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 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 183
Just looking for friendsPage 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I have noticed that this thread was resurrected and tends to run along next to the "Is the friendzone even real?". "ahem" kind of a redundant thread alert? Kind of confusing me here. lol


<div class='quote'> The site wants traffic. It can appeal to comfort zones and is open-ended by itself.

This here...this site's MAIN method of making money is due to SEO marketing and strategies. I am thinking even some of the additions lately are due to getting traffic to this site.

If they just limited it to the people with only romantic intentions like that of Match.com, they would be limiting themselves. Add the "friends" option, the flood gates just open. lol


<div class='quote'>Also, if the site is aimed to find just friends, why can you only select ONE gender to aim for? Because it's a Matchmaking site! :)

RIGHT! For every person that they are saying they are looking to "hang out" or "friends only", why is it that they have seeking the opposite sex as the option they've chosen to be "friends" with?

Every woman I've seen on here that had "friends" chosen ALWAYS had "Men" as the gender of choice to be friends with. ;-) Gotcha!!

People are just fooling themselves.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 184
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 4:19:11 AM
Confident-Realist

Funny thing, I JUST came across this kind of profile she has "Friends" as the selected dropdown, hoewver she says THIS in her profile:

"Even though I'm only looking for friends for now, if a great guy comes along. I'll consider changing my goal."

So her goals is "Friends" as chosen in the profile, but if she finds that "special someone" she'll change that? LOL

I get a kick out of some people...no offense women, but I think they are more guilty of not being honest with themselves about wanting to date or have a boyfriend. I think some people are afraid to have to use online dating as a means of meeting someone and may be slightly embarrassed to admit it.

I sometimes see these ladies profiles where they say, "I'm just lookin' for now" or "Friends talked me into this" things like that, but I suppose its understandable if you are a first timer to the dating world. Women tend to be inherently shy about online dating more so than men...but that's my opinion. :)
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 185
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 8:47:20 AM

So if they are just looking for friends, how difficult is it to avoid contacting them? So much drama over a non-issue.
Bingo!!!!!

Some people believe strongly of the progression from strangers to acquaintances to friendship before a romantic or dating type relationship is possible for them. Nothing wrong with wanting an opposite sex friend and recognizing that it may or may not turn into something more. It's not a trick, indecisiveness or ill intent. If a man or woman is not okay with this, they should not contact this person in hopes of something more. Simple.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 186
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 8:57:54 AM
Usually, their agenda on here, even though they have 'Friends" chosen, is if...they decide they change their mind, they'd be willing to give it a chance romantically.

Its kind of like those people who make the rules as they go along.

I actually tried to do the friendship thing with a woman on here.....funny thing her entire profile talked about what she was seeking in a mate, but told me that at this point in her life she wasn't in the frame of mind to be dating, but was okay with meeting me as friends and was REALLY wanting to build her friendship circle as most of her friends are married and now off doing their own thing

I was open minded enough to do this, but she seemed to never make the time to meet me in person, even as friends, even though she lived within MINUTES from me.

So its rather moot. LOL

Why would you be friends with someone like this much less DATE them?? If you cannot even rely on having a friendship with such a person, you wouldn't even have any kind of luck even going out on a date with them

Basically... it's a WASH.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 187
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 9:02:34 AM
Yes, but it doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there for her just because it didn't work out with you. Just because the aim is friendship doesn't change the fact that connection and mutual feelings are not automatic.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 188
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 12:07:11 PM

Yes, but it doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there for her just because it didn't work out with you. Just because the aim is friendship doesn't change the fact that connection and mutual feelings are not automatic.


Not sure how that relates to what I said or this post. I'm all about the "If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it's a duck" analogy.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 189
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 1:04:56 PM

If we doubt their validity we do so because of our own needs and past experiences, not necessarily because people are incapable of wanting a friendship relationship.

No, actually. If I'm on Adult Friendfinder and see a gal post something that she's not looking for any hookups -- I'm calling BS on that. :) Oh (let's say) -- it has "that option"! I see "Friends" on there. Great. Have your significant other be okay with starting an account on Adult Friendfinder then. :)

If they just limited it to the people with only romantic intentions like that of Match.com, they would be limiting themselves. Add the "friends" option, the flood gates just open. lol

Yes... and "Friends" option is open-ended. It doesn't Necessarily Mean platonic, technically. They should get rid of it... and also give it room for bi-sexual people and choosing multiple genders. But why do they have only one-gender-target? Because it's Not a site to merely find friends.

RIGHT! For every person that they are saying they are looking to "hang out" or "friends only", why is it that they have seeking the opposite sex as the option they've chosen to be "friends" with?

Well, I'll defend "Hang Out". That doesn't at all imply merely platonic. But yes, I agree -- why are they looking for the opposite sex? Why wouldn't it be, if they had some unique interests, that a not-so-good-looking guy with those unique interests in his profile isn't responded to more than the better looking ones? Oh, that's right -- it's not JUST friends. :)

People are just fooling themselves.

I totally agree.

I think some people are afraid to have to use online dating as a means of meeting someone and may be slightly embarrassed to admit it.

I think that is the most common reason, to one degree or another. And not just Online -- but "Dating" in general. And also, some people will want to play the "Friends First" baby-game, which is really really dumb.

Nothing wrong with wanting an opposite sex friend and recognizing that it may or may not turn into something more.

But that's not JUST a friend. Here's the measuring stick for Just a Friend: Say you have a BF. You going to tell him that you're going to be actively looking on POF for a guy friend -- who may or may not turn into something more? No. Okay, not just a Friend. Heck, you wouldn't say "Hey, I'm going to create an account on POF or Match to find a guy friend. Don't worry, honey -- I'm only looking for Just a friend!"

If it doesn't hold up to that, it's not just a friend and the true intentions show thru.

It's not a trick, indecisiveness or ill intent.

Actually, many times it is. But, to be fair, most of them are fooling Themselves and many aren't otherwise bad people by any means.

It's an Escape-hatch. It's emotionally deceitful. Essentially one of the common uses as a ploy, which unfortunately is OK'd by too many peers out there, is:
- We'll just be friends. I like to play it cool, I'm not looking for a bf.
- This allows me to still go out, but not really *date* -- but I'll still many times get my stuff paid for by him.
- I'll still usually get more or less everything out of it that I would otherwise (in a more casual setting) -- and change what I meant by it when/how I want. Thank you open-ended word 'friends'!
- I can juggle more than one guy -- I'm not 'dating' more than one guy so I shouldn't get any flack.
- I can continue hanging out with a guy who I have No intentions of ever being more than platonic with, and he has no right to get upset, even if he's paying for bills! I said I'm just looking for Friends!
- I never have to give the speech that I just want to be friends with a guy! I already said it. Bonus!
- If I like him -- Bonus! Oh, I just mean "friends" taking the casual route! I mean, why else am I on a Matchmaking site where its Searches & pairing are strictly for Matchmaking Purposes?

If you're looking to take it slow, just say that. If you're looking for the casual/no-expectations route -- say that. Don't call it "just friends" on a Matchmaking site. Nobody's going to believe you.

Your BF wouldn't believe you if you made an account on POF, searching for dudes -- but then suddenly believe you when you say "Oh, look, I set it as Friends! And I said I'm just looking for friends on here." He's not going to go "oh, phew", unless he's the biggest idiot in the world.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 190
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 1:10:29 PM

Don't call it "just friends" on a Matchmaking site. Nobody's going to believe you.


Right, and some men will attempt to "play along" with this game, because some are willing in order to just get face time with her, otherwise he'll loose out on the opportunity to even see her in person.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 191
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 1:29:06 PM
I didn't read every single post or the long ones but like I said, if you don't like it don't contact them. I personally have no reason to believe people wanting friendships are dishonest. If you think someone is dishonest you simply don't contact them. Is that so hard? I don't think so. It's okay that there are people who don't believe friendship belong to dating sites. Again, be thankful they put it out there, don't believe them and don't contact them. Everybody will be happy. Not complicated.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 192
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 1:54:14 PM
Not sure how that relates to what I said or this post.


It relates because you are saying she wouldn’t even meet you as friends. And I am saying why should she? You are not guaranteed a friendship based on the fact that it is a “just” friendship.
Why would you even consider dating someone who isn’t even interested in being your friend?
You didn’t say who contacted who. Given the fact that friendship is not what brought you here it sounds a bit sketchy to me that you considered friendship with these women in the first place.
I understand you are confused about them having an open mind about considering something more with the right person but that’s just it. If it is so confusing and repulsive or unappealing to you you should not contact them.
 GJallDay
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 193
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 3:20:25 PM
just today I came across a profile that said not seeking any commitment. Just looking for friends. in their about me it just said "ask me" and the headline was " I like white guys! Sorry.."
If all you want is no commitment friendship why would Race matter!? This really isn't a good place to make platonic friends anyway. As if women come on here to find guys to shop with or be workout partners
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 3:50:57 PM
just today I came across a profile that said not seeking any commitment. Just looking for friends. in their about me it just said "ask me" and the headline was " I like white guys!Sorry.."
If all you want is no commitment friendship why would Race matter!?

For the same reason race matters to people with any other relationships. People want what they want.


This really isn't a good place to make platonic friends anyway. As if women come on here to find guys to shop with or be workout partners.
I don’t think they are saying that’s what they want. It is not that confusing when you think of friendship in more than one way. If you think of it in only in one way it is very confusing and really not your fault for not getting it.

I have lived in places and know people who valued all kinds of different platonic friendships. There is more than one type, you know. But because of existing gender roles and traditional understanding of what a girly girl or guy relationship should be, many have never experienced it. And that’s how prejudice is formed.
 patchman1313
Joined: 8/18/2013
Msg: 195
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/9/2014 10:00:35 PM
GJ and others.

It should not surprise us that there are many idiots on this site. Who cares if people don't like you. They are probably garbage if they have to use this site as a friend ordering online store. Because we all know that is how great friendships are formed, you go through a list and pick out the best ones for you, just like shoes or a pair of ear rings. Unless "friends" means someone for sex. If women want sex, they do not need dating sites. They can just go to the nearest bar, pick out a guy they like and say "hey, I think you will do, let's have sex". It would not take long, trust me. I love the crap I hear on these forums, I am glad to see the human race is still plummeting down into the abyss.
ATB Patchman
 nyceguy85
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 196
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:16:03 AM
@ OP. It is common knowledge that women deal in code. What codes they use is up for discussion. Its how they are wired. They arent made to be simple and upfront. When they say "I'm just looking for friends", that does not mean friends with benefits. That means that they ultimately hope to be in a relationship, but for the time being they want to find a guy who is willing to be their friend first, get to know their personality, completely finance all of their dates, and when she feels that he is worthy enough and has spent enough money on her then she will bring up the idea of a relationship. Besides, its alot easier for women to say they are just looking for friends versus them saying they just want to use men for their money and time because they have been used by men in the past and dont want to put themselves out there so quick anymore.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 197
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 8:19:04 AM

I didn't read every single post or the long ones but like I said, if you don't like it don't contact them. I personally have no reason to believe people wanting friendships are dishonest. If you think someone is dishonest you simply don't contact them. Is that so hard?

Apparently it is. It must be more rewarding to find an audience and complain about something instead, even though it really isn't relevant to you or your life.
 LoneScottishBoy
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 198
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 10:22:36 AM
I actually met one of my closest friends here.
We get along great and are able to challenge each other very well.
Friends are everywhere...just have to be a little open minded and pray you arent getting involved with a psycho...;)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 199
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 12:10:26 PM
miketheawesome- Not everyone that approaches things on a friends first basis has an agenda.
It seems to me like this approach would take some of the pressure off.
One of my hopes when I do find someone is that I would want them to be the kind of person I would be friends with if we weren't in a relationship, jmo.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 200
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 2:44:20 PM
Some are on the rebound and not ready to date, some are here for the forums, some don't want to advertise, some have baggage and have convinced themselves that being "friends first" is the way to go, some are in a relationship but have friends here, some are playing games. And 1,000 other reasons, lol It's not just a dating site - you don't need a forum for a dating site - it's a community.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 201
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 4:03:01 PM
I didn't read every single post or the long ones but like I said, if you don't like it don't contact them.

That's changing the subject though. :) The argument isn't about that. It's about how silly the game-playing notion of the open-ended "Friends" game is (online or not).

I personally have no reason to believe people wanting friendships are dishonest.

Many are -- in "innocent" ways. Not all. Some actually believe Just "Friends at First" merely means taking it slow, and will treat everything the same way -- just their comfort-zone calls for it as they're apprehensive about jumping into the dating scene. They won't lead anyone on... they aren't going to want to Actually end up being platonic friends any more than any normal person looking for Dating.

But for many others, as I explained before in previous post, it's a "escape hatch" to change the definitions on what they really meant on-the-fly. It's pretty popular approach by otherwise decent people -- just a selfish issue on their part that's worth bringing awareness to.

This is a dating site, yet some choose to use it for acquiring friends?

Some are -- or (wink wink) are. It's a front for a vast majority who proclaim they're Just looking for Friends Only. Again, if one's Just looking for friends on the site in it's matchmaking engine -- and one believes POF & Match are sites for Finding platonic friends -- then one should have no problem with their significant other joining either site to find a friend of the opp-sex. I can't see how people purposely ignore this litmus test...
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 202
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:19:00 PM
I don't think people who are looking for friends are being dishonest, but let's be honest....

If I go out with a platonic female friend and I think the server is cute. I pretty sure I can ask the server for her number and my platonic female wouldn't care if I did in front of her. same as if I was out with a male friend.

Now let's say I was out with a woman who I met from POF who wants to be friends first (with a possibility of more in the future). If I ask the server for her number in front of her...she shouldn't have an issue with me doing so, right? After all, were just friends. If she does have an issue with it, are we really "friends" and would she stop being "friends" with me?

To me, let's call it what it really is...you're here to find someone to date and want to take things slow. I can respect that. Saying you want to be friends but with a different set of rules compared to my other female friends or expected to treated like a date in disguise. Now that's a different issue.

[Finding platonic friends -- then one should have no problem with their significant other joining either site to find a friend of the opp-sex. I can't see how people purposely ignore this litmus test.]

Another question to raise would be if they are looking to find friends on here..why not seek out same sex friends ? I'm sure most women wouldn't mind getting a message from another women offering the friendship.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 203
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 5:56:46 PM

Now let's say I was out with a woman who I met from POF who wants to be friends first (with a possibility of more in the future). If I ask the server for her number in front of her...she shouldn't have an issue with me doing so, right? After all, were just friends.


And she shouldn't have a problem with you going back on POF to find someone who will actually date you right off the bat without some sort of probationary period, or getting together with an old girlfriend. After all, you're just friends.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 204
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 6:02:11 PM

Finding platonic friends -- then one should have no problem with their significant other joining either site to find a friend of the opp-sex. I can't see how people purposely ignore this litmus test...


On message boards, some people tend to pick out portions of a post they can argue about. The litmus test in question is something they cannot argue.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 205
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:02:28 PM
To me there is a world of difference between naturally becoming friends with someone of the opposite sex and then one deciding to add romance to mix and joining an online dating site. to manufacture some friendship as a perquisite to forming a long term relationship
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 206
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:03:12 PM
To me, let's call it what it really is...you're here to find someone to date and want to take things slow. I can respect that. Saying you want to be friends but with a different set of rules compared to my other female friends or expected to treated like a date in disguise. Now that's a different issue.

I agree. Why not call it taking things slow? Because there's still 'something' there. The site's not perfect... I won't "Oh Geez" at *merely* seeing "Friends" selected in the Looking For section, if everything else explains it. It's a non-platonic site, and there is such thing as non-platonic Friends.

To clarify my rant (lol)... The game of haze & obfuscation by wielding the word Friends in what they strongly declare in their profile, IMO, comes in two different ways:

(a) "JUST Friends" - They declare they're only on the Matchmaking site to find JUST friends. Strictly platonic. Okay, this is where nobody's going to believe you. If that's the case, significant others would by and large not have a problem with them going on Match or POF to find others of the opp-sex (as just friends). And, Nj2ut, as you pointed out, they would be going on there to find a sports-bar-buddy or something. They're lying to themselves and/or others, and nobody's going to believe them. Much the same way someone joins AdultFF declaring they are not going to fool around with anyone and are just looking for a bowling partner. But at least they're speaking a direct, clear-cut claim...

(b) "Friends First" - Emphasizing that they want to be just friends... at First. Not take it slow. Although this is seemingly fitting for a Matchmaking Site, this becomes weird and you'll find everyone has their own meanings (which can change on the fly; which IS the point). So just friends -- at first. First before what? Being more than friends. So it means it's platonic. Or is it? Essentially, this is where the silly immature role-playing comes in to pretend it's platonic when it's not -- otherwise, bringing your ex-gf at the end (who's a "friend"), or making out with the waitress in the parking lot in front of her would never be an issue.

Point being, Friends First lets the cat out of the bag. You're not going to be Just Friends. Why do some feel better sticking to this VS "taking it slow"? Because if you Literally are Just Friends at First, you're not taking it slow -- you're not moving at all (yet?). But you can't have your cake & eat it too, is my point. He's allowed to chase the waitress or invite his ex-gf along, and it shouldn't phase her one bit on the 1st outing if she likes him. Not cool? Great. It's not platonic. It's not Just Friends at First then.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 207
Just looking for friends
Posted: 2/10/2014 7:35:01 PM
I remember a friend from way back when (in my college years) who was a real lady's man. He was big, muscular and women thought he was gorgeous. There was never a shortage of dates for him. But he had the opposite problem. No women did the "Let's be friends first and see how it goes" routine, or "Let's take it slow". They all wanted a serious relationship with him right from the start, and he found that annoying. Poor baby (lol). So I guess the moral of the story is physical attraction will dictate the speed of friends first to more than just friends.
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