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 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 37
should i tell her to leavePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

My x g/f and her kida are living with me since July and may be here for a while>the home she bought is being redone and she is running out of cash. i already lent her 35k I do want her back, but she dont want anything to do with me other than being a friend. At the same time her so called other xb/f is living at the home doing the constuction work and she is supporting him buying food butts and gas, while im supporting her and her children. I really think im being used. should i tell them to leave even though they have no place to go or just suck it up and put my life on hold?????


This makes no sense what so ever. You are supporting her in your home, and she is supporting her ex-bf who is living in her home.

Sheer madness................
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 38
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:59:27 AM
This makes no sense what so ever. You are supporting her in your home, and she is supporting her ex-bf who is living in her home


Total and utter misdirection by the OP.


At the same time her so called eb/f is living at her house doing the construction work and she is supporting him buying food, butts and gas


The guy is the one doing the renovation work on her house. All he is getting out of this is food, butts and gas. I would hardly call that " supporting" sounds like a hell of a deal for her if you ask me.


The home she bought is being redone and she is running out of cash


Fact is the woman is not broke as the Op wants us to believe, the woman has her own money, she might be running out, but she has her own money none the less. All she asked the Op for was a place to stay until her house was done, nothing more. Everything else the Op did on his own with his own hidden agenda.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 39
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:05:29 AM

I totally don't believe the 35,000 part.
Pretty much don't believe most of the rest of it either..
because the OP chimming in on page 2 merely to say she homeschools her kids there also, and not giving answers to what others asked?


Ha. Good eye. I caught that was well. Gotta love being observant.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 40
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:27:56 AM
I don't know tdh49, again this is one of "those" threads.

I would love some more info, my firm belief here is there is his story, her story and the truth somewhere in between.

While I can't totally disagree with you, I would question the intentions of anyone who knows you have feelings for them, but still puts you in a place where you want more and they simply want a favor.

Putting aside the money for a sec, we really don't know, nor has he made clear, how this came about, aside from the bare bones facts he gave in the OP.

If she owns the house, why not get a redo on the mortgage, rather than "borrow" or gift the money from the OP?

If she is home schooling the kids, it doesn't sound like she works, as this takes quite a bit of time from her day. We also can't azzume he forced the money on her, anymore than we can that she asked for it.

By the reactions on here, I doubt the OP will be of a mind to share more than the bare minimum.

IMO
 nhbait
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 41
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 3:16:46 PM
Hi yes i did lend her 35k sorry that you dont believe me but it is the gods honest truth.She does homeschool her kids I set up a room with desks and things she needed to do it. She has no friends they are both special needs kids who seemed to have been just passed by in the public school system. Have you ever met someone tho you thought she or he was the one. That where i was at.
 nhbait
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 42
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 3:36:06 PM
there is much to this She dont work collecting SSI. I was in a relationship with her for 6 years . Her Mom passed away and she got some cash bought a home and started to renovate it as she got into it it costed more and more, and she was unable to get a loan to finish it. I got a loan and she is making the payments. She still has her moms house to sell however in this market its not moving, when that happens she should have about 125k enought to pay me back and finish her home. Im sorry I guess that I feel bad for her and tried to help her out, however i feelshe is using me and her other x to get what she wants. I do love her children and still have feelings for her but I cant see us getting back cause of all that has happened. Anything that anyone wants to know just ask i tell the truth and dont lie. Everybody have a great evening.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 43
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 4:11:47 PM
Point is OP, seems to all of us here that you ARE being used. My goodness, you gave this woman money and she's let another man spend it on a house she's not even living in! That's from you own words! Wake up Man!
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 44
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:21:49 PM
So I guess the answer is no you didn't get her to sign a contract stating she owes you that money. I hope that she pays you back, if you kick her out chances are that she wont pay you back. Good luck.
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 45
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:29:41 PM
Interesting that given the answers you got in your previous thread you decided to go ahead with it.
<a href="http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12771358.aspx">http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12771358.aspx</a>#12771358

QUESTIONS vvv

Is the x bf the abusive one she went back to refered to in your previous thread?

How much is required to be done to make her house livable?
Just to be clear I dont mean renovated I mean livable. This may include no internal lining and a camp oven for cooking, perhaps one room insulated if your in a cold area.

Can you trust her judgement on how much it is going to take to get it done to her standard?

Or do you have to decide how much more you are going to put yourself at risk?

Oh yeah, does she plan on living in the renovated house or selling it for a profit in the end?

That being the case you could possibly look at it as a business deal. Albeit a risky one.
 revoskeepnus
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 46
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:37:03 PM
You should continue to be a doormat
phuck her every now and then
bring home herpes
and be a real man...

perhaps
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 47
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:38:53 PM
"Interesting that given the answers you got in your previous thread you decided to go ahead with it.
<a href="http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12771358.aspx">http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12771358.aspx</a>#12771358"

Maybe this one is a different GF, the OP seems to know how to pick them,
But , this is from the OP's profile:

"I m a intelligent,witty,kind,considerate,honest and trustworthy single guy looking for a good girl"

Hmmmm, not so much!
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 48
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 6:45:01 PM
My friend, you only have the responsibility for yourself given your situation. If she asks for your help then sure you can obviously help her out where you can but, if you start feeling ill about the help you are giving her then, it is time you respect yourself and do what you need for you to feel good again.

As her ex-boyfriend, I see that you are still putting her problems on your shoulders but now the time has come for you to put your pants on and do what YOU feel is right for yourself. Of course if you still want to continue being a very goofd friend and help her in the same she needs help then that's your prerogative but if you no longer want to keep helping her in that way then, why are you still helping her and letting her reality of life damage you for who you are?

I would simply sit her down and explain to her that you wanted to help her from the very beginning but now, you feel that it is time for her to find another place to move to. Of course she may be completely stressed out and worried about what she is going to do but again, as a friend you hae helped her as a friend could for as long as a friend should and you have explained that the time is now.
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 49
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:56:32 PM
i think that you are warping this story into a poor me situation. she is not an ex girlfriend using you. she is a friend in need, who is lost. I believe that you know that she is making mistakes and you care about her ad a close friend. If we don't help out those closest to us, then what is life for?
Plus, I believe that you know that this guy isn't sticking around.
 Blakkardaberry
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:26:49 PM
ROFL maof can you say doormat. You suspect your being used ? really ?. Man you got to be kidding me if she can support him she can support herself. Tell her to leave and get your life back, its not your job to take care of her and being friends means you don't take advantage of a situation just because you can. 35 k is rent for a year in her own apartment. Her housing issue is not your responsibility.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 51
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:45:51 PM
Color me stupid but if she has her mother's house which isn't moving why can't she park her butt and her home schooling there while the other house is being renovated?
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 52
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/30/2010 1:31:45 AM
Tell her she needs to start paying rent and covering her cost of food/utilities or she'll need to leave. It's not like she doesn't have anywhere to go - she could move back into her home, even if it's dusty and inconvenient, other people have lived in their houses whilst renovating.

Edit: just read packagex3's post above ^^^ what she said.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/30/2010 4:40:01 PM
ah, another thread reinforcing my ever-growing suspicion that we women who stand on our own 2 feet and slay our own damn dragons are on the wrong track...LOL...thanks anyway I prefer to be in charge of my own life anyway.
OP, it's good of you to care about those kids. But I think you are waking up and realizing that you need to phase this situation out of your life-a good point was brought up that if her late mother's house is available, why doesn't she move in to that one until it sells. Good grief, if it's free and clear,she could adjust the asking price downward, couldn't she?
I don't know if we could call this a straight up situation of you being "used"...I think in a sense you are trying to prove to her that she CAN'T make it on her own and you hope that she will come back to you on that basis-yep, you are more or less trying to BUY your way into a resumption of the relationship.Are you OK with a boughten relationship?
Cindy O
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 54
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/30/2010 6:45:19 PM

Have you ever met someone tho you thought she or he was the one. That where i was at.

Evidently you are starting to realise how much better it will be when you meet some one who wants all you have to offer.


I really think im being used. should i tell them to leave even though they have no place to go or just suck it up and put my life on hold?????

In every relationship the two people use one another to fulfill their needs.

If at any stage one or other is not happy with the arrangement it is up to them to negotiate an alternative.

There are many alternatives between the extremes of kicking her out and putting your life on hold indefinitely.
 HoosierInMo
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 55
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/30/2010 10:57:23 PM
OP, either you're a glutton for punishment, or a liar. The behavior you just outlined in your post is SOOOO!!!! outlandishly foolish, that I can only hope that you're creating a Paul Bunyan style tale to draw attention to yourself as that would be much more respectable than lending 35 grand to a woman you're openly pining for but spurns your affection for another man. Boarding her and her kids in your home. I mean you can't be serious. I seriously can't fathom how any one could possibly believe this passes a reasonable man standard.

On topic. If this is true ...yes kick her out.
 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 56
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/30/2010 11:34:24 PM
Wow I can't believe this thread is even getting serious responses. The OP's story is not even adding up one bit, it's clear he made this whole thing up for kicks.

OP posted this on 7/19/2009


My x g/g of a year had a lot of personal issues of late her mom passed and she cared for her while ill. She had left me to get back into a abusive relatioship



But then somehow since 09, his ex girlfriend of a year became his ex of 6 years? How does that happen in a years’ time?


I was in a relationship with her for 6 years. Her Mom passed away and she got some cash bought a home and started to renovate it


It's obviously not a different woman because in both cases he speaks of her mom passing. So either he is bull sh!tting about the time frame because he is embarrassed he gave her 35k in only a year time...or he didn't give her the money and is making it up to make himself out to be the victim...OR (and I am leaning towards this one) there is no girlfriend and this is all a fairytale he made up for laughs and giggles.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 57
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 10/1/2010 8:20:21 AM
If you feel badly about asking her to leave then take control of ths situation and get a better realtor for her mothers place. In this economy maybe she has to lower the asking price or possibly put a bit of elbow grease into it to get it sold. But she should not be squatting with you. How much of an Ex is the guy in the new house if you are together 6 years?
She has TWO homes so she is not exactly going to be homeless.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 58
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:19:47 AM
Yikes - She must be really hot to manipulate you that easily OP. - and you're not even getting sex in the deal.
 BerniesAlive
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 59
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 10/3/2010 10:12:53 PM
Nhbait, what are you going to do about your friend and her kids?
 Dodieodo
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 60
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:48:48 AM
Bottom line is *People Can Only Do To Us What We Allow Them To Do* and as long as you allow someone to mentally, emotionally and financially abuse you then chances are they will continue to do it for as long as they possibly can! If this person was truly *The One* then she would not be treating you this way! Life is never easy and as much as I am sure it hurts for you to take a long hard painful look at the reality of this situation I believe you know that it's time to stand up for yourself and kick this gal to the curb! I do not believe that any woman would want a man who is a doormat.. she obviously does not love or respect you but is using your home as her own personal Holiday Inn and your bank account as if she won the Lottery! Man up already and tell her to pack her things and get to steppin!!
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 61
view profile
History
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:42:00 AM
I've got to quit reading this sh*t....scares the hell out of me knowing how many areas of my life are controlled by people who can't think.
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