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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?      Home login  
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 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 34
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship? Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
4 all seasons

I added the bolding to emphasize the author's intended scope of discussion (in a very direct way). The text in Msg: 60, "In general, then, one can say that men are very sexually "reflexive" while women are apt to be more sexually "reflective" is otherwise misleading, especially to a 50+ audience.


It doesn't really change much 4, whether 15 or 50+, capable or incapable, this is our genetic programming.

The point being, that it's easier psychologically and more common in general for males to want 'reflexively' sex partners than to have a relationship (procreate, procreate procreate) ... taking into consideration variations on a small minority of individuals. And yes, maybe even more so after 45, with the post divorce shell shocked, loss of freedom phobic or born again 17 yr olds.... just the way it is right now. Unless it's the incapable 60+ who just want someone to cook and clean for them.. with maybe a snuggle thrown in, and even then... preferably younger and attractive enough, at least to them.

Just sayin'..... women should stop bustin' their noodles over it.... this is how it works... we'll just have to learn how to deal with it in a way that can accommodate our heads, hearts and jojo's, separately ... and explains why there is this endless Mars/Venus conundrum, discussed ad nauseum and beaten with a stick. We've got to stop 'Reflecting' and wishing it were different... it can't be... except by divine accident... sorta like winning a very big lotto, and we know how often that happens right?

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 35
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 6:01:46 AM

BUT according to YOU....the two don't usually coinside??


Hmmmm...I have re-read my posts several times trying to find where I said anything of the sort. I guess people just want to read what they want to read, regardless of what is written. Either that, or English is not their native tongue, or perhaps Grade 4 was the point at which their learning disabilities became overwhelming?

If you have never come across a sexual relationship that did not involve friendship, I guess you have just lived a sheltered life. If you have never come across a friendship that did not involve sex, I guess you would be fun to meet. If you don't realize that most sexual relationships either start with friendship or evolve into friendship, I guess you have had a pretty unhappy life.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 36
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 6:57:59 AM
^^^ Waives her hand! lol...I am going to go out on a limb here and state that yes, I have been in the different situations as described above. Mind you, some instances where a long time ago. There is a difference believe it or not, but do be very careful of the fine line. If all you wish is sex, then let it be just that. If you want more, you need to have someone who indicates he/she is looking at that same possibility. I remember right after the end of my marriage, I had a sexual relationship with a "friend", who still remains my friend today minus the sex. We refer to ourselves as "transitional buddies" who were friends and helped each other take that "physical" step back into singledom! It gets complicated at times doesn't it? lol
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 37
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 12:59:26 PM
The truth here is that although it is easy for guys to have sex without a relationship, it is virtually impossible for a guy to continue having sex with the same woman without having a relationship. You make love enough times with a person and you are going to fall in love, even guys. If they weren't attracted, they would not be coming back formore. And each time they come back they are investing more of their emotional sevles, little by little when, before you know it . . love and a relationship. Women, of course, are just like guys, but more likely to fall in love quicker the more regular sex they have
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 38
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 4:37:38 PM
Casual Sex...is that beach casual or business casual? Is it allowed in the office on casual Friday? what's the alternative? Formal sex.....white ties and tail?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 39
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 6:37:26 PM

Formal sex.....white ties and tail?


Well....tail, anyway......
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 40
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2010 8:15:17 PM
Casual Sex...is that beach casual or business casual? Is it allowed in the office on casual Friday



...A long time ago in a far away land there was this really cute guy and this really cute girl...ok, fairly cute girl lol....And whenever they were together, they both felt this attraction, this chemistry. As luck would have it, they were both thrown together for a couple of weeks working on a project and before you know it, these two workaholics were putting in a "lot" of overtime * wink, wink*
As things turned out, really cute guy's ex decided that she wanted him back. So off he went. Fairly cute girl was a "little hurt" at the time but also thankful that he was from another branch.... therefore they didn't have to cross paths every day. It was extremely uncomfortable for both parties for awhile. But as it turned out, really cute guy eventually left the company....and fairly cute girl lived happily ever after...well sorta..Lol

So the moral of the story.... Never under ANY circumstances should sex enter into the workplace, casual or otherwise.


...mae
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 41
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/22/2010 8:44:52 AM
Oh Mae, I love fairytales!
Once upon a time a handsome Prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him. The Princess said no, and the Prince lived happily ever after.
 jackfouru
Joined: 9/10/2010
Msg: 42
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:22:37 AM
well there are different levels of love. Lots of people are needy and so, at the start of a relationship believe they are in love. Personally I believe love develops over time as two people begin to greatly care about the other. . and regular sex is the best way to get there.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 43
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 11/28/2010 3:29:58 PM
Two separate issues: 1) Relationship versus screwing around/& or fwb, 2) Being treated romantically versus being taken for granted (as far as I'm concerned, men also have this concern, from what i hear from my male friends).

Personally, I'm greedy. Want both. Currently have both (pray for me).

As for male "observation" versus statistically valid data from the female mouth: most men would not know a fake orgasm, especially if she does her kegel :) alas, women tend to fake a lot and men "cannot" fake. Both situations have their ups and their downs, if you will excuse the pun.

ps Natural hormone replacement sure helps this chemistry thingy along for "me". I am a different person w/o it and feel way more "alive" with it. Not everyone is the same. I speak for myself. FINALLY men too are getting their testosterone levels assessed/supplemented rather than Viagra.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 44
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 11/28/2010 5:40:06 PM
Oh good grief,the last thing I need is more testosterone.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 45
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2010 4:51:37 AM

women tend to fake a lot and men "cannot" fake


Technically, I suppose its true, however, I have experienced the range of orgasms that run from the feeling of having my entire insides expelled to wondering if I actually did come. Without any implication as to the quality of my partner's participation, I always make a point of expressing to her how wonderful she is and make appropriate other noises and gestures. I don't think of it as "faking", more like just being polite.

I can only speak for myself, but I would be surprised to learn that I am the only male for whom the earth does not move at every climax. I would also be surprise to learn that I am the only male that is polite regardless of the actual experience.

I suspect that there is just as much "faking" going on with both sexes......
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 46
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/5/2010 3:25:14 PM
^I'm going to add a line, even though it throws the 'poem' off kilter.
Now is the only time you own.
Live, love, toil with a will.
Sit back, relax, and chill.
Place no faith in time.
For the clock may soon be still.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 47
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/5/2010 5:15:03 PM

Not having been in a real relationship in so long, it's hard to make a comparison.

I can. My last relationship ended just over 3 years ago, after 21 years.

There is no comparison, as far as I'm concerned. It was never bad or just so-so, it was always good and kept getting better and better, even toward the end when he was so wacked out on meds he didn't know what else was going on around him. Infinitely better than any of the casual relationships - if they could even be called that - of many, many years ago.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 48
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/6/2010 9:09:26 AM
^^ or.. like it's your first.

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 49
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2010 5:52:45 AM
Its a romantic idea, but in my experience, the physical reality of the first time is generally less pleasing than is the 100th time. Emotionally, the relief of getting to the next level that the first time embodies is somewhat of a high, but with recurrence, the two bodies involved learn, somehow, to meld with greater ease and efficiency, and the emotions run deeper, the result being greater total pleasure.

Best to get past the first time as quickly as possible and move on to the pleasures of a deeper relationship, I find.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 50
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/8/2010 8:47:58 PM

Best to get past the first time as quickly as possible and move on to the pleasures of a deeper relationship, I find



...I would like to rephrase that to suit my circumstances if I may. Now with that being said....."I would like to at least make it to the starting line....if at all possible."
I'll worry about the rest later.

...mae
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 51
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/9/2010 6:38:26 AM
Ah, mae, what did you put on your Xmas list when you were sitting on Santa's knee?

 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 52
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/11/2010 9:59:05 AM
Women over age 50 were more likely to reach orgasm if they had sex with a casual or new acquaintance rather than in a relationship; 81 percent reported orgasm with a non-relationship partner. This compares with 58 percent reporting an orgasm with a sex partner in a relationship with. This may be because a long-term partner is less likely to engage in romance, flattery and attention, Schwartz said.


This supposition doesn't address the part of sexual disfunction/function. I think that sexual disfunction plays a major role for those that fall in these statistics. Men or women over 50 who have a problem reaching orgasm naturally may have the need of the extra mental titillation needed of the "new" sex in order to reach orgasm. If that newness, is over for them, they can't fully function sexually, without the constant flattery, in a long-term relationship. They're the ones going from one relationship to the other, never stopping to find out what's wrong with themselves.

As for the loss of romance, flattery and attention in a long-term relationship, yes that may become less, as familiarity creeps in, but the comfort of love and the familiar should make sex better between 2 healthy people.
If there's no physical or psychological barrier, orgasm shouldn't be a problem. If it is, that's when self evaluation and a doctor's visit is in line.
 jaybird1921
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 53
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/13/2010 6:23:09 PM
You must be kidding. There is no more wonder feeling than when both climax together. MMMM
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 54
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/13/2010 6:54:36 PM

You must be kidding. There is no more wonder feeling than when both climax together. MMMM

^^ my thoughts? I know a lot of people like to toot the horn declaring they want to keep going sexually till the day they die of old old age. But I've gotta be honest here, (and I know a lot of you will assume "she's just not a sexual person", so assume away.. I'll say it anyway); when I am 85, as that poster is, I really don't think I will place that as something I'm seriously LOOKING for.

(this is not in any way saying other people are 'wrong')

 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 55
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/13/2010 8:24:20 PM
Some will tell you sex is great in a relationship...liking the comfort, committment, and loving feeling...

Others will say sex is better out of a relationship...distaining anything that smells of committment...

Who's right?????



...Hell if I know. Never had sex outside a committed relationship....althought I must admit, I've been pondering it. *Did I say that aloud?*

And to the 85 year old guy that is still having sex....I hope I can say that when I'm 85.

..mae
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 56
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 12/14/2010 4:56:57 AM

Who's right?????


I don't know, but I am willing to participate in a research project on the subject. Those willing to "do it" outside of a relationship, pls msg me using the subject "Anytime, Anywhere,Anyhow". Those on the inside of a relationship pls use the subject "When I know you are hopelessly in love with only me". I will methodically go through all replies and present a detailed report at the end.

My a priori estimate is that the first group will garner a more positive sentiment, as with the second group there probably will not be any sex at all......
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 57
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Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2011 7:34:46 AM
O.K., I'm borderline. At this point in life, I start counting the birthdays in decades, instead of years, so I'm close enough to 5o to respond to this question. I'm willing to go out on a limb, and say that most 'in relationship' sex is consensual, but often 'o.k., he's excited, why not' type of sex. Where as, out of relationship, a woman will be reluctant unless she's really turned on. And that's the difference. What constitutes 'good sex' from 'average sex' really is in the mind of the woman involved. For guys, it's always good. There is no 'bad sex', and as far as 'best sex', well, it's all good.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 58
Over fifty ~~ best sex in or out of a relationship?
Posted: 11/16/2011 11:05:51 AM

O.K., I'm borderline. At this point in life, I start counting the birthdays in decades, instead of years, so I'm close enough to 5o to respond to this question. I'm willing to go out on a limb, and say that most 'in relationship' sex is consensual, but often 'o.k., he's excited, why not' type of sex. Where as, out of relationship, a woman will be reluctant unless she's really turned on. And that's the difference. What constitutes 'good sex' from 'average sex' really is in the mind of the woman involved. For guys, it's always good. There is no 'bad sex', and as far as 'best sex', well, it's all good


Sugar you need to up your attitude Im 5 years older and thinking of counting the months vs the years (like new parents do..so Im only 52 and six months!).

Im sorry that you feel some women for "in relationship" sex would just be with their partner cause he is excited, wouldn't it mean that a man who loved them would work to get them just as excited as he is and thereby he would get them more excited each time cause they knew he really cared and well it was just that good.

Im not a fan of out of relationship sex, I think no matter how turned on I would have questions in the back of my mind totally ruining it for me...like WTF AM I DOING having sex out of a relationshp! I get some like strange but to me well it is simply that "STRANGE" almost has a ick factor when you think about it. Once you know someone and care about them then it has a hot factor to find out more but see that is more relationship based.

I had several guys tell me about experiences they had with a woman and describe it as bad sex...one the woman was on top and fell asleep...I couldnt stop laughing and I felt bad but I dont think he realizes how badly it sounds to have a woman fall alseep on top of you...he said she just about knocked him out and start snoring so loud he had to leave the room, I told him that was what he got for getting her so drunk!
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