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 AUTHOR
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 28
Ex is living with me and I still love himPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I respect what everyone has posted but I still stand strong in two issues:

#1 Did he lie to you because he didn't have the balls to get his own place?
#2 Its your home, do what you want, date other guys BUT ......why?

Ask yourself why?
Do you really want to? Do you have the guts to cut your ties with him?
Do you want to make him jealous by inviting another man into your home?

If so, thats unfair on the new man in question to be raked into a game don't ya think?
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 29
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/7/2010 11:00:15 PM

Am I letting myself slip into a "friends with benefits" mode? How can I keep that from happening?

Yes. Too late to prevent it.

However, you do have the option of stopping, which I would recommend. Also, whether you stop now or not, make sure there's a definite time limit established on how long you will allow him to stay. Until the first of the month seems reasonable; naturally you don't want someone you care about going homeless, but he should be able to find a place for next month.

You shouldn't date other people while you're still in love with him. It's unfair to them.

Could his feelings have gone cold that quickly??

Evidently. You'd have to ask him to know for sure.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to make him feel more for you than he does. You could push his buttons and get reactions out of him, sure, but you can't make him be in love with you. Heck, even he can't do that.

I hope you're being clear that this living together is temporary, with that cute little kid in your profile. It sounds like a pretty confusing situation for a wee one.
 jamie9562
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 30
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 12:59:41 AM
jeez! you aholes! i'm the guy in question and could you sons a beeatches stop cokblocking me!!!!
i broke up with this dizzy broad and pretty much told her i think i can do better than her by breaking up,,,and yet she still let's me bang her and doesn't say a peep,,,actually,,she loves it ! i always manage to find the ones with low self esteem,,it's a talent:)

so,,,stop pissing on my parade dammit! she let's me live with her because i'm a small child who cannot figure out how to live on my own,,i'm a complete co-dependent dikhead who finds dopey woman to latch onto so i don't have to ever grow up!

of course,,i am way good looking so it is real easy for me to dupe these braindead bimbo's because most of them are just superficial and as long as i give them the high hard one every now and then they allow me to continue this behavior....


so,,,could all of you just shut the f up! mind your own business!!!! if she is dumb enough to fall for my crap,,, then in my opinion,,she is getting exactly what she deserves!!!

sleep with dogs,,,expect fleas!!!




(the preceding was a fake scenario,,none of the participants are real)
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 33
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 5:46:25 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^ XACATACALLY.

YOU want him and offered..................Giving sex and a free roof.

You buy the beer ?

You are NOTHING to him except a free ride Sally and he is Laffin all the way..



No place to go FFS ..OK..... right.
No place that will put up with him and take it up the wa zoo.


Suck it up and be alone ..Get someone to talk to that is a trained therapist.
Stable people do NOT live like this.

He does not love you..so love yourself and take out the garbage.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 35
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 6:15:58 AM

so you'd consider using some poor sap off POF because you believe it's ok to run manipulation ploys on a man you're 'madly in love' with?

That's the only issue I have here. Don't go and try to date someone, off POF or otherwise, if you're still madly in love with this dude.
He sure manipulated you.

You can play any number of games to recharge the romantical passion, but in the end, the result will be the same. I'd hold off on the game playing, just be yourself and if he wants to come back to you he will.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 6:26:01 AM
He's an Ex for a reason and he should be sleeping on the couch preferrably somewhere else.
If you have daughters you are really reinforcing the notion that sex without commitment is ok, and if someone breaks your heart you should continue to have sex with them in case they want you back. Nice.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 38
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 9:49:49 AM

I found MANY apartments available... many of which go for less than $500/month.

Damn. I have got to get out of this part of the country. It's lucky to get a studio for $1800 here.

This kind of availability being the case (thanks, zeke, for doing the research), I see no reason to give him 'til the end of the month. Give him a week. He should be able to move anytime. A landlord with an empty apartment will be delighted to have someone come in, and will pro-rate the first month's rent for the actual number of days in residence.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 40
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:15:57 AM

Is there any hope?

OMG no. And why would you want there to be?

He sounds like an absolute nightmare. Verbally abusive, dumps you for having your own life - and possibly for refusing him money - starts right up with another girl post-break-up, gets kicked out of places... don't let's forget, verbally abusive. I know, I said that already, but it bears repeating.

And that's just what we know about. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has serious legal problems as well, given this information for context. Regarding the proposed business start-up, he sounds like a con artist, and a bad one at that.

There's nothing left to give up on. You already broke up and he's already moved on. He's only sleeping with you now because you're handy. Where is your self-respect?

Editing:
Why do you think he didnt ask the other woman he had been seeing so quickly after your break up if he could live with her?

I'm sure he did, and she said no.

This will hurt a lot less a lot faster if you just rip off the Band-Aid and have done with it.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:30:29 AM
I have to agree with Helen.

Why do you think he didnt ask the other woman he had been seeing so quickly after your break up if he could live with her? Because he was smart enough to realize that she would have the dignity to tell him to get stuffed. Do you even see that? You really need to ask yourelf why you are so willing to give up your dignity and accept this crap behavior from this person?

Wow, just wow lady! Please stop and ask yourself if this was your best friend or daughter in this scenario, what would you tell them? I dont think it would be to let this clown move in with them and have sex with him.....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:37:07 AM
So........is this the same guy you started the
"Should we stay friends" thread exactly 1 year ago??
Seems like almost identical situations....you even asked how to "respark"
that one!!

I'm starting to see a pattern here.........how about you?

BTW.......great sex didn't keep you together.....it will not get you back together.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 43
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:40:19 AM
Shutterfly57 said:
So... guys especially, could you give me some ideas on how to recharge the passion and excitement??


"Did you try the "come nekkid, fetch beer" recipe?

It works in most FWB situations, which is where you're at right now.
And once you are in such a humanitarian and giving mode, make him a sammich too....

Aw.... and give him the remote too..".

I LIKE this woman,. she's got all the right answers!

 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 11:06:30 AM
You have already made your choice, you sure don't need advice from us. Go ahead and have a relationship with someone that is abusive, demanding, childish and expects you to have no life outside of him. You've hooked yourself onto the loser train and you're not going to let go. 'He had a rough life' good, it always helps when you feel really sorry for him.


Within weeks, he was talking marriage

When he got really angry with me, he would say some pretty terrible, hurtful things
He broke it off with me
by the time I got back, he had started seeing another girl


How many red flags do you need? Good luck getting him to leave without getting the cops involved!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 47
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 12:10:52 PM
Wow, OP, that man sounds pretty damn awful.


You really need to look yourself in a mirror, and ask yourself why would you be "madly in love" with someone that is a mess like that.


By your words alone, he sounds like a LOSER.



And you're "madly in love" with this shmuck.



Step your game up. REALLY.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 49
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 1:18:41 PM
^^ Here's wishing you strength, hope, and better boyfriends going forward!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 50
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 1:22:11 PM
OP: Ask yourself if you deserve better....
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 3:26:48 PM
Okay, after the second more explanatory post, I know I've heard this all before. EVERY story of a manipulative scammer reads EXACTLY this same way.
- He's a WONDERFUL guy. Eager to COMMIT LONG TERM from the get go.
- He struggles WITH OTHER "OFFSCREEN" people, who treat him unfairly (including kicking him out of wherever he was living ). This is NEVER "his fault." The victim always has ONLY HIS WORD for this.
- He "has a new business he has always wanted to do" that only requires lots of the victims help to get going, including the victims time, energy, money, love, and skills.
- He is loving, caring, hardworking, UNLESS HE IS CROSSED. Then he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, SOMETIMES physically so as well, but most commonly with scam artists, the abuse is all EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION, and very rarely do they actually get violent.
- He CLAIMS that the victim is "the first person he ever cared about this much," or is "the first time ever he had actually had a mature, adult conversation with", and he MAKES this type of claim whenever he NEEDS to get the victim to NOT dump him.
- He DOES NOT ACTUALLY LOVE ANYONE.

OP, watch a bunch of TV specials about scam artists, con artists, and other narcissistic/sociopathic people. You will find your guy portrayed there. Look at the victim's stories. You'll see yourself there.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 7:22:28 PM
You have set yourself up to be a booty call, and he doesn't even have to to out, you are there for him, housing him and he's over you but using the facilities since they are offered so freely. You need to get your dignity back and wonder why a person who cares about you would do this to you. Because...really???
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 8:11:23 PM
I totally love and agree what Miss Chill message # 4 said! I need to hear this advice myself...esp about not being a doormat to the guy who broke my heart.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:38:21 PM
Miss Happy girly, do you by any chance still chew and pop bubble gum? Took a peek at your profile and it reminded me of something my daughter might have wrote when she was in jr. high school. Geez, pleez, eff off, and disrespectful terminology like no midgets or old raisin faces. Your longest relationship of less than a year at 36 should be a clue that somethings wrong.....and the common denominator seems to be you. Grow up Kiddo, and you might find a LTR by the time you are an old raisin face like me.....at 36, your grape is heading downhill as we speak.
 Redlance71
Joined: 2/2/2009
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/9/2010 4:25:53 AM
RE "Unfortunately, right when all of this was happening, I was scheduled to leave on a trip for two weeks that I had had planned long before I even knew him. The day before I was to leave, he asked me not to go, and I told him forget it, I was going.

He got upset and we argued for a couple of days. He broke it off with me. I really thought we could talk about it when I got back and work it out. However, by the time I got back, he had started seeing another girl that had been chasing him. We did have a long talk and he shared some things with me that had really bothered him. He said he really cares about me, and this was the first time ever he had actually had a mature, adult conversation with someone when breaking it off. Usually he just leaves"

You have all the answers right here sweety. Kick his ass to the curb asap! He has MAJOR insecurity issues along with a jealous streak. He could not handle you being out of town for a short period of time, gets abusive and breaks it off with you and sleeps with another woman, all because you had to go out of town... JESUS! You are making baby Jesus cry here lady! You "love an insecure litte boy, and those ae his good points! It goes downhill from here -you "love" a self-centered egotistical control freak with scant morals and an even scanter sense of human decency. You have a child, don't allow this child to see the doormat you are making yourself, please!

------------------------------YOU NEED A FRESH START, AND THAT INCLUDES NO NEW RELATIONSHIPS FOR NOW!!!------------------------------------------------------------
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 59
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/9/2010 5:31:33 AM
Aren't there other men in Nebraska?

Are you really that thick?

Is the sex just THAT good?

I can't think of any redeeming factors in this whole thing. You're in love with an abusive, manipulative, narcissist and you want help in making the relationship better?

ARE YOU F**KING NUTS?????


Please read the advice here...kick his cheating, no money having, ass OUT. But do NOT date anyone yet until you get your shit together. You are too old for this---you're 4 years away from 40. Isn't it time you grow up and want more for yourself????
 Basketball85
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 62
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/9/2010 3:49:53 PM
Stop having sex with him
 softy63
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 63
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 10/10/2010 6:08:17 PM
I wonder what she's doing? We'll never know because she's deleted her account.
 Steve19688
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 64
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 12/8/2012 7:58:50 AM
The first bad thing was letting hm move in yes sad to say you are just easy sex now he does not have to go out and get sex. You now prove that for him without any commitment.
 pescando75
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 65
Ex is living with me and I still love him
Posted: 12/8/2012 9:28:12 AM
Free rent. Get your free rent.
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