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 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 30
Just looking for friendsPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I have to agree with the OP. Cluttering up a dating site with people just looking for friends is annoying if your actually on a dating site looking for a date.

I have had some people message me that I would definitely be interested in. Then I see on their profile. O "I'm just on here looking for friends" ahhhhhh. Go somewhere else.

I don't even bother replying.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 31
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 7:26:56 PM

I have had some people message me that I would definitely be interested in. Then I see on their profile. O "I'm just on here looking for friends" ahhhhhh. Go somewhere else.

I don't even bother replying.

There are literally dozens of forum threads discussing this topic and the only agreement is that the term "friends" in a profile is ambiguous. You don't even have the balls to respond and find out what she meant. So she shows interest enough to message you first and you don't even reply because she's looking for "friends"?

And how does anyone 'clutter' up a site that has advanced search? You filter that out.Duh. How stupid are you?
 CrimsonRealityXRS
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 32
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:11:51 PM
I have my profile listed as looking for friends right now, because I really don't have a lot of free time, and I just really don't want a relationship at this time. It's great that some people have lots of friends. I'm one of those people that doesn't have plenty of GOOD friends to go around. My definition of friends does not translate into friends with "benefits" either.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 33
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:13:25 PM
If a profile clearly states, that "I am just here looking for friends to hang out with " I do not reply. There is nothing ambiguous about that. Sometimes it is clearly stated. Yes, some people have "friends" listed and it's more ambiguous. Then I will investigate further.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 34
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:37:47 PM

because I really don't have a lot of free time, and I just really don't want a relationship at this time


To each his own....its not for me to judge..just trying to understand...

You dont have a lot of free time, you dont want a relationship, yet you have time to come on here and look for friends...

so...if you found a "friend" on here, how you could spend any time with them?..you have no time remember?...

anyway....just trying to understand...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 10:19:23 PM
"There are literally dozens of forum threads discussing this topic and the only agreement is that the term "friends" in a profile is ambiguous."

Thanks, yes I agree, with caveat that sometimes just looking for friends does just mean...that. It gets tiring trying to explain to someone my age, what friend means. Kinda like the definitions a former President...what does "is" mean.

If it involves a lengthy explanation...well crap. What an abysmal waste of time, I guarantee I could pluck any 8 y/o child out of fifth grade and they could successfully define what a friend is, because they probably have friends.

I remember an earlier internet experience of learning what friends with benefits was....no really. It's funny, now looking back, I had male friends...and when I realized what that was...leave it to grownups to screw up simple terms and concepts based on their sexual frustrations. Kids know what friends are, I know what friends are, and it'd be so much simpler and better, if members actually would be honest in what they want instead of coining ridiculous phrases....being a friend...I always thought that WAS a benefit! Friends you have SEX with...ehh..well it took awhile for that to sink in and then to swish the puke out of my mouth.

I like it when it's simple, just looking for friends means just that, and Lord knows it doesn't take too many emails or interaction to realize differently.

Good news is, I haven't thrown up in my mouth recently...well over that anyway.

And I'm not out of touch, I am a hiring manager, put out an ad...nada. Oh responses, totally not even close, apparently have rudimentary reading abilities applying for a position of a professional writer and researcher. Yeah I know, the quest for honesty is like the Holy Grail quest, and I'm not a knight or Sean Connery. Good movie though!
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 36
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/26/2010 7:00:18 AM

Some people like to try the friends or email option for a while when they are new to online dating and just want to see what goes on.


and again...to each there own, im just curious how much success they have. I find it interesting they would come to an online dating site, find someone who has the same intrests, take time to get to know them thru email, texting, phone, or whatever communication they use, go hang out a few times, and be "friends"

Your doing all the things you would do even if you were trying to find someone to date. I can just imagine looking at a womans profile and saying the following....

"wow, she is attractive, she loves sports, she has season tickets to the rockies, I have season tickets to the broncos, she plays softball, she plays racquetball, she plays poker, she has all the intrests as I do, I think I will message her to see if she wants to be my friend"

If the above happened why WOULDNT I date her?...I would spend all my energy and time finding someone who I like to NOT want to date ?....

look...to each there own, not for me to judge, I just cant imagine spending my time and effort to find woman I like to NOT want to date ...just saying...
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 37
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:20:24 PM
Usually people looking for friends are married, secretly married or don't want to hurt someone's feelings when they tell them "I just want you as a friend."
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 38
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 9:49:34 PM
Agree in the big picture, disagree in that there are exceptions. Sometimes people are not ready to date, but need to develop new connections. For me, this is one of those rare sites that worked well with my old smartphone, so I hung around when the interest in dating ended. Although new alternatives exist, I guess habit keeps pulling me back here. I still make new acquaintences and sometimes friends here. I rarely find the man who actually wants just a friend, but they exist.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:11:27 PM
Well, you are right about one thing....there really aren't any guys on here looking for friends. I was told that men join dating sites to either get laid or have a relationship.
That seems to be the case. What bothers me is so many men expect to have all that lined up before we even meet. Then if I do meet them, it seems that getting laid or having an instant gf is the agenda. With some guys, it's as if they are saying "I'm on a dating site seeking a relationship and you answered my email, so lets get this relationship going"

I honestly joined this site to meet people and make male friends. It goes without saying that if I spend enough time with a male that I have something in common with, something could develop. But, I don't want any first meet or first date to be about settling an agenda. I just want to meet a new person and see if we click conversationally and get along. Every guy I've met has been about getting to know a new person and I've had no expectations other than that. Where I've had difficulty is that a lot of guys have expressed not wanting to waste their time if "this" isn't going to go anywhere which is sad, putting expectations on an encounter to "go somewhere" kills the chance of it happening.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 40
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:01:52 PM

Agree in the big picture, disagree in that there are exceptions. Sometimes people are not ready to date, but need to develop new connections.



I rarely find the man who actually wants just a friend, but they exist.


Of course you're rarely going to find a man who wants to just be friend....they joined a DATING site to find a a date they will turn into a girlfriend, It boggles mind that their is peoplr=e who join a dating site and then start questioning why people aren't interested in anything but dating.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 41
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:45:13 PM
well i know im here to either get laid or find a relationship.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 42
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:13:14 AM
SOUL, I should have used "encounter" instead of "find" and perhaps should have clarified that I was speaking of the many men who have initiated contact with me who have chosen the looking for option of "friends" and have asserted "friends first" yet the reality was different.

As for your mind being boggled, or others having a whiney tantrum about forum and friend lovers on a "dating" site who "question" that others might actually be NOT looking for what their profile says they are looking for, my mind boggles that this crybaby rant keeps resurfacing. I began using PoF sometime in the late 90's, looking for a date. I see many familiar faces in the forums who have been around for years. PoF has always had the multiple choice options of looking for what, and those wanting something more serious can use these as tools to screen their search.

I have met many interesting acquaintences who have enriched my life, and I have found friends of both genders here, some local, some far away. I have gotten hate mail from men in their initial contact because of my preferences. That boggles my mind.

To all the crybabies who want me, and folks like me, to leave, PoF welcomes us, and has always made room for us. It is not wrong for each to want to do as they are want to do, it is wrong for each to force their wants upon others. I want to be in the forums. I want to meet people in a variety of ways, and this is one of them. I want an activity partner who is local. You want to find what you want to find. My wants do not get in the way of your wants and your wants do not bother me, unless what you want is me while I do not want you. So shut up and look for what you really want (using the screening tools that PoF provides and a few brain cells) and leave me, and those like me, alone.

It ain't rocket science.
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 43
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:58:42 AM

well i know im here to either get laid or find a relationship.


Why can’t you have both in one?

I have met many interesting acquaintences who have enriched my life, and I have found friends of both genders here, some local, some far away.


I have too, one of my best friends is a woman who I met on POF a few years ago, we had breakfast together on Saturday. I have since stopped with email long distant friends though, for me, they’re not fulfilling enough and a bit too fantasy like, I like real life interactions with my friends but doing the email friend stint for awhile was a learning experience I’m glad that I tried.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 44
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:59:38 AM

Where I've had difficulty is that a lot of guys have expressed not wanting to waste their time if "this" isn't going to go anywhere which is sad, putting expectations on an encounter to "go somewhere" kills the chance of it happening.


its not sad its COMMON SENSE. Why in the world would a guy want to waste his time and energy to go out with a female he is ATTRACTED to and have nothing happen?

It tells me that you are dating 5-10 other guys in my same boat, and it might be months or even years for you to "decide" if you want something more out of it. Meanwhile, Im will be attracted to you, will want to boink you, yet you still put the friendship wall up.

there is NOTHING wrong with what your doing..its called dating..I get it. I just find it odd that you find it odd that most guys wont put up with it.

Which goes back to my original point...
a man can ONLY be friends with a woman if the following applies..
1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you
3. He is getting sex from someone else he considers better than you

you dont just starting "hanging out" a few times for coffee and all of a sudden you have a friend....
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 45
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:14:57 AM
My profile says friends even though I'd ultimately like to find a long term relationship. But I think it's important to like the person before I commit to dating or anything else.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:18:09 AM
I still don't see how anyone can meet a stranger online and expect an immediate relationship. Dating online increases your chances of meeting people and thus of having a relationship but when you meet a stranger you shouldn't be thinking "Oh yeah, here's my bf or gf or I'm getting laid tonight." What I think and what I want the guy to think is "Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course. But if a guy comes across as desperate to get laid or to have a gf just to fill some void in his life, then I run.

I don't want to waste anyone's time, but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:37:23 AM
a man can ONLY be friends with a woman if the following applies..
1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you
3. He is getting sex from someone else he considers better than you


Really? I guess I didn't get that memo.
I'm not gay, and one of my best friends is a woman I am attracted to but wouldn't want a relationship with (and therefore, wouldn't have sex with even if she offered).
While your "rules" might be true for some, or even many men, it's definitely not true for all men.

But then again, I started on this site just looking for friends, and I actually made a couple.
So what would I know? ;)


"Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course.


+1
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 48
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:59:43 AM

I still don't see how anyone can meet a stranger online and expect an immediate relationship. Dating online increases your chances of meeting people and thus of having a relationship but when you meet a stranger you shouldn't be thinking "Oh yeah, here's my bf or gf or I'm getting laid tonight.


I agree, but many do think that. They think initial contact means “I’m in, let’s get this thing rolling” and this doesn’t apply to only men, I’ve had my share of women do this. But the truth is, a relationship does immediately begin, even if it’s just interest and attraction, there is still a trigger tripped, it’s the expectations that get so many in trouble.


" What I think and what I want the guy to think is "Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course. But if a guy comes across as desperate to get laid or to have a gf just to fill some void in his life, then I run.


Again, running is definitely an option that I too have taken. So what you think and what you want the guy to think? This is more about compatibility in a dating style because it’s already being projected that you want him to have an interest as you do, but you still want to be in charge of the speed and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you realize the other has a speed too. So what does “let’s see where this goes” mean? Isn’t there already a slight twinge of where one would like it to go in you if you said it? Do you really want to see where it goes with someone who you have no interest in? And I think the whole destiny line is a way to divert responsibility, the famous line “it just happened” I think is complete B.S.



I don't want to waste anyone's time, but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.


Well, it all depends on the aggressiveness or neediness of the person you’re meeting. There is always a seller and a buyer, and certainly enough of both to go around. So yes, my goal was to get to know someone and eventually get laid while continually getting to know someone and getting laid (at least when I was dating) because that’s what dating is about in the end for many before it becomes an established relationship. But I have also met women that I had no interest in getting laid by, but definitely an interest in getting to know, but I knew that very early.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 49
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:03:33 AM

" What I think and what I want the guy to think is "Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course. But if a guy comes across as desperate to get laid or to have a gf just to fill some void in his life, then I run.


Do you sign up for a marathon just to MAYBE cross the finish line or just hang out at the start line...or do you sign up with the intention of crossing the finish line?


I don't want to waste anyone's time, but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.


Whats wrong with having a goal of finding a girlfriend and coming on a DATING site to fulfill that goal? If some people want to come on a dating site to meet friends, thats fine, but you cant act shocked or miffed that the majority of people who's goal is to find someone to date and evolve into a relationship is using a site designed to accomplish that goal isnt interested in your goals of friendship.

People arent looking for insta-relationships....but they do want to invest time with someone who is on the same path with the same goals in mind.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 50
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:23:25 AM

but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.


I have a newsflash for you. If you have a guy that wants to date you, he wants to sleep with you. One of the reasons we are dating you is to HAVE sex with you. Yes, we want to get to know you, but a bigger reason why we like you and WANT to date you is to eventually have sex with you....
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 51
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:26:09 AM

I'm not gay, and one of my best friends is a woman I am attracted to but wouldn't want a relationship with (and therefore, wouldn't have sex with even if she offered).


I too have attractive females that are my friends. I wouldnt sleep with them. that is the difference. You fall right into one of my categories and didnt even know it.

My sister is a model, she is very attractive, and I tell my friends that I have a very attractive sister....I dont want to sleep with her either....that is the difference...
 cmd1957a
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 52
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:44:47 AM
Did it ever ocurr to anybody here that perhaps people that have "friends" listed initially came on here looking, have found somebody but still enjoy reading/posting to the forums? So they have changed it to "friends"? I personally changed it to talk/email after I met somebody.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 11:45:31 AM
It is code for................not looking for a relationship.

Many of us aren't interested in relationship/s/o live ins. We have no desire for those who are looking for those thing to contact us.


Thanks, that's the most honest answer I think I've ever seen here. Have recently been comparing folks I've met IRL (in real life) with online, and have been coming to the conclusion that online dating (and especially POF ) in fact mostly attracts people who really aren't all that interested in a "relationship" to begin with... exactly because online is so controlled, impersonal, uncommitted, unaccountable, and anonymous (none of which you typically associate with a "relationship"). Am also beginning to think that's really the "dirty little secret" about the internet in general, and online dating specifically.

But actually, I'm not even sure that many of those are really even looking for "friends" either (unless that's what you call total strangers you've met during a few chat room exchanges)!

Ahhh.... ain't technology grand!!
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 12:36:14 PM


I too have attractive females that are my friends. I wouldnt sleep with them. that is the difference. You fall right into one of my categories and didnt even know it.

My sister is a model, she is very attractive, and I tell my friends that I have a very attractive sister....I dont want to sleep with her either....that is the difference...


I think you misunderstood what I wrote. When I wrote that I am attracted to my friend, I didn't just mean that I find her attractive, as you might your sister. Rather, I meant that, If I were into casual or recreational sex, I most definitely would want to sleep with her. It's only because I feel we have differences in personalities and interests that would make a long term relationship difficult, that I wouldn't.
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