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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 93
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about mePage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I still dont see how this is a thing that has to be respected when there's parties suffering or a relationship stagnating on "tradition"

The guy is free to marry whomever he wants to marry so this whole discussion about his parents' preference is irrelevant. There's no telling if he'd want to marry the OP even if she were Chinese. It sounds like she's pretty happy with the guy so I don't think the relationship is suffering or stagnating because of this situation, she just had a question and for some reason she decided to ask it here rather than going to the source. She's not in the dark about the direction he's headed and if/when it really becomes important for her to know if they have marriage potential, she can determine what to do at that point. But he's not obligated to give in to her demands and she's not obligated to put up with what he has to offer.
 NeedsAdvice
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 94
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/13/2010 12:26:40 PM
I kinda brought up the topic with him earlier this week...I was telling him how i felt about my room mate and her relationship...her man hasnt mentioned to anyone that he has been seeing someone...they have been together for over a year now...his friends dont know about her at all...i told him that i thought it was ridiculous that they didnt even know about her...i mean i can understand the family not knowing...but i mean his friends?...

his response to it....." well my friend has been with his girl for about 3 years and i havent met her...so i can understand him"

my response..." but you know about her right?"

his response..." well ya...ok i get what you mean."

i dont know what to think of that but i mean that was just me touching in on the subject i still plan to really ask him this weekend...

This is the weekend we are going on our trip...and well in the case that we do end up...well have sex....i had asked him to please go get tested before this weekend...and i also told him about the last few people i have dated and their reaction to me asking that. which was usually them getting offended or just giving up cuz it was too much work to go through it all (not worth it)...

his response....."no problem babe...i would like think of myself as not "like most" guys...plus i told you already i would never want to do anything to harm you, in ANY way. so its not too much work."

hes so sweet and i really hope im not just looking for something bad from him....cuz it all just seems to be too good to be true....

i dont mind not meeting his parents unless it gets serious (engagement) but i just want to know he's not embarrassed for his friends to know he is with me......
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 95
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/13/2010 12:38:07 PM
"hes so sweet and i really hope im not just looking for something bad from him....cuz it all just seems to be too good to be true...."

Sounds to me OP's boyfriend has her wrapped around his finger. I still don't understand why he would not introduce you to his family or friends after 3 months of dating. I am sorry but not being introduced to friends and at least 1 or 2 family members after 3 months of dating does not sound very sweet or nice to me. Something does not ad up here, and it really just sounds like there is not a serious relationship going on here. Cheers.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 96
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i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/14/2010 4:53:54 AM
On the contrary,we Asian are not racist, perhaps the OP's Bf is not ready yet for her to meet his family or friends or he is busy not going to gatherings. I have so many Mexican friends,whew! they party every week,but most of Asian have two jobs and too tired to party. It is not true that the chinese guy is embarrassed for his friends to know about her,for he wont date her if she is an embarrassing person.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 97
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/14/2010 10:26:38 AM

This is the weekend we are going on our trip...and well in the case that we do end up...well have sex....i had asked him to please go get tested before this weekend...and i also told him about the last few people i have dated and their reaction to me asking that. which was usually them getting offended or just giving up cuz it was too much work to go through it all (not worth it)...

his response....."no problem babe...i would like think of myself as not "like most" guys...plus i told you already i would never want to do anything to harm you, in ANY way. so its not too much work."

hes so sweet and i really hope im not just looking for something bad from him....cuz it all just seems to be too good to be true....

i dont mind not meeting his parents unless it gets serious (engagement) but i just want to know he's not embarrassed for his friends to know he is with me......


^^^Enjoy your wkend, and do keep us posted on how things progress. He appears to be a cool guy. Now, you need to find out why he is keeping certain things on the DL with certain people.......communication is key.

Ask him if his parents/family are on FB. Curious to know why he didn't want you to post on his page..............
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 98
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i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/15/2010 9:58:13 AM
It's clear that the OP has her mind made up about what is and isn't going on. So further commenting on this seems to pointless to me. But what the hell, I might as well say something.

It seems like she came on here not to seek advice, but to find others who agree with her that this a good guy and he is just busy, and by her not meeting his friends, it's all a combination of him being busy, tradition, and him taking it slow. All of that is BS, but to her it's not.

I don't think he's all that serious about her. Speaking as a Black Man that has dated women of other races, I never have been scared to have her meet my friends and family after a certain period of time.

Sure there were some looks and what not, but like I cared about that. What I was caring about was being with someone that made me smile. To me, that was far more important that what some of my family and friends thought.

I think the tradition things is just a complete lie and the really sad thing is that the OP is willing being going along with it all. But like that old saying goes, "Ignorance is bliss."

I think a good question the OP needs to answer is why is she willing to accept so little from a "good guy?" Maybe he is a good guy, I just don't know, but what I do know is that if I'm into a girl, I could give a damn what my friends and family think. My happiness is my main concern.

OP, are you that desperate to be "loved" by someone, that you are willing to accept the little crumbs that thrown your way?
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 99
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i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/15/2010 10:00:40 AM
I forgot to say. A Black Man dating a White Woman in America is about as Taboo as you can get.

So the "It's Tradition" lie to me is laughable.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 100
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/16/2010 10:49:48 AM
^^^An African American with a Caucasian may have been "taboo" for some, but not so much in many parts of the World. I've never heard of any cultural traditions in the African American culture in terms of dating/who you marry. You're comparing two entirely different scenarios.

Maybe more will be revealed in terms of the OP. We can speculate until the "cows come home", but no one knows for sure what the issue is at hand.
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 101
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i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/16/2010 11:11:30 AM
Well maybe not in some parts of the world, but it is still Taboo in American. If you look at American T.V., you will see just about any other type of interracial relation ship. Hispanics with Caucasians, Caucasians with Hispanics, Asians with Caucasians, Caucasians with Asians and so on. But when it comes to A Black Man with With White Woman, the all hell breaks loose.

You must have missed that controversy a few years back When Terrell Owens ( A Black NFL Player) was in a Commercial with one of the Desperate Housewives Actresses. I forget how it exactly went, but she did jump on him while he was in the locker room.

Everything hit the fan, there were calls for boycotts and fines and all the like. But the add was less risque than stuff they had on the Desperate Housewives show itself. So what was it about that Commerical that cause such a fuss? The Way a White Woman threw herself after a Black Man. The actress even said that she received a lot of hate mail about that commercial.

Sorry, but you don't know African American culture. There is a "suggestion" that you should marry An African American woman. Since you aren't African American, you wouldn't really know about that, just like I wouldn't really know about what goes on in The Asian Culture.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 102
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/16/2010 6:48:08 PM
"Suggestions" and "traditions" are like comparing apples and oranges. Also, I don't need to be African American, Asian, etc..... in order to be educated/have knowledge on the ethnicity.

You may want to start your own thread on the lack of black/white interracial couples on TV, and the controversies surrounding this . Can't hijack the OP.
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 103
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i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 10/23/2010 12:38:49 PM
Maybe the that would be a little Taboo, but the Black Man with a White Woman is still the most Taboo around.

It's the coupling that draws the most distinct and ferocious responses from the racists. Sure the a Black Man with an Asian Woman would draw some type of response, but not nearly the response as a Black Man with a White Woman.

There are still plenty of White Women that date Black Men secretly, but are deathly afraid of their parents finding out that they are dating a Black Man.
 NeedsAdvice
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 104
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:32:36 AM
so i brought it up to himabout the whole Facebook thing....he says he doesn't think the two worlds should collide...the world with his friends and his world with me....he says that he has mentioned to a few friends that he is seeing me and his older brother knows...he even tried helping me out with a better job....like i said before...i don't mind not meeting the family...and to be honest i am in no rush to hang out with his buddies....but i just don't want to feel like a secret....am i over reacting? i posted pictures of us together on my page because i thought they were cute...he really liked the pics too....so i kinda tested the boundaries by posting them on my profile...i didn'tadd captions nor did i tag him....that night he sent me a text saying he missed me liked the pictures i put up and joked about the picture of the two of us...he seemed fine about it.....so i let him knowthat i thought he would have been pissed....he simply said "i know you knew better"
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 105
i think he's embarrassed for his friends to know about me
Posted: 11/4/2010 10:52:31 AM
After reading post 112 in this thread, it seems that one partner is more serious about the relationship than the other. Okay, maybe he is just not that into the OP or maybe he likes to play games. As long as the op is having fun dating her partner, and all is still getting along pretty well, maybe you should date him for the fun and comfort of it and let what will be, end up being. It seems like a lot of effort one side is being put forth while the other side is like hee hee, I know you so well that I can counter your every move with another excuse. I personally would not like to be treated that way by someone I liked and was dating. Too much drama and feelings will end up getting hurt in the end.
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