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 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 132
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Just looking for friendsPage 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I pass the friends women by. I won't waste my time with them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 133
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:29:51 PM
Dating isn't hard unless you care too much, try too hard, make it a top mission. Finding a decent friend or any other type of relationship is no different - it should happen naturally but some will still try to force it instead.

Again, if it doesn't affect you - and I'm not sure how it would. Why do you care?
 that_ol_lady
Joined: 4/19/2013
Msg: 134
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/30/2013 8:18:23 AM
when somebody says they are just looking for friends you should really question them like what kind of friends?? or are you just saying that because there is something eles to it..

a straight male IS NOT looking for just a platonic friend on a site some might as well come out an say yes im looking for a f uck buddy because plantonic friends dont kiss rub touch an f cuk so that line is OLD..an im pretty sure they already have enough of those bed buddy friends or atleast 1 in the background so its all bulls hit..

an a straight woman may very well be looking for a friendship while being open to things leading to more with the person if the chemistry is there with him,,or she may not want to scare off a new suitor with relationship talk so wanting to keep it cool as friends is simple..


most of us ladies should know very well by now that most of the time when a guy says friends an fun he does not mean actual friendship like talking about life an going out to the movies,,concerts,,clubs together or meeting each others friends or family members..

hell ive even read in here in the forums from guys saying they dont wanna be friends with a woman whats the point of dealing with her if your not having sex..
 pureblisscatch4u
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 135
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 7:18:59 PM
I would both agree and disagree. I have a profile on another site that I was using to look for a relationship, but now that I'm seeing someone, I still have it up and changed my status, as a possible means of job networking with people in the town where the guy I'm dating lives, in case I move there (that is one of the option on that site though and the only site I've seen with that option). On the other hand, I wouldn't join a dating site just to make friends. It is hard for some people to meet friends in other ways though, so maybe they think it's their only option.
 infinity2018
Joined: 5/5/2013
Msg: 136
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:52:24 PM
You sound so cynical. My profile states I'm looking for friendship and that's exactly what I'm looking for. My friends are all married and have families of their own and therefore are busy w/ their lives. While it's true that we communicate (thru Facebook), they can't always make time for me and neither should I burden them by being clingy. A friend of mine who found her husband thru this site had been advising me to join and after resisting the idea for quite sometime, I finally joined a few days ago. I might agree to date someone that I have an interest in but I'd like to form a friendship first thru chatting here.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 137
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 10:30:13 AM

My profile states I'm looking for friendship and that's exactly what I'm looking for.

If that's Exactly what you're looking for, why are you on a Matchmaking site? Additionally, if that truly is what you're looking for, you're looking for nothing but PLATONIC. Which means what you are doing should be 100% fine with virtually all significant others. So if you had a boyfriend, would he be cool with it? No. So your endeavors are not platonic.

A friend of mine who found her husband thru this site had been advising me to join and after resisting the idea for quite sometime

That shows that (mere) Friendship is Not Exactly what you're looking for. :)

I might agree to date someone that I have an interest in but I'd like to form a friendship first thru chatting here.

Well someone you never met before and you chat isn't a real friendship, let's get that out of the way. What you're looking for pertains to what you're looking for when you first meet up and from then on. Again, a BF isn't going to buy an excuse that you're on a Matchmaking site to "just make a new friendship with the opposite sex". :)

use it as a "I'm not sure I'm into the whole dating thing but lets see where this goes" code.

It goes deeper than that... because date but nothing serious + Hang Out is there. Just because you're not wanting to be DATING right off the bat, doesn't mean you're just friends -- or that it's accurate to merely call it "friends".

but I changed my profile after a while because it seemed more honest than 'looking for a relationship' when I'm not 100% sure that's what I want.

Change it to dating but nothing serious + Hang Out. You're not going to be thought of looking for a relationship.

Is it a cop-out? Maybe. But it's just as easy for people who think we're being wishy-washy to pass on our profiles and move on to someone else, so why does it matter if you come across a 'just friends' profile?

It's a cop-out because you're wanting to wield the term "friends" into whatever meaning suits you on the fly, as all interactions vary, etc. There's nothing wrong with one person you wanting only a fling with, while another person you have a desire to date them at least for a while, while another person you're like "Wow" to right off the bat.

Claiming that you're just looking for "friends" and that's it -- that means platonic. That means a BF wouldn't mind. That means when you meet up with a guy from here, he can hit on the waitress and get her # right in front of you and that won't change anything.
 GJBrown
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 138
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:11:54 PM
Looking for friends or friends only often means Just looking for attention. Don't get mad if I stop talking to you for no reason. ha!
Anyway if you are desperately looking for platonic friends a dating site is not the place.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 139
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:31:19 PM

As someone upthread said, some people (like myself) use it as a "I'm not sure I'm into the whole dating thing but lets see where this goes" code.


That is fine, but for people like us that want to date we simply steer clear of people that are looking for friends. There is no uncertainty about dating from my personal feelings rather very sincere.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 140
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 7:39:53 AM
Mine says friends (I think). I change it occasionally depending on how I feel about dating. Lately I'm not real interested in dating and all the nonsense that goes with it. Not interested in going on uncomfortable first meets. I do miss having dinner/going to a show/etc. sometimes with a man. What's wrong with hanging out with a man and actually being friends? Friendship seems to last longer than most relationships.
I am not opposed to more if that happens but not expecting it either.
I do find whenever I change what I'm looking for I get mail from men who are interpreting it to suit them. Friends/hangout/dating means fb to them. I've had relationships with men who choose to use the friend option.
I don't pay much attention to this, it means different things to different people.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 141
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 7:40:24 AM
Depends on what people are looking for. People are not going to bend down for ya. What are you looking for? relationship or friends? some people want a friendship for there own reasons and others want a relationship.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 142
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 9:11:42 AM
it's more that I'm not sure I want to be with someone - whether for dating, a fling, FWB, etc - at all.

It depends on the person. We're all like that to some degree, sure.

I wouldn't say I'm looking for friends exactly

But if it's not exactly friends (ie not platonic), then it's going to be somewhere within dating, a fling, casual dating, FWB, serious dating, etc. Just because you don't know exactly what you're ready for with just about anyone, or what type of situation you'd like with a particular person - as desires vary - doesn't mean you throw out the Friends card by itself off the bat in the sense that it's just friends (but not exactly friends).

The dating scene is vague by itself -- that's just part of the game. But upping the ante, giving the impression that it is just friends off the bat, is saying to someone with experience in the scene "I want to change the definitions & expectations with no consequences. I could have had no interest in you in the beginning but was just a little bored and I wanted some guy attention and you can't call foul on that.... or I have little interest in you or have higher interest in Rob, so if after an outing or two I'm not interested, I can say we were Just friends the whole time. If I end up having interest in you, I mean that I just to start things out 'like' friends..."

If you're just looking for friends -- again, the guy can get the waitress' # right in front of you. If they're just friends, they're the same as if you're hanging out with your 1st cousin. Your profile says you are Exactly looking for that. You're just wanting it both ways! :)

And your explanation goes with the gripes people will have about it -- to be able to call it something different when & where you want to, on the fly. Problem is, "Just Friends" *IS* a label. And "Hang Out" + "No commitment" sends a bigger "looking to hook up" greater than "Hang Out" + "Dating but nothing serious". Your profile can explain regardless -- and yours says Exactly Just Friends. But as you say, that's not exactly it -- which should raise and eyebrow and make people sigh - lol.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 143
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 10:25:56 AM

Mine says friends (I think). I change it occasionally depending on how I feel about dating. Lately I'm not real interested in dating and all the nonsense that goes with it. Not interested in going on uncomfortable first meets. I do miss having dinner/going to a show/etc. sometimes with a man. What's wrong with hanging out with a man and actually being friends? Friendship seems to last longer than most relationships.


5 marie.....see message 151

No kidding! Problem is, the men I have run into out here don't seem to know what they want. I was recently talking to one on here and because I did NOT chase after him and throw myself at his feet, he was pissed off at me and said he wasn't into those people who only put their "minimal efforts forward."

Now mind you, HE originally said, HE wanted friendship - he not only had that plainly stated on his profile, but during the course of our communication, he plainly said it so there was no mistaking that. - I was fine with that and observed and respected his boundaries....and got harshly penalized for it.

I come from the school that If someone tells you they don't want anything more than friendship, believe them! Trying to change their mind is futile. - I think a few of us out here have learned that one the hard way.

But that being said, whenever I have it on my profile that I am just looking for friendship, all of a sudden, those who want more, just come crawling out of the proverbial woodwork. - Never ceases to amaze me how people always want what's not available to them.


I am not opposed to more if that happens but not expecting it either.
I do find whenever I change what I'm looking for I get mail from men who are interpreting it to suit them. Friends/hangout/dating means fb to them. I've had relationships with men who choose to use the friend option.
I don't pay much attention to this, it means different things to different people.


Again, 5 Marie, my hat is off to you. For me, if more happens, great, if not, a friendship can last for a lifetime......but I won't do the FWB gig. - Seen too many get hurt doing that, and I know I'm much better than that. - Anyone who has a modicum of self esteem/worth won't put up with that crap.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 144
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 10:40:16 AM
Just looking for friends?-----blah, blah, blah....don't know, don't care-doesn't bother me... I've contacted guys I thought were funny or something, just because I thought they were interesting to talk with. They are not in my deck of cards and I'm not in theirs. There are a couple of guys I talk to on a regular basis and they live in dating range, but they had no interest in dating me and the feeling was mutual. We have not even met..shrugs shoulders. Big deal.
Different strokes people. It's not a one size fits all kinda thing. Don't like the friends thing, then don't do it. If the person says just looking for friends and you don't want to be a friend, then don't contact the person. It's a similar concept to don't like that tv program? Change channels or turn it off... or complain about it on the forum. It's not brain surgery you know.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 145
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 3:22:38 PM
well......life is like a deck of cards.....you shuffle it and there's the Joker again.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 146
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 3:30:54 PM
^^^^lolol...so true..but depends on the game... Are Jokers wild? Is the deck marked?

Even then you gotta: know when to hold them. know when to fold them. know when to walk away. know when to run.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 147
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 3:50:29 PM
That should actually be the pof theme song!
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 149
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 6:01:43 PM
^^^Shame shame on you CawkBawker..the very idea of looking for friends when you could be trolling for some insecure co-dependent guy who has a need to "fix" people and who would let you move in with him after just 3 days because you are close to being homeless. Me thinks you need to go play in the adult pool instead of the kiddie sandbox...

BTW: 5-marie...you mean it isn't? What a shame.. We ought to have a contest for people to name the most suitable theme song. And then get Weird Al to do a parody...
 Lighttruthrevisited
Joined: 10/19/2012
Msg: 150
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/14/2013 10:30:49 PM
Trust me there are lonely people out there that would like to go on activities with someone. Maybe all their freinds are married or maybe* they want to find a freind in someone and than down the road consider other options,
After she knows what kind of a person they are!
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 151
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/15/2013 2:47:14 AM
I think that this site uses "friends" as a category just to get more traffic coming to this site. Anyhow, if you're just looking for friends only, stick to FB or any regular social networking site. :-) If you're here for the forums only with no intention of even meeting face to face, that's cool.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 152
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/15/2013 11:47:36 AM

Why get mad at someone who doesn't want you..i.e. looking for friends?

That's not entirely it. First off, let me say if people are just on for the Forums, they're not in the matchmaking section Looking to meet people. The Forums is a separate-connected site in which very few people use -- this is all in reference to THE site -- the matchmaking/dating site. So no, being on here for the Forums and saying Friends -- nobody's griping about that.

Now, the grip some people (including myself) have is two different things:
(a) Someone wants JUST friends on a matchmaking, explicitly non-platonic site (sans the Forums side-site). There are other sites for JUST friends... it's razzing/rolling the eyes at people out to meet new just-friends site on a site not designated for that at all -- much the same as razzing/rolling the eyes at people on the site looking for a job or job networking. Yes, both can be, out of happenstance, a byproduct of using a matchmaking site for it's actual use. But to use a matchmaking/dating site for job interviews is going to get one razzed. Being on for the Forums is not using the matchmaking/dating section (THE site) to meet people.

(b) The actual gripe: People DON'T mean just friends... but they say it anyway. This can waste someone's time. They can talk with them, meet them, but get the wrong idea due to the vagueness. It'd be like someone who posts a profile looking to find someone to marry, then they find out they don't want anyone at all -- they just want to hook up. They're explicitly saying they want one thing, but may or may not actually want that. If one wants either/or, describe either/or. There's already enough confusion in the singles/dating scene -- mean what ya say -- at least be (a) and be in the wrong place. :)
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 153
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/15/2013 5:02:14 PM
b) The actual gripe: People DON'T mean just friends... but they say it anyway. This can waste someone's time. They can talk with them, meet them, but get the wrong idea due to the vagueness. It'd be like someone who posts a profile looking to find someone to marry, then they find out they don't want anyone at all -- they just want to hook up. They're explicitly saying they want one thing, but may or may not actually want that. If one wants either/or, describe either/or. There's already enough confusion in the singles/dating scene -- mean what ya say -- at least be (a) and be in the wrong place. :)

---------------

Exactly. If you're here just tomeet friends, then shouldn't things like weight, height, age, marital status, whether he has messages someone else for intimate encounters etc be irrelevant? If you're a women on a dating site to meet friends, do you message other women for friendship?

Second, I kinda find it hard to believe that a dating site is the best source to find platonic male friends for a woman. There's the gym, male co workers, male siblings or friends of their female friends. If you're not looking for a date or sex, why use a site where must of then are looking for the opposite thing?
 infinity2018
Joined: 5/5/2013
Msg: 154
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Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/15/2013 10:22:08 PM

If the person says just looking for friends and you don't want to be a friend, then don't contact the person. It's a similar concept to don't like that tv program? Change channels or turn it off... or complain about it on the forum. It's not brain surgery you know.



Absolutely right!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 155
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/16/2013 7:07:57 AM
Exactly. If you're here just tomeet friends, then shouldn't things like weight, height, age, marital status, whether he has messages someone else for intimate encounters etc be irrelevant? If you're a women on a dating site to meet friends, do you message other women for friendship?

Exactly. You select either a Man or a Woman. If you select a Woman (being a woman) you're in an environment where it's saying you're looking for a lesbian/bi experience. Why? Because it's Not a platonic place. :)

Second, I kinda find it hard to believe that a dating site is the best source to find platonic male friends for a woman. ... If you're not looking for a date or sex, why use a site where must of then are looking for the opposite thing?

Exactly. Think about it. If the matchmaking section were Really were a viable place where a gal would ONLY want JUST friends ... then here's a great litmus test: If that's the case, then if a gal has a BF, it's 100% OKAY for her to go on Plenty of Fish to find a dude as a "friend". :)
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 156
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/17/2013 2:38:52 PM
Funny thing, I had recently come across a profile that she was seriously adamant about seeking ONLY friendship and companionship and no "true love" and nothing more, and of course she says "Looking for: Men" on your profile.

Yet she said "If you want to get laid or want a 3rd party for your partner, please pass me by".

I find this odd, because I think men who see this "Not seeking any kind of commitment or relationship" is interpreted by men, and these women are zereod in on as the FWB..however...she explicitly said "she's not here for a one-night stand".

So she's not looking for a future partner, nor looking for a fling....just companionship....kind of defeats the purpose of even being on a dating site. LOL

She basically made her profile a complete Catch - 22.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 157
Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/17/2013 7:08:06 PM

There are also people out there who dont have any friends. I have been alone without friends for over 6 years now, and before getting into any kind of relationship would prefer to have a long term friendship / activity partner.


In theory, it sounds great, however...chances are the people that were friends for a while before dating were already attracted to each other in the first place, but didn't dive right in.

Anyhow, personally, I can only be "buddys" with them for a certain extent, but the reality of the situation, if feelings develop to the point where I'd want to take it to the next level....I'm willing to make a physical move....it's only natural.

Then there's the whole "Friendzone" thing, but that's a different topic altogether.
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