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 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 51
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Found out I'm pregnant..Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

If you don't have all of the information on my divorce, pregnancy, baby father, family situation, or anything else people have commented on, wouldn't it be ignornant to form an opinion on it?


No offense, op, but isn't it ignorant of YOU to pose such a question, when it is YOU who don't even have all of the info about your own pregnancy? Certainly you should be able to recognize that such a post puts you in a position of being judged. For me, I recommend counseling, for the benefit of your child & yourself. Good luck!
 HappyLibra70
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 52
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/11/2010 9:11:44 PM
OP

With all due respect, it does not matter what you say to defend your position you already let the cat out of the bag. I believe you are in your right to keep making a mess out of your life, after all no one is going to care I know I don't. Whatever we the forum fishies tell you is to help guide you, yet you have the right to throw all of our suggestions, and advice to the wind or you can start using your frontal lobe (yes, that belongs to your brain) It is a great tool to use to make good life descisions and such, try it sometime kiddo.

Best of luck! Remember you are the only one responsible for your descisions, no one else gets to make them for you.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 53
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/12/2010 6:21:17 AM
I know the system isnt perfect, nor the people who use it. If parents are on meth, by all means that kid needs to go to a foster home, in order to keep them safe. I actually believe that the government stopped giving out more money to families on welfare who kept popping out kids, soemtime in the 90's. Not sure, but if memory serves Clinton pushed that rule through.
I know theres no easy answers. Yes the father needs to help pay for his kis, to take burden off the taxpayers, and because its his kid.
But this OP doesnt know tho the father is...........
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 54
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/12/2010 2:15:26 PM
I found out I'm pregnant on Saturday night.() I didn't think I could get pregnant, as me and my x husband tried for over a year, and I have other biological issues that I thought would make this issue alot more complicated. Regardless, here I am, now expecting, and doing what I have to for myself to get ready for this.



It would seem that we are in "somewhat" (not completely),of the same boat.I became pregnant at 41 and while on birth control.I never believed in "accidents" until it happened to me.I did not start telling people I was pregnant until a month ago because of testing that should be done at my age.I did not want anyone to know should anything be wrong with the baby and I would have to abort.


My advice would be that while you are pregnant you should really just stop dating altogether.There are few men who would date a pregnant woman anyway.You really need to take this time to "nest" and to get ready for baby.


I'm straight forward and honest, I don't lie,


How can you write this with a straight face? You have already written that you are not going to tell this man he has a child in this world and that you are not going to tell this child who it's father is.The child is not even born yet and already you are being cruel to it.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 55
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/13/2010 11:42:02 AM
Church, these are the last things this OP needs to worry about. She needs to work on providing stability for her child, and for naming the correct father.
I know you cant miss a chance to speak for all men about how poor and scummy us moms are and how no decent man would ever want us and our kids, but worrying about what men want needs to be last on the list right now.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 56
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:41:25 PM
While I do agree with much of what you say, specifictruths, I have to take issue with the statement that the US takes "excellent" care of older people. Have you ever stood on line at a pharmacy, only to see the senior citizen ahead of you decline to pick up their prescription due to the cost, not covered by government programs, the programs they are FORCED to participate in, and pay for? Another issue, I know, but it is a particular sore point, and a disgrace to our nation, for me.

I also disagree that it is talk of celibacy & no condoms that is taking a toll. Celibacy, were it applied, would actually solve the problem, but the fact that our children have been taught that their "civil rights" are the equivalent of having no consequences for their actions has wrought havoc on society. We seem to have forgotten that one's rights exist only to the extent that they do not infringe upon the rights of others. I am already fed up with that crap! Just my two cents.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 57
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/14/2010 7:24:11 AM

I have to take issue with the statement that the US takes "excellent" care of older people.
True, but compared to kids, older people are treated quite well. A child in poverty can't get social security. Believe me, we do a poor job of taking care of anyone who is disadvantaged or can't care for themselves, that's the biggest rip the rest of the developed world has for us. But you have to admit that children in poverty exceed old folks in poverty.


Celibacy, were it applied, would actually solve the problem, but the fact that our children have been taught that their "civil rights" are the equivalent of having no consequences for their actions has wrought havoc on society.
That's true, but we have to be realistic here. Kids are going to have sex. There are lousy parents out there, and their kids are still in school interacting with the opposite sex. Kids will have sex, there is nothing anyone can do about, so might as well hand out condoms, teach them about STDs and pregnancy, and go from there. I agree that teens shouldn't be screwing, but they will and that's never going to change.

The OP is a great example of this. Thought she would never get pregnant? Did a doctor actually diagnose that? My friend and his wife had the same thing, thought she could never get pregnant so they never bothered with protection or birth control. I guess my point is that education about sex and dispelling rumors young people believe to be true would be much more effective at fixing these issues than telling kids to just not have sex at all, because they're still gonna.
 KiwiBassist
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 58
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/14/2010 5:39:43 PM
I am going to add something to this, if a woman feels they can't get pregnant or were told so, don't believe it, things can happen even women with their tubes tied can get pregnant though it is rare. Only way a woman can't is if she is past menopause, or has had a hysterectomy. Well other than no sex, so all these young gals thinking I can't get pregnant, stop thinking that, because its generally those that go ahead no protection and wham they are pregnant. Nothing is 100% except if you don't have that particular body part.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 59
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/15/2010 12:50:15 PM
Being a decent man has nothing to do with who you date.
But again, dating isnt something this OP should even be entertaining until she getas this hot mess she is in straightened out. There will be plenty of time for you to read to her about why single moms suck ass and why childless people are superior to them, let her get her sh*t together first.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 60
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/16/2010 7:24:41 AM

I don't know who the baby's father is, because I don't know how far along I am.

And I don't know that my shitty husband is the father


Not only should you post the fact that you're pregnant on your profile, you should tell any prospective date you had sex with different men while still married.

And since you don't know if your husband is the father or not, I'd say you were more than "only legally" married.

When you post on the forums, you don't get to dictate the repsonses you get.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 61
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/16/2010 7:04:42 PM

I guess my point is that education about sex and dispelling rumors young people believe to be true would be much more effective at fixing these issues than telling kids to just not have sex at all, because they're still gonna.


You & I are not disagreeing here, I was merely refuting the statement teaching celibacy is the problem. We DO hand out condoms & teach safe sex. Apparently, it doesn't work. I'm not saying that we shouldn't educate broadly and fully, only that, the way I see it, the problem lies in the fact that today's youth has practically no consequences for their actions. It is not unacceptable to have a child at 16, nor is it unacceptable to lay one's hands on another within the confines of a school building; shame does not even exist for the majority today. The op's post is little more than a sad commentary on society.

The issue of seniors is a separate issue. Just one thing, though, social security is earned, to a great extent. I"m not saying we shouldn't help children, not at all, but the statement was that we take "excellent care" of the elderly. Far from factual, that's all.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 62
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/18/2010 5:29:19 AM
Wow! Too bad the forum monitors can't take things like this and 'split' them. Talk about 'hijacking threads!' This was STARTED as a question about when to reveal a pregnancy when trying to meet new prospective mates, and has been invaded by a thunderous bunch of people arguing about taxpayers rights to be financially selfish. THAT whole discussion belongs in "Politics" or "Philosophy," not here in "Single Parents."
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 63
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/18/2010 9:42:29 AM

I've already decided the father isn't going to know, but these reasons are my own

And not his? If he is to have any ounce of POTENTIAL responsibility about it, he has the right to now. It is HIS business if it's his kid to be had. It'd only even be arguable if the guy was a crazy lunatic druggy or something, completely out of your life, and it's 100% in concrete that you will never bring him into your life and that there'd never be any reason to otherwise.

My life isn't perfect,

That is not at all, or even remotely close to, a justifiable reason to purposely do a clearly "imperfect" things.

but if I do meet someone, my question is, when do I tell them I'm pregnant? Is this something I should wait to tell people, or I should come out with straight up front?

Straight up front. It's one thing to tell someone on a 3rd date that you're separated, and not divorced quite yet and didn't want to freak them out (which is still questionable of course). It's a far, far bigger stretch to say "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant".

You're just thinking about yourself and having someone in your life for your sake -- think about what'd be fair to most other people. Best to put it in your profile, but expect pretty much ZERO as far as a relationship's concerned.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 64
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 10/27/2010 4:33:10 PM
As an adult, making adult decisions,,,,you better grow up real quick like and dismiss everything you have learnt from past personal experince. IF you TRUELY want to keep your baby,,,FOREVER,,,,then understand that this little gift you have been GIVEN needs you as a Mommy, good times and bad. The baby needs a parent(or two) that understand that this will be their priority FOREVER.

In other words,,,,,you better get that little worry about a "relationship" out of your head RIGHT NOW,,,,for the sake of the gift growing in your tummy. By your words alone, I don't think you really know and/or understand that it will be a fulltime job to raise your child,,,,,alone(since you have already decided that the father will be a "bad" Daddy). When MOST people became parents back in the "good old days", they understood the value of their children. They understood the "gift" and what it took mold and form that gift into a productive part of society.
Nowadays????? Well, again,,,,your words and desires that YOU have put in a public forum show us the "new and improved" school of thought of what value some put on their children.
So,,,,without really saying what I want to say to the OP,,,,I would suggest you NOW already are in the best relationship that you can ever enter. Your efforts,,,actually all your efforts in the next little while should be aimed at the gift given to you. Not some wish for some boy/man in your life. Again, grow up,,,and figure it out,quick like.

That's about as polite as I can be on this one. Next time I would suggest talking to a professional of some type about your problems and worries,,,,not a public forum on a DATING site.
 thegirl123
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 65
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/5/2010 7:35:09 PM
Your pregnancy and your baby come first yet you are going to deprive your child the opportunity to actually get to know their father. You sound like a selfish cow to me.
 xopiper
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 66
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/18/2010 4:17:31 AM
Personally I think it is wrong to make decisions like this for a child. A child is not a possession. It was created with someone else participating. He was good enough to do the deed. I think he should know. I think a child should know. Whether he is a good father is irrelevant. He is the father. No one is judging you as a mother. How can you justify making these choices is beyond me.

It is not just the father, it is the grandparents, the aunts/uncles/cousins you are shutting out. Family is family. No one's family is perfect.

As for dating while you are pregnant you should be honest and upfront. How would you feel if a guy withheld this information from you. Deception can only end one way-badly. In a couple of months it is just going to be self evident, so show some character and be upfront. Some guys aren't going to be ok with it, so get it out of the way and move on.

I am a mother of two. I am careful about who I bring into my life because I have children. Does it make it harder. Yes. I chose to have them, so I put that first.

You're life is going to change in ways you never expected. It is harder than you think to be a single mother. You might want to rethink this. You don't have to marry the guy, but I think it is important that a child have both parents in their life with minimal animosity.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 67
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/18/2010 5:21:16 AM
Just to clarify, I do plan on telling my kid who their father is, but I don't know if I want the father in the kids life. A shitty father is the same as no father at all, sometimes worse.

Does ANYONE take a look at the gene pool they're possibly diving into before they just jump in bed with someone? Jesus.

If someone's THAT big of a loser, why would anyone have sex with him?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 68
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/19/2010 11:42:14 AM
post 78...I agree...he was good enough to bang but not good enough to be told he may be a father? Who does this?

On topic, OP, tell any perspective man right off the hop. And if he still wants to hang, be careful...normally the only men who would want that are fetishists or creeps who cannot attract 'normal' women.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 69
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/19/2010 3:12:32 PM
^^^agreed, i think the same of men with children, if they bang hoes and goldiggers and evil twats and skanks and bad mothers with bad kids, i dont wanna hear them kvetch about their poor choices.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 70
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:18:11 AM
you have a moral and LEGAL obligation to inform the father of your pregnancy.

not informing him means you will not get his child support.

which in turn means you will possibly or PROBABLY bumming off the taxpayers to support this child.

thanks for adding yet another burden to our already overburdened entitlement programs.

all these young girls getting pregnant is pissing me off.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 71
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:45:21 AM
couldn't agree more^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i'm in a business where young girls frequent and most 18 to 25 year olds have children and the father is berated heavily.

WHY DI YOU FLOCK HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 72
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:33:20 AM

It's very hypocritical to bad mouth the father of your unborn baby and make him out to be a total loser when it was you who slept with him in the first place.

I wouldn't agree totally with that. A loser can badmouth another loser... one's a hypocrite if they share the same loser-characteristic. But if someone sleeps with a loser, it doesn't make them a loser... otherwise, anyone who's ever dated a loser or given a chance to someone who seemed like they could be a loser, or appeared not to be but was ... would be a loser, which I don't think is the case.

But I totally agree -- just because a gal gets an unwanted pregnancy by a guy doesn't make him a loser -- otherwise she would be a loser as well (sharing the same alleged loser-characteristic).
 thunder77
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 73
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/12/2010 4:36:30 PM
You should probably stay by yourself!!
Think about it, what man who would want to start a relationship in that way!
It is really messed up, and I don't think a lot of men would anyway.. I am not trying to be mean just straightforward but if you think about it you can realize it on your own!!
Good Luck with your pregnancy!!

 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 74
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/20/2010 4:25:53 AM
In all honesty "CatalystElement" I personally would tell any potential partner shortly after meeitng, if you and he have decided to continue and go another date he has the right to know about your pregnancy ASAP. Don't be surprised if he bolts and you never see him again though. It would take an exceptional man to step into that relationship with you and your unborn child. Your life as you once knew will change forever, this situation your facing will not be easy, but as you've mentioned you have family and friends to help you...stay close with these people, you will need them. Once paternity is established you really need to tell the childs Father as well, he does have the right to know! That does not mean that he will be there for you or your child, but you never know, he might...stranger things have happend. I'm not sure if I would post your pregnancy within your profile, that depends on how far along you are right now, if your already showing and your planning on meeting someone they need to know before you meet each other, maybe you should post this info in your profile..either way it will eventually be very obvious. Be careful with whom you date at this point in your life. Take care of both of you and good luck...
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 75
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Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/20/2010 5:12:42 AM
The OP has left the building...
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