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 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 81
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Just looking for friendsPage 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

I tend to agree with people here. Coming to a dating site, for a friend, is kind of silly.

Yeah, they kinda make me think of dating "groupies" or even "fag hags", who just like to hang around the "scene" a lot, but don't play any, um, "instruments".
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 82
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:41:57 PM

"Friends" is there because it gives people the (silly) "Friends First" option... they want to kick it off as being LIKE Friends, as in not rushing into Dating, but at the same time -- it's still a Match-Making exercise, even though it's silly that way.


I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Friends first is nothing, but pure nonsense and is just a cop out for those wanting to get the milk for free.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 83
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 8:33:56 PM
I don't understand why some people worry so much about what other people are doing. Especially, if they get upset about it.

I figure people know what they want and have the right to have their lives exactly as they want it.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 84
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:54:30 PM

I agree.I was looking for "friends" for a long time.It gave me the excuse to say "hey,I told you right away that I was only looking for friends and nothing else" if I felt he wasn`t what I wanted


I don't blame you for doing that.

You shouldn't have to explain yourself or remind them that you're just looking for friends. When I see that on a woman's profile, unless they say they're in a relationship or married, I just assume they put it down to be a safety cushion for the guys that can't feel or get when a woman is just not that into you.
 Simon4567
Joined: 10/9/2010
Msg: 85
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:56:13 PM
whoa, forget the post above. i have a lot of grammar errors.

oh well, i hope people get what i was trying to say
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 86
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:08:56 PM

Geeze, four pages and more in other threads about a frikken whiiney crybaby problem. It is an option provided by the site maker. If you want the option removed so that you do not have to accidently waste a couple minutes of your precious time jacking off to someone who is not looking for a good shaggin from just any yayhoo, then take the argument up with the maker, whatever his name is. Tell him how you feel and those of us in transition or who started out dating but hang around because we continue to meet other friends or who have whatever reason for choosing not to date at this time. He can boot us out.

Is it really necessary to expend so much energy telling a group of people they are not welcome?



I dont know....was it necessary to expend so much energy telling a group of people that you think are "whiney crybabies" they are not welcome to be such?
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 87
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 6:43:36 AM
I get that this is a DATING site, but what befuddles me is the attitude of "I'm a man/woman on a dating site and you're a man/woman who accepted my coffee invitation, so now let's date...my place or yours.

That type of dating is way too desperate for me and desperation and neediness turn me off. Of course deep down I want to find someone and be in a relationship but I do not want the type of man who is so desperate for female attention that he needs to set up the sex/excusivity agenda before or during a first meet coffee date.

I like saying friends first because I'm hoping to meet a man who has a life and an agenda other than finding a woman.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 88
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 7:06:21 AM

I'm not going to fall in love with everyone I meet. That doesn't mean I might like them enough to be interested in having them as friends. The difference? Friends are people you like a lot but could never live with. OTOH, I've fallen for friends before - it's possible to find out that someone you thought was nice as a friend turns out to be such a gem, you fall in love with them.


I make it pretty clear on my profile that I'm not here to make friends. When we meet up in person I can generally tell right away whether or not I see myself in a relationship with a person. Mostly this serves to filter someone OUT rather than someone IN. Once you're in, I'm willing to see where things go.

What I won't do is tell someone I'd like to be friends and I don't want them to tell
me that either. If after a meeting neither one of us sees the possibility of something
moving forward in a romantic direction, I see no need to be friends.

I don't understand the whole thing about "friends first." I mean seriously, does
anyone actually date someone with the intention of turning it into a relationship
without thinking this person in terms of being a friend? I don't date or even hang
around people I don't consider my friends. I have a life that doesn't include a
significant other right now. I'm not sure what's wrong with having an "agenda"
that includes finding a significant other. That doesn't seem desperate to me at all.
What does seem desperate is looking for "friends" HOPING one of them will turn
into something more. Why not search for the something more first and skip the
middleman? I already have tons of "friends" in my life. I'm seriously not actively
searching out more.

But that's just me of course, I tend to be warped.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 89
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 7:19:58 AM
Nothing wrong with trying to make friends on here.

Only problem is, it's not really set up for that. It's nearly impossible to "target" people just looking to hang out and/or socially network. There are plenty of other websites much better set up to handle such things as networking or finding a kayaking club (for example).
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 90
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 7:47:08 AM
It's interesting to see the length (and passion) of this thread, over this apparently simple issue about being "friends" and dating.

Maybe it speaks to a question that's seldom directly asked.... just how much "intimacy" & "closeness" do we really want in a relationship (or can we handle)?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 91
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 8:05:18 AM
Something else I don't get.
People who question the content or the longevity of a thread.
The whole purpose of these forums is the threads. If people didn't
post to them, there would be no forum.

It was a simple question. But apparently there are no simple answers.
(which is usually the case for simple questions) People have varying points
of views and reasons for being here....and we discuss those points of views.
That's why we're here.

Or at least that's why I'm here.
I can't really speak to why others post to the forums.

And what I post in this thread (or any other for that matter) really has no
bearing at all on how much intimacy and closeness I want or can handle in
a relationship. Basically, my view is I don't come to these sites looking for
friends, but apparently others do.

VVV well you prove my point. I'm not "touchy" at all. I'm merely responding
to a post. I don't bring my touchy feelies to these forums...I just post what I'm
thinking...and I assume others do as well.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 92
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 8:22:20 AM
In fact some get touchy about even raising the question....
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 93
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/25/2010 7:55:08 PM
While I would agree that this is primarily, mostly and principally a dating site versus a social networking site, you still haven't convinced me that it is solely, exclusively, and strictly a dating site.

First, it's not "mostly" a dating site vs a social networking site. It's not a social networking site. It's that simple. How do you know? It's not constructed that way. The writing is literally on the wall. It's just as "strict" as a matchmaking site as Match is. Yes, it's that simple and obvious.

I haven't been into an Eddie Bauer store in a while, but the last time I happened to be in one, in addition to clothes, they also sold watches, knives, and a few other odd items.

But they're not. Of the literature BY POF around do you see anything about meeting platonic friends? No -- it's about "Date Night" and literature from David DeAngelo about sexual/romantic interactions... and rating someone -- not on how good of a bar buddy they'd be, but on (sexual) looks. There is NOTHING indicating that this is a place set for platonic setups.

USERS of the system will put that up there. This is a very relaxed, open Dating/Matchmaking site. You can meet for Intimate Encouters (which many times obviously do not require a 'Date'). It's about sexual/romantic -- ie not-platonic matching to a variety of aims & desires. It's not for straight guys to find straight guys at all. It's constructed in the OPPOSING way (ie opposite sex) of that.

Yes, you can end up making friends on a non-compatible situation between you and a gal, whether you were just emailing initially or hung out or went out on what you two would consider to be a Date. Making friends can be a byproduct of going to a Speed Dating event, too. But there's a difference between the situation you're at and what to use it for your intent.

It was only after reading multiple profiles of people looking for just friends or to hang out, and after reading some threads in the forums that I realized it could be used as such.

First, "hanging out" being an option on a DATING SITE that's identified and labeled as a Dating Site, plastered all over every nook and cranny of it, in no way implies something Platonic, nor implies any exception. You not realizing even that reflects why you can't understand the other very few slightly-less-obvious things.

Friends as an option is probably your best bet. Not Single/Not Looking means "I'm not single, don't bother, I'm on the sidelines". If you wanted to do that, that's fine! Notice how those TWO things go together -- why? Why does Not Single go directly with Not Looking? Why? It's A DATING SITE. That's not to say the site prevents people who aren't single from looking -- don't get me wrong. But it's coupled with THE reason why one wouldn't be looking -- it's intertwined at the core -- not just the "weight".

Which, I will admit, does tend to prove your point about this site being advertised and constructed as a dating site, but also proves my point that it isn't exclusively a dating site.

Okay, by your rationale:
1. Match can be used for the main purpose to find platonic friends (bar buddies, just friends, etc). You can use the same excuse to put what you're looking for in your profile! If your intent is to find a girl OR a guy to just hang out with AS JUST FRIENDS -- and if the site isn't constructed for that -- just write it in the profile, and therefore it can be USED that way! Hey, I seriously see some girls say "Friends and nothing more" on there -- therefore Match is the same, right? I've seen girls say "I want to find a great guy to hang out with" -- oh! Hang out! She seems wholesome, so she MUST mean platonic because that's what 'hang out' (should) mean (to me). ;) I also see Spam, too -- so therefore I can try and sell some kitchen knives! It's just "more of" a dating site...

2. Ohkay-kupid can be, too. Especially since you can mark "Taken" (or something like that) on there, because there's some fun & cute things to browse thru the site. Even though the word CUPID is in the name, hey, you see that as to meet the next Frank who likes BW3s, too.

3. On a site called fling (an adult site), despite its naked photos and advertisements, I can describe what I want in my profile there, too. Hey, I could find next Betty Homemaker who wants to wait until she's married and wears sweaters 90% of the year. Why? Thru enough browsing you could find a gal on there who doesn't want to have sex with anyone, but want to be friends first, and take things slow, and are looking for a serious relationship.

#3 is more what you're doing in reference to POF. It'd be like a good-mannered, in-line Mormon looking to meet a good gal. Because he's seen a good girl sign up here and there, hey, he can USE the site for that, so therefore it's just "more of" an adult site.

In the end, it comes down to the Friends thing -- and "Friends First", although somewhat used by idiots who have no expectations but something purely platonic, MOST mean it to be "be like friends, take it slow" or "I want to make sure I actually like you after we are out for a bit".

For OVER 99% of the people, the intent is not to make platonic friends. Same with match. Same with the kupid site. Same with any other DATING SITE.

Your argument bears hardly any more weight more than someone showing up at a Speed Dating Event, and telling every girl who asks that your intention on showing up was to find a guy or gal to be just-friends with. Hey, people use the "Friends First" line to describe how they roll all the time, right? Therefore, I'll ignore everything else in the room.

You're an example as to why the "Friends First" line taints social understanding like occasional hip phrases can. Because some people actually believe it in multiple ways... and some can roll into something that IS a Dating site, just as much as Match is, and lead people to believe "Oh hey, they're looking for JUST FRIENDS as their intent all the way", while other people who use the line will defend against that and say "No, that's not what I mean" -- and the MAJORITY of the time, no, that's not what they mean... but yes, why use the word "Friends"? It by ITSELF implies Platonic, which is why you see POF as having a solid Platonic path as some Official Option, right? The reason is, people use it loosely -- like FWB... like "Friends First"... it brings in people takes off the pressure that some people don't want to feel in terms of some big "D-a-t-e"... to take it "slow". I'm not a fan of the possible wishy-washy descriptions any more than you are, but you can't take it as that and that alone turning a whole-hearted Dating Site into "Dating + Meeting Platonic Friends" -- look around how it's constructed and put that "Friends" into context. The end-intent is not platonic for the site in terms of "looking" and finding MATCHES.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 94
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 4:29:58 AM
Why do people get their panties in such a twist over what other people are doing?If they are not hurting your then leave them be.

Since there is no one standing beside you with a gun forcing you to send messages to people who are looking for friends then let it go.Skip right past that profile and look for someone more compatible.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 95
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History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 8:13:07 AM
Um, maybe folks object for much the same reason they don't like to see the "10 items or less" checkout, glutted with self-centered "others".
Read the sign.... this is an Online Dating Site (duh!), not a penpal or friendship circle! Don't "do" relationships, or just looking for "pals" to chat with?.... there's plenty of other places intended for that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 96
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 8:19:28 AM
^^^The sign isn't THAT clear. If this was only a dating site and it was mandatory to date to stay here, the options wouldn't include things like "friends" and "hang out". So you can't blame people who want to do just that here when it's an option to choose from.

As soon as the founder of the site eliminates those options so that people who don't want to date have to leave, then I'm sure it'll be much less confusing. Maybe those who aren't happy with those options should address it with that person, not the account members.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 97
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:15:29 AM

Um, maybe folks object for much the same reason they don't like to see the "10 items or less" checkout, glutted with self-centered "others".
Read the sign.... this is an Online Dating Site (duh!), not a penpal or friendship circle! Don't "do" relationships, or just looking for "pals" to chat with?.... there's plenty of other places intended for that.



Ummmmm so maybe you should filter out anyone looking for anything other then long term?No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.


The things that people get bent out of shape about.Unbelievable!
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 98
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:33:37 AM
POF is an online dating site overall, but if the site was just all about dating, and relationships, the other options wouldn't exist.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 99
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:45:29 AM
The things that people get bent out of shape about.Unbelievable!

And then you have the really narcissistic ones that get "bent out of shape", just because others got bent out of shape...!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 100
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 10:34:19 AM
Ummmmm so maybe you should filter out anyone looking for anything other then long term?No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.

Anyone who's been here for a couple of months ought to realize the categories are mosty meaningless. I tried to pick the best category for myself which was ``Other Relationship,'' until I realized that lots of women thought ``Dating'' was what I would have called ``Other Relationship'' (possibly) because ``Other Relationship'' is assumed to mean, ``I'll f*ck anything remotely humanoid'' and people are penalized for categorizing themselves that way. My fiancee categorized herself as ``Talk/Email,'' and I was contacted by many women in just about every category, but ``Other Relationship,'' ``Intimate Encounters'' and ``Activity Partner,'' so anyone who puts much faith in those categories to mean much of anything other than``I'm here and will possibly boink you, but decorum matters,'' is very misguided.

No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.

No, but people who are rather shy or skeptical of meeting someon line, but would date if the right person asked, pick things like ``Friends,'' ``Talk/Email'' and other apparently non-dating categories. The restrictions imposed by the site for picking the most appropriate category (e.g., ``Other Relationship,'' in many cases), encourages people to hide out in various other categories. Finally, except for people who live out in the tundra or are confined to some sort of state imposed communal living quarters, who signs up to be a member of a website that says ``Free Online Dating,'' to look for friends? Surely one can do better than advertising for random strangers to find someone with similar interests if sex is definitely not going to be involved. I actually never ran across anyone in any category who wasn't here to date. The only category I avoided was ``Long Term,'' since they seemed to be way too serious about finding their ``other half.''

I'd expect anyone under ``Friends'' to mean ``I have a ready made excuse for not wanting to boink you if you're a dud when I meet you.''
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 101
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 11:40:18 AM
there are a couple of categories that are pretty clear-others are open to a pretty broad interpretation. Particularly "friends","dating",' "longterm"...how does one develop a longterm relationship without dating,or being friends, or hanging out? I've seen speculation in these forums before that putting "long term" as your goal leads people to believe that you require a marriage proposal in the 2nd email. And,believe it or not, there are men who apparently expect a woman who lists "long-term" to be exclusive after one email...that 'long term' means 'first come first served, I'll do a longterm relationship with ANY likeminded man within the realm of practical and logistical possibility,who deigns to contact me." Hard to believe anybody'd be THAT desperate for a relationship-but just go check out all the varying forms of "I'm a nice guy/womn don't know what they want/why are online women so picky..." well, you get the picture.
If you read a profile and want clarification, ever think about emailing them? Personally I think that the categories ought to be done away with. Do people go into bars, clubs, dances, singles groups, etc and throw a fit because the other people there aren't wearing SIGNS stating their particular desired interaction? Do people who are attracted to one another,who meet in grocery stores, laundromats, bookstores, the DMV/Sec'y of State, reject one another because they didn't meet in a 'correct' setting for dating?
I wanna know when they are going to add the category "looking to make enemies." Think of all the difficult, obnoxious and aggravating people who are on the outside looking in because PoF doesn't have a "looking to make enemies" category. Since people in my demographic tend to have a 70% failure rate for marriages and LTRs, I figured that "looking for LTR" was my best bet but not everyone is prepared to stretch a meaning THAT far.
Cindy O
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 102
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 12:48:22 PM
miketheAwesome... You sound like a pretty intuitive smart dude. I think your right for sure. Yeah, I would find it weird to if a man approached me on here saying he's seeking friendship. I do believe most women use the friends line only to indicate to men that their hesitant of geting intimate with you in anyway. Yeah, it's a mind game in a way that what you said is probably rather accurate, that it's sets a preemptive bail out.
 GREGNSNEG
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 103
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 2:49:44 PM
WOW! Not very friendly about the friend’s thing, are we?

They make us pick a box and we check one, simple as that.

I have friends checked and I think it says I’m not actively looking for a relationship. That doesn’t mean I’m absolutely opposed to having one. All that means is my main goal in life right now is not focused on finding a boyfriend/husband.

There are a lot of very busy people on here who don’t have the time or energy a relationship takes and are really just looking for a friend (maybe with benefits, maybe not) to go do things with when time allows. They want it understood upfront that they can’t give you what you want if what you want is a relationship. They are on here because they are too busy to go find it in the real world.

To those seeking long term relationships, what that says to me is you know you are ready to settle down again and be married or live together. I’m not going to rule you guys out either as long as you can understand I have not made that decision yet for myself. If you are willing to take things slow and not push me into a long term relationship before I’m ready for one I’m willing to date you also.

Don’t they say the best way to find love is to stop looking for it? Don’t worry about finding the right one, concentrate on being the right one. So right now I’m doing things that make me happy instead of focusing on looking for someone else to make me happy. So when the right time and the right guy come along I’ll have more to offer than just a void for them to fill.

Until then I’m happy to be your friend (except some of you grouchy/need to get laid people)
Now come on, group hug everyone

 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 104
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 3:29:47 PM

There are a lot of very busy people on here who don’t have the time or energy a relationship takes and are really just looking for a friend (maybe with benefits, maybe not) to go do things with when time allows. They want it understood upfront that they can’t give you what you want if what you want is a relationship. They are on here because they are too busy to go find it in the real world.


Herein lies the confusion. People looking for a relationship they go on dating sites...makes sense. People not looking for a relationship signing up for dating up sites....doesn't make sense. Why not sign up for sites such meetup.com. When you're ready to meet someone for a relationship...why not sign up for a dating site at that point.

People can do what they want....some of us are just want to understand the rationale behind joining a dating when you're not interested in dating (besides forums).
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 105
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 3:32:41 PM

who signs up to be a member of a website that says ``Free Online Dating,'' to look for friends?

Why do you care? Is a man at your house with a gun too? Jeeze it seems like there is a pandemic of men running around with guns,breaking into peoples houses and forcing them to browse profiles on pof in which people are looking for friends.


Let me put it this way.The very thought of one of the choices on here called intimate encounters grosses me out.Meeting a stranger for sex!Yuck!Do I care if other people do it and advertise for it?Not one little bit.If it's not hurting me then it's not my business.
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