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 thegirl123
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 65
Found out I'm pregnant..Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Your pregnancy and your baby come first yet you are going to deprive your child the opportunity to actually get to know their father. You sound like a selfish cow to me.
 xopiper
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/18/2010 4:17:31 AM
Personally I think it is wrong to make decisions like this for a child. A child is not a possession. It was created with someone else participating. He was good enough to do the deed. I think he should know. I think a child should know. Whether he is a good father is irrelevant. He is the father. No one is judging you as a mother. How can you justify making these choices is beyond me.

It is not just the father, it is the grandparents, the aunts/uncles/cousins you are shutting out. Family is family. No one's family is perfect.

As for dating while you are pregnant you should be honest and upfront. How would you feel if a guy withheld this information from you. Deception can only end one way-badly. In a couple of months it is just going to be self evident, so show some character and be upfront. Some guys aren't going to be ok with it, so get it out of the way and move on.

I am a mother of two. I am careful about who I bring into my life because I have children. Does it make it harder. Yes. I chose to have them, so I put that first.

You're life is going to change in ways you never expected. It is harder than you think to be a single mother. You might want to rethink this. You don't have to marry the guy, but I think it is important that a child have both parents in their life with minimal animosity.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 67
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/18/2010 5:21:16 AM
Just to clarify, I do plan on telling my kid who their father is, but I don't know if I want the father in the kids life. A shitty father is the same as no father at all, sometimes worse.

Does ANYONE take a look at the gene pool they're possibly diving into before they just jump in bed with someone? Jesus.

If someone's THAT big of a loser, why would anyone have sex with him?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 68
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/19/2010 11:42:14 AM
post 78...I agree...he was good enough to bang but not good enough to be told he may be a father? Who does this?

On topic, OP, tell any perspective man right off the hop. And if he still wants to hang, be careful...normally the only men who would want that are fetishists or creeps who cannot attract 'normal' women.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 69
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 11/19/2010 3:12:32 PM
^^^agreed, i think the same of men with children, if they bang hoes and goldiggers and evil twats and skanks and bad mothers with bad kids, i dont wanna hear them kvetch about their poor choices.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 70
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:18:11 AM
you have a moral and LEGAL obligation to inform the father of your pregnancy.

not informing him means you will not get his child support.

which in turn means you will possibly or PROBABLY bumming off the taxpayers to support this child.

thanks for adding yet another burden to our already overburdened entitlement programs.

all these young girls getting pregnant is pissing me off.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 71
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:45:21 AM
couldn't agree more^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i'm in a business where young girls frequent and most 18 to 25 year olds have children and the father is berated heavily.

WHY DI YOU FLOCK HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 72
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/5/2010 11:33:20 AM

It's very hypocritical to bad mouth the father of your unborn baby and make him out to be a total loser when it was you who slept with him in the first place.

I wouldn't agree totally with that. A loser can badmouth another loser... one's a hypocrite if they share the same loser-characteristic. But if someone sleeps with a loser, it doesn't make them a loser... otherwise, anyone who's ever dated a loser or given a chance to someone who seemed like they could be a loser, or appeared not to be but was ... would be a loser, which I don't think is the case.

But I totally agree -- just because a gal gets an unwanted pregnancy by a guy doesn't make him a loser -- otherwise she would be a loser as well (sharing the same alleged loser-characteristic).
 thunder77
Joined: 11/27/2010
Msg: 73
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/12/2010 4:36:30 PM
You should probably stay by yourself!!
Think about it, what man who would want to start a relationship in that way!
It is really messed up, and I don't think a lot of men would anyway.. I am not trying to be mean just straightforward but if you think about it you can realize it on your own!!
Good Luck with your pregnancy!!

 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 74
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/20/2010 4:25:53 AM
In all honesty "CatalystElement" I personally would tell any potential partner shortly after meeitng, if you and he have decided to continue and go another date he has the right to know about your pregnancy ASAP. Don't be surprised if he bolts and you never see him again though. It would take an exceptional man to step into that relationship with you and your unborn child. Your life as you once knew will change forever, this situation your facing will not be easy, but as you've mentioned you have family and friends to help you...stay close with these people, you will need them. Once paternity is established you really need to tell the childs Father as well, he does have the right to know! That does not mean that he will be there for you or your child, but you never know, he might...stranger things have happend. I'm not sure if I would post your pregnancy within your profile, that depends on how far along you are right now, if your already showing and your planning on meeting someone they need to know before you meet each other, maybe you should post this info in your profile..either way it will eventually be very obvious. Be careful with whom you date at this point in your life. Take care of both of you and good luck...
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/20/2010 5:12:42 AM
The OP has left the building...
 EverythinksARipple
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 76
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/26/2010 8:23:11 PM
I had just recently moved away from my ex when I found that I was pregnant. It changed my life dramatically. I think the reason you feel that you are not getting an answer to your question of how to tell a potential guy that you are pregnant is because the real answer to that question is just what people have been telling you. You should not be dating. You know you have made mistakes and you say you are working to correct those mistakes. Great, but the situation you are in now is so complicated that you just have to stop trying to add more things on, that would be a mistake. A relationship is a major life change and a lot of work. So is a child. You should not be trying to take on both at the same time. I found it disgraceful to think about dating when I was pregnant and still disgraceful after my daughter was born. I focused on my child and my life and getting things together before trying to date. My daughter is 4.5 now and I'm finishing a BS and have a great job and stable housing. Now I'm thinking about dating because I want to find someone who wouldn't want anything less.

And as for the father thing... it's hard to accept that you are not able to control 100% of your child's life when you are a mother, but you can't. I think it's especially hard for women because they carry the child inside them and it is a part of their bodies for so long that it's as if someone else is taking control of a part of you, literally. But the child's father is going to have to get things straightened out and make these choices himself. Sometimes they step up and other times they do not. My daughter's father was always a less than favorable father figure but I followed what the courts told me to do. And when I left it up to him and the courts, they determined that he was unfit and his visitation was severed a year ago. Do the same, if it's what you say it is the court will see it too. Aine misses her father and I try to help her to remember the good times. I always thought this day would come and was surprised at how long he did stay around. I took a lot of pictures of them together and will always have those for her to cherish when she is older. As it is now he can always regain his visitation if he complies with the orders of the courts. I was told that after three years I can permanently remove his rights and still receive child support but I will not make that choice. If he complies with the courts than he is showing that he is ready to be a real father to our daughter and I would never take that away from my child.
 EverythinksARipple
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 77
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 12/26/2010 8:28:46 PM
Oh, and no father at all is worse...
 sml0110
Joined: 1/3/2011
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/6/2011 12:54:56 PM
You don't know who the father is, don't plan on telling any of the potential fathers, and you want to jump into a relationship right now? Wow.
 joebleaux
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 79
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/7/2011 6:18:02 AM

i think you should say the moment you meet some guy


typical distasteful, narcissistic woman, who thinks the world revolves around her and child abuse is ok.

sick.

now gr8magic needs to jump on with some stats to tell everyone how wonderful she is. lol
 joebleaux
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 80
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/7/2011 6:20:08 AM
You don't know who the father is, don't plan on telling any of the potential fathers, and you want to jump into a relationship right now? Wow.


Don't you know? Women don't need men. It's none of the man's business. Women are better than men (modern feminist crap) except when it comes down to the real world, then the woman needs to go to court, get big daddy government involved with welfare and child support.

She's a strong, empowered, liberated american woman. She doesn't need a man for anything.

(except money, because despite being strong and liberated, she won't be able to make a living, somehow)
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 81
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/7/2011 7:43:22 AM

She's a strong, empowered, liberated american woman. She doesn't need a man for anything.

(except money, because despite being strong and liberated, she won't be able to make a living, somehow)


You forgot penis. I need a mans money AND penis, im just entitled and greedy like that.
 Tigerbabygirl
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 82
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/7/2011 10:54:51 AM
joebleaux.

we don't need men like you, bitter and way too distasteful and an obvious hatred towards women in general.

Nothing to do with we don't need men, just not the type like you. there are far too many bitter people in the world without actually having to know or be involved with them.
 yadigme
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 83
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:42:16 PM

I don't really need people telling me how messed up my situation is.


Then why did you post this thread at all?


I'm already aware of how screwed up everything is.


I am glad you did. Apparently, you are in the beginning stages of a pregnancy. Come back a year from now and tell us how it is going for you.


I have a job, at time two jobs, my own car, I pay my own bills, I'm not that bad off.


With this economy being SCREWED UP, hope they have maternity leave privileges for you. Trust me, when you leave, there will be about 6 people interviewing for YOUR job the next day.


I'm just asking for advice on how to brotch this subject if it should happen that I meet someone.


I guess you answered the first question for me. One of the posters suggested a golden nugget when he said that you should post this to your profile. You won't need the forums to answer this for you when you make that move.


I've been single for over a year, so its not like I expect to find someone worth being in a relationship with, or that someone will want to be in a relationship with me.


Dating with a small child is soooo hard, and even harder with an even smaller baby. If you don't expect to find someone worth being in a relationship with, chances are you won't and will have to settle for someone who IS willing to date you with all the childcare problems that come with dating. Sorry to say, women like you are easy prey for men who look for needy women and small children, they think that you will settle for just anyone. Which brings us to......

Now, it is not all about you anymore!!!! You chose to keep the pregnancy, good for you and now concentrate more on keeping your roof over your head, milk, pampers, meeting obligations on time, getting yourself to the emergency room in the middle of the night, doctor's appointments, and late night feedings!!! With a baby no smaller than the head of a pin, who can even think of dating at a time like that! *eyeroll*

 yadigme
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 84
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:53:47 PM

I don't have my ged or hsd, should that keep me from dating as well?


Not in the least. At least you both will have a riot of a time trying to figure out how to make a dollar out of 50 cents.

The funny thing about these forums, is that people expect to post nonsense threads and then reap sympathy from the forum users. Not in this lifetime. If you post, then grow up (remember, your going to be a parent) and take your medicine. As for your divorce, take a number. Apparently, with everyone trying to get divorced these days, you will be happy to know that eventually you will get it.

I just have a sneaking suspicion that you are avoiding telling the father of the baby of his impending paternity because with a minor under the age of 18, you have to take parenting classes and if he is ordered to pay child support, then he is allowed time alone with his child. And what a grand ole' party it is, with the parents and friends giving you all this advice that you are posting here. I doubt seriously that you thought this up all yourself. But luckily, you have them. Let's see, again, a year from now how they feel when they have things to do and you want to go out on one of your "dates". Which one of those fantastic advice givers is going to pitch in with the baby every other weekend? Don't forget that the well dries up at times and that your parents will not be able to help you out all the time. What guts! How brave! You are going to have a baby and you just KNOW that everything is going to be alright and that it will run smoothly with them.

Otra vez, come back a year from now and tell us how this went for you.
 yadigme
Joined: 1/7/2011
Msg: 85
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:58:39 PM
Lol, the OP DID delete her profile but most comeback under another profile. She made that profile in June and she is pregnant by October from her ex-husband. Hmmmmmmm
 Kissmykarma
Joined: 12/23/2010
Msg: 86
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/20/2011 9:36:25 PM
Uggggghhhh.
Well, no sense in answering this..
Sure it's perfectly clear she's pregnant by now.

Girl! Hopefully you've gotten some sense.
 the_JJ
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 87
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/26/2011 8:51:03 AM
From someone who had this happen to them and has always fought for his kids, I started reading and 3 things that jumed out at me... then I just quit reading...

"Constantly being alone sucks, going through this alone is going to suck, and being a single parent isn't going to be fun"
-so tell the father

" I'm not a liar, and I don't hide shit from people"
-YOU ARE A LIAR, YOUR HIDING YOUR BABY by not telling the father

"I'm straight forward and honest, I don't lie, I don't cheat or steal"
-once again, LIAR... and if your still married....cheating,,,

" A shitty father is the same as no father at all, sometimes worse."
-um, no, not always true, because your father is a deadbeat, dont mean your babys father will be.


I honestly have never met a guy that has said, "im looking for a prego chick thats still married to someone else and the kids dad dont even know.... Inform the father, let him decide if hes gonna be there or not, then live your life with your baby for a couple years, then start dating again...
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 88
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:31:04 PM
I can understand not wanting the child's father in their life if he is as bad as you say, but why are you so worried about dating?

If it were me, I would go on with life, working and saving and getting ready for the baby, get my divorce final and not worry about bringing a new man into the situation.

You really need to get it together for the sake of your child. If the father really is the train wreck you say he is, you are all this baby has. You will have plenty of time to date later on.
 Tigerbabygirl
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 89
Found out I'm pregnant..
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:34:03 PM
OP left awhile ago,

probably under a different name now as many tend to do.
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