Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Just looking for friendsPage 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Do people go into bars, clubs, dances, singles groups, etc and throw a fit because the other people there aren't wearing SIGNS stating their particular desired interaction?

You make a good point, although the problem is, that if folks WERE required to wear a "sign" in a particular place (bar, club, etc.), that's SPECIFICALLY INTENDED FOR PAIRING, would you be surprised to see anyone get a bit cranky if some of the signs were "misleading"?

But actually, I kinda like the earlier idea about maybe adding some new categories. They've already included ones like "Other Relationship" and "Intimate Encounter", so how 'bout adding a couple more, like....
"Can't do a relationship to save my life, but you're welcome to think I might",
or
"Long Term Relationship (but only as long as you 'know your place'... behind my current "relationship" with my dog, cat, horse, gerbil, mom, adult daughter, ex-husband, whatever)"!
 starlight334
Joined: 6/18/2010
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 9:34:31 PM
Sure just friends work. But because she is my friend she will do a "fellatio" for me once a week.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 109
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 10:00:37 PM
I love a nice good steak. So, as soon as I can, im going to sign up for a vegetarian site.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 110
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 10:51:37 PM

I love a nice good steak. So, as soon as I can, im going to sign up for a vegetarian site.

Now that's fuuunnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 countrymiss52
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 111
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 9:55:45 AM
Just looking for friend is just that. Personally, I'm on a dating site to meet someone to date and possibly for a LTR. We can also be friends!
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 112
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 11:03:57 AM
That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress". But you come back with, "hey, I told you from the start, I only wanted to be 'Friends'!"
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 11:22:30 AM
"That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress"."

That's so often used as an argument/excuse'/reason/whatever.......it's too much of an emphasis on labels, IMO. What was spoken of is an imbalance of attraction, that's the situation whether someone stated they wanted to be friends or even were "dating" (whatever the heck that is). People's feelings don't always develop at the same rate or on the same level simultaneously, in fact if and when they do, it's the exception.

From my OWN experience, it's how much someone really wants to get to know someone or not. Really, now, if someone is interested in a long-term serious relationship they can know someone well enough to determine that in a relatively short period of time? I realize time periods are relative, it just seems so many are so rushed and don't give the impression in wanting to get to know but ask a few questions and then act like they're ready to speed into a close, exclusive relationship ASAP.

What is progressing anyway? Getting to know someone better, or getting to know someone intimately? If it's full steam ahead for "sealing the deal" so to speak, that's one of the big reasons that so many relationships end. People find after being together awhile, engaged or even married they find they don't really know the person that well at all. Well duh, wouldn't it be smarter to spend the time on the front end, rather than going full speed into "progressing"? It's the mindset that's what is flawed, IMO.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 114
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 2:35:30 PM
Why do you care? Is a man at your house with a gun too?

Exactly. People shouldn't complain that they're not finding many fellow people on a Matchmaking site who have the silly intention of JUST looking for friends. :)
In the end, whether it be on here or Match or any other match-making site, one can put "I'm just looking for friends, nothing more". But they will deservedly get flack for it if they cry out "Why do people not want to be just friends on a match-making site? (cry)".

Here's a better example:
Jane comes onto POF and is happily married. She's joining not the forums, but the Matchmaking site, to meet DUDES... because some guys have kids, too. And she's on to find potential playmates for her kids.

Is she going to be kicked off for displaying that in her profile? No. Should other viewers cry over night about that? No. Does she deserve every bit of flack and laughing at for it? Absolutely. :)

I mean why should you NOT extend a hand of friendship out with the intent of becoming more later?

That is what happens, during a serious initial dating process, during a regular dating process, casual no-expectations dating process, a more-than-friends situation, taking it slow, etc. Every dating situation there's a friendship that occurs. What are you, enemies? :)

There's a huge difference between taking it slow and as this thread subject says: "Just looking for friends". You are NOT just looking for friends if your intent is looking for more than friends. Just looking for friends is entirely different than taking things slow.

"Let's just be friends" = "Just looking for friends". Has a gal you liked or had something going on with ever tell you "Let's just be friends"? Did you take that as meaning "Oh, you mean just not be so serious and just take things slow, right?" No. It means Platonic only. Having an intention of "something" or "something more" negates anything platonic thrown in there.
 SouthBayNative
Joined: 10/15/2010
Msg: 115
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 5:43:11 PM
I guess you get what you pay for. There are plenty of paid dating sites. Go to those.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 6:00:49 PM
"I guess you get what you pay for. There are plenty of paid dating sites. Go to those."

Not at all disagreeing, only saying I have many friends who've been on the paid dating sites, even the premium ones and a good friend who paid bookoo bucks for private matchmaking. Not saying there's not a difference, but it's very little. From those I know, it's not ever been "worth it" or produced the advertised "results".
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 117
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 6:26:58 PM

Agreed, there are way too many sites out there like Myspace and facebook to make friends that might consider your intentions legit without romantic/sexual motives. Why drown the dating sites with your quest for friends? Or, if all you want is sex, just blurt it out. Don't cover it up, we see through it.


Yeah, because the men who contact me on myspace totally have no problem with me looking for "just" friends and don't message me telling me they wanna *get to know me better*. Facebook is for people who KNOW me, that means people I actually know, or have known, in real life or those rare people I have known for years online (playing word games and whatnot) ~ not random hook-ups or such nonsense. I haven't been on myspace in at least a month... but god help me, I love the forums here.

I have my profile hidden from the general public here on POF and participate in the forums. I have a couple friends I correspond with from time to time. However, my profile clearly shows I am here for friends and it CLEARLY outlines I'm not here for other silly things.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 118
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 7:18:57 PM
That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress". But you come back with, "hey, I told you from the start, I only wanted to be 'Friends'!


If that's the case, then he'd know better the next time not to get involved with a woman only looking for friendship. As a matter of fact, he was probably attracted to her, and wanted something more from the beginning.

Then, of course, you'll get the typical, "But how was he supposed to know that he would have romantic feelings for her?" Which brings me back to, how that should teach him not to go after women only looking for nothing further than platonic friendship.

If the guy is smart, he'll leave if he can no longer accept friendship.
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 119
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:05:21 PM
>If that's the case, then he'd know better the next time not to get involved with a woman only looking for friendship. As a matter of fact, he was probably attracted to her, and wanted something more from the beginning.

Then, of course, you'll get the typical, "But how was he supposed to know that he would have romantic feelings for her?" Which brings me back to, how that should teach him not to go after women only looking for nothing further than platonic friendship.

If the guy is smart, he'll leave if he can no longer accept friendship.

Yup, I agree, time to say "adios" when things are obviously going nowhere.

The trouble is, that unless you're into tossing people like expired milk cartons, realistically the longer we're with someone ("friends" or otherwise), the more of an emotional "investment" we have. So while some folks of the "friends" persuasion may be "enroute" to something more permanent down the line and merit some "patience" & "space", others are just a "sucker bet" to invest anything in, because they're totally incapable of a deeper or more lasting relationship... with anyone, ever.

And worse, I think that type knows who (and what) they are by now, but choose instead to hide behind the "friends" label, yet all the while leaving the impression they "might" be up for something more serious, with the "right "one! The technical term for them is a Narcissist, and psychotherapists will tell you they're notorious for (among other things) manipulating people by being whatever you "wish" to see in them. And if you should fall for it, they'll simply deny all responsibility... "Who me?! I never actually SAID I was who you thought, or that I wanted anything more serious (I only tried to create that impression)!"
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 120
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:17:56 AM

Why do you care?

I don't. I'm not the person complaining about the categories not being taken seriously. Why are you so defensive?

Jeeze it seems like there is a pandemic of men running around with guns,breaking into peoples houses and forcing them to browse profiles on pof in which people are looking for friends.

Really? I thought men just did that on their own.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 121
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:31:45 AM
I have activity partner. I have a lot of real life friends far and near, I make friends easily. Finding someone with a similar schedule is a bit ch. Even my coworker I carpool with has two completely different nights off, another coworker has a different schedule but same nights off, so he's nodding off just when I want to grab my *lunch*.

Still, when local guys come on PoF and they have "Activty partner" listed, the first thing I ask os for them to define it. I ask for a definition of "friends" and those who have other things listed, my first exchange with them is to explain that my profile is WYSIWYG, NO CODE.

Several men I know quite well as friends, in nearby cities and locally, have long term or other crap listed, they have headlines and profile about looking for that special one and walks on the beach, etc., and they are totally bogus.

A profile is just a resume for the first meet, not for the whole damn relationship.

Buyer beware.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 122
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:51:07 AM
because there's always the 'potential' of something else, some kind of miraculous *dah-dah!* and there's a very special friend just discovered...

but that *dah-dah* moment isn't the main focus
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 123
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:14:22 AM
I've been wondering lately about "just looking for friends"...

I think that many of us have been around here so long....going thru:

1) Initial e-mail rejection
2) E-mails discussions fizzling into nothing
3) First date disappointment
4) First date rejection..
5) A short series of dates fizzling into nothing
6) A short series of dates fizzling into rejection
7) Multiple short/long dating/relationships dying on the vine

That we now fear rejection/disappointment/relationship breakups…so much that we’re almost impossible to date anymore…some of us have turned into only friend material…therefore, it's only logical that they only seek friends...while hoping for more.

I see posters old postings from a few years ago…and these posts show humanity. vulnerability, a kindness, an openness that now is missing…some of these people aren’t even friend material…sigh…
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 124
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:07:52 AM
"Looking for friends" is code for: looking for a way into your pants.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 125
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:53:28 AM

realistically the longer we're with someone ("friends" or otherwise), the more of an emotional "investment" we have. So while some folks of the "friends" persuasion may be "enroute" to something more permanent down the line and merit some "patience" & "space"

Yes and no, more notably on that first part. Many times when you TRULY are just friends, folks don't want to ruin an already established friendship with someone to try and make a romantic/sexual relationship out of it. So it can work for or against, not always for... IF one's talking about GENUINELY being just friends.

Secondly, patience & space -- yeah, that's in the sense of taking it too seriously or not. Not rushing into things, which I am not a fan of at all. However, "taking things slow" vs "just being friends" is TOTALLY different. The latter is platonic, the first is not. Sometimes people want to take things SO slow it can be seen as the latter... or think they're just taking thing slow, when really, the other person just wants to be "friends". However, since some folks like to wield the word "friends" in various definitions at different times to suit them the best, it can be confusing and lead to "PLAYING GAMES". So I say to folks who don't like people who "play games" -- stop with the "Friends" BS, unless you are truly not interested in them (and if you "don't know" after the first time or so meeting them, you're not). :)

what we now fear rejection/disappointment/relationship breakups…so much that we’re almost impossible to date anymore…some of us have turned into only friend material…therefore, it's only logical that they only seek friends...while hoping for more.

There are problems with that approach that backfire:
1) You don't go on a MATCHMAKING site to avoid rejection -- you can't start off REALLY as friends -emotionally- when you're going thru a matchmaking process. Thru the matchmaking process (ie not via a pen pal one creates thru forums), one is only expected to meet someone they at least have some attraction to (whether it be focused on wallet, looks, status, etc).

2) Due to #1, if you play the "pretend game" of "just friends", you're causing MORE emotional issues to deal with. People PLAYING GAMES, including yourself. Why? You're on a Matchmaking site. If your issue is running into issues & problems, going into an environment where it STARTS OFF as NON-PLATONIC, you're only creating a contradictory environment at the Core.

It's a feeble attempt at trying to re-create the REAL situation where two people are considered friends and then (possibly) end up dating in a who-would-have-thunk-it situation. You can't have that -- because it's already set at Square 1 that the end-goal is that there is sexual attraction. THUS, you are in a position to be rejected.

The only thing you can do is to make it "lite" (go slow, minimal expectations). If there's any aim or motive that in the end, to be in a more-than-friends situation with someone, you ARE in a situation by definition to be possibly rejected or boy-girl emotional drama. You can't avoid that. People will only get confused if you try to play the "friends" GAME -- there's a huge difference between taking things slow & casual, and actually just being platonic and feeling platonic with ZERO understanding of anyone trying to date the other.
 angryandpissed
Joined: 5/18/2012
Msg: 126
Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/31/2012 6:38:08 PM
This is a dating site. POF staff might say different because they want to get as many possible people using it no matter what but they should be grateful for the people who made this site popular, people looking for relationships. Anyone, male or female who states they are just here "looking for friends" need to go somewhere else. Pretty sad if they are already in a relationship and they are on a dating site looking for friends. These people make me sick!
 Khal25
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 127
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:35:31 AM
I have been curious about the logic behind this for quite some time now. Good thing I searched this topic before I wrote my rant. I never understood how someone ends up on a DATING site if they are looking for friends. There are sites such as meetup, facebook, meetme, numerous forums, local events and so forth that one could use to meet friends of similar interests... so why... WHY would you choose a dating site as the place to search for friends?

Granted, the site does give the option for friendship... but if I want a good steak I go to a steak house not a seafood restaurant that has one steak dish on the menu. The majority of people here are looking for relationships, dating and or hook ups not friendships. Granted most men will say they are ok with being just friends but lets be honest. The reason they clicked on your profile is not because they saw your picture and said "wow she looks like she would be a great friend". Your profile was clicked on because they found you attractive. Already the basis of a plutonic relationship is out the window.

Friendships can't be forced... they just happen. If you want to say you are open to friends while courting then fine. If you want to say you want build a relationship on the bases of a friendship then ok. I get it... you want your partner to be a friend as well.. but to say you are here ONLY for friendship... come on who are you kidding? There are sites for friends...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 128
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:47:40 AM
I figure the best way to live stress free is not to worry about what others are doing so long as they're not hurting you or anyone else. People here seeking friendships aren't really bothering anyone, so who cares?

Friendships can't be forced... they just happen.

Neither can relationships/dating - they just happen too if they're healthy, but despite this people still try to treat meeting someone like a math formula.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 129
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:03:32 AM

I never understood how someone ends up on a DATING site if they are looking for friends.

Yeah I know. As you point out, that's not what it's geared for -- other places are. Being just friends can be a by-product of an online Dating site. And it can be a by-product of Speed Dating, too. You don't go to a Speed Dating place looking for a new platonic friend.

to say you are here ONLY for friendship... come on who are you kidding?

I know, it's ridiculous. If that's the case, one would hit up the same gender more often than the opposite gender. This Dating/Matchmaking site's not built for that.

Most people who state they're "only looking for friends" -- aren't really. Many times it's a move to avoid cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend where they are just wanting to explore their options for a possible Plan B -- which is cheating, but I digress... Of the others, it's their version of 'taking it slow', ie they want to make it clear they don't want the drama of dating or they're not ready to date-date, etc.

If one's "Not Single/Not Looking", they'll select "Friends" under "Looking For", due to a lack of other options. "Friends" otherwise doesn't mean just-friends or an intent for just friends. It's a vague selection, like "Hang Out", in the context of the Matchmaking site to mean you're not looking to Date off the bat -- but yes, your sexual-attraction interest is there if you were to meet.
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 130
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 5:10:41 PM
U know wat it's so true. I don't understand why ppl get on dating websites to make friends.

I mean it is after all a dating website.

I just recently got friend zoned after spending a year "getting to know someone". And honestly I knew it was coming but though hey it might be different.

Meh, watever, that's the first and last time I let a man friend zone me.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 131
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:25:07 PM
defense for Thoes who say they are just looking for friends.
ask them why
ask if they have been sending messages to the same gender
Anyway to go online just to find friends has to be kind of lame. I mean have these people avoided their co workers, class mates, family, and neighbors!? also its very common to see a girl's profile that says friendship only but then she has a strict checklist of things she wants in a potiential boyfriend. in conclusion dating is hard, finding a friend is not. You do not need to go on a site for that
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >