something purely Platonic either. A friend-but-more-than-friends sorta situation... but making it Sound like "just friends", because, well, you want that too, to expand your social connections just the same.

But if one believes they Are looking for something Only pure-platonic, when going on a dating site -- I think they're lying to themselves underneath it all. I hope you're not in that dept. Again, it'd be like someone going on the find-a-sex-friend Adult Friend Finder, and with the intent of only having PG-rated wholesome dating from the Ozzie & Harriet era.
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 255
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 1:54:40 PM
People who say they are looking for friends are being upfront and direct about it.

When a person says they want "just friends" my response is that they will date the right person, that person needs to take the time get to know them on a personal level, after an undetermined period of time said person who says "just friends" might develop sexual attraction to them. It's not definite and there is no guarantee. Now they say "just friends" cause telling someone you need a deep emotional connection before developing a sexual attraction really does not go over well with your date. You don't want to discourage them but at the sametime, don't want them to get hopes up either, so they say "just friends".

Others are not ready to commit or be involved emotionally and physically with someone as of yet for their own reasons, they put it there don't give to much information about themselves. They are private and really are uncomfortable in the whole situation but want to re-establish a social connection with new people, maybe if the right person comes along might rethink their friends first until then their browsing.

Should a person who has no intention on buying clothes be in a clothing store? Their browsing no harm no foul their not hurting anyone.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 256
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 2:17:15 PM
OP "When a girl tells you she just wants to be friends, there's some fatal relationship/attraction landmine you stepped on and she wants no part of you but wants an emergency exit established.

When someone is "just looking for friends" they're establishing right off the bat 'whatever happens happens but I have the right to go 'hehe you're a mistake.""

Then again, at my age, it might just mean I don't want to co-habitate, dating relationship only.

"So why be a doormat and choose someone that can't be direct about their intentions?"

How much more direct can I be than STATING "I WON'T COHABITATE" BEFORE WE MEET?

BIG SIGH!

I do realize how many,many men think a women is just looking to be owned by a penis.

BIG SIGH!
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 257
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 2:37:50 PM
^^^hahahah moraima

I do realize how many,many men think a women is just looking to be owned by a penis.


...oh oh >>

many many men think
women are just waiting
looking
anticipating
(almost salivating!)

waiting in their
heart of hearts
(bless men's dear demented hearts)
waiting to be honed and owned
by a man's penis

;-)
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 258
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/14/2017 2:40:51 PM
^^^above---could not edit

should say
...oh oh>>feel a poem coming on~
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 259
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/16/2017 1:19:26 PM

People who say they are looking for friends are being upfront and direct about it.

On a dating site in their profile? I totally disagree. Rarely are they. On an individual basis, to someone who writes them and they're not-interested but is open to convo to the person writing them, they could tell them that and it'd be upfront & direct, sure. But just looking for friends in a profile? 95% of the time, if they're not directly BSing the reader, they're BSing themselves.

When a person says they want "just friends" my response is that they will date the right person, that person needs to take the time get to know them on a personal level, after an undetermined period of time said person who says "just friends" might develop sexual attraction to them.

I highly disagree. When they say that, it usually does Not mean they actually Want to be friends with you if they aren't already social-group friends. And if they are, they want to keep it that way, and more often than not, have more Distance after you show your cards of interest to them (which they lack). It's a polite expression, is all it is. For most, it means "If the situation was right, At Most, I could develop a friendship." One should not be so naive and biased to their emotions, thinking that it can often mean "If the situation was right, I could develop sexual attraction with you." That's false hope one would have, and 99% of time, the person who says they want to just be friends does Not have any intent, thoughts, or feelings that they could develop sexual attraction. The times where that line is said -- and it does cross the platonic line at some point -- is when there WAS some attraction, but Not Enough. If All they said was they just want to be friends in response to them -- yet that happens, they're likely not in-touch with their own emotions very well.

You don't want to discourage them but at the sametime, don't want them to get hopes up either, so they say "just friends".

Saying you want to just be friends IS discouraging them, black & white. :) Being upfront & direct would be saying "I'm not feeling it as far as wanting to date or anything... But I think you're kinda cute, you seem cool... so we can become friends and keep in touch, meet up with your friends & my friends." That's letting them know it's not written off, so it's not a full-blown just-friends card dealt to ya. Thing is, if the guy already had no social connections to her, nor a big crush, he's wisely not going to want to Chase her at all. She's just not that into you -- plain and simple. You could maybe get a drunken makeout session at some point, but the liklihood is is that's all you'll get.

Should a person who has no intention on buying clothes be in a clothing store? Their browsing no harm no foul their not hurting anyone.

By that rationale, it's OK for a gal to use a guy for male-attention, and just male attention, having no intent of "buying" -- ie crossing the platonic plain. There's no harm in window-shopping... but if you keep coming back over and over again to check stuff out -- you gonna ever buy something or what? Working at the store, I'd ask: Are you the type to buy-to-wear-one-night-then-return-it-next-day? :)

When someone is "just looking for friends" they're establishing right off the bat 'whatever happens happens but I have the right to go 'hehe you're a mistake.""

Oh, I do not see that trend at all IRL. But yeah, online, it can certainly be their intent without saying it. Which is why I say at the top of my post here -- it's not upfront & direct. It could be a gal who's thinking about breaking up with her BF and needs to rationalize why it's OK to hop on a dating site ("I'm just looking for friends!" [wink wink to self]).

But yeah, those who PLAY the "just looking for friends" route on a Dating Site (which is different than telling an individual who expresses interest that you want to be Just Friends) -- it's much the same as the Bogus "friends first" Game. I compare it to a football play -- "running the option". The QB gets the hike, and moves forward, and on-the-fly decides whether he runs forward with it, or pitches it off to the side to someone else. A gal in this mode can have no interest in the other person, but play the "I said I wanted just friends" after the guy gets frustrated after a few outings, paying, but no kiss. And if the timing & mood is right, sure, she'll go in the more-than-friends direction. She gets to make up her mind on-the-fly and think she can roll how she wants with no penalty. Guys can do something similar, but it'll be just-fooling-around VS actual dating.

Then again, at my age, it might just mean I don't want to co-habitate, dating relationship only.

Just looking for friends does not all mean nor imply "I don't want to move in with a boyfriend". Come awn. :)

How much more direct can I be than STATING "I WON'T COHABITATE" BEFORE WE MEET?

Yeah, but who's expecting to move in together before you meet (or even meat)? It's direct, but, not really answering any questions anyone would have. One saying they're just looking for friends, again, does not mean "I don't move in with guys before I meet them."
 U21984
Joined: 2/17/2017
Msg: 260
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/16/2017 1:34:10 PM
Lordy! You guys know NOTHING yet write a BOOK about it.

haha

There is NO friends between a woman and a man. Except maybe w/your buddy's wife.
But, I have had them want to WIDE THE WAVE with me, too!

Of course I said no.

Just get in shape and give girls want they want. You know! heh heh haha

This place is NOTHING but losers – not counting me and a few other guys, of course!
They have the WORST advice. hahahah
It is an assemblage of the HUGEST LOSERS in all the Internet.
Everyone knows it- Google =POF FORUMS= People have known about this place for 10 years and running! LOL
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