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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 48
Busy with a time framePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I thought she was worth the wait, but the no response has changed my mind.

Seems sensible. She ignored your last two contacts... whatever the circumstances, that's quite enough.

Sorry it went this way, and here's hoping for better your next time out!
 Clark_Kal-el_Kent
Joined: 4/17/2010
Msg: 49
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/9/2010 8:46:21 PM
How come no one considered she could be dead? Anyways, I made my final approach attempt, but a Wedding is coming up soon that I'm attending. Hopefully I can meet someone from the grooms side (He's not my cousin). Wedding Crashing styles.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 50
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/10/2010 3:55:46 AM

Not exactly. It's more like ``Get back in touch if and when you have enough time to date me and if I'm not interested in someone else, we'll see.''

Argh. That's what I've been suggesting all along.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 51
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/10/2010 9:42:17 PM

Argh. That's what I've been suggesting all along.

Actually, that is not what you've said all along. What you said was:

Assuming this is just a temporary situation and not the way her life always is, I say you just wait the three weeks and ask her out again.

What I'm saying is that he should NOT ask her out again. He should move on and forget about her unless she calls him, makes it clear she's interested, has time to date and asks him out.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 52
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 3:27:07 AM

What I'm saying is that he should NOT ask her out again. He should move on and forget about her unless she calls him, makes it clear she's interested, has time to date and asks him out.

So at the end of the three weeks, if he still has an interest in dating her, he should stand his ground and hope that she asks him out? Gotcha.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 53
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 4:20:33 AM
So at the end of the three weeks, if he still has an interest in dating her, he should stand his ground and hope that she asks him out? Gotcha.

He's already demonstrated his interest in her and asked her out. She wasn't interested enough to find time to go out. If she's really interested in him, she'll call. No hope involved. The point is to forget about her instead of hoping. I never found it worthwhile to chase a woman who didn't reciprocate my interest.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 54
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 8:53:07 AM

So at the end of the three week, if he still has an interest, he should stand his ground and hope that she ask him out? Gotcha


Why not? exactly how much groveling should the OP do with this woman? The Op has shown her that he is totally interested, she in turn has totally ignored every attempt to connect. If after her 3 weeks of " Being busy " is up she has time for the OP, then she should be the one making the next move. The Op has no idea when she will be unbusy, sure she said 3 weeks but it could be longer. If and when that happens it's up to her to then reach out and let him know she is now available. But who knows maybe by then the Op would have taken what little dignity he has left and become too busy for her.
 mjollnir79
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 55
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 8:43:20 PM
"I'm busy" is basecly a way to say the person is lame and not worth your time, 3 weeks? shyyt ok lets say you DO get a date, then whens the next one? 2 weeks? a month ? forget that, find someone you can randomly call on a Saturday after noon and ask them to do something and their not constantly busy.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 56
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 9:21:11 PM

Why not? exactly how much groveling should the OP do with this woman? The Op has shown her that he is totally interested, she in turn has totally ignored every attempt to connect. If after her 3 weeks of " Being busy " is up she has time for the OP, then she should be the one making the next move.

In the OP's particular case, he's made another attempt to contact her with no success so no, I don't think he should keep trying. But speaking of this sort of situation in general, if I were on the OP's side of things and my interest in the guy was around a 7 and he put me on hold for a defined period, my assumption would be that he's not that interested in me and he's probably blowing me off. BUT, I wouldn't completely write him off nor would I write off the possibility that he could become more interested in me once his busy period was over. So if the period ended and I still had an interest in him, I wouldn't leave it all in his hands to contact me. If I didn't hear from him promptly, I'd get in touch with him. What would I have to lose by doing that? At worst, he responds with a scathing rejection. Big deal. But it's worth it to me to make that quick call or write that simple email for the chance of something more with this guy that I like.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 57
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/11/2010 10:50:34 PM

But it's worth it to me to make that quick call or write that simple email for the chance of something more with this guy that I like.

Why would you want to like someone who couldn't find enough time to talk to you on the phone or meet you for lunch or dinner in a three week period?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 58
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:25:04 AM

forget that, find someone you can randomly call on a Saturday after noon and ask them to do something and their not constantly busy.

This is the opposite extreme. Sure, a lot of people find three weeks out to be too long, but calling someone last minute isn't ideal either. I'm never still free on a Saturday night by Thursday unless I specifically don't want to make plans, so calling randomly on Saturday at noon to see what's going on that night won't work too well for a lot of people either.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 59
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/12/2010 5:36:30 AM

Why would you want to like someone who couldn't find enough time to talk to you on the phone or meet you for lunch or dinner in a three week period?

I wouldn't like a boyfriend who suddenly took a time-out from our relationship. But a guy I've been on two dates with barely knows me. I don't presume his interest level at that point is what it will always be nor do I presume to know him well enough that he'd tell me the full reason why he's unavailable for awhile. I understand and appreciate the concept of good timing and I also realize how stressful or distracting a new relationship can be so I'd prefer to delay the start of it until a time when the relationship has a better chance of succeeding.
 24suburbs
Joined: 10/8/2010
Msg: 60
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/12/2010 7:11:11 AM
I could understand not being available to go out on a date for 2-3 weeks. Some people could be on vacation or extremely busy with work, school, family, or other committments. But not being able to respond to a text message or chat on the phone for 15-20 minutes during that time period would indicate that person isn't interested in me.
 ClarkKalelKent
Joined: 10/18/2010
Msg: 61
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/22/2010 12:01:06 PM
So, she finally e-mailed me back, apparently it was a long story, but she told me she got hired for where she works and basically had 2 jobs at a time, and her other work is all day too. I understand where she's coming from, when I had my job the first time, I ditched all my plans (6 months) with no going out at all, because we had similar jobs. (And I didn't have a 2nd job).
Anyways, she left off with that's she's superbusy and doesn't have any times to make any plans and she hopes I find work (Were in the same line of work), so I can be busy too, and ended saying Good Luck!

So I e-mailed her back asking the 5 w's (Well, not all 5), and congratulations and made implications that we should hang-out Christmas Break. (She won't get back to me for a while I know, because of how important her new e-mail is).

I know where she works, it's public information (nature of our jobs), but I'm wondering is it stalkerish if I mail her a funny gift (That's another long story, it's just a piece of paper with my face on it, resembling a Schrute Buck).

The only reason I'm still interested in her is because on my last date, all I did was think of her.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/22/2010 12:08:29 PM
Time for Scottey's course in plain English:
Good Luck = I'm not interested in you.
Good Luck = I don't want to hang out with you over Christmas break.
Good Luck = Don't contact me anymore.
Good Luck = Don't send anything to me at my place of employment. It's not "stalkerish". It's stalking.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 63
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/22/2010 2:15:27 PM

I know where she works, it's public information (nature of our jobs), but I'm wondering is it stalkerish if I mail her a funny gift (That's another long story, it's just a piece of paper with my face on it, resembling a Schrute Buck).

No, but it has desperate written all over it. f you really want drive the last nail into the coffin, get that gift to her ASAP. I know this might seem a little counter-intuitive, but whatever slim-to-none chance you have will improve the most by doing nothing. Let's put it this way. You're best bet is to not make her dread hearing from you by being a pest. I think you've made it clear you are interested in her. You've beaten that into her head well enough. Give it a rest so she has time to miss you (assuming you haven't already alienated her.)

The only reason I'm still interested in her is because on my last date, all I did was think of her

Keep going on dates until that doesn't happen any more. Getting laid will work wonders.
 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 64
Busy with a time frame
Posted: 10/22/2010 8:58:57 PM
Seeing how the final scene went, with her saying "nice meeting you, good luck with your life", it's obvious she wants no further presence/presents from the OP.

I wouldn't have drawn this conclusion though, just from "busy with a time frame". I joined POF just before three straight weeks of travel. I had a few first contacts in my inbox and I told them I'd be back to pick up the conversation in three weeks.

On the way to the airport, I also met a dude at Quizno's who asked me out and when I explained my time frame, he asked "may I call you tuesday that week?" and I said yes. There's nothing wrong with busy and taking a rain check.

I would not have answered little texts and emails from these guys while away. That stuff is for after I know people. People from online are strangers and I'm sure I'm not the only one who is sometimes stressed about the prospect of meeting them. I will not find it easy to make time for that when I'm busy, because of the emotional energy it takes.

That said, I agree with this thread that "sorry, I was so busy" is a lame excuse. Whether I was busy emailing somebody else whose conversation was more interesting, or busy at work, shouldn't matter to the guy I didn't feel like answering!

So I think a specific time frame is more compatible with real interest than a vague "I'm kinda busy".
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