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Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 15
Divorce of parents.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Your friend is in a tough and difficult position but, she should speak out and help her mom by getter her the help she needs. If her mom is bipolar, she needs to seek counseling (I think) and her doctor for some medication. Your friend needs to understand that she needs to worry ONLY about her own life and problems and not jump through the hoops her mom wants her to. If she simply continues doing that, the problem will only continue for as long as she lives their.

As her friend, you could make her realize that and let her know that her mom has to deal with her life and take responsibility for her own 100% and stop getting her daughter to take care of it for her.

Doing just that take a LOT of courage from your friend and stick to it but, IF she wants it to stop and have the kind of life she wants...
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 16
Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/6/2010 7:11:32 PM
Your friend is trying to grasp some normalcy by refusing to abide by her mothers wishes. I can't imagine having to live with someone of this magnitude. I do believe counseling would help her a great deal as well as trying to move into her future by moving out of the home as quickly as she can, she is going to have to separate herself from the illness and try to have a life of her own.
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 17
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Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/6/2010 7:43:05 PM
google her university and type "counseling" in the site's search bar. Give her the phone number. University counselor's are experts in this sort of thing; they can provide real help - and it is free.

In the meantime - be what you are, a sanctuary and good friend.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 18
Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:48:28 PM
I feel bad for your friend, she's the one that gets hurt the most. She should move out and her Mom needs to take responsibility of her mess.
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 19
Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:58:00 PM
I totally agree she has had enough. Though at her age, or perhaps any age, it can be difficult to say no to one's parents, for a variety of reasons (for the record I can and have done it, but ugh!).

Lots of concrete advice on this thread, as her friend I think you are doing good by her just by being understanding.
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 20
Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/9/2010 5:31:30 AM
^^^^^^^^^Sorry you went thru all of this, and I could agree with you, except for one thing.

Her mom, is not your ex. Sometimes in our experiences, we relate what we read in post to our exact experience....that can be being human. But, not every post is exactly as we experienced. Not everyone in the post is who we experienced, not every post is accurate word for, we have third hand info.

I question the bi-polar, because in this things would have been this way from the get go..would the girl be still living at home going to College, or would she have left long before then? If the mother was that controlling, would the daughter have all those after school activities, the dance classes, etc.? Who knows? The blame game bothers me and its effect, but I've seen similar in divorces where no one was clinically anything.. Take away that and it sounds like a spoiled brat....why not help out a parent with shopping and such, in their hour of need, but draw the line to a reasonable point of compromise? they sure sacrifice a lot for the kids. Take away the helping out and it all sounds credible...I suspect it lands in the middle somewhere.....again who knows.

Either way in a sense...I think everyone is right if you throw it all together...if she is truely that bad, it might be better to leave. Otherwise it good to help out, but draw the line somewhere within reason, and both get counseling, which is good for any kids going thru the parents divorcing.

The thing is once you abandon a parent or child, usually there is no going back, no rectifying anything..period....and I can't give an answer set in stone, that could effect two peoples lives forever. Especially if its based on my experiences, not seeing the actual experience at hand.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 21
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Divorce of parents.
Posted: 10/11/2010 1:50:36 AM
Sounds to me like her dad ought to step up and take the kids away from bipolar whackjob until she gets medicated. Pretty frigging gutless for him to jump ship and leave the kids to deal with the mad hatter.

Hon, you can't help your friend other than what you are doing now. She won't leave until she feels she has no choice and she sounds like she more than her mother's crap, won't leave her younger siblings to deal with the insanity alone.

Keep telling her that it isn't her fault, etc., suggest that she seek some counseling and keep providing the haven you are currently giving her. I think the only other thing you could ask yourself and possibly her is does her dad really know how bad it is?

People have a tendency to forget just how horrid their life was. Dad still has to deal with nutty mother but he doesn't have to live with the woman anymore and with absence his memories of what the crazy making is like could have legitimately dulled.

Still no excuse for his leaving his kids to deal with it but if he is possibly unaware of how much this is tearing up his daughter, perhaps someone ought to clue him in. If he is useless waste of air, again, do what you are doing and your girl will either jump ship to save herself or snap.

Unfortunately you cannot protect her from the situation she is in.

This young woman should not abandon her mother at this time. She should set limits but she should not abandon her.

Said by someone that has obviously never dealt with a bipolar person. My ex is bipolar, he has said such horrible things to my daughter that many people have asked if he is her stepfather. When your parent is not being a parent and his/her behavior is destroying the child, they have ZERO obligation to stand by mom or dad. If mom seeks treatment, gets on meds and stays on them and stops emotionally abusing her daughter, then daughter should stick by mom.

She should sit her mom down in a calm moment over lunch and explain that she is trying to go to school, dance and whatever and that she can only do so much to help her but she is there. Plan out a schedule and stick to it. Her mother will survive and so will she but she won't feel the guilt of leaving her mother at this tough time.


The problem with bipolar people is that: they are bipolar. For every moment of utter crazyness, they have moments of being the best of the world. And yes, you can sit them down, and they will say they understand, and that they are sorry, and they will apologize, and cry, and make promises... which, with luck, will last about a fortnight.

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