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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me      Home login  
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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about mePage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I mean my family would hear about someone as beautiful as her every day.

Your family is not of the same culture. What she's wanting after three months could be as serious as asking him to make a choice between her and his family. I don't think there are too many people of any culture who would make that choice after knowing someone three months.
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 27
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:08:45 AM
"Your family is not of the same culture. What she's wanting after three months could be as serious as asking him to make a choice between her and his family. I don't think there are too many people of any culture who would make that choice after knowing someone three months."

I was not looking at it as being that complicated, but now that it seems it could be that complicated, I agree with the above post. I understand that there are different cultural customs and family expectations(my folks have them also) but if it were up to me I would not put someone in that predicament. But of course, I have really never had to deal with something like this, and I have never had anyone as beautiful as the OP is to even be nearly attracted to me, at least as far as I know. Cheers and kind regards.
 NeedsAdvice
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 28
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 9:44:07 AM
thank you for the replies... ^_^

ok well i know that he only has asian friends because he has told me...he has two brothers and explained to me how his older brother only hangs out with white people....he and his younger brother both only have asian friends...

he has never introduced any past gfs to his family...and he doesnt plan to until they are engaged, thats why i dont really expect to...hes mentioned how his mother wants him to marry a nice chinese girl...i dont know too much about his parents but i know he is very americanized and his mother gets on him for not being able to speak very good cantonese....

i know that he hasnt dated anyone outside of his race because he told me...hes said that he has always been into latin girls but never thought that they would be interested in asians...so when he heard that i prefer asians he was shocked and wanted to give it a try....

im gonna give it more time...i really enjoy spending time with him...and i like that he doesnt pass judgement on me...hes got a wild side to him...and he likes that he can be himself with me and doesnt have to hide the fact that he is a nerd as well...i love that he is a gamer...we are going on our first weekend getaway...so maybe i can kinda get a better feel for where we stand...
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 29
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:02:12 AM
I think that after three months of dating if you have not met any friends or family,even a third cousin then it's pretty safe to say you will never meet them.Don't get too attached to this guy because it will never go beyond what you and he have right now.

You know a guy is really not serious about you when he won't even allow you to post to his social networking page.He is doing that because he does not want anyone to know about you.You already know this so don't let him keep treating you like a dirty secret.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 30
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:44:50 AM

...he has already met my parents, couple cousins, and a few friends...i will invite him to outings with my friends but i have never received an invitation to hang out with his....

I’ve had a situation like that years ago. For me personally 3 months is enough time to see whether you want to make your relationship known to your inner circle, so I was offended by his behavior. After that I learned to never introduce a man to my friends or family until he introduces me to his.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 31
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 12:12:29 PM
needsadvice,
well from what you have said about his mom wanting him to marry a nice chinese girl you are dealing with racism. and he doesn't have enough balls to stand up to his mother. he is allowing a part of himself to open up and have lots of fun with you. it's a crap shoot as to whether he will ever fully accept you. is that good enough for you? wouldn't be for me.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 32
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 12:19:44 PM

well from what you have said about his mom wanting him to marry a nice chinese girl you are dealing with racism.


^^^I may have missed it, but I did not read any racism issues. This is more of cultural traditions.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 33
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 12:21:51 PM
^^^^^^ok sabrosura, so you are saying that if she was adopted into a chinese family at birth, his mom would be ok with it?

this is about as racist as it gets.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 34
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 12:43:00 PM
^^^^^^ok sabrosura, so you are saying that if she was adopted into a chinese family at birth, his mom would be ok with it?

this is about as racist as it gets.


^^^Ok, Inanna44, let me try this again; the guy the OP is dating (who happens to be Asian) and the OP (who happens to be of Mexican descent/Latina) may (being the operative word here) encounter issues due to the fact the Asians believe in marrying within their own ethnicity (due to traditions not racism).

Being adopted into a family does not make one of that ethnicity as you were not born (no blood ties) into the family. Surely, I shouldn't have to spell this out.

Cultural traditions are strongly upheld by Asians, as I have spoken to people I've come across. This is something that I personally find interesting (other cultures and such). More so living in a city where there is much ethnic diversity.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 35
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 1:27:18 PM
"Ok, Inanna44, let me try this again; the guy the OP is dating (who happens to be Asian) and the OP (who happens to be of Mexican descent/Latina) may (being the operative word here) encounter issues due to the fact the Asians believe in marrying within their own ethnicity (due to traditions not racism)."

huh? they believe in marring within their own ethnicity and THAT is strictly traditonal, has nothing to do with racism?

to me it's is classic racism and gets no slack in interrpretation.

racism is a plague......

as the dalai lama say: "learn to integrate".
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 36
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 1:34:56 PM

huh? they believe in marring within their own ethnicity and THAT is strictly traditonal, has nothing to do with racism?

to me it's is classic racism and gets no slack in interrpretation.

racism is a plague......

as the dalai lama say: "learn to integrate".



^^^Go to a library and do some research, maybe that will enlighten you.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 37
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History
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 1:40:45 PM
Personally, I would not invest too much time in any relationship where one adult is afraid to introduce his significant other to his Mommy. Cultural differences or not.

I went through this in college with a young man and after 2 years had not met his parents, although his siblings were all my friends. He, his brothers and cousins were all dating blond American (white) girls in school, now 20 years later all are married to women of Arabic decent....just like Mommy wanted.
But at the same time, all have successful 20 year plus marriages. So a lot can be said for sticking to the familiar. The fact that your daughter in law speaks your native tongue goes a long way with Mom.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 1:44:53 PM

^^^^^^ok sabrosura, so you are saying that if she was adopted into a chinese family at birth, his mom would be ok

That might very well be the case. I happen to know quite a few Chinese and what they value in family relationships is quite different than what western societies value. Before you make such a sweeping asinine statement, you should learn a little about Chinese culture.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 39
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:00:31 PM
i socialize regularly with 2 chinese families that have 2nd homes in my neighborhood. one lives primarily in taiwan, businesses in china and the other in china.

sorry but i still am not following you guys. these friends adore me, never called me asinine. one's an environmentalist, changing the landscape of china as we speak, we get into some intense conversations about nature, life and values.

sorry racism is racism, however you want to slice or dice it. don't believe me? call the dalai lama.
 scenesoflife
Joined: 8/25/2010
Msg: 40
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 3:44:06 PM
lol.. so "traditional" is just the political correct term for racism..??
weird weird north americans...
Im not being racist here, nor traditional.. because north american isnt a race...

I agree.. the issue here IS of a racism character.. traditional is the "prop" its hiding behind..

what is the reason behind "traditional"..?? isnt it that these people dont like dating outside theyre ethnic group..??
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 41
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:12:38 PM
This is getting into a discussion of semantics. The fact that race is of any consequence makes it "racial." "Racist" implies a hatred or superiority toward another race, which hasn't been expressed by the OP.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 42
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 5:52:12 PM

i socialize regularly with 2 chinese families that have 2nd homes in my neighborhood. one lives primarily in taiwan, businesses in china and the other in china.

sorry but i still am not following you guys. these friends adore me, never called me asinine. one's an environmentalist, changing the landscape of china as we speak, we get into some intense conversations about nature, life and values.

sorry racism is racism, however you want to slice or dice it. don't believe me? call the dalai lama.


^^^My opinion is based by what the OP has shared thus far. It does not appear like it is a case of racism. However, if the OP cares to expand during the course of her courtship with this person then more will be revealed.

Does racism exists, fawk yes! I'm a minority, so I know about racism all too well.

You sharing your experience with the 2 Chinese families have nothing to do with racism/dating traditions, so I'm not sure how this comes into the equation.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 43
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 6:06:21 PM

i socialize regularly with 2 chinese families that have 2nd homes in my neighborhood. one lives primarily in taiwan, businesses in china and the other in china.

sorry but i still am not following you guys. these friends adore me, never called me asinine. one's an environmentalist, changing the landscape of china as we speak, we get into some intense conversations about nature, life and values.

sorry racism is racism, however you want to slice or dice it. don't believe me? call the dalai lama.


oh? and that makes you an expert get a grip.

3 months ? almost sounds like he's married
 sunbeach95
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 44
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 8:10:56 PM
I would have to agree with what many people have said. Some people don't introduce their significant other to their family until they are engaged or at least when they are thinking about proposing to their SO. It is also possible that he feels his family won't approve of him dating outside of his race. Either way, the OP should talk to him about it.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 45
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:41:24 PM
sabrosura and dragon guy,
sorry i was responding to abelians ever critical questioning of me, msg. 40.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 46
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:42:22 PM
sabrosura and dragon guy,
sorry i was responding to abelians ever critical questioning of me, msg. 40. he was saying i should go to the library cuz i know nothing of chinese culture. i know a great deal.
 Inanna44
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 47
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:43:43 PM
sabrosura and dragon guy,
sorry i was responding to abelians ever critical questioning of me(i think he has a crush on me), msg. 40. he was saying i should go to the library cuz i know nothing of chinese culture. shoots i hang out with chinese nationals, geez.
 shy2004
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 48
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History
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 10:48:42 PM
1. How likely is it that a traditional Asian mom and pop are on a social networking site? I suggest that if they are, they would likely be more liberal than the image many of you folks seem to have of these theoretical parents.
2. The OP hasn't met any of his friends, never mind family. ???? What, his friends are all traditional too? Or they would tell on him? Puleaase!
3. He is not ready to introduce her to his friends until he is sure? Huh? Some men are DELIGHTED to introduce the woman they are dating to their friends - why isn't he?
4. Yup. He is embarrassed of the OP. Or he is cheating on someone. Or he is more interested in someone else and is with her in the meantime. Or he is just not that into her and doesn't think it will go anywhere.
5. DUMP HIM. When they really like you, you know it. If you find yourself wondering about things - who cares what is the exact reason why? None of the possible reasons are good ones. It will hurt, sure, but it is what it is. And it will hurt eventually anyway.
-the ghost beside shy
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 49
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:08:28 PM
I use my social networking sites for work related networking, the last thing I want is hearts flowers and romantic hooha on there.
 shy2004
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:29:36 PM
Yeah. But she ALSO does not know any of his friends personally...
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