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Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 26
should i tell her to leavePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was confused at first, because at first I thought this was your girlfriend.

This is now your ex. girlfriend....Lets see now, you lent her 35k, and support her and her child, because she is running out of money, though she can give her Ex. money for food, gas and cigarettes, and he is living in her home that is being remodeled cause he is the one remodeling. To ad to all of this, she only wants you in a "friend only basis".

Then you ask if your being used?....not all all, this is pretty much normal.......Not...just kidding....not only are you being used, but you are allowing it to happen. First off, you don't lend out 35k without filling out the proper documentation, tell you the truth, you shouldn't have done that anyway, then you don't support someone who is taking their money and supporting someone in an ex. boyfriend...he is getting paid for the job and supporting himself. Then, if you were in a relation that is reduced to just a friendship, thats all it will ever be....

But then you have to ask yourself, would a real friend do all of this? I can see the end to this story is...she completes the house, they move in together, and you are left broke and stuck with a lot of bills.

Yes, you are being used, and taken to the cleaners, but you allowed it to happen too....shine your boots and do some kicking, but talk to a lawyer about getting your 35k back first.

I can only imagine if there are ones out there wanting someone to latch on will be getting a lot of
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 27
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 5:54:40 AM
Is this not just another FWB story?
2 people and at least 1 not believing what the other told them the benefits would be!

OP only you can know how much of a friend you are and she is.
But you do need to take your blinkers off to asses that.

The only way I would lend her any more money is if she was prepared to put the whole amount in writing in a legally binding document with her house as ca lateral.

I am curious have you actually discussed with her when and how she will pay you back or is just part of your fantasy that she will finally be so dependent on you that she will become your girlfriend again and it wont matter?

should i tell her to leave

Is there value to you in her friendship if she doesn't become your girlfriend?

She has only used you as much as you have allowed her too.

Will you stay friends after she moves out?

The decisions are yours!
Good luck
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 28
view profile
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:39:48 AM
Home schooling would tell me the kids do not need to be in a specific school district. I would get a notarized letter from her regarding the loan and give her 2 weeks to get out.
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 29
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:47:31 AM
Sound like she is getting lots of free stuff, it also sounds like some of it you pushed on her.

Finally some logic. the OP is no puppet here, the OP was the one pulling all the strings.

This women(who happens to be an ex of the OP) asked the OP for a place to stay for awhile with for her and her kids. The OP said yes and saw this has an opportunity to get this women back. His plan involved showering her with gifts and money as a way of letting her know the kind of life she is losing by not having him in her life. His hope also was that by them living together they would naturally become a couple again.

But the woman never gave in to this devious plot. She kept telling the OP no and he kept right on with the gifts and money. But I am guessing her house is now close to being finished and the OP has come to realize that his play has crash and burned. Now he is feeling like a fool and comes into the forums playing the victim. And low and behold the vast majority is just looking at this on face value. 35k given out+ place to live for free= equals VICTIM.

The fact of the matter is if this woman had given in to the OP and they were once again a couple, the Op would be happier than a Priest in a boys scout camp. The thread he would have written was about how he got his love back.

People keep saying how he needs to get something signed after the fact from this woman so he can go after her for the money he gave her. To the best of my knowledge you can't claim money gifted as loans anywhere on this planet. The Op gave the money of his own free will. I doubt very much if this woman asked for a penny of it.

Should she have refused some of it? Of course she should have, But I bet the Op insisted she took it. If she didn't take it his plan had no chance to work.

Now all this short sightedness is saying kick the woman out. KICK HER OUT FOR WHAT? The OP gave things and the woman accepted. This woman was totally upfront with the OP every step of the way. Can anyone tell me what she infact did to be booted on the street?. What part of their original agreement did she violate to warrant him kicking her out now?.

The OP is the only one that was being deceptive in this whole story. The woman in question came in as a friend asking for help and remained that way. She never played the OP, the OP tried using money as a tool and it backfired.
Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 30
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:05:12 AM
I know everyone on here is pretty much saying kick her to the curb, you are being used and scammed you're a sucker and that's probably accurate. However, a couple of things.

First, who here hasnt made a total ass out of themselves doing things that when they look back at it say "What the hell was I thinking". We have all done it, hoping that she will come to her senses or realize how great we really were. It very rarely happens and if it does you have made yourself look so weak that it will never be the same.

Secondly, if you do not have a loan agreement and do kick her out you can definitely kiss that 35k goodbye. Maybe 35k isnt much to you and it doesnt matter. If that is the case then by all means line up in punt formation. If that 35 is important you are going to have to wallk softly until you get her to sign loan papers....good luck with that.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 31
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:10:59 AM
Wow ... there are all kinds out there.

Thanks for the morning laugh!
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 32
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:13:53 AM
OP, I'm not sure you ever HAD this woman. And I'm having a helluva time figuring out why you want her at all. She's a golddigger, plain and simple. Out to get whatever she can get from men like you. They smell desperation a mile away and zero in on the target. You're the nice guy who helps her out, but I guarantee you she's f*ckin' the bad-boy ex-bf she's supporting. I speak from experience -- my brother attracts the same kind of women. I can't save him because he refuses to see what's going on. Maybe you will listen. Get rid of her now before she sucks all the life (and money) out of you.
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 33
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:21:33 AM
Sounds like this women is cunning. The ex/bf working on the house might be in the same boat as you. Maybe this is her way....using all the ex's to get what she needs. This whole situation is a cluster F. I would consider the money a total wash....yeah your never going to get that back. As far as her living there...sounds like you couldn't throw her out if you tried. Clearly you love this woman. If and until is my motto. That's usually how long we let things go on...if and until it's over for you. Nobody knows how long that's until you had enough. If your letting her stay there, thinking your going to get a return on your investment, that is prob going to be a no on that one. You have to just resolve to store your treasures in heaven. If you want to get out of this situation in a fair nice way, I would sit down with her and come up with a date to move out....6 weeks seems fair. That sets a reasonable expectation for both parties. You don't have to look or feel like the a-hole and she can have plenty of time to arrange something different. It takes the "personal" out of the situation. I realize you love this woman, but everyone needs boundaries. She has communicated to you that she wants to be just friends. You need to come to terms with that.
Good luck!
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 34
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:39:21 AM
(I'm assuming you don't have children of your own or other dependents that you have a responsibility to provide for.)

Guy, it's like this. You can have 35k, or your stones. I recommend the stones. Write the money off, plan on being broke for a year or two, and get her out of your life. Now.

It doesn't matter how it started or whose fault it is or whatever. Maybe she asked, maybe you offered, whatever. Just tell her she is no longer welcome there. If she or one of her relatives is savvy enough to attempt a tenant legal argument then tell her your hospitality was contingent upon her eventual departure and serve her an eviction notice (google can help you here). I seriously doubt she'll put up a fight, though, after having profited immensely.

You could probably arrange to trick her into acknowledging on record that she owes you the money and ultimately get a judgment against her, but all it will do is keep you tangled up with her and her new boyfriend for years to come. Frankly, I think you're better off cutting the whole thing free and saving up more money later.
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 35
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:36:41 AM

i already lent her 35k I do want her back, but she don't want anything to do with me other than being a friend

This statement by the OP speaks valumes to me. The Op gave the women the money in the hope of influencing her into getting back with him. She made it very clear to him the only thing they have is a friendship and that's all she wanted. The fact that the OP mention the 35k and wanting to get her back in the same sentence should make it obvious to even Ray charles what his agenda was. And how he went about trying to accomplish said agenda.
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 36
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:42:48 AM
Im going to eat my shoes if this is real and not a troll post...
come the f*ck on...

Im not buying it...

if it is true..I have advice..

rent "me myself & Irene"
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 37
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:46:41 AM

My x g/f and her kida are living with me since July and may be here for a while>the home she bought is being redone and she is running out of cash. i already lent her 35k I do want her back, but she dont want anything to do with me other than being a friend. At the same time her so called other xb/f is living at the home doing the constuction work and she is supporting him buying food butts and gas, while im supporting her and her children. I really think im being used. should i tell them to leave even though they have no place to go or just suck it up and put my life on hold?????

This makes no sense what so ever. You are supporting her in your home, and she is supporting her ex-bf who is living in her home.

Sheer madness................
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 38
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:59:27 AM
This makes no sense what so ever. You are supporting her in your home, and she is supporting her ex-bf who is living in her home

Total and utter misdirection by the OP.

At the same time her so called eb/f is living at her house doing the construction work and she is supporting him buying food, butts and gas

The guy is the one doing the renovation work on her house. All he is getting out of this is food, butts and gas. I would hardly call that " supporting" sounds like a hell of a deal for her if you ask me.

The home she bought is being redone and she is running out of cash

Fact is the woman is not broke as the Op wants us to believe, the woman has her own money, she might be running out, but she has her own money none the less. All she asked the Op for was a place to stay until her house was done, nothing more. Everything else the Op did on his own with his own hidden agenda.
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 39
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:05:29 AM

I totally don't believe the 35,000 part.
Pretty much don't believe most of the rest of it either..
because the OP chimming in on page 2 merely to say she homeschools her kids there also, and not giving answers to what others asked?

Ha. Good eye. I caught that was well. Gotta love being observant.
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 40
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:27:56 AM
I don't know tdh49, again this is one of "those" threads.

I would love some more info, my firm belief here is there is his story, her story and the truth somewhere in between.

While I can't totally disagree with you, I would question the intentions of anyone who knows you have feelings for them, but still puts you in a place where you want more and they simply want a favor.

Putting aside the money for a sec, we really don't know, nor has he made clear, how this came about, aside from the bare bones facts he gave in the OP.

If she owns the house, why not get a redo on the mortgage, rather than "borrow" or gift the money from the OP?

If she is home schooling the kids, it doesn't sound like she works, as this takes quite a bit of time from her day. We also can't azzume he forced the money on her, anymore than we can that she asked for it.

By the reactions on here, I doubt the OP will be of a mind to share more than the bare minimum.

Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 41
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 3:16:46 PM
Hi yes i did lend her 35k sorry that you dont believe me but it is the gods honest truth.She does homeschool her kids I set up a room with desks and things she needed to do it. She has no friends they are both special needs kids who seemed to have been just passed by in the public school system. Have you ever met someone tho you thought she or he was the one. That where i was at.
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 42
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 3:36:06 PM
there is much to this She dont work collecting SSI. I was in a relationship with her for 6 years . Her Mom passed away and she got some cash bought a home and started to renovate it as she got into it it costed more and more, and she was unable to get a loan to finish it. I got a loan and she is making the payments. She still has her moms house to sell however in this market its not moving, when that happens she should have about 125k enought to pay me back and finish her home. Im sorry I guess that I feel bad for her and tried to help her out, however i feelshe is using me and her other x to get what she wants. I do love her children and still have feelings for her but I cant see us getting back cause of all that has happened. Anything that anyone wants to know just ask i tell the truth and dont lie. Everybody have a great evening.
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 43
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 4:11:47 PM
Point is OP, seems to all of us here that you ARE being used. My goodness, you gave this woman money and she's let another man spend it on a house she's not even living in! That's from you own words! Wake up Man!
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 44
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:21:49 PM
So I guess the answer is no you didn't get her to sign a contract stating she owes you that money. I hope that she pays you back, if you kick her out chances are that she wont pay you back. Good luck.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 45
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:29:41 PM
Interesting that given the answers you got in your previous thread you decided to go ahead with it.
<a href=""></a>#12771358


Is the x bf the abusive one she went back to refered to in your previous thread?

How much is required to be done to make her house livable?
Just to be clear I dont mean renovated I mean livable. This may include no internal lining and a camp oven for cooking, perhaps one room insulated if your in a cold area.

Can you trust her judgement on how much it is going to take to get it done to her standard?

Or do you have to decide how much more you are going to put yourself at risk?

Oh yeah, does she plan on living in the renovated house or selling it for a profit in the end?

That being the case you could possibly look at it as a business deal. Albeit a risky one.
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 46
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:37:03 PM
You should continue to be a doormat
phuck her every now and then
bring home herpes
and be a real man...

Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 47
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:38:53 PM
"Interesting that given the answers you got in your previous thread you decided to go ahead with it.
<a href=""></a>#12771358"

Maybe this one is a different GF, the OP seems to know how to pick them,
But , this is from the OP's profile:

"I m a intelligent,witty,kind,considerate,honest and trustworthy single guy looking for a good girl"

Hmmmm, not so much!
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 48
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:45:01 PM
My friend, you only have the responsibility for yourself given your situation. If she asks for your help then sure you can obviously help her out where you can but, if you start feeling ill about the help you are giving her then, it is time you respect yourself and do what you need for you to feel good again.

As her ex-boyfriend, I see that you are still putting her problems on your shoulders but now the time has come for you to put your pants on and do what YOU feel is right for yourself. Of course if you still want to continue being a very goofd friend and help her in the same she needs help then that's your prerogative but if you no longer want to keep helping her in that way then, why are you still helping her and letting her reality of life damage you for who you are?

I would simply sit her down and explain to her that you wanted to help her from the very beginning but now, you feel that it is time for her to find another place to move to. Of course she may be completely stressed out and worried about what she is going to do but again, as a friend you hae helped her as a friend could for as long as a friend should and you have explained that the time is now.
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 49
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:56:32 PM
i think that you are warping this story into a poor me situation. she is not an ex girlfriend using you. she is a friend in need, who is lost. I believe that you know that she is making mistakes and you care about her ad a close friend. If we don't help out those closest to us, then what is life for?
Plus, I believe that you know that this guy isn't sticking around.
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:26:49 PM
ROFL maof can you say doormat. You suspect your being used ? really ?. Man you got to be kidding me if she can support him she can support herself. Tell her to leave and get your life back, its not your job to take care of her and being friends means you don't take advantage of a situation just because you can. 35 k is rent for a year in her own apartment. Her housing issue is not your responsibility.
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